Sometimes I'm serious.


It started with the blues


Oh them blues

They’re the root of just about everything

Playin from the depths of the heart

They gonna come to everyone


Feel the love and feel the hate

It’s all coming back to ya

The blues make it all

They keep on rambling


The blues are the news they just gonna cruise

The blues are outta sight and just so tight

Feel every minute and feel it good

They jump out and cry and make you feel whole again


I feel real bad

Life really sucks

My woman done me wrong, and I got nothin’

Nothing but these blues


Rock n roll comes alive


C’mon now on a Saturday night

Rockin as long as we can

Gonna relax and have a good time

To the sounds of a rockin band


Dance, shout, shake

Make it all happen now

We are gonna take over the town

And keep on getting down


Sell sounds to the kids

Make em think we’re real cool

Dress all alike and make a million bucks

Before we get too old


Doo wop bop


La la oo we ooh


We’re so smooth

We’re so calm

We are great


We will get all the girls

And make them swoon

Get all the dates


Loving is what we do

Every single day

Life is so great and wonderful

Let’s keep living for today


Soul groovin’


I like it when the music is playin’

Bouncin’ and groovin’ to the tunes

Dig the good music all night long

Every minute I’m around


The fab boys make it big


We are really pretty

Just nice sweet English boys

And you buy our albums

We thank you very much


We want to thank your dads (he gives you allowance)

For paying for our checks (they’re really big)

We want to thank your dads (they’re really swell now)

For a lifetime of sex (we’re gonna have it everywhere)


Hippies rise!


Oh how I want to love you

Just like lovers should

We can expand our minds

And let our bodies follow


The time for bliss is here

Forever for all mankind

Let’s spread love and do our part

So we all just feel joy


Feel the flowers and watch the sky

It’s all around for us

Nothing but good coming our way

We can have it all though love


Funkier than a sweaty gym sock




I am funky

I am great

The funk don’t stop here

Let me start my brain


The best music ever

At least to date

Not possible to get old

Even if I age


Monkeys getting chunky

Let them come at me

I’ll fight them with my powerful weapon

The laser called funky!


Disco divas delicious days


We will dance the way to love

By making sexy beats

We will sing bold and loudly

With simple melodies


We will turn the world bisexual

Bring new glamorous drugs

Give Travolta a reason to live

And the Village People a voice


Party time rock and roll


We will live for freedom

Party all night longs

Show us the good times

That never ever stop


Listen to that guitar

Oh man you know that’s hot

Gonna live forever

Popping pills and takin’ drugs


Angry Youth Make Fast Music


I’m gonna kick you in the face

If you come anywhere near my place

I’m gonna scowl and look real tough

By dressing real queer and yelling stuff


Dye your hair and rip your clothes

It will make you one of us

You’ll be on the way

To being real tuff


Synths rule


Welcome to Reagan

He is really neat

Conservative pro lifers

Just can’t be beat


Make the most of spandex

And gay sitcoms

It will not last forever

Everybody wants to rule the decade



Yo, yo from the streets


This is my rad new song

I’ll tell you it won’t be long

Rockin my name brand gear

My words will bring you fear


C’mon from the city to your town

You best back right up

You don’t even wanna mess around

You don’t wanna get messed up



Weird Al Tribute Song


Oh he’s my favorite all time artist

He’s the greatest guy in town

He makes up stupid songs about

Everyone who’s been around

He’s Weird Al, Weird AL, Weird Al Yankovic

His music is great, nothing rank in it

Nothing makes me laugh quite like Al

One day he just might be my pal


A band with Jim, John, Steve, and sometimes Reuben

On my Al what a collection

He’s got self titled Weird Al Yankovic, In 3D, Even Worse, UHF, Greatest Hits Part 1 and 2, Off the Deep End, Alapalooza, One Bad Hair Day, Running with Scissors, Poodle Hat, Straight From Lynwood


He’s mocked all the greats- Queen, the B52’s, Devo, Talking Heads, Peter Gabriel, The Who, The Stones, The Kinks, The Beatles, Stop Dragging My Car Around guy, Michael Jackson, a certain symbolic royal figure, Madonna, Survivor, Fine Young Cannibals, Dire Straights, The Police, The Clash, Oingo Boingo, The Beach Boys, Nirvana, Hammer, Zappa, Rico Suave, New Kids, Extreme, Crash Test Dummies, They Might Be Giants, U2, Soul Asylum, Eddie Vedder, Don Mclean, Billy Ray Cyrus, Barenaked Ladies, The Offspring, Nine Inch Nails, Puff Daddy, Bob Dylan, Avril Lavene, Usher, Green Day, Rage Against the Machine, Eminem, a buncha folka in polka, and Chamillioinaire


Oh and I probably forgot a few too.







This is the final original song

Every possible song has been done

No more original songs after this song

All the words of the language are gone


Can’t write about love

Can’t write about war

Can’t write about sex

Can’t write about doors


Every word and every theme

Every single movie scene


They’ve all had a tune

They’ve all had some words


The time has come

For seconds and thirds


Nothing new left to say

People try anyway


It is a shame they’ll fail

Every new song’s bound to fail


Every new song’s bound to fail


(Because from the Beatles)


The universe is Big


But so are you


You can do what’s best


And you can live forever


Turn your mind on to


The joys of the earth


They are here for you


Starting at your birth



Beach Boys (surfin usa)


The girls all hit the beach now


They all look really good


Well, not literally all of them


They don’t all give me wood


I’ll make sure my girl’s pretty


Give the dogs to my buds


Tell them cute girls are taken


They can have all the duds


My friends can have all the duds


I don’t want them no how


They make me cringe real bad


My buds can have the cows




Got the Ohio Blues

It’s been real bad

Can’t shake Ohio Blues

This whole state’s so sad


Been stuck in old Columbus

Stuck on Broad and High

Didn’t get no money

No matter how hard I tried


Been stuck in Downtown Cleveland

Couldn’t get no work

Out of work like many men

Tossed me out like a jerk


Been stuck in Cincinnati

Trying to make some bread

Folks there so Conservative

It’s like they already dead


Been stuck in boring Dayton

I had nothing at all

Glad to get the hell out

Lame urban strip mall


Getting tired of it all

So sick of Buckeyemania

Definitely ain’t perfect here but

Way better than Pennsylvania


Sittin’ here doin’ nothin’

Ramblin’ on I wish again

Well at least I can thank God

I ain’t stuck in Michigan



Dead Celebrities


2009 saw many great people meet their demise.  Here is a fitting tribute for them.


Air McNair, Billy Mays, and John Updike

Left us just this year


Chuck Daly, Bea Arthur, Farrah Fawcett

They’re all gone I fear


Ed McMahon, Dom Deluise, and Koko Taylor

Have died and gone away


Paul Harvey, Mark Fidrych, and Robert McNamrara

Are no longer with us today


So to all the departed, I have a few brief words


You are overshadowed by Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson


Sorry, but all of you combined aren’t


Michael Jackson


You really picked a bad time to die


Song to change the world


This song will change the world

It will make things great


This song will change your life

It will change your fate


No more taxes

No more bills

No more debt at all


No more starving kids

No more wars

No more hate at all


No more pain

No more sick

No more death at all


Because this song

Will change the world


Yes this song

Has changed the world




They say mother Mary was a virgin

Holy, chaste, and pure


But I have to wonder who

Jesus’ father is for sure


The Holy Spirit impregnated Mary

But I thought that was same as God


And I thought that God was Jesus

It all seems a little odd


He’s his own grandpa!

Jesus is his own grandpa!


Now I know that it’s amazing

But there’s nothing God can’t do


He’s his own grandpa



Loyal American


Pay your taxes

Vote for leaders

Go to church

Wave your flag

Support the troops

Marry hetero

Raise nice children

Own a home

Get a job

Work overtime



Obey your boss

Obey your priest

Obey your bank

Obey the law

Obey the court

Obey the cops

Obey the rich

Obey the right


And you’ll be okay


Hate the unemployed

Hate the atheists

Hate the broke

Hate the lawless

Hate the rule breakers

Hate the criminals

Hate the poor

Hate the left


And really hate the gays


Be a loyal American

Serve the USA


Be a Loyal American

Serve the USA






I feel so happy

My life is really swell


I got a ton of money

I’ve got my own Taco Bell


But that wasn’t sad!  That was the opposite of sad.


Yeah, but it makes me feel pretty good.  That’s what the blues are for.


I thought the blues were supposed to be sad.  Hence the reason they are called the blues.


I don’t see it that way.  Dig this:


My life is super awesome

Everything is just great


I got tons of women

That I can always date


Nothing could be better

Than the life I got right now


I’m so busy loving

And I’ll always know how


The greatest song in the existence of humanity take 1


I want to write the greatest song

One that will blow your minds

The one that will make me rich and famous

The greatest tune of all time

One that will give to the people

A noble reason to live

The tune that can make life amazing

For all that hear its joy


Come taste the fruit of the musical labor

That the mind can create and love

Let the music flow and feel good

Make the body and mind glow

Dig the best there is and live now

Like you never have before

The best things in life will come to you

Just by hearing this song!



OK, that might not be the greatest despite my oh so noble attempt.  Yet another experiment where I find that just because I thought of something that alone didn’t necessarily make it of high quality- or even regular quality in this case.  Now try to write the worst song in the world


Hey there disco angel

I love your groovy wings

Your hair is hot like fire

It makes me want to sing!


You are smoking’ and I am too

Let’s go and shake it down

Disco dancin’ can’t be beat

Anywhere in town


I know my jock is large and you want it now

I’ll let you have it baby

But wait until we’re away from the public

I like getting nasty while alone


Make it now we’re gonna be on

For a disco time

Moving into your heart again

Better than being a boy





There is no perfection

But there’s really good

Use your time to find it

Like you really could


Life is going to end

You’ll be gone real soon

Better try to live right now

Before you meet your doom


Life Questions


(Talking Heads style tune)


What can I do?

The world’s too big


What can I do?

I’m only me


Who should I be?

I never know.


Who should I be?

Nobody knows


When will I die?


I do not know.


When will I die?


I’ll never know.


Where should I go?


I do not know.


Where should I go?


Where is the best?


Why am I here?


I do not know.


Why am I here?

I have to go.






I confess

Like it best

Treats me right

Outta sight



It’s not weak

Go berserk

Have a blast

Make it last



Best thing yet

Don’t forget

Heaven sent

Funky scent


Funk from heaven

Funk from heaven





Stop writing crappy songs

The world has quite enough

There’s tons of shit right now

Don’t need your bullshit stuff


Can’t write a simple song

Not even good enough for punk

Stop singing stupid words

Shut up, go get drunk


Now you may go to hell

Even though it’s not real

Please just quit now, you suck

You’ll never get a deal


Blow up your guitar

You could do something else



Make a song


Write some lines

With clever lyrics


Sing real fine

So someone hears it


Find a tune

And make it snappy


Play it soon

Make people happy


Start with riffs

See what you do


Quite a gift

To sound like you


Put some words

To sweet music


Ditch the turds

Don’t you be sick


Feel power

Be like a God


It’s the hour

You’ll be awed


Rock like stars

Or even better


Play guitars

Never settle


On a song

That’s really bad


That is wrong

Makes people mad


If you suck

Who can blame them?


With some luck

You’ll be famous


Sing that tune

Do all that you can


Beat Keith Moon

Be hardcore man


Shout it loud

Loud as you can


Be real proud

Like a Ger-man


Make sure it

Is not too long


They hate shit

That’s way too long


End it now

The final bow


Not sure how

Really right now!


Song off the top of my head

Rock and roll heaven baby! We do it all night long! YEEAAAHH!

Rocking in a cool town that’s so hot tonight
Feels like a hardcore place
Loving every minute hanging around
Never gonna be replaced

We’re gonna have the best time
Don’t let it ever end
Will fight now for the best life
Heaven will ever send

The girls are wild and I’m feeling good
We’re the hottest thing around
Dancing and drinking all night long
These are the times to get down

Thank you good lord for the blessings
Of the devils women and rock
Never been better than right now
Gonna stay at the top

Jesus baby, what cha doin'
I can’t get enough
The best times will keep coming
Alive and ready to win

Guitar solo

Rocking hard now with my best friends
Hard and fast and rough
Life will keep on happening
Go head and live it up



Wrong song


Long song


Still better than the thong song


King Kong song


Bong Song


Dong Song


Gong Song


Pong song


Tong song


There’s much I need to be with great efficiency


I tire of the ridiculous ways of the world


I’m about to become unfurled


The world is going to beat me down


Unless I get up and get around


I’ve tried my best to avoid failing

By refusing to try at all


I’ve been just wailing

Instead of having a ball


There are too many people alive today

But I’m pretty sure they all want to stay


Everyone just trying to live well

While millions go through hell


The natural way isn’t always best

Humans got a lot more to test


The best in the world hasn’t happened yet

Well don’t know for sure, willing to bet


Use what I have and make it all right

Stop being so weak and make things tight


Never again will I allow myself to give in

To stupid beliefs like original sin


I want to be a better man

I need to have a better plan


Get to the top or at least on a side

Instead of the bottom, each day I died

A little bit more due to my fears

A real shame that I wasted years


But I’ve got yet another chance

To make sure that I rock sing and dance!


Creating a song right about now


Pop music is dead

It’s nothing like when

I was a kid


Pop music is trash

It gives me a rash

It’s time has past


Pop music is done

It never won

It’s not even fun


Pop music is dumb

Makes me feel numb

The choices of bums


Pop music is wrong

Takes way too long

Not even a song

Pop music is vile

A bunch of bile

Not even wild


Pop music is dead

Put it to bed

Fill it with led


Drop it in the ocean

Make sure it drowns

And is never heard again!


Writing a song can be tough but is not impossible let’s give it a go-




What is important?

What is truth?

What means a lot to you?

What is youth?


You think you know it all

But there’s a lot of crap

You see it’s all too big

Don’t be a sap


Got a lot to do now

Nobody really cares

Got to get around now

Defeat those fears


Who are you to tell me

How to live my life

Please get out of my face

Go and bug my wife


Random One Liners Song       


It’s extremely difficult to separate personal beliefs from facts about reality.


Getting the best things in life requires talent and stamina. 


Families: Some are great, others are terrible.


It’s hilarious to laugh at people who take themselves too seriously


And kind of sad to observe people who don’t take themselves seriously at all.


Studying the masters of any trade can be helpful. 


But unless one aims for exact imitation, they have to attempt to create on their own. 


Why should I believe the news when the real world is better than the one created on TV?


We may cause unintentional harm to others no matter how hard we try not to. 


A proper balance between serving and savoring must be found to live well.


Powerful people always find ways to exploit those who aren’t clever. 


No person is perfect.  Those who claim to be are the most arrogant fools in the universe.


Confusion is the hallmark of a deep, yet uncommitted thinker.

Trusting the self to become a better person is vital to allow change.

It’s unlikely that anyone intends to live a life of misery.

It’s nearly impossible to understand a reality that one has never experienced. 

Every hero can be shot full of holes.




You might not be great

You might not be good

You might suck

Worse than anyone


But you’ll never know

Until you fail


You have to risk

Looking like a fool


You might be a moron

Or a genius in bloom


Surely by this time I’ve created something that doesn’t suck

I should get busy doing what I believe matters

And get down with people who are amazing

There’s no need to continue living like a shmuck

Get busy and earn your luck


Quit Being Dumb


There’s no need to continue doing things that make no sense

I’ve planned and planned and planned

And done worse than all the rest


Unless I somehow

Get off of my ass


I’ll continue to be

Lower than low class


I need to stop

Being a fool


There’s no need

To let other fools rule


Maybe we’re

All less than great


There’s a need

For more than third rate


Stop being so stupid

Start living life well


Get over yourself

Quit living in hell


 Another Crack at Songs


(To the beat of “Talk to me, dance with me” by Hot Hot Heat


You’re Gone Tomorrow


You’re gone tomorrow

So you better pay your taxes

You’re gone tomorrow

So you better pay your rent


You’re gone tomorrow

So you better save your money

You’re gone tomorrow

So you better get insurance


You’re gone tomorrow

So you better go to college

You’re gone tomorrow

So you better get a job


You’re gone tomorrow

So you better win big trophies

You’re gone tomorrow

So you better make it big


You’re gone tomorrow

So you better not screw up


You’re gone tomorrow

So you better obey rules


You’re gone tomorrow

So you better forget dreams


You’re gone tomorrow

So you better forget dreams


Jesus- Legend, Liar, Lunatic


Josh McDowell says I have to choose

So I guess I will


Studied the tales of Jesus for years

And I’ve made my decision


Jesus was a legend

Don’t believe he was real


Never seen a guy walk on water

Never seen a guy heal by touching

Never seen a guy rise from the dead


But if there was a Jesus

He was a liar

 Prayer doesn’t work- believe me I’ve tried

Hell isn’t real- What a wicked concept

Jesus doesn’t care- just try to prove his power


And if he wasn’t a liar

He was a lunatic


He killed himself to forgive sins

Instead of just forgiving

He’ll send most to hell

For not believing bullshit

He isn’t God

There’s no proof for it


Jesus isn’t Lord

He’s probably a myth

But if not a myth

He’s a shady liar

But if no liar

He’s a zealous loony


So go now

And spread the word!




Second guessing

Kills the artist

Ignore logic

Produce your shit


It may be great

It may suck balls

But at the least

It’s your own shit


There’s greatness

In the art world

You might be it

If you’re legit

So take some chances

Try to be great

You might be it


Or you might make some of the most pointless, trivial, gut-wrenching, vile, putrid, garbage in the history of humanity.


But at least you tried.





I feel kind of lost

I feel kind of down

Don’t know what I’m doing

Trying to look around


Thought that I’d be happy

If I had a wife

Never really found it

Secret to the thing called life


Caught glimpses of beauty

And got some good vibes for sure

Never really saw the point

Of what I was supposed to do

Wish that I’d realized

Mistakes coming from the past

Had no understanding

It all blew by so fast


Conscience constantly burdened

By what I should be doing

Haven’t been at peace

Ever since my mind went wandering


Judging others harshly

Haven’t conquered my own fears

Unsure where to turn for answers

Hope it all ties together

To bring the world and me more love

Doubt has played a big part

In holding up my dreams


Deciding whether to live out loud

Or settle for quiet desperation

We must deal with the stupidity

Of the human race

We must deal with the absurdity

Of existence, time, and space


Just want to find a place

Where I can live the best life I can

Live it up and help out those

Who really want it and really need it

Crazy that I’ve been so stuck

In perceptions of my mind

My sincere hope

Is that I can serve a purpose

Live a noble and happy life

Need to find a balance


The evil I’ve despised in others

Potentially exists in me

Probably always has

Probably always will

Been afraid to fail and afraid to succeed

Afraid to be boring

But afraid to live life fully


Confused about the particulars

Of virtually any human method

If I can’t tell you a simple thing about the universe

How can I tell you how to live?


Lost on my mission

All is temporary on Earth

But I still take it too seriously

How much sense does that make?

Somehow I’ll see

Life is worth living

And we are all going to make it

To a better place


Change happened to the world without my consent

I bet on the sure bet that wasn’t even there

How can I put my faith in anything less than perfect?




Only free if you got money

Then you’ll get a honey

Man, it’s funny


Suckers buying shit they don’t even need

Whole fucking world in misery and greed

Got no money, you ain’t got shit

Bust your ass just to make rent

Stop being stupid, do what counts

Life’s more important than a bank account

But freedom’s lost when you go broke

Funny when you know life’s just a joke


Silly knowing we all die one day anyway

Always living like a man afraid to lose

Sure, rent has to be paid

Doesn’t have to be miserable though





New beginnings make me laugh

How did I end up here anyway?

The slightest bits of what was remains

But just about everything from then is gone

Began to live for what I loved in life

Not what I felt obligated to do to succeed

To make my ____ proud, to make money and sit on my ass

No, I decided that since it was all going to end anyway

Might as well try to do what I really wanted

But it’s a weird call to make

After all, bills must be paid

And TV must be watched

I literally never tried to live my dream

Not sure if it’s practical or pathetic

Probably very much both

So here I am just scribbling thoughts

Hoping it will amount to something, someday, somehow


Although it’s been a good ride

I never thought I’d be where I am now

What I believe

Where I live

How I spend my time

Even how I think

Been given so much by so many but

Missed out on so much I really wanted to do

Lived a good life, had some fun

But never really lived a miracle

A life I never wanted or predicted

I know I have to change to make it better

But don’t know what to change into

Guess I’ll have to take a shot and hope for the best

To live well


Can you take death off my tab?


It means nothing

To be alive today

You’ll be gone soon

And you know it

Death is going to come

Nothing you can do

So just say fuck it all

Do just what you want to


Fuck it all

Because you’re gonna die

You never had a chance

Boy you’re gonna fry


I Phone is pretty good


The only reason I stay alive

Is to get the new I Phone

It is the greatest thing ever

I want it so bad


All the cool shit it has

Get my hot rocks off

Man I want that fucking phone

I’d give anything I got

Give me a goddamn I phone

Give me ten right now

I never want to leave my I phone

My life before was foul


I phone is better than the rest

I phone is better than sex

I phone is better than family

I phone is better than life


Fucking I phone!



God won’t you help us?

We need to have some food

There are millions of kids starving

I hope that you are good


God won’t you help me?

I need a place to live

I’m tired of being homeless

And so is my poor kid


God won’t you help me?

I’ve got this bad disease

I don’t want to die from it

God, just help me please?


I keep praying and praying

But nothing ever changes

God are you really listening?

You have not talked in ages


I am still praying

And I got no answer

I guess you just don’t care

At all about my cancer


God maybe you don’t

Really exist at all

Don’t want to waste more time

God’s put up a wall


So humanity is screwed

We are all going to die

Spent my whole life praying

Just to find out God’s a lie


God’s a lie

God’s a lie

God’s a lie


Meaning of life


We live on a planet

That’s one in 8 or 9

In a galaxy much larger

Than any of us have the ability to explore


We live in one galaxy

Among more than we’re able to count at this time


This one small planet we live on

Has over six billion humans

And many more other life forms

Knowledge about the past is incomplete

Knowledge about the present is incomplete

Knowledge about the future doesn’t exist at all


There are millions of theories on what the meaning of life is

And many them are contradictory

Many of them are quite ridiculous


None of them are universally approved by all of humanity

None of them can be proven to be completely accurate

None of them come anywhere close to describing the full truth about the universe


Yet you claim to know the meaning of life

Forgive what you may perceive to be my rudeness

But I don’t believe you’re right

And I don’t think anyone else should either



All we are saying is give war a chance.



Improvised song


I’m gonna kick some ass

I’m gonna be real crass


I wanna get some ass

I really hate crab grass


I told ya, I’m not playing

I’m just gonna tear it out

I told ya, I’m just saying

I’m not gonna sit and pout


I’m gonna kick your ass

I’m gonna give some sass


I’m gonna tap that ass

I’m gonna blaze some brass


Yo’ mother!


Peace bitches!




The song is over, bad luck, Superfly, It’s a Blue World, Death metal Pantera


Your life is over

You’re gonna die now

Hope it was worth it

You go goodbye now


I think it’s wrong

That we leave no more traces


I think it’s wrong

That we’ll no longer be


I think it’s wrong

That life has no youthful fountains


I think it’s wrong we’re not free

Death destiny



Stupid guy

Don’t need to even question why

The only game he knows is lose or cry

Why this guy?


Hard to understand

Not a hell of a man


Lives in the slums

And will always live alone


I know he’s alive

But I can’t guess why

Stupid guy


It’s a blue world

From now on


It’s a through world

For me


The sea

The sky

My heart and I


We’re all in indigo blue

Without you


It’s a blue world



Hate your parents

Hate your God

Hate the world

Hate everyone


Hate the planets

Hate the stars

Hate outer space

Hate the universe


Hate puppies

Hate ice cream

Hate lovers

Hate haters too





Hate it all!




I got my big Afro

I just say what’s up bro


My clothes are real bright

This scene is outta sight


Better get down while I can

Better stand up fight the man


We all getting down

We all getting funk


We all gonna die

We all getting crunk




If the soul exists


Which it may not


So why worry about it


It makes no sense to do so


There are people who are less than happy


But it doesn’t make your life bad


The people who overcome difficult odds to live well


Never give into popular lies


The people who pay for the hype


Are the ones who are able to live well


The people who are amazing


Are the ones who are able to be better people


There is no good reason to live well


And offer hope and love to anyone who cares


I think highly of people who sacrifice to get other people what they want


A gracious gesture of any kind is nice to see


There’s no need to be better than anyone who is known


There’s no need to ask in the case of charity


There’s no need to act like a fool


There’s no need to recognize that people get together to do something unique


Create lines and make what seems best in the world a valuable commodity


People who trade in non-sense have little to no chance


Changing who we are for what?


The big roll of the dice keeps on going


There’s no need to allow others to keep me down


Writing freely and thinking freely


There’s oppression, but not of the mind


Unless it is self-imposed


There are starving children


Because the world is often harsh


Billions of people struggling


And a few living well in the meantime


There’s no way to know if one is doing best


But plenty of ways to know if one’s doing all right


The best people figure out ways to create things that make sense


Imitating the greats can be fun


But one has to produce original material


To do something great


And contribute uniquely to the world



Memories, they come back to me


When I was young I loved life then


So many wonders


So many days ahead


By now it looks like


I’ll soon be dead


All the good stuff was for nothing


None of it meant squat


I am still gonna die


Despite the stuff I bought


My life is soon gonna end


Well that’s just really great


Just when I finally figured out


The way to live way too late



I’ve been a fool


I haven’t worked for others

Just for myself


The people who are recognized

For being great do all they can for others


Pushing the self out of the comfort zone is key

Using talents to inspire others


Is useful to all who can see


There’s no need to continue in fear

So rise above it if you can


Even if you can’t

Your life is a waste


If you never taste


The sweet parts of life that are great

And make you forget


All the bullshit and hate


Rise above problems to live well


Stop going through pain


And personal hell


The best people don’t live like that


Rise above and be better


Your dreams shouldn’t fall flat


Make sense out of the world


In the best possible ways


Live well and keep going


For the rest of your days


Life can be cruel, life can be hard


But for people who struggle


There can be sweet rewards


Do what’s best and do it now


The people who live well


All let us get down


There’s no way to know


If we’re doing what’s right


The people who live well


Excel and are bright


There’s no way to beat


The big game of life


In the end we all go


It’s a strange way to live


So give what you can give


And take the time


To really, really live



Drug Song of the Day


Drugs can be bad

But can be good


Better try them

You might like them


They’re great fun

Females like them


Take a wild chance

Bust out a dance


Drink up, smoke up

Think up, toke up


You’ll dig the vibe

While you imbibe


All the great stuff

Life gives to you


Do drugs right now

Get high somehow


Live to party



Do drugs now

Get high right now





I need to get some money

Or I won’t get to eat


No time for bullshit

I need to fucking eat


Let me have a job now

I don’t want to die


I can’t believe I’m doing this

My life has become dire


I want to live well and prosper

Just like Dr. Spock


If I can’t get the best, I’ll just die

I want to live right now


Let me have some good things

Let me have them all





You may live well today

You may have a chance


You can make it today

You may smile and dance

Life is too precious

Don’t waste it at all


Live the way you want to

Make your life a ball


There’s no reason to worry

Things will be all right


There’s no reason to hurry

You can just hang tight


Life is such a blessing

You will never know


Mysteries worth guessing

Sit back enjoy the show



Nothing can be taken away


From people who hold the most hope


Too many people live to die


It is a shame we’re all wondering


Just how to even try


The best people never stop wondering


How the hell to live


Get busy getting down now


You don’t have to give


There’s good times, never ending


For people who want to live out loud


Go and tell your Mother


Make sure she’s proud


Getting the best is mystery


Getting old real fast


Stop the slow train down to London


Get the daisy cast


Anyone who’s great


Will surely come to pass


There’s no way to live forever


The people won’t last


2nd try


There are lots of ways to live well


And you should pick a few


Or if not at least one


There’s nothing better to do


Live well while you still can


Live this life quite well


There’s no reason to pay


The bills that are pure hell


Lots of people wander


Lots of people scram

Commit to do what matters


Life is thank you ma’am


Ever wandering

Through both time and space


Looking really hard now

Trying to find my place


Perhaps it’s nowhere

And I’m lucky to be alive


Anymore don’t even care

My time may not arrive


Being classy makes me nervous

The people down the stairs


They all talk to me but

I don’t hear their fears


They’re all going to leave me

And go their own ways


Suppose it’s the way of life

Better hope for better days


OK, enough for now



God you’re great

We’re you’re sheep

Give us bread

You are head

God you’re best

Give me tests

I will pass

Kiss your ass

God you’re all

We are small

You’re so big

We are pigs

God’s perfect

We ain’t shit

God’s all good

We are hoods

Save our souls

Give us roles

In heaven

Thanks, Amen


Trying hard to make the grade in a world full of haters and imitators
















Free verse tune

 I have nearly unlimited options


But I rarely take any of them


Studied for years to find what’s best


And I still have no fucking clue


There are lots of people who make asses of themselves


And a few more who never stop trying


To live better than they used to


Building up stockpiles like a psycho


Get better at what matters while one still can


Live well while one still can


Maintain health and hope for happiness


There are lots of people who never give up


They know they’re going to die


But they still choose to live in pain


Just to experience a few moments of joy



Think about how good the best moments on Earth must be


If people who know they’re destined to die


And go through a great deal of pain


Still choose to stay alive!


Minimalist Comedy Song


Dick Joke

Fart Joke

Sex Joke

Blue Joke

Knock Knock Joke

Who’s on First Joke

Silent Joke

Facial Expression Joke

Bad Joke

Sad Joke

Ad Joke

Best Joke

Car Joke

Death Joke

End Joke

Fear Joke

Fat joke

God Joke

Good Joke

Great Joke

Guest Joke

Hell joke

Help Joke

High Joke

Ice Joke

Illegal Joke

Jew Joke

Jail Joke

Kill Joke

Kite Joke

Light Joke

Loud Joke

Mind Joke

Mint Joke

Mad Joke

No Joke

Nice Joke

Only Joke

Open Joke

Pink Joke

Punk Joke

Queer Joke

Queen Joke

Real Joke

Royal Joke

Same Joke

Sane Joke

Tight Joke

Tough Joke

Uncle Joke

Ulcer Joke

Violent Joke

Vest Joke

Weird Joke

Wild Joke

X-Ray Joke

Xylephone Joke

Youth Joke

Young Joke

Zero Joke

Zebra Joke




I want a drink


I need to have it now


I want to suck it down


All over town


I need me a beer


I need be a Jack


I need me a shot


Time to throw back


Come on people, let’s get down


No more use in fooling around


Time to party on


Time to get real messed up


Time to have some fun


Time to drink all we can



The old times may have been good


But the truth is they’re though


Now it’s time to move on


It’s way way way overdue


Time to live for right now


Not some distant past


Live well in the present


But know that it too won’t last


They don’t make em’ like they used to


But that really ain’t all bad


Lot of bad stuff happened then too


Good to love what you had


Open your eyes and look out


Lot of things still going on


So don’/t whine or try pout


Live right and no more wrong


Live it up while you still can


This life can be good


Don’t blame it on the man


Fight back and claim your hood


Do what’s best right now


Do it now for sure


Do what’s best right now


Live for what seems pure


Do it up big guy


Do it while you can


Now’s the time to do it


Get some more great fans


Live well right now


Get what you want


No time like the present

The only time you’ve got




I love the soul


I love the funk


I love the junk


That’s in them trunks


I want to live


I want to dance


I want sing


I want romance


There’s a party going on


Everyone better have fun


The time to live is right now


Come on, everyone get down


Love your life


Treat it right


Love this life


Make it tight


Love this life


Take it all


Love this life


Have a ball



I love the black makeup that you wear


You’re really different

Just like every girl I’ve had


You wear a trench coat,


I really like it


But I really want to take it off


I just want a gothic girl


I want her to be my world


I want that hot gothic girl


Hope she’ll enjoy our pain


That hot gothic girl is great


Look at the tattoos she makes


Really dark and really sad


She has issues with her Dad


Killing time is such a joy


When we’re together I’m your boy


Never ending gothic girl


Won’t you please just be my world


I just want a gothic girl


I want her to be my world


I want that hot gothic girl


Hope she’ll enjoy our pain


Gothic girl


Maybe one day, we’ll crush the system and get everyone to realize just how bad the whole world sucks and treats us all unfair.  And there’s no one I’d rather do it with than you, my gothic angel.


Write a new song and write it bad assed


Gentle song, wrathful song


Gentle song


I’d like to sleep in


And lay around in bed


Maybe read a cookbook


Maybe get some head


Life would be pretty swell


I’d like for that to be true


But it’s just a vision I have


It’s not really true


I had to get up early


And go to a job I hate


Man am I feeling surly


Want to masturbate


I want to live better


I want to live another life


This bullshit’s getting old now


I need to get a better life


Fuck you


Fuck me


Fuck everybody


Life’s all bullshit


Fuck God


Fuck Earth


Fuck the Universe


It’s all bullshit


You’re going to die


Fuck love


Fuck hope


Life is full of lies


Goodbye, so long


Your sad ass won’t last


Fuck off


Right now


Fucking fuck the rest




So many songs


I don’t even know them all


The amount of songs there are


Make me feel small


Sure I’ve written songs


But they’re just a few in a huge bunch


All these songs just won’t leave my brain


They infect it with lots of good stuff


There’s no perfect song


But a lot of songs are good


Then there’s a bunch of crap too


Try not to listen to garbage


People want to love songs


They make life really great


Songs always make life better


They make me forget hate


Love songs, old songs, good songs, bad songs


Death songs, best songs, past songs, long songs


All the songs that people love


All the songs that seem above


Human abilities and human ears


Human titties and human beer


There’s much more I could do


But until I decide


I won’t be doing shit


All these songs drive me insane


Guess I’’ have to be crazy


Cause I can’t stop thinking


About all these wonderful songs!




I love my new life


It’s quite nice


I killed my wife


She was such a bitch


Now I’m rich


It was a cinch


She needed to die and I sent her to hell


I looked around and I killed very well


I sat on the floor looked at the gore


I placed her in mud, drinking her blood


So my life is good


That bitch is dead


I’d kill her again if I could


My life isn’t great


No longer hate


My unholy fate


Kill a whiny bitch


Then you’ll be rich




Japanese join forces with white supremacists in well thought out long term scheme


Why are any of us here?


He will die with his doghouses and they will be sold at a garage sale for fifty bucks.


Reason is more valuable than superstition.


Robert Wadlow was 8’ 11 inches.


There’s a man in Freemont, Arkansas who can blow a bubble bigger than his body.


Freedom is slavery


The Pacification of the lower tribes of the Niger


Everything’s just 99 cents




Learn how to focus thoughts and time


If one refuses they never do anything great


They do things that make no sense


They do things that aren’t sweet


Why not do what you want


Your life’s up to you


The best people live quite well


Life can be quite swell




I was looking in there


I saw a wicked crown


I was just a rebel


I took that old king down


I fight my way, fight my way


I am hollow


All is loud


On Christmas Day


And presents are given


For all to play


Chose the same gift


For Uncle Morty


He’s always the same


He will never change


He is not caged


He is torn apart


He can be won


I will give some gifts again


I will love being Santa again



I set out on the highway baby


The recesses of my mind


I saw a giant snake on the side of the road


It told me I should bake a cake


So I went back home in the afternoon


I opened up some drawers


I gathered my long list of ingredients


I whipped up a batch of tasty treats


Doors Cake!


It is real good


Doors cake


If you try it you’ll feel good!

Now the texture’s moist


But still quite flaky


I think it’s really sweet


I got a frosting from Tawain


Going to make it real neat


Doors Cake!


I bet Jim would be proud


Doors Cake!


It is even better than my pound


Doors Cake!



There is no end to all the songs


They keep flowing through my brain


How do I pick just one to sing?


They all seem just so fine


There is a way to pick a lover baby


Maybe it’s just the same


Don’t settle for one for life


But pick one for right now


There is no way to tell the future


So live right now for the joy


It is not a hard life


If you live like a boy


I think that was an awful rhyme


I could have done much better


Forgive me for my artistic sins


I will knit a sweater


Oh my, that’s even worse


I can’t believe I sucked


I think that I have to do better


It is terrible that I am plucked


Of ideas and creative juices


That used to blow my mind


I guess I’ll settle down now baby


Into the artist’s retirement plaza


It could be okay


I think I’m too young


To gain acceptance


Fuck them and their rates


So I’ll remain a lonely artist


And to myself I’ll stay


Screw the rest of the world


It never appreciates


True tortured genius and emotions


That are genuine


I guess I need a new excuse


Maybe do heroin


That old drug will do me quickly


I don’t think I can hang


Lady white horse is a danger


I’ll quit before insane


So I have to keep on singing


Hope it all works out


But then again it never does


For people who can’t live


Forever in the place they want


I guess I’ll have to give


My life to some bizarre cause


Just to make some cash


I hate the notion of working


But I guess it beats starving


Now I am getting normal


God that is scary


I need to be a freaky beatnik


But never sell my kids


Oh wait, I have no children

I can call my own


Thank God for them


They’d drive me crazy


And they would have bad genes


And so now, I must be going


Not that much time left


I hope you got something from this


Although I have my doubts


My doubts


Quite serious and sincere genuine doubts






They really make me want to go crazy




They make me really fat and lazy




I like the best ones quite a lot




I hate the worst ones more than Rot




They make me want to dance




They sound really good in France


Songs can make you happy


Songs can make you sweet


Songs can make you lucky


Songs can make you great


Nothing like a good song




Sometimes life just seems so pointless


Nothing but pain in sight


We all know we’re going to die


No matter how hard we fight


And you are stuck and you are down


Got no good reason to live


But even if all that is true


There’s a reason to live I give


You can be a moron


You can be a freak


You can be an asshole


No need to be bleak


You can act a fool


And forget all the bullshit


No need to focus on the pain


There’s too much dumb stuff to do


You can watch some NASCAR


Buy a singing wall fish


Worship false gods


Do some whip-its


Laugh at Seinfeld


Eat at Hooter’s


Gamble for blowjobs


Rename enemies


Dance in Congress


Write fake reports


Or travel to Tibet


Life is full of stupid options


You can’t even take them all

So why focus on the pain now?


When you can be the world’s biggest idiot?




I am the greatest


I think you all suck


At least compared to me


I pity your garbage


It’s not as good as


My relatively weakest song


I am immortal


You are all dying


God, that must really suck


My genius won’t die


Yours won’t blossom


At least not compared to me


I think you all suck


I can’t believe how bad


All of you are compared to me


Why don’t you give up?


You’ll never come close


None of you are as good as me


So just go home now


Take out the shotgun


Blow your brains out


Instead of always losing to me


It is must get tiring


When you know how great I am


You know you’ll never be like me


End your life now


You stupid failure


You will never be as good as me!


I’m bigger than Jesus


I’m bigger than Yahweh


I’m bigger than any fake God you can name


I’m bigger than the Rockies


Or Himalayas


My awesomeness is insane


I’m better than the universe


I can control it


I think you are all inane


So get out of my sight


You are not worthy


Trying to be like me is just vain


Worships and grovel me


But from a distance


I can’t be brought down by you lames


I’m the greatest


I’m the most brilliant


I’m better than everyone in everyone way


Just for forever


Even after I retire


In my name




Everyone else combined is less than the smallest particle of my fingernail I clipped off and threw in the garbage last Tuesday


MUSIC- I have never attempted to write a serious opera song


The trials that plague mankind


Are far too great to overcome

For one day we’ll all die


And any survivors


Will have their own problems


What you do will be forgotten


Nothing matters at all


The time we have to live


Is far too short to last


It makes no sense


Life may be a big joke


Too many people are senseless


In a senseless reality


Try to live well while you can


Expect nothing to last for man


It is hard to know what’s right


Must keep the end in sight


Live it up right now


Might not have a chance again


I don’t love it, I don’t hate it.


Music- a song about a barbershop quintet, covering hair metal bands


It’s my barbershop group


We are the best


There’s Randy


There’ Steve

There’s Ted


There’s Bob


There’s Malik Shulu


And we are the five barbershop quintets


We will take over the world


We will sing so good


We will sing so straight


We will sing so gay


We will sing what you want

Whatever makes your day


The Barbershop quintets


Are the very very best


And we want you to have our joy


So come out and listen to us


We are going to be your boy!


What a great group


What a great sound


What a great life

When Barbershop Quintet is around!



Beatles parody- super contemporary- Helter Skelter- Homeless shelter, All you need is lust,  A modern day in the life- about things being bleak


I watched the news today oh boy


About a stupid man who ate grenades


And though the news was rather bad


I heard the same before


I bet it had to do with alcohol


I love to turn news on


Toked up, never left bed


Sweet beer hat upon my head


I sit and stare and have a smoke


Some news guy spoke and I ate some ice cream



A musical devoted to recession

In a world where billions of people lose money at every step they take…

Man, I am fucked!

One man had the vision to help a suffering world.

No not, a political leader.

Not a clergy member.

Not even a war hero.

It’s Klaus Steinman, healing the world with the magic of song!



Recession blows

It needs to go

I really hate it

Someone must defeat it

We need a hero!

Someone like Bruce Willis to stand up and fight

We don’t have to fast, we don’t want to be wrong

We have to take over tonight

Well, in times of recession, people need to feel inspired!  And there is no better way to do that, than the power of music.

Music will make everything all right

Fuck the taxman

Fuck your boss

Fuck the world

You are going to be all right!

Go see the Recession musical, before times get better!




Use your head boy


Things are going to be fine


You have got to get a job


Pass them by and by


No one cares if you live like that


Got to make it rhyme


Simple tunes are going down


Got to get around town


Naked truth is hard to hear


Fear is near for here


The place of heat is steaming up

The place of neat is stepping up


Refuse to resist the best life


The ways to live well are through strife


Get down while you can


Make a new and better plan


Create something while you can


There is no better way to be a man




Try hard to make sense of it all


Try hard not to brawl


The life of ease would be quite nice


The life of peace would be a price


The struggle of people who are the best


Puts the rest to the test


It is hard to get to the top

But harder to not


The offers of love are quite rare


The people who live are not there


Kill the foolish ways of thought


Bill the ghoulish days you fought


There is no need to demand the world


Negotiate for a few pearls


Watch how you can laugh at life


Never agree to stress and strife


Life’s already far too short

To treat life like some dumb sport


The heroes of the past are gone


The heroes of today aren’t done


But they have a limited time to rule


Tricks they play and try to pull


Just to stay on top a bit more


Sad thing is we all end up poor


Even the greats are destined to fall


Nobody can keep it all


Or even a little in the end


Life will leave us all friend




I sing a simple song


Write some silly words


Sing them out loud


And people go apeshit


Easiest job in the world


All I do is write songs


Well write is a slight


Exaggeration considering


I can’t even read music


I just hum some tune      


Some kid named Brijul


Makes it something


The Big Wigs will buy


I’m so lucky


Less talent than you think


That’s okay, I got more

Cash than an oil shiek


Love the way you adore me


Don’t get it, but I’ll take it


I am going to rule the world


Just by making dopey tunes


Just by making dopey tunes




There are a lot of problems in the world


But there are numerous good things too


Tunes by The Beatles or Jimi Hendrix


Books by clever authors


Movies that are funnier than real life


Comedy that is thoughtful and inspiring


Sex that is mind blowing


Art that is beautiful


Thoughts that seem meaningful


Sports that are fun to watch


Games that are fun to play


Food that is tasty to eat


Clothes that are good to wear


Homes that are nice to live in


Travel to many places and spaces


Literally and in the mind


Life can be quite brilliant


You have to make it so


2008 in song                                                                           Mike Nesteruk


2. Leader Tribute- George/Dick/Saddam/British Gentleman/Kurdish Lady/Military Officer 1/Military Officer 2/Jesus





And as I look back at my presidentiality, I think the best way to do it is through the magic of song.  Ready Dick?



Oh yeah.





A long time ago me and my brother Dick

We were traveling down

A long and wholesome road





All of the sudden there shined a shiny demon

In the middle of the road

And he said



Fight the best war in the world

Or I’ll eat your souls



Well me and Dick looked at each other

And we each said


Dick and George






And we bombed the first place that came to our heads

Just so happened to be

The best war in the world

It was the best war in the world



Look into my eyes and it’s easy to see




Brits and us make two, Kurds and us make three

It was destiny



Once approval ratings go real low

Then the terrors rise then the blood must flow

We make freedom grow


Well needless to say

Iraq was stunned





We kicked ass and Saddam was jailed

And the beast was done



He asked us



Be you angels?



And we said


Dick and George


We’re army men





Dick and George







This is just the greatest war in the world

Give me a tribute

We must remember the greatest war in the world yeah

Give me a tribute


To the greatest war in the world

It is the greatest war in the world alright

It is the best motherfuckin' war alright

Greatest war in the world




George and Dick

Flee enemies flee, flee enemies flee

Flee enemies said yeah!



And the peculiar thing is this my friends

The war we planned to fight

Didn’t turn out anything like we thought



Please give me a tribute

You gotta believe me

I wish you were there

Forget about world opinion





Good God, He loves it

Not surprised to find they can’t stop us

On fire, Iraq on fire

 Rich motherfucker, Halliburton


10. Smells Like Republican Voter- Joe/Chauncey/All Available Cast Members


(OPen On: a performance at A Republican meeting.)



Welcome, fellow Republicans.  We have a treat for you tonight!


(cast members imitate the cheerleaders and janitor from the smells like teen spirit video.  Chauncey sings his lyrics to the beat of the opening of Nirvana’s “Smells like Teen Spirit.”)



Load up on guns
Bring your friends
all to Iraq
no need to pretend

to help the poor

We’re self assured
Never enough
fight terror war


With the liberals it is dangerous
Here we are now
We love Jesus
Family values are contagious
Here we are now

Please pray for us
Wealthy tax cuts

great idea
John McCain is

Our next leader


20. Funk Takes a Stand! - Bruce/Isaac/Backup Singers/Dick Cheney




Who's the white primate dick
that’s a war machine to all the hicks?


Backup Singers


He’s damn right

Who is the man
that would risk his neck for the rich white man?

Backup Singers



Can ya' dig it?

Who's the cat that won't help out
when there's danger all about?


Backup singers


Right on.


You see this cat Bush is a bad leader--



Dick Cheney

Shut your mouth!




But I'm talkin' about Bush

Backup singers

Then we can dig it.

Not a complicated man
but no one understands him or his woman


Backup singers
George Bush!


28. Bar Gay Rights- Hank/Charlene/Lisa/Arnold/John/Paul/George/Ringo





This is a travesty!  California is not a place that welcomes homosexuals!



You’re ruining the reputation of the state!



People, relax.  Our Governor has a few words to bring some calm to the storm.





I believe homosexual marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman.  The courts have ruled.  But when it comes to fighting for traditional marriage, I’ll be back!





Thank you, Governor.  We have some entertainment next to satisfy you cooks, I mean sensible citizen protesters.  Ladies and gentlemen I give you, Beatlemania.





Hey there groovy anti-gay legislation fans!



We are Beatlemania!


And we have opposed gay marriage since we first heard it proposed in the 1970’s.






(Whispers) Even the fake Ringo clings to the rest of us.  (Louder) And we would love to perform one of our old hits, with a slightly new twist.







We will ignore gay rights

And we will treat them worse than dogs



We will ignore gay rights

Just like the old days when we flogged



But if I ever see you

Do the gay things that you do

I’ll make you see that I’m right



You know I work all day

To earn money to do straight things



It’s not worth it just to have some gays

Make me look at their gross things



Those homos

They want to destroy what’s right ight



Those homos

They force me to fight, fight yeah



We can’t have more gay rights

Read all about it in my blog



We must stop all gay rights

Because we all know they are wrong



Gay marriage isn’t right



Gay marriage isn’t right


George, Paul, John, and Ringo

Gay marriage isn’t right


39. Crazy Cruise?-Representative/Drew/Kate



To settle the question of the sanity of Tom Cruise, we have with us tonight Dr. Drew Pinsky and Tom’s lovely wife Katie Holmes presenting their points in a unique format.





He is batshit man!


Has he lost his mind?
Tonight show couches he has climbed
Is he sane at all?
Or like his stardom will he fall?

Is he A-list or dead?
What the hell is in his head?
He and Kate are a cute pair?
Why should we even care?

He was turned to steel
By the lying media people
He’s ahead of his time
Knows the future of mankind

Nobody wants him

He just ignores the world
Planning his vengeance                                                                 
A new bad film will unfold



He’s so good in bed
Fills his women full of cred
Sign him as fast as you can
My husband lives again!


44. America’s Theme Song Debate- John/Choir 1/Choir 2





What’s the better theme song for America?  You decide.




Choir 1
The star spangled banner
What a poor song
It was made by an old loony
who was high and always wrong
It’s for war hawks, it’s for crazies,
It’s boring and it’s way too long
God bless America, that’s a real song!




Choir 2

Oh, say, can you see, God Bless America sucks?
What a piece of crap it is, that always leaves me gagging.
Whose bad lines and dumb rhymes, what perilous tripe,
O'er the TV we watch'd, we heard it’s campy tune,
Radio put it on air,  all that heard it had a scare,
Gave proof overnight, there is nothing good there.
O say, does that Star - Spangled Banner still rave
It’s the choice of the free and is sung by the brave.


VP Girl- John/Sarah





Hi ya Sarah.



Hi John.



You wanna go for a ride?



Sure John.



Jump in.



I’m a VP girl

In a right wing world

I’ll be plastic

John’s fantastic


We are quite a pair

They’ll love us everywhere

We’ll rule the nation

Teaching kids creation



Come on Sarah join my party



I’m a Mom down the block

From the small town world

Hook me up

Fill my cup

I’m your darling



You’re a doll

rock and roll

Red state glamour in pink

Ms. Daycare

Love your stare

Hanky panky



Keep in touch

We will play

You can say I’m always yours



Come on Sarah let’s go party



Oh oh oh



Come on Sarah let’s go party



Eww whoa, eww whoa



Oh, I’m having so much fun.



Well Sarah, we’re just getting started.



How I love you John!


Fresh Princess-Off stage rapper/Palin/Palin’s kids/Rep. Thug 1/Rep. Thug 2/McCain






Now this is the story

all about how

Palin got picked

From a small town

It will only take a minute

We’ll make it plain

To tell you how she became

The VP of a guy named McCain




From the middle of nowhere

Born and raised

On the playground

was where she spent most of her days

Governed moose tracks

For two years like a fool

And she was chasing her five kids

Outside of their school




When a couple of guys

they were up to no good

Started seeing trouble

From this Barack hood


So they thought that a chick

Could hurt the black brain

She said



Oh gosh, I would love to be the VP of McCain




Although she knew nothing

when questions came near

The lying press called her fresh

and never looked in the mirror


If anything I could say that this chick’s insane

Then I thought, holy Jesus

She’s worse than McCain




They might get the White House

Due to southern primates

If you thought things were shabby

Yo homes wait til’ later


Republican queendom

Hockey Mom will bring pain

And sit on her throne

As the VP of McCain


Celibate- Nun 1/Nun 2/Cardinal Bob/Cardinal Tim/Cardinal Carl




Nun 1

Celibate clergy come on


Nun 2

Be celibate


Nun 1

Celibate clergy come on


Nun 2

Be celibate


Cardinal Bob

Evil party going on right here

A celibate man

Will never last a year


Cardinal Tim

So bring your lube tube

And your laughter too

They’re not celibate

They want to party with you


Cardinal Carl

Come on now

Celibate priests

They’re not celibate

But they have good times


Cardinal Bob

Celibate Priests

They’re not celebrate

They’ll have a good time tonight


Cardinal Tim

It’s gross

They come together

Do what they want

Just for pleasure



Everyone around the world wake up

Come on!


Rogue- Madonna/Backup Dancers



Hello, I’m the one and only Madonna.  I have been consulting the Kabbalah, and feel that it is time for me to speak out against a great tragedy of our times.





Strike a foe
Strike a foe
Rogue, rogue, rogue
Rogue, rogue, rogue

Look around everywhere you turn is heartache
It's everywhere you explode (look around)
They try everything they can to escape
You must destroy them you know (life that they know)

When your squad fails and you want to be
Something better than you are today
You can’t let enemies get away
You’re on a death tour, don’t ask what it's for, so


Come on, rogue
Watch the bodies move before bombs tick(move when bombs tick)
Hey, hey, hey
Come on, rogue
Let dead bodies go with the flow (go with the flow)
USA can do it

All you need is army imagination
to fight a fictional war (that's what it's for)
Lose your soul, for deadly inspiration

Your dreams remind of the gore (oh the horrid gore)

It makes no difference if you're black or white
If you're a boy or a girl
With machine guns pumping it will take away life
Deadly superstar, yes, that's what you are, you know it

Truth is where you find it
That’s just how you justify it
Soul less Iraq morgue is full
That's when I feel like a fool
Debacle, death is small
So watch us butcher the poor

Rogue, (Rogue)
Truth is where you find it (move before bombs tick)
Rogue, (Rogue)
Truth is where you find it (go with the flow)

Greater freedom and the vote
what else could the people want
Modern weapons, we look mean
On the cover of a magazine

Undercover, business scheme
Picture of a deadly team
world nations watch them stare
They can’t stop us, wouldn’t dare

They are wild, need Christ’s grace
US forces saved the place
George Bush, Cheney, England too
Halliburton, we love you

Patriotic attitude
Kill the brown man is the mood
Don't just stand there, let's get to it
Strike a foe, there's nothing to it

Rogue, rogue

Oooh, you've got to
Watch the bodies move before bombs tick
Oooh, you've got to just
Let dead bodies go with the flow
Oooh, you've got to


51. Beat the White Brats - Amy/Becky/Sir Mix a Lot/Ahmed/Imran




Oh, my, god. Becky, look at this stud.
He is so big. *scoff* He looks like,
one of those A-rab guys, girlfriend.
But, you know, who understands those A-rab guys? *scoff*
They only call us hoes, because,
we dress to them like prostitutes, 'kay?
I bet his nuts are just so big.
I can't believe he’s just so brown, it's like,
out there, I mean - whoa. Look!
He's just so ... dark!

Sir Mix-a-Lot
These Western sluts always cheat and lie
You Muslim brothers can't deny
That when a girl does sin it’s a pretty big waste
To spit vileness in Allah’s face

They’ll get hung; wanna call out their bluff
'Cause you know they can’t repent enough

Evil in the jeans she's wearing
The devil in me can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna just hit you
And burn your picture

My homeboys tried to warn me
But those butts you got


Amy and Becky

make men so ornery

Sir Mix a Lot

Ooh, you Americ-in
You say you wanna get in my pants?
Well, not me, not me
'Cause I ain't like average Jewry

I've seen your dancin'
To hell with your grave sin’
Don’t sweat, yet,
Got to go where justice is set

I’m tired of magazines
Showin’ their butts and things
Take a solid Muslim man and ask him that
She gotta pay much back

So, Muslims!


Ahmed, Imran



Sir Mix a Lot



Ahmed, Imran


Sir Mix a Lot

Have these women become sluts?


Ahmed, Imran

(Hell yeah!)

Sir Mix a Lot

Call 'em for sake- en!


Ahmed, Imran



Sir Mix a  Lot



Ahmed, Imran


Sir Mix a Lot

Stop those wicked sluts!
Cut them no slack!


Unveiled face with exposed booty

Sir Mix a Lot

Beat the white brats

Take them out back

Stoning attack

Sir Mix a Lot
Sin is nothing little when you know the facts







"Boy the way Glen Miller played, songs that made the hit parade, guys like us we had it made, those were the days, and you know where you were then, girls were girls and men were men, mister we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again, didn't need no welfare states everybody pulled his weight, gee our old LaSalle ran great, those were the days!"



Boy the way my bills ain’t paid

Living in recession age

Guys like us we have to pray

Broke USA

And our leaders chose to spend

Billions to save poor GM

We could use a man like Daddy War Bucks again


We’ve become a welfare state

Everybody’s losing weight

Man I’m feeling desperate

Broke USA


42. VIOLENT NIGHT- Choirmaster/Choir/Military Psycho 1/Military Psycho 2/ Woman/Child



This song is dedicated to all the people who suffer through war.





Violent Night, unholy night





Drop napalm, time to fight  





Rape a virgin, mother, or child





Holy war’s not tender and mild  





Sleep in heavenly peace





Sleep in heavenly peace




End scene.




Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child
Holy Infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace


37. ACLU - Jane/Bill/Cop/Indian/Biker/Cowboy/Construction Worker



The constitution is getting trashed by our courts.



Hundreds of gay people are jailed unfairly for violating sodomy laws.



Homosexuals in the U.S. are still treated like Ricky Martin at a clan rally.



And nobody seems to care.



Man, I wish more people were passionate about gay rights civil liberties cases.



I think I know how we can get people involved.






The magic of song!



We’ll win your case at the





We help the gays at the




There are rights that you have that you need to enjoy,


You’ll win cash with our legal boys ...

Construction Worker
We’ll win your case at the





We help the gays at the








End scene.




It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.

They have everything that you need to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...

It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.


25. Economic Jump- Daddy Mack/Mack Daddy/Background dancers and singers



Daddy Mack

You should know, you should know that ahhh
Stock markets not doing very well today

Mack Daddy

As we stand here totally decked out
We have plans to make you

Jump Jump

Daddy Mack

The Dow Jones will have to



Jump Jump

Mack Daddy

The Nas-daq will have to



Jump Jump

Daddy Mack

Smart trades will make you



Jump Jump

Mack Daddy
Don't try to compare this to another bad fiscal fad
I am mad, markets bad, this is something that we never had

Daddy Mack

I'll make it Jump Jump, end economic slump
Cause I'll be using techniques that make it wanna





Mack Daddy
How high? Real high
Cause I'm just so fly
A young mo-bi-le, profiled type of guy

Daddy Mack

My portfolio’s in the black cuz I never





Daddy Mack
while the market is wiggida wiggida




Mack Daddy

I’m brain stormin' with somethin' to keep you jumpin
S&P ain’t bullcrap, so don’t be dumpin'

Daddy Mack

And learn something from a rich boss, they all that
So when they ask do you rock just believe that

Jump Jump

Mack Daddy

The Dow Jones will have to



Jump Jump

Daddy Mack

The Nas-daq will have to



Jump Jump


Mack Daddy
Smart trades will make you



Jump Jump 

Daddy Mack

uh huh uh huh


Jump Jump

Mack Daddy

The Dow Jones will have to



Jump Jump

Daddy Mack

The Nas-daq will have to



Jump Jump

Mack Daddy

Smart trades will make you



Jump Jump

Daddy Mack
Believe dat


Nearly all advice is pointless. 


Look at all the books that have been written. 


Almost nobody reads them. 


Look at the terrible mistakes humanity has made. 


Billions of people still make the same mistakes.


Not to mention, nobody cares about what you think. 


You’re imperfect and continue to live a less than pure life. 


When you’re perfect and have all the answers, you can start telling other people how to live. 


Until then, leave other people to their own affairs until they start bothering you.




Christopher Hitchens and Steve Allen


Both produced incredible bodies of work. 


Both advocate using reason and logic to experience life fully. 


They confront others about irrational beliefs differently.


Christopher chooses to blatantly point out the worst elements of faith. 


He’s likely to offend others who embrace non-sense. 


Moderation is not part of Hitchens. 


He frequently insults famous figures who are revered by millions.


He swears


Names names of the charlatans


May show contempt for an entire audience


If he feels they’re wrong


Steve Allen took a more moderate approach. 


He didn’t attempt to deliberately insult people. 


He issued respectful challenges to those he felt were embracing superstitious non-sense 


Steve tried to convince people with logic to accept rational concepts.




She was born in 1983


Thought her Grandpa

Fought in the Civil War


Once asked a question


At Long John Silvers


They had a sealed off door


She asked, is that where


They hid the Jews


Referring to the holocaust


She was raised in church


And asked her mother


Why didn’t they find

The bones of Jesus




Music- Create your own, listen to library CD’s, hang out with friends who have good music


Books- Library, bookstore, borrow from friends


Movies- Library, dollar movies, rental, sneak in, two for one


Comedy- Create own, open mike, library


Sex- date below social class and level of physical attractiveness, go for loose partners


Science- library, hang with science buddies


Art- draw with pencil, make sculpture out of Play Dough, crayons


Food- Eat potatoes, bread, rice, beans or grass


Clothing- Find new clothes, “borrow” from friends, if forced to buy- only on discount day at thrift stores


Shelter- Be homeless, live in a shelter, live with family, live with rich partner, live in a commune, live in a college dorm, live in a train station, live in a cave


Sports- Play with friends for free, play by yourself, sign a contract for professional team and get paid


Games- Play for free by yourself, with friends, get good and get paid to play




Many people never achieve their dream


But even more never wake up from their nightmare


Now is the time to give up and join


The rest of humanity in cruel reality


Our species may be so selfish


That no one is influenced by anyone else.


If anyone refuses to participate in struggle


They lose touch with 99% of humanity


Perhaps I seem to have a cruel streak


But it’s only because the pain in the world


Bothers me a great deal


It’s possible that evolution is on pause in many parts of the world


But humanity finds ways to advance


Despite the pathetic nature of billions of its members


Leave the Earth a slightly better place


Even if it is doing so by leaving the Earth


Success is a temporary deceiver


Life is nearly always painful failure


Being depressed can lead to a worse lifestyle


But any adult who has never felt depressed


Clearly has some kind of blinders on.


Anyone who wants a better way of life for themselves


Is likely to face a lot of disappointment


Just accept the world sucks


You’re going to die


And nothing you do has any permanent meaning


Once you are over all that


You’re free to float around


Without any definite purpose in the world


Everyone has the potential to fail you 


There are no perfect people


The people we love and care about most


May let us down


All humans possess abilities to lapse


Into bouts of frustration and anger


Mental powers can be developed


But never fully


A human who reached their full potential


Could to do greater things than feeble minds can comprehend 


But the fully developed human may not be tolerated


In a world of many petty, narrow minded rulers


What joy can come from hurting others? 


Do people value temporary status and possessions


More than their living brothers and sisters? 


It seems most of the world does


“Mind your own business” used to be a great policy 


But in a world full of taxation, extortion, and murder


It isn’t possible 


Mind the business of all people


Who try to ruin lives


Question all people


Many of them may be just as clueless as you are 


A few might even be more so


Violence is a terrible way of life for a family


but almost always a necessary way of life for a nation 


Pacifist cultures have been wiped out 


Unfortunately, life is often dominated by aggressive pricks




When one thinks about


The grand scheme of the universe


They have to see


Everything they’ve ever done


Everything they’ll do


Will mean little to


Nothing in the end


Effort given to failure may


A complete waste of time


Or it can be needed


To learn lessons to improve 


Ultimately, all human effort


Results in failure


Do people value temporary status


More than their temporary


Brothers and sisters? 


It seems as if


Most of the world does



Even in a world where all had their needs provided, pain could still be imposed by others.  A great deal of competition, greed, and hatred may always exist.  Deviants may still take great pleasure in hurting others.

As long as the capacity to feel pain exists, people will experience suffering.  As long as people are vulnerable to death there will be fear.  As long as people live without developed technology, there will be oppressive labor and competition for limited resources.  As long as people have the potential to harm others, there will be suffering.


Many people are unhappy because they want to receive rewards without sacrifice. Many feel guilt about hurting other people due to their own fears.  Many people are unhappy because they may live and die alone in a cold and indifferent universe.  Many people are unhappy because they feel stuck without any realistic chance to change for the better. Many people are unhappy because they fail to meet their goals.


Do people want to be lied to?  No, but most people deliberately want to focus on matters other than the most painful truths of reality.  It is too disturbing for many people to think about death, evil leaders, and violence. 


Atrocities have been committed by corrupt powers who devalued human life. Innocent people have been tortured and killed merely for having dissenting opinions.  The prospect of being detained by malicious authorities is a legitimate concern for many people.

Authority creates problems for individuals who actively oppose those in power. There are authorities who have little to no regard for common people.  Each individual makes personal decisions about how much intimidation they are willing to tolerate from political powers before they take action against rulers.


Only people who are desperate ever resort to becoming wage slaves.  But that’s nearly everyone.  So if you want to avoid that route, better find a way to beat the moneymakers.


Corrupt financial, political, and religious leaders exploit ignorance for their own selfish ends.  Wars are waged by the wealthy to shed the blood of the poor.  Even many people who meet their survival needs fairly easily experience a great deal of pain, isolation, and misery.




Boiling music genres down to their essences:




Power chords- Kick ass, get laid, party.




Simple riff, 2nd and 4th frets upper strings back and forth


Life sucks.  Music makes it slightly better.




More complex arrangement- something like Coltrane


 Chill the hell out.  Relax.




Repetitive, but tight and danceable- something like Big Pimpin’


 The streets are rough.  Get money and hoes.




E 9, a bass groove run top of the frets


Dance rhythmically to this killer groove.


Country- We’re hicks who haven’t evolved.


Bonanza like


Pop- We make billions from this sappy shit.


Timberlake or Michael Jackson like


Psychadelic- Life is trippy if you open your mind.




Comedy- Laugh at the absurdities of life.


Dare to be stupid


Classical- Impressive technical creations made by humans.


Classico, One, The art of painting

Avant garde- Weird shit can still be played.


Peaches en regalia, Elfman


Theme song- We set cool tunes to this show.


Mash, Hawaii five o, Bond


Metal- I’m angry!   Eat shit motherfuckers!


Ace of Spades,


Evolve the way you believe you should before it’s all too late


Surf- Relax and try to enjoy life.


Endless Summer, Pipeline, Beach Boys- California Girls


Motown-Smooth well crafted pop songs with heart and class.


It’s a Shame, My Girl, Just My Imagination


Soul- Let me bare all  my feelings to you.


Soul Man


Punk- Fuck you, I hate life.


Sex Pistols, Ramones, Clash


Folk- Here’s a simple tune that can help you unwind.


Simon and Garfunkel, Dylan


Spanish- Appreciate life.


One I know, Spanish Caravan like


Reggae- Calm down and feel good.


Marley, Up stroke 16 bar


Ballad- I love you.


Softer, slower, high notes


Italian- Bonjour Italiano!




Romantic- I want to love you or have sex with you.


Same as Ballad?


Hardcore- Look how much energy you have.


Play fast and hard deep top strings


Melodic- Pretty sounds make life better.


Play a theme like Tetris


Ska- Get silly with old school riffs.


Upstoke like Impression I get


Grunge- Corporate structures suck unless done our way.




Christian- Jesus is Lord.  Praise him.


Praise- White people tend to sing lamely to Jesus.




Gospel- Black people sing better to Jesus than white folks.


A bit funky




Stop working for free


Start working towards a clear purpose

You don’t have to be perfect


But you have to be good


Music isn’t going to lead to a perfect life


But it can increase the quality of your life




The principle obsession of mine


Has been the meaning of life


Even though I don’t believe


There necessarily is one


How odd


The laughable situations of life


Musical pursuits are good


Knowledge of impressive achievements


Take advantage of whatever is left


Questioning perspectives are useful


Jot down thoughts


I’m not old


But I’m not young anymore either


Use time wisely


Life isn’t going to stop


Just so you can catch up


And do all you want to do


Live right now



Songs don’t have to convey precise meaning


They can stir an irrational, emotional response

People want to feel good

They want to focus on the joy of life

The want to forget the pains and worries


They want to live vibrantly for a while

Music touches most people

In a unique way


It can’t be fully understood


People who take risks with music

May be able serve as heroes to billions


The joy music can bring is great


For all people who take chances

To embrace a better way of life


Let music touch you in a unique fashion

All the best parts of life may lead to better things


The proof is in the pudding

The research has been done

The brilliant concepts one creates

May mean little in the end

To a lot of people who pursue meaning

The artists of one era

Are made possible with technology

The interdependence of life


Can make a lot of things worth living

We’re all on a temporary ride


Things could improve


But unless the rules change

We all have to go away

I know that I’ve been trying for a long time


I know I’ve been wrong


I know I could do much more

I will if I can


I know I have to take some more chances


The people who live well


Do everything they can to be amazing




I don’ want to get old


I don’t want to die either


This could be a problem


Since time keeps moving


I think I’ll have to choose


Unless the universe chooses for me




What you make won’t last

What you create will become past


There’s nothing that everyone loves


But you might find a way

To live well today


 Make something while you can


If you can be a man

Or a woman


Who has the courage


To make something unique


It could be your peak


You might be a freak


But you’ll always seek


Until you create something good


Like you know you should




Since you’re alive

Might as well try to be vibrant


Make something great happen

The best times are waiting


Leap into the wild abandon


Get a bold move to make more sense


Explain what you can

Much of life


Never makes sense


No matter how hard we try




Reached into space


This came back


Never know what to expect


From the moon folks


What kind of sounds they’ve got


Could blow our minds


Even more than what we’ve got


More unique than our weirdest


Prettier than our best


Forget our crap


Time to listen to moon tunes!




Couldn’t find the answer


I wanted more


But ended with less

I can’t believe I was a fool


Even though I tried to be wise


Get over the past


I know I can


If I have something good

To look forward to


Right now while I can


Live a life of joy


Things aren’t always good

But I can live well


In the future


If I can hang on

Despite my struggles

And a lack of guarantees


That things might be better




You’ll never be better


Unless you stop trying


You need to quit

All that sorry whining


Life is hard


But can be great


If you have talent

And pull your weight

And maybe a whole lot more

But it’s worth if you can


Stand up and be a man


Stand for what’s right


Bright future’s in sight




I’ve been kicked in the balls


By life and some folks in it


But I’ve lived to tell the tale


I’m still using the ice


To make my wounded balls


Feel a little better


Despite the awful pain


I might never be the same


But I can keep on icing

And keep on praying

And someday maybe

My balls will feel right


Or at least not as bad


As they ache right now




I can’t believe


He sounds that good


He’s still a pimp


He might not like that word


If he’s in a holy roller stage


But it’s true


Still sounds smooth


In his damn sixties


Hope I can be that good

In my thirties


Yet alone when I’m old


Good for him


I bet he eats right


And works at his craft

What a nice gift


For himself


And the rest of humanity

Keep on truckin’ Al




I can feel alive

Right now

I can make excuses

Right now


Or I can keep on living


Vibrantly like I should


No more isolation

No more silly pain

No more stupid games


No time for lames


I’m going to live out loud


And keep on living


I’m going to scream and shout

And keep on giving


To the suffering people

Give them a ray of hope

Because life’s too hard


But we can finally cope

At least until we die


And then we’ll wonder why

We worried about stupid shit


Instead of living it


Don’t make that mistake


Bad habits are to break


Live how you want right now


If you can, somehow


Live for what matters most

Before your ass is toast




So many things I could say


But this will do for now


So many places today


But where I am is fine


So many sweet options


But I don’t which is best


So I’ll end on this note

Not the perfect one


But it will do for now




Another tune for the road


Rambling all over


This crazy big old world


I’m just trying to get home

So I can be with my girl


I always wanted the good life


But I came up pretty short


I never wanted me a dull wife


All I wanted was what’s good


Trying to force myself into


Another way of life


I know that I done fucked up


I never had a sense of time


Gambling on the game of life


Like I even had a choice


I’m so tired of the shit


I just want some peace of mind


I split for the land of Chicago


Even though I don’t know why


I walked for miles and miles


I wore my old shoes down


I got sick of wandering


But I had to leave that town


I never settled for lessons


I had to learn on my own


I know that I lost a whole lot


And I still haven’t grown


To be a man in the US


I just wanted it all


I never worked for shit


I never heard my call


I know that I was a fool


I got over the worst of all


I know that I can still rule


I want to be first of all


Promise to stop the bullshit


Promise to stop the lies


Promise to start cool shit


Promise to be surprised


I know that life is too hard


I know that I can fail


I want to get a reward


I want to tell my tale


All I got left in this world is my tale




System of discretion


Filtering out all the non-sense


System of logic

Sell out for money


At least enough to survive


Royally screwed


To hold on


Period of justice


Comma of non-sense


The completion of goals


The end of time


Never seems to matter


To anyone but me

At least in my life


Oh well the canaries


What a load of crap

We can sell anything

To the proper sap


Believe in your ideals

If you can dare


Make a meal for matza


To turn reality around


Feeling too ambitious


But never quite enough

I don’t want to die here


Or anywhere else




I love the funky soul songs


That make you feel


Like life is worth living


The type of songs that get you


To dance, love life, and appreciate


The good life you’ve been given 


The type of songs that stir you


To remember the best times of life 


Living well is easy to do


When great tunes are being played 


One more time




Consistent and metered


Tempo in mind


Courage and conviction 


Impressive and amazing


Producing a high quality


Best parts of the mind


Parody songs- Set lyrics to Hawaii Five O, Batman




I have to try


To make something worthwhile


Have it count for something


If I continue to refuse


To make a profit


I have only myself


To blame for poverty 




I thought about Mars

Then I went there


It was cool


I recommend it


You can do what you want


Nobody makes rules there


You can eat cheese


If you bring it


Nobody will bother you


Unless you bring them


Not much going on though


Not even one restaurant

No dance clubs


Maybe the Earth

Ain’t all that bad




Why’d I want to be like them?

They were never cool


I thought they knew what was cool


But I looked like an idiot


Imitating those freaks


I could’ve been like other freaks


Oh well


I’m no longer young

So I guess it doesn’t matter


All old people are the same


They go to jobs they hate


And bitch about their pains


Watch TV, go to bed


But now instead


I have the memories


Of hanging with weenies


I idolized nerds




Hey someday


You’re going to die


No matter what you do


Or what you say


You are going away


So live today


No better way

To have some balls


Go for it all


Nothing to lose


Someday bad news


You just might fail


Don’t kick the pail


Before you dare


To take a dare


Don’t sit and stare


Go get out there


And fucking live


And try to give


A little love


Take a big risk


Or you might miss


The life you could


Have loved for a while




Everything you love


Everything you hate


Is slowly disappearing


You spent too much time caring


About stupid bullshit


Instead of enjoying it


What the hell were you thinking


You should’ve been drinking

The sweet tastes of life


Instead of being trite

It’s all your fault


You did what you were taught


Instead of living out loud


And now you ain’t proud


Just another no one


Instead of a grown one


But that’s okay


You had to know


It’s all going away


Life was your foe




No need to worry


It’s time for an off day


No need to hurry


It’s time to live your way


Life is good


Eat some food


Life is great




A day of leisure


Got no stress


A day of pleasure


Should be best




I need some courage

I need to commit


I don’t know what will happen


But I’m tired of shit


I think I can live

And kick some ass


But not if I act


Like some little bitch


I stayed away too long


From the money games of the ruthless


I suppose I can laugh again


And avoid being homeless


Didn’t want to sell out


But don’t want to ride


Didn’t want to take orders


But don’t want to die


So I’ll do my best


To quit sucking


Before forever I rest


And tell the world fuck it




I never realized


The beach was so clear


I always wanted my gal


To have a better life


But I kept on laughing

Even though I tried


I never wanted this


I wanted the good life


I ran wild and didn’t care


I ran wild and burned out


I quit working and dropped out


I know that I was wrong


According to capitalist standards


But at least I tried to live well




Thought he’d make it big

Writing some stories


And selling them to the movies


Boy was he wrong

Took a bunch of bullshit jobs


Just to eat and pay rent


And what’d that get?

A life time of failure


A life time of pain


A life time of unused words


And a pile of broken dreams


Did he lack the patience?

Did he lack talent?

Did he lack the stamina?

Did he lack attempts?


Did he give up too easily?


Was he just a hack?


I guess we’ll never know for sure


But man his life was sad


Struggled for years for a dream


That never became reality


Shame he couldn’t make it big


Or at least even a bit


But that’s how life often goes


It quickly goes to shit


Spent a life in regret


And no one ever reads it




Healthier attempt


At depression and death

Awful events


Struggles of life may never end


But that’s not a good reason

 To avoid enjoying


In the grand scheme of life


Even your best work


Is no more


Than a grain of salt




Kiss me, I hate the Irish


Fuck your band


Yet another goddamn love song


I love you more than disco


I never abused drugs, I used them


Portable crapper


Quit all jobs


Quoth the ravin’


Dr. Dre is really keen


Fool me three times, I’m a real fool


I came, I saw, I farted


Heaven must be missing an average looking woman


I love you way too much to marry you


Lazy roommate awards


Dance with death, refuse the after party


Fortune 500 janitors


Vague song


Only fools still write songs


Not even half-assed song


Pardon me while I take a shit


Polite people are a different version of asshole


Number one songs somehow suck


Internment summer camp sucks


Guilt free lard


How can you tell new age songs apart?


Feel my largest organ (My skin babe)


You can’t fuck everyone


Kiss me if your parents approve


Aimless CEO’s


Pre-school dropouts


Drinking with Bin Laden


Nudity is only sometimes a crime


How to lose friends and influence no one


Filibuster radio

I’m addicted to myself

Curious George learns awful truth


Tony Danza sings William Shatner


Terrible, shameful, awful music

You put the cunt in country music

I wish my dick was as big as your heart

Life touched me in weird places

The most boring game


My fashion is weekend sports casual

I write the wrongs


Mull over my mullet


Deep fried Southern mullet


Mullet brigade is loose


How did we invent the mullet?


Billionaires don’t wear mullets


Loose lips sunk my battleship


Fuck you pretty boy


Being the universe’s test subject

Hell isn’t needed to scare people in Tijuana

Creationists need to evolve


If God helps you, why do you suck?


Jesus: Friend or slave master?


Faith in money over God


Open your mind to my cult

My god has the biggest dick

People better than Jesus

God thinks you suck

God needs cash

God’s so funny he kills me




I’m tired of faking for you


Ask my lawyer bitch


I’m glad you’re dying


Awful things we said


Bear down coach?


Bad athletic advice


Phony numbers from chicks


Bad business ideas


Every job is temporary


You have no permanent address (You’re going to die)

Poetic injustice


I think you’re repulsive


Too many birds nowadays


Tired of the same old shit


Kiss my broke ass


Shop til U quit mindless consumerism


Half-off coupon experience


Treat your baby better than your outhouse


No call, no show, no dough


That’s my pet bird bitch!


You’re wrong again


Dumb fuck all stars


The pen is mightier than some crayons


Illegal fireworks display


Riot cancelled, let’s obey


Mind controlling music


This song makes me superior


Forget you’re broke


Listen to jet take off


We can do better than country


Fuck Billy Ray


Loudmouth mimes


Opinionated Losers


Hiding from lawyers


No fizzy cola


Luxury Sedan asshole


Suck enough wiener yet?


Soap opera quality


Tighten my tattered belt around your fat ass


Huge tits and chances


All I want is the universe


I hate when perverts sing be my baby


Can’t accept this contract universe


Indian chief executive


The feeling is mutual


Nursing home rebel


Flunked another test


Why’d I bother with High School?


Bless the atheists


Coat hangers are bad doctors


Devil in Preacher’s clothes


Everyone’s obsessed with food


Guilt is for assholes


Loud, lewd, proud, nude


Nag me later


Ugly truths about pretty gals


Violent Amish


Wheat germ germs


Kill all mikes


Loan shark junkees


Dishwashing badasses


Dunk tank all-stars

Stare at walls


Filet of Wish


Nine minus 7 irons


Corporate whores


Mall cop pricks


Illegal jaywalkers


Polka Pimps


Awkward Pause


Lost Bets


Weird Mike Happening


Bubble duel


Already Ate


Last party


Praise the Chords!


List of odd music jobs


Triangle Player


Agent for harp players


Record producer (What the hell does that mean anyway?)




Psyched for beef tacos


Light that fart


Laugh at Fuckers


Chicken shit corporation


Attack morons


Tofu is murder


Genocide ain’t a good idea


Have some balls man!


Dash babies against stones- inspired by The Bible book Psalms


Kobe Bryant Blues


100 mill less than Lebron


Poorest planet


Kiss my stock portfolio


Move that mountain with faith con artist


Vegetarian propaganda


New Age music often blows


Healing powers my ass


Greetings from my head


Good to meet you Chucky


Glow in the dark lies


Hang more than ten


Hungover heroes


Intelligence not required


Illegal aliens should aim higher


I owe you money?


Cocaine is for winners


Pop songs murdered


Church bullshit


Invisible men don’t watch you


Create a disturbance


Churches should pay taxes


Reperations to humanity


Mitake riddled species


No time for shit


Bad advice to school kids


Bra stuffing


Bisexual animals


Rock star wills


What a crap book


Cool ass Spaghetti Western


Funny stand up comic


Jump to more than conclusions


Jailhouse cock


Jilted lovers love ballads


Kill the Bible


Kentucky scares the hell out of me


Kite flying on a lazy war ship


Kriss Kross is still jumping


Mundane fall lineup


Wannabee TV exec


Biggest dick ever


Classic lust song


False messiahs are funny


Geography is bitchin!


Get smart stoopid!


Fox News is amazing


Grocery bill blues


Soul sistas unite for tea and crumpets


Ninja kicks politician


The Federal Reserve should die

Young Republicans are really sad


Live like an ant queen


Edit this scene


Improvising bastards


Too cruel for the stage


Perverts on parade


What’s the meaning of this?


When’s lunch?


Year long anniversary


ZZ bottom


Pro-choice for viruses


Random bag check my ass


Kill Mr.Mustard


Take a fucking chance


Evict billionaires


Full moon loony express


Mundane becomes funny


Shower solo


Dog barking better


Will you pay for this?


Dreams of beer and sitting around


Middle class bullshit


Bragging about so little


Sing your ass off


Fucking up is what we do


Companions are friends


Fifteen year old comedy sketch


Few like 1930’s jokes


Times have changed, you haven’t


Tacky beach towels


Good citizens don’t pay taxes


Ethics are better than religion


Elope the right way


Make jail fun


Car salesmen should die


TJ’s funnier than Leno


Cosmos is better than Price is Right


Marx Brothers got shit done


Babe Ruth isn’t a babe


I’m glad the emperor of Japan is no longer divine


Worship the one true God, KFC


Ugly people may be banned


I thought Hollywood was against ugly


Crude ideas


Morgan Freeman acted his ass off


Wow- Marlon Brando


AWOL from AWOL Patrol


Too inside reference song


The roof isn’t really on fire


Stop attacking my potatoes


Popularity is a dumb contest


Jesus isn’t watching


Hey dipshit


Win at bingo


Trademark this bitch


Humans are neat


Hell is meant for you


This bud’s for me


Losing your hair and mind


Agnostics can’t sell out


You seem to know nothing


Irish pubs are overrated


Craziest fuckers


Don’t take advice


Dance a jig Morty


Drink more loser


Drugs make life better


Don’t eat old fish


Long ago I was cool


Biblical death count


Hope I’m wittier before I die


Poker for fat white chumps


Milhouse is a part of us all


Angus Young’s also a rocking accountant


Give The Simpson’s another 20 years


Krusty is a hero


Green pens work best


Wacky neighbors attack


Community college ain’t so bad


I want a family with rhyming names


Bushy mustache neighbor


Same stupid green sweater


Scream like a little girl


Forgive me Satan


Call your Mother!


Court is hell


Finally not sucking


Title forgotten


Worth every penny, except when I was ripped off


Forts are fun


Hip cats to motherfuckers


Stop being such a pussy


Candyland champion


Chainsaws may cause damage


Dance semi-nude


V club membership revoked


Vote for no leaders


I just fucking swept


Win by competing with losers


I’d rather be immortal


Older than TIVO


Odors should be banned


Owe no one shit


Oak trees are liars


Represent my hood congressman


Variety is a crappy spice


Why is there a holy book?


Trucking all night long


Concept albums blow


Angels are bullshit


Age before ugly


T-ball strikeout


Blow me and everyone you love


Boldly go where only a few hundred have gone before


That’s my toe


Failure is an option


Sucky years in review


Try harder dipshit


Song titles are hard


Delights for flights


Devilishly delicious death ditties


Don’t say no


Free the ass, the mind will follow


Leave a mark better than skid marks


You’re nasty


Is it possible to rip yourself off?


Borcht Belt Blues


Diss the non-homies


Don’t we have enough songs?


Classy table cloth on a shitty table


No longer off pitch


The best ants mean little to us


Goodbye friends and pricks


Sell out for a muffin


If you want to be better


Key chains by Valdez


My crappy Taurus rocked


Testimony against humanity


We had a cola war?


Holidays are generally stupid


Church is over


Dress like Devo

You’ve been a fool


Praise no Lord


End times still on delay


Boner patrol duty


Instrumental with lyrics


You don’t have to watch popular shit


Dare to be Intelligent


Stuck in a closet with Weird Al


Polka until you die


The glass is half-empty and half-full


Ridiculous list song


Mock the flavor of the week in song


My boner for you is like Waffle House, 24/7!


Life’s too short not to be funny




Fear is waiting kids


Not as good as Coltrane


Tough times Tim


Irate over interest loans


Useless genius


Calf strain blues


Mindless Republicans


Eat politicians


Death to Earth


Fight for a better planet


Trippin’ on Ringo


Falling into billions


Quench my thirst


Guilty as OJ


Question liars


Running away from bad health


Support things that are good


Refuse to give into the man


I have the titles


Now what?

Too much tide


I get square


Too young to take things seriously


Laugh at life


Nobody cares

Who ever heard of that?

Are you serious?

Temporary folks


I want to chill at the beach


Open school


Napkin express


Nothing you can do


Chasing a mild dream


Realistic dreams probably aren’t dreams


Sell no one out


Are you ovens on?


Obstructing justice


Lost track of time


End by reading


Advice for geniuses


Cut deficit spending


Creative visions implode


Death is bad


Get over yourself


Depend on no one


Don’t waste your time


You could be wrong


Tip your waitress


Bargain basement prices


Scalp those tickets


Living in Chicago


Living in Ohio


Living in Wyoming


Contemplate the universe


Tess is awesome


Lost a friend


I can’t believe


Fight to live


Police blotter


Plug your movie


We all have some ideas


Too few live well


Fear isn’t good


Random chaos


Time is never enough


Live to play


Fail more successfully


Don’t be smug


I never knew


Watch it junior


Fellow Americans


Smile at babes


Open daycare


There’s no way

Forging ahead


Regret of past

Non-expert opinion


Studied for years


Magic of life

Drink to forget


There’s no shame


I ate fried chicken


I ran with Blago


I saw OJ Mayo


Andy Dick crashed my girlfriend’s b-day


I saw Jeff Garlin live

Media darlings aren’t always great


Nervous get used

Template for success


Production company uprise


Know your place in the world

Advance better ideas

Practical for no one


Best ides tend to win

Float it by me


Time to die

Mention Red


Character actors


Bothered by West Jeff


Racism makes no sense


Illogical beliefs


How to avoid traps

Constant supervision

Can’t afford college


Not always good to be human


Discretionary income


Make clothes fit

No I in Israel


Why’d you lie?

How could I be so blind?

What do I want most?

A tough line of questioning


Resources are scarce


Shoot it now


Dedicated to money


Review of humanity

I’d like to travel


Time’s limited


Precious peaches


A girl in Cleveland


Grew up poor


Second City was odd


Took some risks and failed


I want an answer


Enable a better day


Float the mind


Decide now genius


Genies grant paltry wishes


Bark on doggie


Papers out of order


Molded for mundane

Prepare to be invaded


The struggles


Will it ever get better?


I quit before I lose


I quit while breaking even


Cancelling my own agenda


Reformat better than ever


I made a contribution

Proud of a little


Took a chance


For the loved ones


I surrender


New day, new bullshit


Pen is mightier than broken swords


End this charade


We have a lot to do before lunch


Advertising is a great evil


Dangerous corporate war


No excuses for your bullshit


Hate the haters


Splatter paint


Quotable movies


Not much left


Help the fellows

Gentle Gentiles


Reduce worry


Forget pretention


You had a good run


Laugh at Pete


Pretty pictures


Think now Einstein


Eat a pound of chocolate


Wear a t-shirt


Buy a house


Soccer hooligans


Joyous occasions


Systems of government


Buzz words


Can anyone win forever?




Silence Ain’t Golden


Make sense of this


Troubled youth


Help the needy


Huts ablaze


You never know


Make a list


Never again I swear


End the madness


Music about music


Book about books


Movie about movies


Comedy about comedies


Art about art


Sex about sex


Philosophy on philosophy


Science on science


Food on food


Clothes on clothes


Shelter on shelter


Appreciate life


Live well


End bad times


Friend Rejection


Friends move on


Until we meet again


Princess dream may end


Twisted dreams come true


All about Steve


Enter when ready


Fold some laundry


Flaws are endless


Failures unite


Gift bag optional


Help the homeless


Help wanted everybody


Lose the beer Jules


Lick these


Loosen lips to sink ships


Moaning pleasures


Mondays are just fine


Mind your own lack of business


Move in with Frank


Meltdown’s unlikely


Nothing can stop the sick universe


Never going to try


Nip this in the bud


No time for losers


Question geniuses


Quiz show mania


Legal drug deal


Reality does more harm than biting


So alone again


Simple misunderstandings


Sort it out


Sea monsters ate my ice cream


Swear to I-Pod


TV is amazing


Ugly truths and uglier people


Usted es Eugene?


V-neck something better than sweaters


Correct all wrongs


Rip off genius


Mock the Rock


Glow in the light


Religion might be false


Hope is good


Aesthetic contemplation


Value the ride


Do it before death


Propaganda against propaganda


Love Discovered


Living in a bygone era


Somewhere else


Turn phrases into cash


Get rich now


Internet scams


You make me puke


I can’t believe this


You ate my bananas


Fire the losers


Breathe deep piss ant


Nothing but my VHS collection

Amend this asshole


Yoga can help


Stringing the guitar


Know how to blow


Dance like a maniac


Jump into life


Pools of sorrow


Picture the scenes


Envision a better way of life

Move on the news


Helping the homeless

Digging deeper


Song before my time


Old school tastes


Support the girl scout troops


Guitar tuners help


Click on this ad


Pitching ideas to nuts


How did Gervais pull that off?


Struggling comic


Eat this book


Plastic Venues


Tuesday’s too late


I need to release


Get out now


Boogie with buggies


Babies are too loud


I want a no crying zone


Pain free existence


Yeah right tough guy


Old time jolts


Bolt while you can


Take off into life


From the bottom of my gut


Pen clicking bastards


Scratch my chalkboard


Nobody can know that


Where are we going?


I wish you’d stop bullshitting


Reasons why they lie


Protect my borders


I can’t handle your prejudice


Slight of mind


Ole for the bulls


The Kent State experience


Drive far away


Holding on to a dream


I can’t surf


Teach me something dammit


Prison food often sucks


Eat what they say

Freedom of petty choice


Too much destiny


Fairly decent genes


Pass this on


A bit of info for the curious


Late quiz show answer


Polite society assholes


Rush Hour this jeep


Rent a boat Peter


Walk on frozen water


Advance noble causes


Load the office


Drunk with papers


Can’t write toasted


Hanging with my buddies


I’m in good


Networking for profit


Make more money dipshit


Adult responsibilities without the porn


Beautiful women are worth it


Waste time on freedom


Notions of delusions


I never got you


They still kick it


The classics never die


You’re hardly Mozart


Quit using age as an excuse


Don’t put the reap in reaper


Open repair

Ideas are slow


Making breakfast


The trials of life


Never going to live again


Bold moves


Getting over a tragedy

Make me some biscuits


Bake me a dream


Learn from actors


Pacting without pacting


Pretentious Hollywood


Oh my God Entourage


Dwight made me laugh


A vision of the future


The song is just about over


This song’s for someone else


I love someone else


Better than 95%


Test scores are sub par


Don’t measure greatness by test scores


Glide above a mountain

Games of life mean little


Trials we face


Guidebook to guidebooks

Pick up the reeces pieces


Let’s leave please


Chris Farley was a man


Nothing can help us


Destined for awful death


Do good before death


Move past titles, make music


Cold hearted janitor


Capitalist success


Fighting for money


Guilt over aces


Gamble on life


Interesting way to die


Make breakfast


Clubs are made to join


Capitalism could be better


This one’s on me


Blown by Marvin


Can you believe they were that good?


Golden blunders


Humanity may improve


Too much indifference to me


Sober high with us


Too hot for pot roast


I envy Al Jarreau


Funk flavors were tasty


Quit perfectionism


Adding on


Prince is the shit


Funk’s in the air tonight


Future shock


Fade into night


Temporary beings


Best night ever


Talk old school


Branch into brunch


Show up late


Never kill me


A few minutes of delight


Simpson’s fans


Gran’s cooking











Birth survivors suffer


















Eat pizza


Get over yourself before death


Into Wicca?


Never give up on the Dodgers


Looters paradise


Beach chillin’


Living in igloos


Live longer


Continual sorting


Better universe

Take a premise


Garbage dive


Drive to madness or drink? 


Bravery to change


Organized raping material culture


Sad about sickness


Be glorious for a while


Insane Liverpool fans


Don’t forget you lived


Party in Thailand


Chllin’ with a classic


Resist this


Advice for advisers


Create art


Destroy art


Evening raid


Free fear


Intern nerd


Kilts for drag queens


Moon soon


Oven coven


Posse toast


Seal rocks


Tree house blues


Where in the?


You bastard


Zero for all


Fun words


Find a friend


Come on in


No Standards


Reprehensible morality


Book of the month


Quote of the week


Limos are for pussies


Get right


Gloating over sins


Commit to whatever


If you want to


He’s a chick


Spoken word trash


Silly existence


Owe you one

 Quit everything


Read a book instead


Young minds easily warped


Breathe and beat death


Allow me to kill


Cussing coach


Disturbance is dumb


Elbow room


Federal Reserve bastards


Hero for hire


Illegal weirdo




Note to others


Barking spiders


Scary day


Not the pigs

Elfman-like surprise


Weird talent


I don’t care


Idiots are back


Nature is a crime


We’re all criminals


Vengeance isn’t mine


Step into the unknown


Suppose I’m right


Racist crimes


Have an opinion


Get over her Trudy


Facts of death


Morbid Clown


Capital gains tax


Copyright everything


Corporations Inc.


See your way out


Borrow a catchphrase


Catchphrase hell


Glory of Western Civilization


High point of life


End the charade


Appreciate a classic






Ideas to lengthen


Write a b scene


Offer genuine value




Precious lifestyle accommodated




Write a tune




Moral outrage

The happiest I’ve ever been? 


Screwball comedy


Abby in the clouds


Awe and horror


Pin up boy


Journal scribbling


Marker Art


Artie was king


Waste no tie


Tomorrow knows rarely

Dig good times


Enjoy health


Compassion for the dying


Focus on living



Make a living


Suckered by art




Strings afire


Chinese plate


Irish laughter


Broach a subject


How to be a food Nazi


Obnoxious greetings


Memories of George


Shrimp mouth stuffing


Military tribunal


Foldout couch

Bed frame blues


I overpaid


The mortgage of life


Make up before too late


Bride of fictional green monster


Help the clueless


Rolling through Amsterdam


Show those bastards


 Mench on the Ballclub Bench


Stolen phrases


Ripping Off Original Sin            


Cast iron piece of shit


Watchin’ footy


Golden Globe lifestyle


Award shows are meaningless


Manufactured cultural meaning


Dissidents dissed again


Shape up, don’t ship out


Mundane days


Wronged by judges


The Bible isn’t true


Swear on a book better than The Bible


Scissors handled safely


Juvenile genius


You can make money doing that?


Geeky accordion nerd becomes millionaire


How’d that honky learn to rap?


Booty Green existed


Trouble with nightclubs


Good times may not last


Beach Boys in a Pat Boone world


Pat Boone scares the hell out of me


Elvis wasn’t king


Luck be a lustful lady


Touched by more than angels


Late 90’s nostalgia junky


Why are alerts red?


Dabble in astrophysics


Judge coloring books by their cover


No need for a leader


Millions succeed and you don’t?


What’s the problem barkeep?


Get anything but a job


Topical humor gone rank


News show gone to hell


Mock superiors


Take advantage of oxygen


Seize the 16 hour work day


Cypress Hill was fucking cool


Save us transhumanists!


Aliens: Idiots or brilliant to avoid us?


Talk show hosts are needy


Wash your mouth out with me


Yoga on DVD


What a sick culture


Jot down thoughts, maybe they’ll care


Make a tiny, tiny difference


Lives are at steak- yeah steak, not stake


Pretty in all shades but pink


MC Escher to MC Hammer


Scottish beer company


I devoted my life to this?


Fucked up freedom


Love them or hate them?


Selling out, buying in, or bumming


Digging through rich people’s trash


If I sold my soul I’d be richer?


How to increase profits on selling your soul


Nawlin’s wilder than Vegas


Southern prejudice is funny


Canadians are so friendly


Hanging with missionaries


Feign interest


P. Hound you rock


Living in your head


Stay Away from Taco Hell


Clearly you misunderstand my violent outburst


I hate your beliefs


So wrong


I’d like to but a vowel


What to have for lunch?


Life Cycles


Peace movements fight back?


Know when to bow out


Clever on the spot


Familiar cultural references


O’ Jays Oh my


You’re not quite as much of an asshole as you think


Time to move on


Consider the artificial lilies


Dance in places safer than streets


Hectic lack of work schedule


Don’t sweat the bigger than planet Earth stuff


Etch a Sketch comedy sketch


Respect toll change collector


How’d you settle for this?


At least I tried to have joy


Go Southern Greek


I’d like to tell you about…


Thanks for life Ma


I like talking to Drew


Sitcom knowledge doesn’t always help


Sketch comedy gods


Improvise your life


Battle of the air bassoonists


Weirdest songs ever


Old timey reference


Missing the show

Front row tickets to spectacle


College laughs


Old pranks


Weber and the orange underwear


J scared swimming spectators


Kurt’s protected by angels


Consuelo’s logical


Ranting Doig


Marx’s pretty lashes


Matt O is studying again


Turkey dinner leftovers


Mad drive to Po’ Folks


What happened to my youth?


Stupid class


Dorm trash talk


I hope they get a meal


Champ of the late night underground wrestling


Rain by DAAP


Running for clarity


Quality Chinese soccer


Engineering is dull


Kenyon’s dunking


Cat face makeup


Paper cup escapade


Cinco De Fino


Tennessee wedding haircut


Arnold Palmer makes a great video game


All you can eat burgers


You bitch about free food?


Murrell’s vast CD collection


Orbit disappeared


Who will make it?


Get your degree dumbass


Smokin’ with Dials


Peters picked me up


I don’t know where I live


Drunk enough to forget


Time travel in Ohio


Another fucked up kid


Disturbing truths


Got to go to work


Please don’t AWOL


Third shift may kill you


West Side bar stories


This place is as good as any


Read another book


Virginia Beach road trip


Travel the globe


Surf Bondi


Soccer’s big here


Don’t forget Arian


Nearly a Welsh girl


Throat slit in Barca


Cuban women, good Lord


Sangria dreams


Cheap wine and expensive fries


Dancing in the park


Wacky morning DJ


Play the part of whoever


Acting is hard work


Cheech not Chong


Grin from ear to Jim Carrey


Kiss but don’t makeup


DeNiro’s still great


Morgan Freeman express


No butt for him


Media isn’t meant for this


Do me a favor


Cite the works of Pauly Shore


The Constitution can be amended


Much love bro


Tell Ma I said hey


Have a good day babe


Be more original than I love you


Love’s highly irrational


Tribute to everyone


Clip on bow tie


Just a footnote in time


Glory for Morey


Fuck me


Reality’s twisted


More mistakes


On cue


For the peeps


Mystery trip


Settle down you two


Frankly Frank’s frank


Shake the fist


So what if he sucks?


Diving ruins soccer


Cut from team


Endless production


Drama king


Blown speaker


Too imaginative


Years ahead of time


Nothing to say


Losing sleep


Healthy, not wealthy or wise


Lip gloss does no justice


Playing in Ohio


Years it took


Capital idea Chet


Nothing to dance about


Picasso was all right


Indifference of the world


My favorite groundskeeper


Skinner’s such a wiener


Martin Prince could kick your ass


Homer is my hero


To live like Homer


Homer went bowling


Middle class slob


Bald with gusto


Don’t hit on Maude


Doh is the word


Sold soul for cheap


What a crappy missionary


Pray before you’re judged


Homer’s been everywhere


Flanders served God


Judgmental as Ned


Physical comedy


Broken printer

Why give that focus?


Algebra serves no purpose


End up in detention


Made up language


Phone tag blues


Travel to new places


Bill Maher in a bull market


Contemplate no more


Scared to death


Flea bass


Supple bosom


Loose morality


Lie to me asshole


Never threaten cops


Don’t worry about bank robbers


Conspiracy theories build up


Lagging behind


Hip cat squared


My phony homie


Steal from Pac


Tacos are a man’s best friend


Too many cooks


Swear on Satanic Bible


Laugh at my friend


Go to your garden


Soup stories


Stone Soup commune


Passing by a historical sight

I saw Pearl Harbor


Trip with Pop


Road trip blues


Whistle test my ass


Dumb philosopher


You should want more than poetry


Book me tonight


Meaning of life


Laugh at family


Support the Proops


Fooled by the media


Get drunk again


Settle for beer


I could go for a year of vacation


Rats race less than most folks


Gossip about Duane


Allman’s were tough


Aspiring musician


Too old to give up?


Gave up before starting

Work for a reason


Spend time with fam


Japan could be cool

Learn a language


Talk the talk, never walk the walk


Until we get more money

Lines from old flicks


I married a buddy


Wedding in Florida

Jimi’s still the best


No one plays like that


Friendly skies no friendlier than the rest


Might fail


Avoid prison


Politics are evil


No one owes you


Boss of me is me


Jolly good bloke


Patronize arts


Delight in laugher


Fester’s growling


Endless Characters


What to do?


Finances control you


Pen clicking morons


Get royalties


Impose on others


There was magic


Ratty Wallet


Products from Thailand

The most exotic place


Rumble from Wheaton, Illinois

Why’d Belushi die?


Chevy Chase should have his own network


Akroyd was classy


Garret Morris was underappreciated


70’s show musical guest


Make a sound now


After death blues


Some things are bothering


Troubles float away


Downtown Cleveland


Doubting too much


Ads for gruel


Living for pizza


I was happy


Too much cake


Gravy train ride’s over


Opinions matter, facts matter more


There’s a better life


Chasing after Mario


Games we play


Pop is right


Sabbath day rules


Company picnic


Settle for wishes


Ghosts in Chi-town


Living on the outside


Choosing to lose


Prove it!


Convey ideas


Nitty gritty




Seizing property


Cusp of being


Random sampling


Drastic change


Mediocrity and banality




Cruel side of life


Using fiction to demonstrate


That’d be frightening


Dangerous in real life


Declare constructively






Conditions of humanity


Bulk optimum


Pettiness into a warped project


Coordinate a trip to the moon




Serious and introspective thoughts


End on the mend


End on the one


Pretend to end


Fuzzy computer




Never going to die


Find an idea


Getting funky yo


Starting rather small

Glory but no fame

Nobody cares for you


No way home

No way


Funny shit

Keep creating

Tiny in grand scheme

No time to die

Debt ain’t cool


Die with dignity

Choose differently


There’s no need

Fear isn’t a friend

Funky times were there


Trio of pleasures


Foggy night


Delicious snacks

Quit writing carp or crap


Dessert is the meaning of life


Sweet nectar


Never thought it’d be possible


Reference the Chaser


Hillsong Parody


Religious scumbags


Life should be a musical


Dance with Taylor


Confront your priest

Higher quality of life

Statistically awful


Low end furniture

Laugh at poverty


No choice but pain


Dentists are evil


Old age blues


Bitch about work


Support old funk


Amazing Museums


Trial size guilt


Fountain pen shuffle


Beg for billions


Idiots are growing


Logical putty


Too much bean


Third rate Fred Durst imitator


I insulted Heath Ledger


Get a watch fool


Fretting over nothing

Worried about death


For the love of fake God


Your breath is questionable


Pass the scotch


Cold ones for all


Boasting about nothing

Brag about houses


Interesting people

Repeat from earlier


Thematic link


Weird people rule


I only know losers


Spoon fed Christian boy


BBQ shredded and tasty


Foot long coneys ain’t what they used to be


Engineering library days

Greg was an odd boss


I slept while filing


Job tasks are often pointless


Kentucky has some liquor stores


Bluegrass could be better


Ben Franklin bust


Busted by civilians


For the love of lazy


Seashell surprise


The young will eat us


I love how Ma talks

Odd facial expression


Big humpy


Argue for money


Lose the tie


Bigs fade away too


Sickness of living


Ending a romance


What an obvious ploy

Phony dialogue

Is this who I think it is?


Odd to see folks get old


A life sentence always ends in death


Culture of twisted morality

Little makes sense


I never ate your yogurt


Battle with exes


Success is a mysterious woman


Balloons are worth their weight in old onions


I know telephone wires that work harder than you


Forgive my fuckin’ cousin


Better to be a black sheep in a white sweater world


Music doesn’t always make sense


It’s okay to love irrational things


Keep struggling


Worth a look


Juice bars are an odd concept


Chuck Berry is still kicking, right?


Don’t judge character with disco


Chicken wing envy


I love your sauce

Refer-eshing times


Clever pun titles


Get down with Dwight


Found Graham Crackers


So what if you failed?


What did you expect?

Change before they change you


Go for silver


Be realistic


Physical objects


Playing poker with buddies


I dug the 80’s


No plans for tonight

Ten years to read a book?


Alive or Dead?


Dollar store humor piece


Cover of Mad


Pay off bookie


Vote for non-politicians


Assume people don’t have time to read


Some people make me sick


Ole to you sir!


Grow up just a little bit


Brush them teeth boy


Greats like Frank still go


Mysterious stranger glances


Comic book panels


Old time crooner phrases

Ring a ding Joey


Still rockin’ in their sixties


No excuse for me


If Pete can do it, why not me?


Get moving tough guy


Don’t be perfect, be good


Good titles are easy, good songs aren’t


Brian Wilson changed things


Be more than nothing


Fear’s awful


Fear may be worse than death


Repeat listening


You have enough


The miracles from above


Yeah, they’ll ignore you


Greatness is upon us


Songs in the bank

Use what you’ve got


Tiger swimming champ


Retiring hero


Just getting started


I didn’t fight hard enough


Hope is a four letter word


Ponderosa was grand


Things obviously change


I liked that group


Rocking in chairs


Rude old man


Embrace change

Take another chance


The 80’s had some sitcoms


Little but rubbish


Facts on your side


Wheat is healthier

Everyone’s ending

Band the banned


It’d be funny to see


Choose death


I’m an accident


Don’t now how we got here


Tucked away in Columbus, Ohio


We need a baseball


Language barrier makes me laugh


Memories also fade


Trucking away on a lawnmower


Cat fight of a life time


Have to work again


Tree hugging bastards


Phone your only friend

Game shows left us


Broken printer


Snow flakes lazily fall


Sleeping girlfriend

Blessed are the sheik


I want sex


Crude success


I lose to Achy Breaky Heart


Popular doesn’t mean right


Maybe one day we’ll all agree


Enjoy right now


Mid-size range of life

Hitchens once said


Quote the immortals


Wisdom lives on


Stupidity’s rarely defeated


Dance before you leave


Sing before you go


Watch snow fall and beach waves


Guilty by nature


Born into awful families


Not always another chance


Jump off the bandwagon


Make the unusual choice

Improvisation mantra


Teachers taught me little


I learn by fucking up


Forgive me yet again


Yoga mind fuck


Something new for the kids


Bow out now


Decide on mantra


Into the unknown


I’d like to know


Pursue knowledge


A terrible advantage


Can’t capture every experience

Quote legends


Market like hell


Words are just that


Life’s a buffet, stop cleaning dishes and eat


Blue collar guy may win


No politician’s blue collar


Don’t know if that’s a word


Bob Barker made you a bitch too


Add humor


Life’s too short to golf


I spent time like an idiot


Open cupboard


Why does it have to be racial?


Lies scientists tell


Creationism isn’t a fact


Irish folk tunes are inconsistent


Fields are competitive

Death is tragic


150,000 every day


Figures for the mind


Re-negotiate a better life


Sequester a jury


I see poverty and riches


Here now


Silly phrases


Repeat viewing

Fame’s double edged


Failed too many times

Number of my lady


I had lots of interests


Grit teeth and bear arms


Hearsay evidence


Fish out of water comedy


Dancing at midnight


Memories beginning to fade


I tried to keep it but lost anyway

Computer clean


Clearance but no sale


Another tribe


A free ticket to somewhere


Never mention me


I’ll be forgotten, but so will you


Reward the blockbuster


Paid for by alimony


Too many problems


Don’t worry about everything


Science generation


Beg for bolo ties


Never enough crudity


Santorini was fabulous

Captured my life on film


Crazed fans need to die


Leave the world alone


Embarrassing fast dance


I was so lame


Wish I’d had courage


Uphill battle


For the love of the gym


The neurotic may win


Woody Allen fan club


Don’t count me in


Maybe death’s not so bad


I’d like to fly before I die


Dreams are sometimes kind of met


I’d kill for a chance to produce


Have non-psychotic hunger


Years of failure lead to better times


End insanity before it gets me


When will it end?


You won’t know when it’s over either


I already said goodbye


If I don’t see you again


At least say goodbye in an original way


I’d rather live instead of say bye


Live don’t leave


Guitar tuner came in handy

Tools are meant to be used


Regret weaknesses


Make new future old times

Pleasure may drive us nuts

Endorsing genocide isn’t the same as doing it

Time gone by


Still not sure


Won’t be a slave


Flock may be clueless


Random typing


Propaganda poverty and shackles


Injustice isn’t cool


Competing can drive one mad


Morbid candidate




News junkies


Atmospheres of ideology


Cleaning up


Sequential order and others


Die any time


Continue to question


Silly ideas and punch


Manipulated for gain


Bureaucrats own you


Young talented performer


Songs in the mind


Does tantric sex work?


Bad tasting fortune cookie




Stop feeding lies to babies


New times are now

Growing rich from the blood of peasants

Wicked or smart to exploit others for gain?

Survival and bumming around

Giving free samples

Worth playing

Terrible ideas

Actress of solitude

Impressive resume achieved

Getting shit done quick

End the tires

You’re a hog

60’s tunes rocked

Different view

Youth slipping away

Took my time

Type faster

Time slipped away

Idiots praise invisible gods


Strangest sounds

Trying to equal

Generosity handed to me

Connect the dots

Hard nosed skeptics

Custom built ship

Quality in boldness

In a world where many

Live in bitterness

Quit bitching about

The state of the world

Do something to change it

If I don’t make

Conscious effort to change

I’ll fall back into old habits

Bowling is an absurd hobby

Softening blows sometimes

Prolongs inevitable pain

Times have changed

So have I 

I don’t think

Either one of us had a choice

Laughter for the happy is good

But laugher best serves

People who suffer

Design a classic architecture


Doubt my work is perfect 

Commercial sensibilities

Ridiculous thoughts

Respect and honor

Budget time and resources

Guiltier pleasure

Memorize an entire

Relocate to a better time

Melodies can be made out of nearly anything

Best accordion band in the land

Awe and wonder

Sizeable options face prejudice

Non-mundane scenarios

Connect to the world

Great to others

Quite proud of what they’ve done

Machines do it better

Repeating creative value

Trust money

Wise men

Flawed people are evil

Nothing to note

Weird Dreams

I like Cheech and Chong

Funnier than Satan

We created the all-mighty Creator

Science proves no gods

In between phrase

I like hanging out

Soccer is fantastic

Tried not to suffer

Why do you live well?

Economic situations

Voyage around the world

Logical constructs

Limited time and experience

Going for bronze

Sleeping through life

Tired of being tired

Invitations to madness

Feeling insignificant

Powerless hour

Love is irrational

Oslo is a swinging town

Opening a business

For the love of deities

I’d like to forget

The pain never left

The greedy often win

Sacrificing years for a goal

Superstring theory

Theoretical physics

For the love of…

A new website

Make money doing right

Wars inside

Weird beliefs

Warehouse deals

Video game tribute

Movie night

I like the library

Fowl play- the birds attack

Hippie song based on a Bible verse

The sixties are long gone

Monthly subscription services

Love is a scam

Old guys make sense

Pop is hilarious

Ma was loving

Money goes to those who exploit

The reality zone

For little money

Science superior to scientology

Photograph so you don’t forget

Why don’t we get drunk and preach?

Know how to lie

Real tee

Know living

Ben Franklin blues

Bus the children

I wrote a novel

Writer for hire

Money making schemes

Buy more groceries

God tells you nothing

TV full of lies

I believe Ari Gold

Sitcom characters speak to me

Revelation from below

Hell in my mind

Write the damn book

Correct all wrongs

An old husband’s tale

The dirty napkin

I almost died

Cars can kill

Clip fingernails

Mundane trappings

Common experiences

Generous for what?

I lived for cheese

I don’t like threats

The desire for life

Sacrifice for this?

The total sum of parts

Exaggerations of life

Point of life

Get over the gold standard

Facts can’t be disputed

Olympic bans

Subway time faults

New mission


Filter messages


TV celebrities


Semi-appropriate remarks


Exceptional person

British train stations

Thinking for yourself

It takes bravery

The war of wages

Waging wage wars

Cheat with God

I’d like to believe you, but that’s stupid

The power of lust

I don’t need fake money

Folding laundry blues

Huckster faith school

Laugh at atheists

Reasonably good business practices

Quitters for Jesus

I hate the blues

Lust bus

Read a book fool

Prejudice is bullshit

Bad grammar

Shilling for bucks

Tribalism is racist

Viewer discretion is bullshit

Huge fan of life

Brotherhood’s lost

The proof isn’t in this pudding

What is surprising anymore?

Who’s this guy?

Ignored the media

Bumped into a fool

Spit on in Korea

The white of black

The role of the roll

As it is

Mingus-like isolationists

Created duties

Depressed failures

Learn something new

Budgeting time and money

Eddie Murphy is funny, Ben Bernake isn’t

Guy from Quaker Oats commercials

Religion’s a crock of shit

Options and choices

Ridiculous dialogue

Lobbying to freedom

Memorizing disasters 

Marketing genius

Gaining titles of honor

Literally no chance

Entitled performers

Never written

Article about 3033

Note to IO

Passing pebble in the river of life

Joke punch lines

Pretender to a crown

Build your financial empire

Somebody made up all of this

Adding value


Higher intentions

Discontinue a realistic portrayal


No one obligated to me


View to make it through


Anything else?


Influential brochure


Having a sense of poetry or music


Special Flakes

Create a character if needed


Low quality life


Portfolio of a madman


Guilty parties


Life is more than that.


Crooks have bureaucrats

Reality is going to kill you

Moving on, not done



Innovative and useful


Folks who want nothing


Authority of life


Being intimidated by creative geniuses


Utterly ridiculous non-sense


Ambitious folks get greater things

Commercial ideas


Commercial pursuits


Are the only thing that matter


Merchandising a marriage contract for a fee


Inspirational view of reality


Sensationalism along with media hype


Hardly forgivable


Never mind the contemplation. 


The time for action is now


Crafting and framing their gifts


In unique ways


Blessed souls


Dabble in the arts


Life intertwined with musical numbers


Kill the enemy from within


Meant to last forever


But it won’t




Make a choice


To live well

Or you life will


Descend into hell


No one should want that


It’s tons of shit


No one should have that


But too many have it


Get better while you can


Get good at something


If you refuse


You’ll soon be nothing

No one gives a damn


On a planet this big


Better be a man


Game of life is rigged


You lose no matter what


But you can win for a while


All you have to do


Bust your ass and smile


It might be fake joy


But you’re not a boy


Time to be the man


And live well while you can



Joke riddled song


The humor of life

It is wonderful


Makes me laugh


Makes me cry


Makes me giggle

Makes me die


I love laughter more than life itself

I can at least enjoy the moment



How can you stand it?


The pop songs suck


This era has no soul


What happened to good music?


We don’t need karaoke idols

We don’t need blond teen twits


We don’t need phony thugs


We don’t need cowboy shit


You ever hear Stevie Wonder?


You ever hear The O’ Jays?

You ever hear Ray Charles?

You ever hear Al Green?

We’ve got great music


Some still being made today

So why do we tolerate the bullshit?


Instead of promoting  heroes?


Makes no sense

Do your part


Refuse to support crap


Support funky soul artists


Who speak to you


And say something

Worth listening to




He’s gone


Nothing lasts forever


But his legacy will last


As long as anything in humanity does


He was the greatest of my time


He caused controversy


An unusual man in nearly every way


Unlike a lot of his friends and family


I’m not so sure he’s alive in heaven


But I think what he did in life


Will stay with people for as long as


Anything anyone has done


In my lifetime


I hope the work he did


Will be passed on to future generations


Because his work provided genuine hope


For a lot of suffering people


And I believe his work


Will do the same for the ages




I fear the future


I fear the unknown


All I’ve worked so hard for


Is going away


I know that I’ll lose in the end


I can’t help but be sad about it


Terrible curse to be human


Knowing no matter what we do


No matter how we act


No matter how we choose


To spend our time


To maintain our health


We die anyway


Puts small problems in their place


But makes many worry even more


About the big ones




Anything else and I’m a fool 


Had some theories for years


Know that no matter what


Design your life to be what you want


Facts and figures come in soon enough


Mistakes we make and bills we break 


The memories often fade


None know how to conquer the world


The sight of all that seems lost




Abundant source of ray and light


Work my hardest to display wit and irony


Live well now, because there’s no telling what tomorrow may bring


Detoxify the notions of grandeur


Never give into futile pursuits


I can continue


Higher levels mindless numbing exodus


Gaining clarity of thought


Reducing God to a convention of religion is laughable. 


Hypocrites, communists, and atheists


Pressure from white America


Made into a TV movie 


Strip down words to bare essentials


Committing to a bigger piece of the puzzle


Memorized scripts


Trial and error systems


Stop being such a fool


Witnessing a miracle for what it is


Discriminate against the people who are guarded


Disasters can be avoided, but


Never attempting to do things that matter is foolish


Make it to this tune that I can hear now:


I feel relaxed and I can get good things


I will live real well doing awesome


It’s a killer day


Good things on my mind


Getting to a better point of life


Knowing that anything is possible


Getting over the past


Living for today


Making life count for much better things


Offering a better view of reality


Knowing that I can be better


Great things wait Jack


No more time to be foolish


Get the best parts of life


Fight for what’s right


Care about others


Know that there are ways to win


Figure out how to live well


Gain the better parts of life to live well


Get on board with what matters

Let life do the talking


Refuse to be intimidated


Go after things passionately


Refuse the treaties of life to make more sense than anything else


Know nothing is better than what we offer to people who want to live well.


I’m always going to live well and do impressions later before it’s all too late.


Vogue for me in the best ways possible


Don’t try to re-create the past.  Try to leap into new territory.


Softball is on the mind and the romance in the air


in the basking of the hounds of life


party dolls were wild back in the day


an anomaly can be a spark of great interest


Combine the sounds of funk and blues to have something totally new


Finish the damn ones you have!


Do something with the ones you’ve created.


Perform more and do more to reach out to others in unique ways.


Have more


design the covers and the cartoons that I want


Form a new and better one, live by it more faithfully




Wear it


Make a new contribution


Play some from time to time


Innovations and policies I could take 


Quit making excuses


If I hadn’t tried, I always would’ve wondered


I’m glad I took some risks to get to try


It’s better to draw a crowd and


Gather the jokes


Great things achieved before I die






Dress how you want to dress


Play the part of a theatre owner


I can refuse to trust many people


But if I refuse to trust anyone


I’m going to be left all alone


If I believe that we’re all the same


Why do I waste time?


Doing things that matter none


While being intimidated by power? 




These are the most confusing times


Songs- I could write a million more


But I’d like to write one good one


Before I die


Science- I am humbled


By how little I know


About the scientific truths


Of the universe


Religion- I failed to find God


But I suppose that an all-powerful deity


Was destined to beat me


When I challenged it to


A game of hide and seek


Ending well can be tough


Particularly if one never gives


A proper amount of time


To go gracefully


I quit for now, but don’t worry 


Unless I get hit by a bus


Or some other tragedy hits


I’ll be back with more non-sense


Before you know it




The ashes of what could be considered good


Resist the temptation to live like a fool


Excel at one part of life


Have more money


Or have a positive impact


Stop making petty excuses


Depletion of resources


To express an opinion


Grand scheme of life


I’m a fan of dorky white guys




Splash on to a scene


Buy a drink for Tessa


Initial skepticism


A real improviser is able to


Design their own system


I’ve never viewed myself as


The funniest one


In any group of my friends


But fortunately I’ve often surrounded myself


With people who are rather funny


Undertaken a vicious satire of life


While waiting on the sidelines


Influences are a funny thing




It gives me a great deal of pleasure to eat


I love it on everything


It’s sweet savory flavor


Oh man


Dig it on a pizza


Dig it on a sandwich


Dig it with nachos


Hell, I’ll even hang out


With art and wine snobs


Just for a bit of delight




Bad tune


No ability


Why do we listen?

Auditory train wreck


Too many great musicians

To waste time on this crap


Get the fuck off the stage


Go home or go somewhere else


But quit listening to this shit




Make another dick joke


People always laugh


Make another goofy face


Morons always laugh


Say another cuss word


Tools will always laugh


Imitate a celebrity


Dull people always laugh


Make a corny joke


Lame folks always laugh


You never know what will work for sure


But fuck-wits always laugh


Even if you’re completely unoriginal


Just act like a fool




Life is often hard


Struggle just to live


Too many good folks die


Too many pricks don’t give


There are often no answers


No one’s figured it out


So much uncertainty


Easily filled with doubt


I don’t know where I’m going


But don’t get people who do


I respect their commitment


But I can’t live like you




I can still do


Just about anything


In the long-term


But the short-term is probably


Going to have some rough points


No matter what I choose


Notoriously lazy people


Somehow miss the point


Refuse to be filled


With a broader worldview


By looking only at the hills


Of the West side of Columbus, OH




Sometimes you have to jump off a cliff


By providing ample entertainment for the masses


You can make a practical change in the real world


But quite small change


And one that has less impact


Than surgeons


Rocket scientists


And probably even


Lunch ladies




Never seal a deal with the devil himself


Because he might not show up


If he did


He might do shitty work


But you won’t go to hell


To call him out


Today just step away


Playboy will be there for me to relax


Quit this childish fight against capitalism


The devil already won humanity


Have a sense of wit and irony


I’ve dabbled in a little bit of everything


But excelled in only one thing


Refusing to cut a contract or a rug


With that wicked devil




I want to live


I want to give


But the world is big


Its problems bigger


I don’t know what to do


Before my time is through


Want to do what right


No answer in sight


Just trying to do some good


Never believe I could


Do everything I want


Lost everything I fought


Confused about this life


What’s the point of life?


I guess we all just live for a while, and have to try to make the best of the mysterious ride.




I want more


Like everyone else


I want to get it


More than others


I have to fight them


Because they’re greedy pricks


But hopefully not quite


As greedy as me




I love you more


Than I love butter and toast


Gee, thanks Mike


Cindy, I just mean


I love you more


Than candy bars


You always compare your love to food


I hope you love me more


Than some mass marketed crap


I do 


That’s the entire point


Of me telling you so




See, you compare things to food to


I didn’t compare anything 


Hogwash is just an expression


To say you’re full of shit!




You compared me


To hogwash and shit!


Shit isn’t a proper food

You’re saying I’m not a proper man


You just do improper things


So does every guy 


So when you think about it


Being a proper guy means


Doing improper things


That’s non-sense


Non-sense is accusing me


Of being unloving


Because I say you’re superior


To delicious snacks!




I got nowhere to run


I love that song Rick


I hate that song Lou 


I’m serious 


They bulldozed my track




You don’t have to use a track to run


It’s the surface genuine professional runners use


When they compete


But you’re not a pro  


You’re not going to be


Competing for any gold medals


Any time soon


No, but if I decide to


It’d be nice to prepare


By having a proper surface


To run on


But you live in New York City


There are thousands of tracks here


But I like that one


That was just right by


My house


You can walk two more blocks


Use the one at Chase and 54th


But I hate to walk that far


Right before I run


It’s just two blocks


Every bit counts


If you’re too lazy to walk two blocks


What’s the point of exercising?


I want the glory


There’s no glory in running


That’s actually not true 


Did you know that they


Even have awards for walking now?


That sounds like complete bullshit 


I know it does 


But it’s true 


Walking awards


What do they call them, the walkies?


I think that’s an unofficial name


You’ve got to be shitting me


No way


The walkies are huge in New York City



I thought we both dreamt of changing


The way the world views walking

We did Greg 


But I’m just all walked out


Please Mary 


Don’t go walking out of my life 


Walk with me


I feel my walking path


May be different than yours Greg


Walk back to me 


Walk back!


No time for walking or talking 


It’s time to step 


Goodbye Greg


But I can walk faster than you 


You know I’ll just catch you


Wherever you go

That’s why I’m going


To walk to a bus


You wouldn’t dare


Oh yes I would 


After that, you’ll have no idea


Where I’m going


Oh yeah! 


Well, I’ve got to get to walking


Away from you!  

 I’m still dedicated to changing


The way humanity views walking


I guess some people just quit


Whenever the walking gets tough


Mary walks away


See you knock walking


Yet you still walk away! 


You still walk away!




Cities are nothing more than


The worst of humanity


Packed in close together


In stinking quarters


Toughen up or a bunch of


Prison guards do it for you


Unless you have justice


You’ll get used to getting fucked


By most of the world on a daily basis


Abet nobody to be on the safe side


Of refusing to abet a murderer


Earn cash to get respect


Give away cash to get love


Greet friends with a majestic air


All enemies with a pessimistic sneer


Kilt wearers are too often rejected


In corporate offices


Might makes right


As often as white is light


Note the suffering of the world


Try to help eliminate it


Find ways to cope with being unable to do so


Despite awful horrors


Every day on Earth


And eventual guaranteed death


For everything we hold dear


Believe that somehow


The crazy ride of life


Can be worth living




Death results in everyone being fucked. To believe otherwise is non-sense.  I don’t want to live in agonizing pain, but I sure as hell don’t want to just cease to exist forever.  I don’t want to live on by having numbskull children or by writing some book.  I really want to live on in health, peace, and happiness forever!   I can either spend my life imagining a fictional utopian heaven, or I can get busy trying to make this a realistic possibility, if not for me, for some other living beings in the future.




Assholes in suits pretend to be better


The universe is going to bite me


In the ass in the end


Remain nasty, brutish, and short


Package rebellion in consumer products


Soulless and anti-melodic


Beaches wait in the short-term


Human options are limited


To fucking up or fucking around


Refuse to waste time


Laugh about eternal death


If you can




Move forward


Get better things done


Stop going on like a fool


Lead to something better


Work hard to reach others


Get over problems


Contribute value to others


Know who I am and what I might offer


Get over the problems


Accept that life is often hard

Accept that life is often unfair


Start living




Funny shit makes me laugh


I remember when we danced


Like honkeys from Ohio


I make efforts


But they’re lame efforts


Hence the lame results


To dance like a champion


But fuck the supposed champs


Didn’t Little Miss Sunshine


Teach us the vital lesson


That it’s better to be a freak


And damn the artificial


Non-sense judgments


Of people like that weird MC


Or huge bitch prude judge




Get something much better done


Make it count


Know that times are ending


I need to make a serious move


Or at least calm the fuck down

Before I die permanently


Quit being do damn honest


If it does nothing to help me


Live a lie and live out loud


Or tell the truth


And toil for masters?


Maybe a lie ain’t so bad




You can grovel to get entry level


Bust your ass for morons


Get treated like shit

Struggle to eat and pay rent


Or you can say to hell with that


And fight to win your own way of life


The universe may still fuck you


But you knew that was going to happen


No matter what you did someday


So might as well go out


Doing something rad


Instead of serving a master


Not much better than sharecropping


Which isn’t much better than slavery




Creating can result in failure

But so can refusing to create


Make something important


Or at least try


Better to fail at something interesting

Rather than succeed


At stupid bullshit




Lines are imperfect


Lines are close to perfect


Lines are as close to perfect


As humanity can make


This ultimately means


Good, better, and best


Are all imperfect


Fuckin’ humans




Denied a chance


Crafted by focusing intensely


Commercial values of life


Subvert human intellectual thoughts


Slot in the roster of the A team


Resemble a laughing ensemble


Join others in a cosmic dance


Conveying real emotions by being guarded


Whine and complain about sub-standard life


Despite lack of intelligent enterprise


No legitimate excuse for my awful behaviors




Refuse to allow diseases to conquer your body


No doctor and no medicine


Is guaranteed to save your life idiots


Instead of relying on doctors


Why not save your own ass?  


Probably because no matter what


You’re eventually destined to fail


Maybe it is a good idea to have


The best coverage possible


To cover your own ass


With the best humanity has yet


To save our asses a bit longer




Good people often lose


Because they get so disappointed


About failing to help all the people


They’d love to help 


Perhaps this is why pricks often win


Because all they care about


Is refining their failures to get power


Instead of being noble 


Power is what operates the world


Not good tidings 


But it’s still nice to see some level


Of good tidings in the world 


Individuals who are brave enough


To challenge bad policies of rulers


Are often mistreated or killed 


Is it worth self-sacrifice to win?




Take the funniest takes


People are rewinding


Just to design


Bullshit for cash


Copyright every single word


You ever speak or write


But never be silly enough


To believe others won’t steal




I love her


She might love me


She might love him


She might love her


Open relationship


Bi-sexual girlfriend


Gets confusing sometimes



Fuck the universe and everything in it that isn’t me


I took the time to write this damn thing and would appreciate it if people spent money on it


A book for humans and related creatures


I almost shot Pauly Shore


Bigger than Jesus, Mohammed, The Pope, Obama, Bill Gates, and Oprah


Fuck death, laugh instead




Make the laughter better than canned


Resist the worst ideas


I believe that I’m going to die someday


Finish what seems better than anything else


Before that happens




Until reliable evidence can demonstrate


Facts that are more accurate than our beliefs


Many people will cling to irrational beliefs


Life is full of mystery


Which is why it’s satisfying


When humanity figures out something new


That can benefit us as a species


Perhaps we all lose in the end


But we can try to enjoy one hell of a ride




In a universe where any of us can die


Any time without knowing why


It seems highly unlikely that there’s


One meaning of life that applies to all of humanity 


What is the meaning of life for babies who are aborted? 


Or babies who die before old enough to do anything of note? 


Or children who are quite young? 


Or for teenagers who die before it seems just? 


Or for young adults who seemed indestructible? 


Or for middle aged adults? 


Or for the elderly? 


The meaning of life can’t be proven


For any person at any age




The amount of recovery time needed


Increases exponentially as one gets older


Or more accustomed to temporary living


Without pain




Bauman clapping like a little girl


When a Monkees song was played


On the jukebox


Abby falling off a cliff


Both the Panty Filers and Koleno


Calling back Target and China


I was obsessed with the show


While it was going on


Now, I couldn’t tell you


What it was even about 


Want something urgently


Make it easy for folks to figure out


What that is 


Fractured take on the British accent with a loony chick

A flirtatious chick can still make me nervous


Dancing- It’s as white as me


Laughing hysterically at me


Considering him in the same category


Of lame whiteness as me


I have a few questions line


Saying that the first scene


Wasn’t very good




Associating with a rogue group


Village wanderers who get more done


Laugh at the absurd lives we lead


Nearly universally rejected


Act as a creative vessel if you must


Or just live how you want to now




Unique and pleasant sounds, creative lyrics


Funny lyrics, lyrics that seem to make one feel


A unique emotional experience


Never written an entire book about music


But it’s been a part of nearly everything


Ever written by people


Love some of the parody songs


Even if it’s only been brief


Probably ignored some of the bigger issues


Like to think that broad areas of life covered


Extensive and dorky personal film list 


A bit more to add as well 


 Shitload of comedy


Could write a shitload more


Had sex joke published  


Grand irony


Tried quite hard to come up with


A brilliant philosophy


Still have no idea if others give a fuck about it 


Focus on creating more


A bit less on learning  


Glad I’ve played games


Tried to write a cookbook


Glad I’ve abandoned the project


Need to re-invent again


Before too late to invent at all




Less than polite


Contents often

Life is going to be considered


Givers of life be referenced


Conceding disgust


Innocence figures suggestions


Police reign pouring dour life


Genuine options before sleighing




I’d love to see humanity live indefinitely in peace, health, and joy while continuing to learn, create, and experience what the universe has to offer.


I have to believe that this could happen someday.  There’s certainly no evidence of it in the present, but the species has advanced in many relevant ways.  Despite the nearly endless problems of the world, there are some pretty amazing things that happen.  




As much as I’ve tried


To understand reality


I’ve never made decisions


That could lead


To a positive long-term life 


I have to correct


The wrongs of my past 


I don’t know what the future will bring 


I don’t know if I’ll get the life I want 


But if I’m wiling to take chances


I should be able to experience


A lot more joy than I have previously


Giving up is always an option


But not necessarily a good one 






Create something better


Anything less is absolutely foolish 


Passport yourself into a new world


Realize a greater truth


Among the lost souls of Chicago


People with clear aims refuse


To spend time in unintelligent ways


Plethora of folks who love and run


Mayhem that registers


Demographic age range that


Life gets the final laugh on you


Grow a brain or a pair of tits


If you want to succeed in this world


Fighting harder instead of regretting


Sketch format that reaches others


Steady array of zingers and one-liners


Reading alone didn’t make me better


Let go of the negative self-image


Ripping off talented performers


Stand up to mindless consumer cults




Know who you and what you want out of life more than anything else.  The savings plan of a life time is going to require some harder work that reaches others in the ways of life that are meant to be seen by people who are figuring out better ways to create entire articles based on the absurdities of life that are discovered to exist for a lot of folks who want to live well, but tend not to get much better elements of life to make a larger degree of success out of the truths that are spoken by the intelligent folks who are nerds.


Work harder to be a person of value who gets much more done, and agree to release who I am and what I do to a fortunate government program that results in getting worse things done to make a mockery out of the lives of some unfortunate soldiers who get more done to live well and less done to go through the hell of living out a life that makes little to no sense.  Know that I can do much more to live well and build significant values to be something more than a trip through wanderlust that meets the needs or wants of numerous individuals who live through perilous times that are resulting in unmet needs and summations of the desires many of us have to build more value and worth in the peppering of resistance that is met with a bigger and bolder idea to make a mountain out of the proverbial molehill while banks wait for executive privileges that are molded into a better way of life than anything that has ever been realized before while making moves to continue into a way of life that is making less sense than before.  The competition of life can be stiff, but work harder to get a better result out of the present times that we can live in that is found to be amazing and worth the limited time we spend on watching the talents of others.


Practice being unique, and developing a better sense of timing and rushing to make more sense out of the desirable elements of life that pinpoint who we are and what we do to kiss a loving performance into the audience to suggest that the goofs and the larks of life are bold and amazing in professional ways that are building upon the suggestions to sit and or stand in the command of the neutralizing force of references that are making little to no sense in the best ways possible to create an arranged marriage for far too many people who want nothing more than to live in a spectator sport of life that is arranged in ways that could be viewed as sheer comedy.  The worthless ideas are sure to come at times, but be more determined to get over mental thinking errors of the past that make little to no sense in the grand scheme of life that is excusing the apologies for making a better way of life that gets a more impressive result to be viewed in vindictive and silly ways to counteract the very nature of the parts of life that are discovered to be horrible and less than total truth in the best ways one may see fit.  Breaking down the philosophical arguments of the bits and pieces of life that are made out to be humorous is quite laughable, and I can fight to get more done by being a better person who is allowing themselves to grow and witness better accords by living well and figuring out better contributions to make to life and what it means to live well and reminisce about the figures and authorities of life that are made out of impressions of the mind that are long forgotten by an amalgamation of the ideas that we’ve processed in our minds to create lasting values and honor among the bold and brave figures of a long gone past that are fighting to get more respect and honor out of life by giving more than ourselves to our loves and what we find to be more riveting than anything else we could or should be doing to equate to better positions of attack than anything else we create that could be considered bold and beautiful among the options of life that are made out to serve the needs of others who are tricked into a conned way of life that are made out to make an impression on others who are figuring out a truthful way of life that is made upon the hills of life to make an impression out of the worthiness of life that has little to no formal credentials to live the way they feel is best for the largest amount of people who are counting the powerful individuals to make a better choice based upon market factors that are attributed to a larger share of profiteering while gaining access to larger amounts of life that impact others in important ways that are recognized as pushy by the overbearing figures of life that are met by agents and filthy scum of the like who do little to nothing to make the world a better place.




Bad luck hits all people


Who Teddy Pendergrass didn’t dig


Memories are all we leave behind


But relatives tend to prefer cash


Make a lot of money


Use it to live or squander


A real man admits he’s a dumbass


While trying to be less of one

 Differences between cultures may be


Something to laugh about


Or something that gets folks killed


Even if we lived forever


Most men wouldn’t make it past


A fifth grade level of anything


Only the best parts of life should be experienced


But it takes a lot of things that are anything but


To finally get them in reality


Temporary people may not be the best


To ask for advice about how to live your life


Take advantage of life while you can


Because it always wins the fight


Against humans in the end




Gamble on guidelines


Misconstrued by people


Maintain a sense of dignity and honor


While pawing through garbage just to survive


Frequently dropping out of society


Continual bullshit that resides in our silly culture


Networking kinds who want nothing more


Than to triumph over the losers of Earth


The greatest book in human history! 


But that’s subjective!  


So I suppose it was an absurd quest all along


Science admits that there are many things that are unknown.


Do the cartoons and see what happens


Even if I spend my whole life


Trying to make scientific improvements


I may fail 


That’s the task of a scientist


Setting poetry in motion


Could be the calling that some have 




Work out


Vulgar parade


Lasting value and honors


Funniest possible ways


Some disappointing elements


Get faster or get the fuck out


BIG mathematical situation of life


Ridiculous play by Camus


Sleeping in by lazy bums




A bear can leave me alone


Bees buzz with beer


Create a caring court


Dad decides dutch doors


Effort eyes earnest earnings


Fear for far fro


God getting greedy gourgeous


Help hire human hands


Interesting intelligent intellectuals in ills


Jot jail jokes jumping jabs


Kilt Killarney kite kangaroo


Line love listen lips


Moan mean mite more most


Not note nothing nor neither nemesis


Open our own orange ocean


Pit people portray peppered piss pots pope


Quit quitting quiet quiliting


Rip rye roasted red robin record response respect


Sip short stilly silly soaps


Tip the top tomb traitor


Up utility utilize unstun unable undone


Vote veto veer vanity vans


Why where were who what


X-con good enough


You yahoo yazoo yoyo yodeler


Zoo zilch zip zap zone


End entries education epitome ewes


I think I can do better


Than mere word associations


To end a piece of fictional garbage




Representative of their best ideas


Wither away into a less evolved species 


How horrible the thought is! 


Make up for lost time now son! 


Anything we agree to do


Is bound for utter destruction


Laugh at the chumps.


Have the luxury to pursue ends other


Stop fucking around


Get busier living well


Making a small mark


Even if it’s a tiny one 


Spent far too much time watching


Instead taking action


Conduct a grand experiment


Craft an intelligent argument


Refuse to take orders from phony leaders


Consciously chosen to be a bum


Instead of being a hero


Receives rave reviews


Produce good cheer among human beings


The best people are often


Hard pressed for time for a reason


They’re in demand




Allow no one to talk to you, because they could be a terrorist.


Because you live, you will someday die.


Delicious foods are only enjoyed by people who manage to avoid death.


Focal points of life involve not dying.


Golden memories should be pursued before one dies.


Heroic deaths are nothing compared to heroic lives.


Isolated people who die before they help humans serve no point for team humanity.


Jeeps are less likely to kill people than death racers, but since you’re going to die anyway, why not go out in blaze of glory instead of like a fruity, pretentious yuppie?


Karate is more likely to kill than Tai Chi.


Opinions are like assholes, wipe until clean.


Prying into a coffin may be the worst idea of your life.


Rental space is a cheap way to live, but maybe not the place most people want to be buried.


Stoppage time too often results in sudden death.


Troughs are for animals that live a meager existence until death.


Ugly people die sooner than pretty people often.


Vortex the mind around the concept that our temporary lives only serve as a warning to the future damned.


Withhold sex from a partner and your relationship will suffer a slow or rapid death.


Yearn for more, but know that even if you get it, you’ll still die forever someday.


Zippo lighters are enjoyable, but they’re primarily used by folks to engage in activities that kill us quicker.


Sense of balance is needed to cope with inevitable pain, suffering, and death.


The purpose of life is to laugh as much as possible before the universe pulls your curtain down.


Are you possibly mistaken about being guaranteed to live forever just because you obey an ancient book?


Amazing things can happen in life, but nobody seems to be able to produce miracles that lead to the dead being brought back to life anymore.

Things are fucked up, but not as badly as they may be once we die.


By the way, I’m sorry your family was hit by a bus.


The art behind life is that it is beautiful for a while until we start heading towards the grave.


Best of life is still nothing compared to the worst of death.


Parts of people want to live forever, but not people who hate living.


Of all my friends, I hope you die first.


Life is never going to be forever, but people still make eternal promises.


Film is a brilliant piece of art that can be extracted from life.


The funny thing about life is that it is unpredictable no matter how mundane it can seem.


Fictional characters are more important to more people than family members now.

Experience what makes life worth living- Waffle house breakfast.


Now is the time to live for your dream, especially if it’s a simple dream like sleeping more.


Make a better sandwich, because you could get hit by a bus today.

Better live now, because the future may never come.


Things can be realized by people who have intelligence and focus, and hopefully your family at least figures out enough to get burritos.




Influences are quite funny


I want to sing just like that dude


He seems so laid back and peaceful


I wish I had his record sales


There are better parts of life

Than just listening to pop crap


The imagery is beautiful


And he plays real nice


Kicking it to this ditty


And I still love this tune

Maybe I could dance again

Because I still love that old tune


Because I am a loon


At least I can admit my heroes

They still stand up pretty well


At least to me


I have no idea if the kids like it


I imagine there’s always some


Times have changed again


But I should have seen that


Because they always do


I need to work to get change

To work in my favor

 I may not be everything I want


But I should be at least one thing


I’ve wanted to be


Or else my life

Is a big waste of time


So change goddamn it!




Killing others is morally wrong, unless you have the power to determine whether it’s legal.


Open your mind and you’ll be amazed at how many amazing things exist in the world.  There are people who make enough to money to survive who bowl most of their waking hours.


Potential friends exist in many places, but the folks at the retirement center may not appreciate a visit form 50 Cent as much as kids do.


Question everyone and everything you think you know.  Turns out, some of them may be wrong.


Respect is due to people who sacrifice to achieve something significant.  So acknowledge the fact that I once missed The Simpsons to take my kid to the hospital!


The best way to be tough is to ride around on your own elephant.


The more you sing at the office, the greater the chances of you being hired to be a great music hero.


Why not do everything possible to live well?  Because it often causes a lot of pain to live well!


Even if you excel, eventually your life seems to be taken over by death.


You aren’t perfect.  Neither is anyone, but there are reasons you’re not as famous as Michael Jackson.


Zero can be done to save the entire planet.  But a lot can be done to eat cookies, so set your goals low and watch how your success rate skyrockets.


All of our heroes are still destined to fall at times.  This makes us equal in the eyes of the universe as members of a tiny species who mostly destroy the extremely small portion of the one planet we live on.  No wonder the universe does everything possible to kill us all.


Moan about the injustice of the world, but only try to change it if you’re willing to risk your life for it. 


People who commit injustice tend to be pretty committed to their cause.


Nothing can be done to change a lot of people instantly, but anyone is going to change over time.  It’s much like leaving a piece of pizza out- it’s exactly the same for a few days- but it sure as hell isn’t over the course of many years.


Put yourself through Chinese prison and see how homework seems easy after that.


Until there’s justice, there will always be some clueless people who actually believe it exists.


Where can one go for the best food?   This might be cheating, but so far from my experience, I’d have to say Earth.  The shit like tang they eat in space isn’t all that great.


Exactly how can one many change the world?  I’d say the easiest way to do so is to feed his family, or refuse to feed his family.  Either way, shit’s going to change.


Live the way you want to, but expect a bunch of assholes to try to stop you if you do.






A friend is someone who should treat you better than an indifferent stranger.


Even the best bands have tunes that few people know about.


Create a better way of life for yourself, and do it with something longer lasting than Play-doh.


Determine who the best people are based upon what they wear.


Fear anyone who has enough power over you to kill you without anyone knowing.


Gold plated streets wouldn’t make things better unless it were easy to steal and replace.


Help causes that matter unless it cuts into your time to watch sitcoms.

Kill enemies only if they resist your attempts to destroy their country and loved ones.


Lightning bugs may be used by people who can’t afford electricity.


Nothing is going to stop you from living a dream, except for waking up to reality.


Open a business to sacrifice years of your life to hopefully break even.


Quit any organization where you don’t start at the top- then we’ll all be winners.


Tip for journalists: Real quotes from others are harder to get than making up ones warped in your favor.


Vent about problems to poor people, because they always have at least as many.


Being required to act with joy is enough to make a person miserable.




Essence of rock n’ roll


Create a new type of music, book, movie, or comedy 


Knocked on the ass


Capture the attention of media hyped money


Even if it is only brief and full of shit


Knowledge we take with us to the grave does no good


So spread the words now while you can 


To emerge from a bogus scene


Anything I choose to do may be amazing


Or it may be shit


Desires of evil fucks who control corporations


Publishers of ideas


Logical sequences are conveniently forgotten


By herds and masses that have no taste or class


Promote lies and filth from within a corrupt system


Defeat government regulations


Protest against the health care of the people


Allow your fingers to float across the page


While coming up with great ideas


Replacing the lamest


Rejection isn’t necessarily final


Kept in awful chains by people who do nothing


Other than fuck over others to profit




Can’t define precisely what makes music amazing


But it’s a joy to listen to, play, and feel brilliant tunes


Love reading material that makes me think or laugh


Love comedies, dramas, and documentary films the most


I love funny films, articles, stand-up, improvisation


And just about anything in life that can be funny


I like sex


I love pretty artsy things


I like to wander and travel


I love scientific knowledge


And what effective experiments have done for humanity


I love to eat


I love to watch and play sports


I like to only be naked when I want

I like having a warm place to live


I like to play around and have fun

 Alone and with friends


Life can be hard


But it can also be wonderful at times




Re-construct a crafty part


Gaining acceptance by nurturing


Whiners and wieners


Result in complete and awful permanent death


Inevitable mistakes are hard to regret


Less than a fair niche of the market


Protection of assholes


Making a home out of the road


Never figured out how to instruct youths


People who believe there’s a right answer


Will fight to find whatever it is


Knowledge alone doesn’t make a great poem 




There’s no known way to create glamorous art 


One has to be able to trust their instincts


As much as possible


But never know for certain


That they’ve created something perfect 


Instead of aiming to create perfect art


Try to create things that seem to be


As good as you can possibly envision


In case you haven’t figured out


Your vision of beauty is subjective 




Pursuing cult arts


Embarking on cavemen like species 


Used by the casting directors of note


Question the reserves of treasure troves


Unhappy with limited performances


Fell in love and traveled the world


Created enough material to constitute


Calling it a novel 


Makes me feel less like a bum


More like a dignified man. 


Taken enough time to explore the world over


It’s fun to read again


To gain the perspective of another person


Don’t want to just wait and think anymore




Tricking the system


Freakiest residents of the block


Work for years to perform


A montage of scenes


Meant to be viewed


By the elite at a theatre


How ironic


To live a life


As a rebel


Just to get support


From the rich

And horribly mundane




A comedy stand-up bit


Conspiracy theories vs. lying media


A clever sex joke submitted to Playboy


Something pretty that makes me think or laugh


Perhaps a drawing of an MC Escher painting


Philosophy that’s useful in the real world


Create indefinite human life


Look back with joy at some moments


Horror with others


Explore and learn more for team humanity


Expose more reasons why religion seems false


Watch a B-ball game or follow footy

Play some trivia


Call Ma, Gran, Drew

Hang with some friends if I can


Eat rice, other stuff


Wear enough to avoid getting sick


Appreciate pop culture with The Beach Boys

Stay in some kind of shelter


Go someplace new in Chicago


Don’t believe I can prove the meaning of life to others


But keep running experiments


To find what seems to best fit for me




Do more to have an effect in the real world


Cabinet of guilt in a courteous manner


Money out of a sitcom situation


Fighters of laws with gangs of beetles


Too many good men die too easily


Following the instructions of corrupt leaders


Who want nothing but profit for themselves 


Supported by the failed human experiment


Means so little in the grand scheme of the universe


A horrible corrupt system of desensitized bastards


Who delight in killing innocent life


Borders of human imagination are nearly endless


Experience greater things than they have before


As they move to do well in the universe as it is


Superior to anything in the universe


We choose to do ahead of all other options 


The love of life must take over


Fulfill any valid purposes that have value




Music is only discovered by people who excel


Make a firm decision


Thesaurus painters of visions


Intentionally creating a scene


I’ve hit many of the main points


I could always analyze myself to death a bit more 


If there seems to be endless humor in a cruel universe


And we’re made in the image of god


Maybe God has a sick sense of humor


There are always absurd things happening on our absurd planet


Whether these absurdities are glorious or tragic


Depend on whether you profit from them or not


Serious truths I’ve never written about


Take the time to make a better event of life




Wage war against Islam and the ridiculous ideas it promotes


Reality takes root soon


Absurdities of religion harm humanity


Keep billions of people entrapped in wish thinking


Instead of making our planet a better place 


Religious folks do so to earn eternal rewards


Or to convert people to their illogical faith


Humanity may not be a logical species


But there’s a difference between hoping for better things


And following rules that make no sense


That allow a few powerful people to profit


At the expense of the masses 


The shame of life is all too often


The best people fall to the interests of corrupt phonies


Who do nothing other than promote bullshit


So they can profit while fools obey them.




Be willing to give up silly pursuits


To do things that matter


Like making a silly book, movie, album


Screwing around with buddies


Makes little to no sense in the cartoon space age


Attaining a higher level of artistry


The gods we refer to as The B-52’s


At the heights of their powers


Conquer a subjected race of people


Appreciation in the finest sense


Of every word that is uttered


Having a sense of flow and rhythm is lovely


Impromptu without editing life


We build together or crumble apart


I wanted to write the best words of all-time


But I may not even write the best words in my family




Status quo will lead to me being


Homeless, broke, hungry


On the brink of being a bum or dying 


I didn’t mind being a bum for a while


But the time to get more serious about life


May be now to avoid horror


People are going to take advantage of me


Unless I fight much harder


Build up resistance to pain




Balance a triad of options


Creativity to flow freely


I have been a fool sir


I no longer rule sir


Inconsistencies of funny banter


Better quip in the moment


Best and bravest options


Add a funk flavor to life


Reconcile the dreams


Minds of traumatic experience


Permanent death strikes


Worst for the political enemies


Equal the boosters in hot wings


Fulfill the fitting nature of fiction


Advising troublesome urges


Take chances in this great casino


We call the universe




Improving and improvising


15 familiar, 15 non- familiar


The education of an individual is far more important


Than doing what a system demands one to do


Central thesis to the problems of life


People have died while I spent time


Writing this shit


Use my imperfect work


To try to make an impression


Beggar ideology into notions of design


I am forgiven and only I


Can give myself such a status 


Imagination can be experienced


As a time traveler or a mere historian


Sick of breakfast of champions lectures


I want to know about


A breakfast of losers


Showcase a broad array of talents


Improve myself and humanity




Numbers of mindless drones


Can’t be underestimated


Party unlike rock stars


They pretend to live well under timid lies


Ruin projects and expect it


To turn out to look like shit


They act superior


Despite their inferior


Attitude and performance


Leave them to their flock


Go hang out somewhere pleasant


Or hang with the flock


And laugh your ass off at it




Comparable to the souls of comedy gold


Mining the heavens to get better results


In the lower depths of Earth

Creating chaos shouldn’t be hard


In a universe where it rules

Rules of life are arbitrary and easy


To bend to your favor if you have no attachments

Getting to the top is never easy


And almost never lasts very long  


It’s better to develop your own unique views


Of what has importance


Spend time doing that


Instead of anything that’s garbage


You do just to pay the rent 


A place of spin and rhetoric


Help the species if you want to serve


Any lasting function at all




Quirky experiments amaze and dazzle


Nothing hip about anything I’ve been doing


Precious and precocious times


Tragic comedies cry and laugh


Safest bets aren’t always the best ones to take


Particularly if you aspire to something higher


Than mere safety 




The rejections of life


Mysoginistic views of the troubled souls


Crawl to the law 


Dynasties of competition


Overcome failures by crushing others


Treated like a poor man’s Paris Hilton




Herby banned from initiating a negotiation scene


Time went by fast


Be far different than characters on TV 


I want everyone to live well


But I don’t know if that will ever be


A realistic possibility 


I hope it is


People act and think


Ten-year odyssey of wanderlust 


Megaphone crooners and their life


I’ve already lost my fortune, pride, respect, honors, dignity, freedom


And ability to serve a respectable position within society 


I’d like to have some of those things back


I’m a walking contradiction in many ways


I consciously chose to be a wanderer


Timing and pacing are everything


To being a good comedian


Live life as best as I can


But never think that I’m good enough


To figure out the entire universe




Have a sense of appreciation


For the geniuses who live in the present


And the ones we’ve lost


Who struggled so others could


Appreciate life a bit more




Anxiousness to righteous indignation


Too lazy to overcome basic privileges


Embrace the moment


Way of life that is mapped out


Way of life that embraces change


Way of life pushing for brighter futures


I haven’t conquered all of my proverbial demons


I probably never will. 


Long-suffering activities

Doing my part by refusing to support corrupt politicians


Refusing to exploit people for profit 




Have more ambitions than none 


It may make a difference


In the way others live


Quit being a prick


If you can’t


At least be a more entertaining one


The most amazing people only rule for a while


But serve as an example of how great


Humans can temporarily be

The finest hour one realizes is likely to seem far too short


Compared to the many hours spent doing things


That one hates just to survive or thrive


Brilliant minds of the past still have


Their ideas cherished today 


But times change people


Relevant knowledge from 200 years ago


May have been long-surpassed


Take advantage of the limited time you have


Because one never knows how much time they have left




Fans should be allowed to have opinions


But actual performers and athletes


Should also be free to ignore the opinions of fans


The difference between good music and bad music


May be largely subjective


But there are reasons why


The Jonas Brothers sell millions of records


And guys who can play every note Mozart ever wrote


Die without a record deal


Even if it’s trite garbage


People like new shit


If you want to enjoy life


Convince others to join


Your merry little band of travelers


Until you pass away into oblivion




The finest music one can listen to may be


Found someplace across the world


Or may be unknown to nearly all of humanity


Music has changed quite a bit in my lifetime


Much like everything else


Keeping up with musical trends is tough to do


Particularly if you’re old enough to have a job


The music that inspires you may be considered


Creative genius or awful noise




There are many more books now


Than anyone will ever have time to read 


Yet so many people still want


To contribute new ones to the world


Despite all of the information currently in books


None of them can be proven


To have answers about the best way of life


No matter how many fools say their book does


Recommending a book to a friend can result in


New truths being brought to light


Or old truths being brought back into focus




I enjoyed The Runaways


But I’d hardly call it a film for the ages


Seeing Dakota rocking out


Makes me feel old




Appreciate all of the time you get to laugh


Because the joke is likely to be on you eventually


Some people have no real way to cope with


The awful parts of reality


Other than to try to laugh at them




Most adults love sex


But spend so little time having it 


Perhaps it is a dish best served


In small portions for many folks

Sex jokes are easy to make


Because it’s the only part of life


All of humanity tends to have in common


We’re here because of sex


If every man had a chance to have


As much sex as they wanted


It might end the world as we know it




Producing a masterpiece may take years


There are already so many masterpieces


It may seem pointless to make all of the effort to do so


Creating is one of the few arts


That may never die until the humanity does


It takes a brilliant mind to create great art


But anyone can pick up a crayon and give it a shot




Places I’d love to travel to


Tuscany with Tess


And our close family and friends


Rio for carnival


South Africa for The World Cup


The Caribbean for relaxation, surf, and scenery


Mykanos, the island I just missed




All of the philosophy in the world means nothing


If there aren’t living being to appreciate it


It’s best to have a philosophy that encourages


Appreciation of temporary life


I’ve embraced some poor philosophies


I’ve made some improvements


But continue to have a much less than perfect beliefs


All of the logic in human history has yet to create


One obviously true philosophy for all people


The best ideas of the greatest minds


Are still unable to conquer


Many of the worst human problems




Writing about sports is a funny way to make a living


But on an absurd planet


It’s not even near the top of the list


Hyping an athlete as much as Michael Jordan


Would be funny if they were just average


I wonder if a film about sports like Major League


Will ultimately be better remembered by future generations


Ahead of all real athletes




It’s a delight to be able to eat one wants


But not constantly


Or it can kill


Living in Chicago is a nice reminder


That you’ll never have enough time to eat


All foods that look good


Many people go to bed hungry


While other people struggle to lose weight



I never wanted to look like everyone else


But the truth is that no matter how hard I tried to be different


I have an ordinary skeleton


It’d odd that many people are judged


Based upon the size of the house they live in


Until humans can live forever, there’s no such thing as a permanent residence.


Many things I’ve worked so hard to understand

Have disappeared forever




Genocide is awful.  Pol Pot is as much of a murderer as Barack Obama.  The act of genocide is a horrible thing, but you want your comforts to be added to just to live well and get an intense political argument to have hopes for the better parts of life that are meant to be used by people who are serving masters to gain access to much richer parts of life to have higher hopes for the heroes of yesteryear to have a focus on the best issues that matter more than anything else before being dismissed by prudes who are loving individuals who are happy to see the best options of life that make more sense than anything else.   The capacities of life that are designed to lead up to more and greater responsibilities to lead others out of the shapes and sizes of amazing potential choices to be featured by humoring the essences of life to lead them out of the casting calls that are made by people who are greater than the urgent needs of the ones who are met by the professional actors guilds that are impressive and getting a broad range of ideas that are going to be given out by folks who want to feature a better part of life to be made to get into character to live well and feature prominently in the given takes of life that are making more sense than anything else in the world that is open to communicating with the people who are auditioning a revenge trek that’s made to create an impression in the notions of design to live well and make moves that are arguing for a higher hope among the casting of better people who are living well and hoping to laugh at all of the people who want nothing more than to be cast in the senses of life to fit a role that is making an impression in the lives of others who serve as convincing options to make more out of the arguments that are hoping for best-sellers in the midst of options that are meaningful and thought to be a complete and total vortex of time values that are produced by people who want nothing more than to offer a better view of reality and what it means to make a subjective casting call judgment to live well and have an opinion worth offering to the world to get out of the heads of folks who are featured in the classic eras of life to make more sense than anything else.  The people who want to live well are going to do all they can to provide a fortune for the best folks who want to live well and fight off death at least for another month until they pursue projects that seem to matter more than anything else in the world to give into a project that may matter more than anything else.  The figures of the past who are creating a better piece of everything to gain insight about how to live well and what to gain from misadventures are the ones who are shelving a life of work to be made out of tales that are earning a better position of life to gain access to the wondrous parts and bits and pieces of living out of the moves to make a better earning than anything else in the world that is making the most out of the sense and getting an erotic experience to take pleasure in the roots of the fortunes that are gained by living well and hoping for a bolder prediction in the best events of life that are possible to re-invent who we are and what we do to cover the subjective journalistic style of a better writer than myself.  I have to admit that I’m not the literal best at anything that can be proven, but I do believe I have written some quality things about life and some topics that are meant to be engaging and produce values that are lasting and can improve lives.  I also have some silly sex jokes, and some things that are probably wrong.  So be it.  I’m big enough to admit that I’m less than perfect.  I’m in the flow of many parts of life, and I don’t want to be disrupted if I am giving something of myself that could lead to much better values being produced.  Make sure that I give all of the efforts I can to create film projects that lead to much more appropriate fashions being made out of the imagery to tell a tale to live well and gain a higher hope in life by allowing people who are working within a greater system to make an impression in the lives of others who are giving lines here and there to make an impression to stand around and at least have something noteworthy to say before passing on into death.   The people who make an impression around the news items to distract the general population are often laughable, and can cause a sensational environment in the midst of the prime ministers who remain unknown due to ignorance, indifference, and making higher priorities of life.  The knowledge that one carries with them to live well is made out of the creation sciences to make a valuable impression on the folks who are designing the items of life to arrange for a more apt version of the scenes we tend to play in our minds over and over again before we die and get nothing good to happen while making moves to organize a regime that is on task and pinpointing the best parts of life to others in creative and original ways.




Moving violations may apply


Eyes of sleeping pigeons


Gambling with the dice of life


Designs of rap artists


Running an edgy business


Sadistic nature of work


Proclaim a louder version of truth


Too few are able to see


Use limited time well




Central thesis is life


Diverse array of people


Powerful sermon to impact


Initial shocks come with pursuing passion


Talent marked for gold


Questioning options of Earth


Stage fright freaks


Fanatic fans of fleeting fancies


Phrasing is a laughable part of play


Cartoonish bands of former eras


May serve as role models for aspiring nerds


Facing our fears


Leading a lost tribe out of the desert


Into a bed of banshees horrified by problems


Leading good people into a worse way of life


The range of human emotions is almost as great


As the range of human problems 


Be witty and live well


Never settle for total bullshit  




Football highlight reel developed into a career


Larger source code


Ridiculous lifestyle choice


A more mature species would


Be angry about the lies told to children


Don’t have enough knowledge


To properly know right from wrong 


Chemically altered by nature


Formal dinner made in compliance with laws


Make swift and brutal decisions


Real heroes are largely unappreciated


But still adored by fans within the game


The older one gets


Perhaps the older they want to be 


Base opinions on real life issues


Or continue to make shit up



Stay in sight

Expect others to be human


Ultimately looking out for their own needs


Ahead of the interests of others


A shame so many good people go away


But it’s the laws of the universe we live in 


Mass marketed tracks promote


Satanic interests ahead of supposedly holy tactics 


Question anyone who claims to speak on behalf gods 


Souls of grandchildren considered enemies


Speculations of facts


News and booze of the season


Recognize role models who run social experiments


Meet with a casting director to get broader satire


The bigger they get the harder they rock 


Step into the glorious light of Hendrix


Contemplated for long enough 


The time to take actions is now 


To say I’ve been trapped in wanderlust


May be a bit of an understatement 


Refuse to respect stupid laws


They bring terrible realities to far too many 


Being lost in a sea of options


Learn from the best while pursuing value


Admit what’s unknown


Still have enough courage to pursue truth




Horrible part of reality


Inevitable lies are preached


By folks kept in check


By maintaining a higher standard


Being observed by a lot of folks


Perfect a craft up to a point


Appreciate a number of funny incidents


Longevity to linger in the cultural stew


Left brewing over the toasts of towns


Play safe and be grateful for administration


Keeping a wellspring of information


Messing around to gain admittance


Superficial ideas lend to commercial reliability


Create a cultural phenomenon


A curmudgeonly millionaire has a say in


The cultural landscape of our nation


The idea of a show about nothing may be appealing


Because there’s nothing said that’s morally beneficial


So we might as well laugh at global depravity


Memories of fading stars, atheists, and wonderful people


Make a difference in the lives of others


Despite large amounts of failures 


Get over the past and try to repeat


The most amazing parts of it




Depressing fans of a band


Set out to cause a minor riot


Within the suburbs of a mindset


Entrapped in a lifestyle with a level of creative desperation


A team of investigators listening to old albums


By The Smiths on a cleaning day in early spring




Enjoyable family fun


Reflect back to the enjoyable moments of life


Theme parks may come to mind 


The truth is that visions of beauty tend to be subjective


The amount of great experiences is nearly limitless


As long as one has good health 


Bad health limits options quite a bit


Human interest puff piece


Before the main death toll counts


Make the workers fearful and afraid yet again 


What do you want to contribute to the world before you die? 


Something worthwhile that leads to others being able to enjoy life


And learn a bit before they die 


Quit offering lame excuses for why not yet good enough 


Wanderlust movie navigates a richer experience


Falling from grace we may have never had in the first place 


Stop whining about being sore


Get busier living well


Live and breathe the geography of a particular area  


Travel guides to life


Christian theme re-visited in pop songs


Just to reach a stupid mainstream market




Make more of a movie out of life


By bargaining for the range of human emotions


Have trouble predicting the next phenomenon


Exhibitionist streaks we tend to display


Perhaps the state of pop music is rather trivial


Considering the global crisis of guaranteed death


But sounds serve as inspirations for thoughts


A more credible source


Mere ideas are extrapolated


Rational concept that only promotes self-interests


Thrive in a world full of pretenders and haters




I had a conversation with Weber


Well, not exactly


An internet chat


Seems he’s doing well


Hanging with his baby and planning for the fourth


Funny what people get excited for


Funny what people devote their lives to




Too late to convince others to join a merry band


Making a notion of life out of music


People who want laid back tunes often find them


But it takes a little bit of effort


Joys that reach the masses


Tend to come from familiar comforts


What’s near is dear


The supposed joys of life




Baby is going to leave for work


Giving up is too easy


Pushing ahead is too hard


Can’t convince many to read


Urgings of a point of view


Correcting previous wrongs


Watching a disturbing film


One with horrors done to kids


It isn’t right


But serves as a nasty reflection


Of realities that exist for too many


The actions people take

Develop into ways of life for many


I could be better


But at least I’d never do that


Cashing a check by mail

Proves cancellation policies


Resign from a worthy post


Horrible realities found by nations


Practicing for no real purpose


Nothing constructive about it




People who cause chaos


Are quite a problem


But tend to be squashed rapidly


The real problem for most of us


The people in charge


Who supposedly look after our interests


Unless the our is the elite


Our interests are ignored by leaders


Our interests only become realities


By fighting


Either by ourselves


Or in solidarity with others


Who serve a common purpose

Impossible by peaceful means


Nearly every time


Better to go along with the system


Or fight with everything you’ve got


Yet another decision to make on the road of life


Before you join the nicest folks and the total pricks


In permanent death




So much music already out there


How could one make something superior?


So many books already


How could one make something even better?


So many movies already in the world


How could one make an even better one?


There’s no right answer


There’s only guessing


Personal judgment calls


The truth is that enjoyment of life is subjective


Although there are many things many tend to do


Bits of life that give joy to millions


Almost nothing in the universe


Is able to bring pleasure to every single person


The truth is that mystery never stops


Life is often hard to figure out


And the few successes of humanity


Are quite amazing in consideration


Of the obvious truth


That we’re all here just for a while


Yet some choose to give


Instead of fucking around all of the time


That’s what makes some small percent of humans


Worthy of respect and honor




Writing a few things, watching a few things, creating a few things


Exercising, eating, laughing about life


The pointless nature of most struggles


Rallying against a system to little to no avail


Trying hard and struggling despite it


Not trying at all and struggling because of it




Hypocrisy may know no bounds


Create a lazy character


Proper conclusion based on scientific evidence


Dream sequence depends on taking years


Pursuing a craft worth mentioning to future generations


Parody the lampooning crusades


Multiple day stretches without sleeping enough


Non-sense drivel is dispelled at a swift rate


Crass commercial ventures are ultimately lost causes


Compete for a role in a film


Maintaining a sacred attitude towards


Travels to a different time and place called Thailand 


Commit a regicide of sorts


Love may keep certain people together


But the truth is that love rarely pays for a mortgage


Or even a cell phone bill 


Quit caring about prestige, normalcy, and arbitrary rules


Masterminds of centuries embark on a case study


Strain to get credulity


An overnight undergraduate college paper completed


Convey intensity in the acting skills of a loser


Move on and enjoy life in the present


Or not at all




Tough guys laugh too


But not at everything


Be a bit selective


Some things are painful


Writing badly can be fun


But writing pointlessly is never acceptable


Some may be inspired by failure


But no one will be inspired by things


That don’t even exist




Finish making a contribution


But don’t let it kill you


Before life does




Live as long as you can


While living as well as you can


Even though you may never find out


How you can do either




Take an opinion


Write it down if you must


Stop being a fool

Commit to live


Rather than pass life by


Learn a few things

Pass them on


Knowledge is power


But only if used


Too many folks


Never do shit


With what they got


Shame fear builds too high


Got to have courage


To do anything good


Before you die




Or not


But life is better


If you do




On a planet of more songs and types of music


Than I’ll ever have time to hear


I still get stuck surrounded by people


Who willingly listen to the same ridiculous


Mundane pop song


For the 237th time that week


Driven nuts by people


Who ignore the world


Of nearly endless musical beauty


For another Boy Band


Or another blond bimbo




Deciding what to focus on can be tough


If drawn to a particular part of it


May as well embrace the love


Do all we can to bring hilarity to life


Lighten the load for a few folks


Great artists only last for a while


Getting married to change a way of life


Settlings of trappings


Only great actors stand out


But so many mundane ones still get work


While so many talented ones sit out


Makes little sense


In an often senseless world


Friends of old come to visit


If only for a while

The truths of one age change


New truths become relevant


Keeping up with change of life is nearly impossible

Yet so many people still try


What is it changes


What is done becomes nearly everything


Enjoy the moments you have left


Dig the simple pleasures


Having bread to eat, water to drink


But dig the greatest pleasures too


Great sex with a lover


Hanging with the family


Being able to listen to fine music


Experience life richly


Then you’ll see


Life is a joy for those who make it so




Mere words don’t often change the world


Actions often do


Even if it’s just a small change


Better to have a small impact

Than no impact at all


On a planet of nearly 7 billion folks


It’s unlikely that you’ll be able to reach a lot of them


But you can always try to do something


To reach a tiny amount of them


Hell, there are billions of people


Who live completely different lives


Even Jesus and the mass media


Fail to reach them all

Settle for your small sphere of life


Try to do a little good if you can


Enjoy the rest of the time to live


As much like you want to


As often as you can


Because living well is a mystery


And we all have to try to figure out beauty


If we have any sense at all



Funniest things ever


Often get lost in translations


Former friends were funny


But they became responsible


Mortgage payments drain the fun out of folks


For many the price of ownership


Is the price of a large amount of joy


Not worth it in that case


But for others


The price of ownership


Is just some measly green papers


To enhance experiences one gets


Virtually on command


People fight like rats at a buffet


Just for a few more pellets of rewards


It’d actually be funny


If in most cases


It wasn’t so very sad




The worst movies of all-time


Serve as an inspiration


Writing a rough draft

Turning it into something profound


Using knowledge for a purpose


Even if only temporary


Credit folks who try


With advancing the species

Don’t always have to be a genius


Just have to participate


Unique souls break into a business

Commit to living well


Pretenders to a crown


Perhaps even including former rulers


Nobody stays on top forever


The few who get to experience the top


Can attest to that


The people who say nothing changes


Are complete fools


Everything changes all of the time


It just happens gradually


So fools tend to miss it


Even though it always happens


Masters of world music


Too often go unrecognized


Too often unrewarded


But keep doing it anyway

The people who are called to different paths

Don’t care about tons of prestige

They care about their own causes


Whatever they may be


Filtering in and out of brilliance

Embrace the moments of purity

Change is coming soon


It can be felt in the air


Becoming deeply cynical of leaders


Is probably a good thing


Wrestling with God is pointless


Pop musicians are easier to grasp


Even if they’re quite silly too


At least it’s something tangible

That can be understood


By one of the five standard senses




Making a case for anti-persecution


Leftists blocked by anti-commie movements


People tend to fear what they don’t understand


So most people are afraid

Of nearly everything in the universe


Bridging a gap from knowledge to love


Is tough to do

But a few people learn how

Or create a way to do so


Either way


What exquisite beauty


For those who find a path


Creating is part of a process


Life and its essence


Not to be taken away


From a faint memory of a pop album cover


The largeness of the sea runs the mind


It is funny to reflect back on the joys


Experienced with friends and family


The notions of intelligence


Make a big deal out of committing


Spending a lot of time in figuring out


But hardly moving anywhere

Faith in others isn’t necessary


But it makes life much easier


Than living like an animal


Or a demented savage


The reigns of leaders are whittling away


Nobody cares what they say


They simply obey

To live okay


I never looked upon my doubts

As unfounded non-sense


Tried to embrace a method of change


But found I was oddly resistant


To ideas I thought might hurt me


Even though I had no way to know


In certain cases


Experiments haven’t been run


But we may be best to trust instincts


At least in matters where


There’s no way to know for certain


Guessing can get old


Best to live a little before expiration date


Do it now before too late




Piping hot and piping up


Giving effort and giving up


People who care and people who don’t


People who are good and people like the Pope


Rotten deals and tasty meals


Freaked out fucks and lucky cocks


Nothing funny and a lot of money


Rewards high and good kids die


Concepts flush and a bum rush


Bad reputations and weird insinuations


Rhyming schemes and dreaming of teams




Taboo habits can drive one crazy


Teenagers in Indiana are a wild bunch


Documenting the events that took place decades ago

Making a film out the seemingly mundane


Desperately seeking a pop star


Maybe the biggest star in the world now


Despite all of the crappy movies


A bit about dorks


And the silly games they play


Devoting most of life to a game


An odd concept

Despite the fact that I love games


Trading some house items with a suburban couple


Who would’ve thought that be a hit?


A program with two middle aged dudes


Acting like teens


Blowing shit up


This is what the people want


Democracy is a flawed theory


Even if it were practiced


It means little to people


It’s supposed to help


Making less sense than Glen or Glenda

That’s saying a lot




The two stringed instrument awakens

But slowly in a cold haze on a British morn


It’s supposed to play mostly Brits


But CCR always seems to slip in


My girlfriend can’t stand shrill Fogerty


But I like Hendrix better anyway


Laughing at the ridiculous life I lead


Why not?


I’m going to be alive anyway


Might as well try to live uniquely


Even though it’s technically impossible to fail


So many aim for rigid conformity


Without thinking why


Perhaps it’s wise




The ducks in the middle of a flock


Rarely get shot by hunters


But they also are surrounded by


A bunch of ducks just like them

Instead of doing what they want


They follow the flock


Different choices for different ducks




Imagination is nearly endless

But time is quite limited

Spend time doing what matters most


Or be left in the dust


Never getting to the best parts of life


Correct the wrongs


Move on if need be

Start living and giving


Be a valuable person in the world


It may not be perfect


But at least do something damn it


No good reason not to


Perhaps, living is what we all do anyway


What a pretentious line


Get over and make a better one


The great part of life

No matter how bad we fuck up

We can try to do better


As long as we live




Competition in some parts of life makes no sense

It’s mostly about who your agent is


Business deals completed by heroes


Save the souls of humanity

Make a unique imprint on the world

Embrace the gorgeous beauties


They may pass into oblivion


But appreciate them while you can

Know your stage and place in life


Adjust as best seen fit


Make a name for yourself


Refuse to believe the reviews


Unless you think they’re accurate


Admit to having flaws


Strive to correct them


Or laugh about them


Keep moving in positive directions


Forget about the abuses of times past


Know that even greats struggle

Commit to a way of life


Forget about some fears


Take a fucking risk


Live while you still can


Hubris is preparing for a fall


Even if it’s not one of Biblical proportions

The powers of the mind


May be greater than any other human component


Training for traditional tryouts


Too much pain for too many folks


Tragic parts of the universe are scorned


Times past and part ways with your youth


But at least you still have something


Worth hanging on to


Maybe you can only write one line at a time


But at least you can do that


A lot of people who write grand works


Also make a lot of shit

But at least they keep producing

Running a noble experiment


For humanity to take something from

Awkward how some make it and some never will


Laugh about the absurdities of a species


Know that you have to get your ass in gear


Or you’ll be stuck using


Stupid phrases of the land you grew up in




Life events became tragic


When everyone I loved


Died from the way they used to be


Stupid of me not to anticipate change


In a changing universe

Surrounded by gorgeous music


At least I once danced

At least I played a lot


At least I was able to laugh


More than I cried


Before I died




Life is temporary


Time often seems to short


To be able to do all we want


Push for the best parts of life


Aim to be something better


Even if the future remains unknown


Lots of reasons to try harder


No reasons to quit just yet


An entire planet waits


Just to see what I’m capable of doing


But I have yet to conquer

Even my own limitations


Instead of waiting to defeat my proverbial demons

I’ll have to act in spite of them


And do something meaningful


Despite my many flaws


Reducing the flaws


Or just continuing with some intact


Is the only way

Humans ever do anything


So I might as well join my flawed brethren


In some type of struggles


That often lead to failures


But sometimes lead to brilliance


Bright moments embraced


Shared by all who get it


Temporary life is all about

Creating brief moments of triumph

A success that won’t last

But still remains impressive


To any who are able to see

That the tiny victories of life

Tend to make it worth living




Blessed candle that smells like scotch


Funniest lot of people engaging in leaflets


Irish gentle nature


I’ve lived, I’ve lost, failed and won 


I can look back, relax now, or look ahead 


Even if I continue to make mistakes


I’d love to make them in a new and more profitable way


Inspired creatively


Most punk music isn’t very good


Absurdities of media and the over the top characters


Played by both sides of a political spectrum


Serve as diversions for middle American values


The creative process may be a greater high


Than anything ever formed by a drug company 


Fronts formed free falling floats for fans fighting for five hundred fees


This sound is a gas


I really dig it 


Slang of one era is destined to be laughed at


Unless lingo of the present becomes static or lame 


No more than Moore


No less than Les Baxter and his merry pranksters 


Social experiments are beat


Generation whatever the hell this is labeled


Refuse to conform to a mere definition


Created by some asshole journalist 


Death is far too permanent to be something I support.




The best of humanity is absolutely inspiring while they worst of humanity should scare the hell out of all of us.  Which is better to focus on?  I think it’s best to have some knowledge about both ends of the species.  I’d love to reach levels of greatness and end some of the worst aspects of life for humanity.  Will I be able to do so?  I know the odds aren’t with me.  But time and my limited vision will tell.


Read biographies about Graham Chapman


Serve the interests of Viola Spolin


May write books and become well-known


Creating a new sketch show


Dabbling in a part of life


Courage to follow most genuine convictions


Laugh at many of the things that I’ve done

Many of the absurd choices I’ve made 


I guess it’s part of being alive


Being a human


Being a wisher and a dreamer


Hope for even better times




I’ve read a ton, and done a lot less than a ton.  It makes no sense to do things that are pointless, but all of life might be.  It makes no sense to get shit if it doesn’t make you happy, but few people are happy unless they have a decent amount of shit.  Lies are all over the place, but the truth is often hard to impossible to understand.  Lots of realizations have yet to reach humanity.  But performers who convey an emotional response well are able to convey much better things than the boring.


Figure out a rider of the hail storm


A blessed thought that won’t last


But has lovely temporary value


Businesslike stooges settle into a role


Promoted from within


Engage in a larger amount of hopeful press


Found to be disturbing within the confines of a likely trip


Convey a passage to be taken figuratively


By adult readers as they make up their own minds


About what may or may not have significance


Lease on life may be up soon


Continue evolving into something better


Join causes that seem to promote better interests




For the love of a woman


A man will often do rather strange things 


Making sense out of the past


Is often difficult to impossible to do 


The work of your life may not even mean a thing

To the person you love most


Love never makes sense


Enjoy it, if you can


But don’t waste any time


Trying to understand it


You’ll lose




Giving into an ordained system of power


Keeps the ruling class empowered


The working classes working 




Notes and lyrics


Mentioned along with the improvisational friends


Getting a working class job like so many others


Have a shred of hope in a time and place


By living in wanderlust


A lot of folks live in loud desperation


A guaranteed way of death for far too many folks




I can only make my work meaningful


Or I can continue to wait for no good reason


I’ve been hesitant to finish my final products


I know how many works already exist


Why I want to make mine exceptional


Have the courage to make what I’ve formed useful


I can continue to just watch


Or I can take risks to actually get involved with humanity




There’s more amazing music


Than I’ll ever have time to listen to


That’s been made by hopeful humans 


I believe music will always be relevant to my life


There’s a mysterious element in tunes


That touches people like me uniquely


But formal structures and processes


Can be studied for a lifetime


Without mastering any of them 


I’ll try to enjoy whatever music I can


For as long as I can




There’s no cause and effect relationship with you and the universe.  You ended up here, but the universe has no specific instructions.  You have to create a voyage you find worthwhile if you can.  But the universe appears to be indifferent to our little human activities.


No matter how hard I try, I seem to fail to understand everything in the universe.


The universe is big


And I’m small


But at least I’m tall

Compared to yall


The universe is the weirdest place I’ve ever been to.


The universe makes about as much sense as a god-awful b-film made to make money.


The universe plays cruel jokes every day, but humans are chastised for imitating their creator?


The universe is a vast place full of nearly endless mysteries, but some people still devote the bulk of the time of their life simply to making enough money to survive.


The universe has said nothing to me directly, which I figure gives me permission to do anything I can get away within it.


The universe is nearly impossible to dump while staying alive.  Believe me, I’ve tried.


The universe may be cruel or a friend, but if it’s a friend now, it’s always a traitor in the end.


The universe seems to be mostly made out of elements that scientists claim not to be able to understand.  Yet so many non-scientists seem to claim that they know a God is watching over all of us and has a specific purpose for everything in the universe.


The universe is more amazing than I can imagine.  I’m still trying to understand the gift of potato chips.


If we have an appreciation for the universe, it’s odd that we focus so much time and energy squabbling about how to best live on this tiny planet.


The universe is probably indifferent to your greatest hopes, but on the plus side, your most ridiculous failures as well.


The universe is larger than I can understand.  I don’t even get basic astrophysics.


Instead of trying to control the universe, maybe it’s wise to build a small fire and stay close to it.


Human actions may change things for a while on this planet, but we have a way to go before we prove to have much of an impact on the universe.


Despite the fact that the universe seems indifferent to me and my kind, I like hanging with it.


Despite the fact that the universe is indifferent to me now, I hope it’ll someday show me favoritism.


I think the worst drug I’ve ever been addicted to is the universe.


Someone is too ambitious if they’re unhappy until they control the universe.


It’s hard to believe that such a strange universe produces so many strange people who try so hard to achieve the failed quest to be normal.


In the grand scheme of the universe, it may not matter much to the human species whether you lived like a bum or royalty.  But it’ll probably determine your opinion of how pleasant the universe is.


The universe is beyond my full understanding, but I still don’t want to automatically assume a magical invisible spirit being rules over all just because I don’t have every answer about the truth of the universe.


Admitting that the universe is often beyond comprehension is the first step towards being sane.


The universe has some great parts, but most of it offers little in the easy to access oxygen department. 


The universe may be explored further by humanity, but we’ve still got tons of turmoil even on our small piece of the puzzle.


It’s possible that the most bizarre piece of the universe’s puzzle is our planet, but it might be just one of many twisted realities.


The universe isn’t going to wait for you.  It’s got a journey of its own.


The universe is a grand place for people who accept that they only have a bit of time to enjoy its privileges before permanent expiration of membership.


The universe may be expanding, but I don’t want to risk property values in that part of reality.


The universe seems to have a few good things within it, but most of it’s hard for me to see.


The universe is only a friend if I like associating with people who give me nothing and are certain to eventually kill me.  The universe is a temporary friend, but an eventual killer.


Although it’s probably good to be excited about some of the people, places, and things in your life, it’s possible that other people may want to focus on something else in the universe.  So enjoy what you can, but never take your temporary life in this giant universe that eventually destroys us all too seriously.




Settling into a new routine


Vital to getting loads


Be happy despite knowing


You hold a losing ticket in the end


What’s happened to the planet?


Righteous dignity


Four o’ clock blues


Figure in a change of plans


Or at least a change of pants


Desperation among us


That’s how humans are


Nothing key forgotten


But most little things


Move on to better days


New movie to be made


Bio by you yet again




Well this song might not be as good as Beethoven


Or even as good as Bach


This tune might be just an all right one


Maybe not even as good as rock


But there’s one thing I know for sure


And if you don’t you suck


This simple song’s better than Hannah Montana


This stupid riff’s better than Lady Gaga


The worst shit I yell’s better than Britney Spears


If they make millions then so should I


They shouldn’t be heroes

Their music should die


If they’re worshipped


I should be bigger than Jesus


If the world was right I’d have billions


Buying tacky shit with my face on it


Oh my only dream left


Is to be better than mundane blond pop star




Too many babies are born


Not enough to eat

Too many pricks rise to power


Too few evolve for better


The whole world’s destined to die


And experience pain along the way


Grim reality for most


Hard to know what to do


In a world with so much uncertainty


Hard to be motivated

Knowing it all goes away


Since we only live for a while

Should try to enjoy the ride


Until it slips away




Rebellion in the timing and sense of the words


Jazz fusion plays in my mind

Better than the rest


It survives my test


Put in a guest


I’d like to request


A festive mood for a besting toad


Looting the riot stores


Capital idea James


The nicest guys on the planet


May not be able to help us all


It’s a shame we have to go


We were having such a lovely time

Wasting another Friday night


Sleeping and watching TV


Kicked my ass several times over


Life is nothing but a guess


Finish projects that matter


Commit to the end


A ripping guitar riff is unsettling


The times of life are puzzling


For the love of the work


For the love of craft


It pays to pay attention


To things that seem to matter


Never bother with garbage


Sax solos are far too short


Touched by a distant memory


Hoping to have some content


Without being pretentious


Table for four please


Love to have a look at those


Terrible ideas plague the species


Getting over quarterly losses


Bidding for the wrong team


Festival of the mind

Grocery store coupon deals

Meals on super fly wheels


Portions of proceeds go to me


Igniting a slight fire from within


Polite society can go to hell


Hubris is another word for asshole


Kicking and screaming all the while


Funk flares up joy in me


Dance til’ death


For the times we have


Never mind that grunge


Pot is going to be legal


Little will change


Decide what to do


Make the move

Live out loud


Or chill out quietly


Embrace all the good things


Resist the bullshit


Know how to do best


Right the wrongs

Write the songs


Loop the tape


Wear a cape


Be a hero


If you dare


If you care


Or wear the collar


Make a dollar


Go home


Watch TV


Pray for money


Lack the honey


Hope for better days


Refuse to change your ways


Life becomes a haze


Enjoy your laze




More than 100,000 people die every day


Abortions are nearly non-stop


Millions of people sick at any given time


And your God just watches


Not giving two shits


That’s either a sadistic God


Or a powerless one


Either way, count me out


I refuse to worship a loser or a prick


You should too


If humans are ever going to solve problems


We need a lot less prayer and a lot more work


Already obvious to rational people


Even supposed believers already know


Their god doesn’t really answer their prayers


They can hope for it

But they know God ain’t no genie


Or the people who pray


Have the worst prayers of all-time


Hey God, don’t worry about those starving children


How about giving me a raise?


Hey God, I trust it’s your will for thousands to die in war

Why not make this one guy with crutches at a revival meeting


Start doing the electric turbo breakdance?


Fuck all of the people who die if you want them to


I’d love for you to get the Vatican nicer stained glass


But it’s no wonder your God doesn’t care


How many human inventions care about human affairs?




I’m twisted


Maybe more than them


I tried a few things

Failed miserably


And settled for the mundane


I accept some of my fate


But not when I’m getting fucked by assholes


At least I can tell them what they are

Even if it results


In me getting clubbed


And thrown into some nasty place


Beaten down for refusing to go along


With their corrupt plans


Life is funny


Serve the masters


Or live like a bum


Neither is a good idea


But might as well make a choice


There’s a huge difference


Between getting your ass kicked


And getting your ass kissed


Most prefer the latter


But is it worth it to kiss ass?


When you can just live on the outside?




Create something funnier


Stare all alone


It doesn’t mean fortunes can’t improve 


Leading a pack of wild wolves out of treasure troves


Creative sparks are all too often crushed to dust


By the studio system and sound bites on a whim 


Making movies may not change the world


At least everyone who tries has a shot at glory 


Give unto others something far better than a false savior 


Listened to a lot of folks about how to live


Still don’t know what the best way to live is


No reason to believe anyone does 




Breaking character and saucy races


Argue about the alcoholic content of life


Terrible premise for a comedy stand-up bit


Thrills make it worth the pains


Church on top, street girl on the bottom




No matter we do


We lose what we love 




It’s true for everyone 


But we can fight


To get our lives


To count for a while 




Dialogue exercises


Memorable trials


Clever twist to run well


Portioned out by the cosmos


Seemingly innocent


But rather paltry in outlook


Convey emotion 


Appreciation for 80’s music


Negating a realistic approach


Rehearsal space of the apartment of life


Being live in Rome would be quite a feeling


Passed by twice as in travels 


Vain and arrogant


Non-unions refuse to cross picket lines


Making a musical out of the mundane lives


Superior to the current “path”




God- No


Country- No


Family (creating one) - no


Raising children- no


Making a lot of money


Career worth having


Love is subjective, so enjoy it


A cause- Support many causes, do much more




Pay for crimes against humanity


People who count themselves lucky


Forget about the past, unless it gives

Supreme pleasure in the present 


Death of friends is never a good time


Trio of nothing more than a gifted program


It’ll only matter


If performed in front of others


In the right places


Create a product that can be purchased


Convince others that this is more worthy of their time


Than anything else in the music world


And the entire world


No small task 


Don’t claim to have any expertise


Shouldn’t pretend to be a complete fool either 




Efforts aren’t a waste if we apply time and talents to help other people who fail in the battle against the universe.


Anyone up before 6 AM is either cursed or driven.


No matter what time it is, no matter what the temperature, no matter what day of the year\it is, someone in Chicago is running outside in shorts.


If you live in Chicago, even if you’re a conservative law abiding citizen, at least a few times a year you’ll come close to being killed by random traffic.


Many people are wise enough to give up way before struggling for years to find there are no permanent solutions to human problems.


Perhaps the things in life that are meant to be taken seriously only last for a while.  Having a sense of peace or security, even temporarily, may only be a feeling that resides in humans for a brief moment. 


Give up on perfection, aim for excellence.  There is no way to be perfect.  There are demonstrable ways to achieve excellence.




I have to be willing to move on.


I have to be willing to let go.


I have to be willing to try in the real world. 


I have to be full of integrity, but also know that I may have to compromise at times.

I have to be willing to do everything possible to live well and spend the rest of my time being productive and earning a living.


I have to be more than I’ve been thus far in life.


I have to try harder for the ones I love, and for the ones who suffer who I don’t even know at this point.


I have to do better than I have thus far.

I have to contribute to parts of life that I believe are worthwhile.


I have to have courage and be willing to make up a point of life that’s meant to be inspiring.


I have to be a wonder in all that I do and say.

I have to relax and try to enjoy life as best possible.


I have to be a buzz kill and get a much worse type of life than anything else to make a format funny.


I have to be willing to explore the cave of the unknown with others who I want to participate with.


I have to try to be better than anything I am in the present.


I have to be an amazing person who does and says unique things that seem to matter more than anything else in life and make a row of differences in the way that I perceive reality.


I don’t actually have to do anything.  I’d like to keep living, and keep living well.  But I’m pretty damn sure that the universe is going to go on in its chaotic state, with or without me.




Records show efforts


Not enough to count


Being a performer who is hated


May have a place in the world 


Act with courage or life is going to tear you apart


Serve as an inspiration to creative sources


Create the ultimate wacky neighbor scenario


Make an impression on a world


Still searching for a hero or savior




Legends of yesterday


Had less than great moments


Examine heroes 


Jimi Hendrix wrote songs about purple haze, depression, fire


Not all that meaningful 


Jimi primarily chose his bass player


Because he “dug his hairstyle” 


The Beach Boys recorded some bad songs 


Love You is consistently annoying 


Wilsons struggled with depression 


Mike Love is a deuche bag 


Jim Morrison was a drunken prick 


Doors music after Jim died was forgettable 


Lyrics like Father I want to kill you


Mother I want to (indecipherable yelling)


Hardly the stuff of genius 


The Beatles sang about yellow submarines and holding hands


Got gimmicky suits and mop top haircuts to be more popular 


My Grandfather and many like him believe The Beatles destroyed music 


They made some silly, pointless movies 


The Who’s Squeeze Box and Behind Blue Eyes aren’t treasures


Tenacious D may be a bit over the top at times 


Weird Al resorts to childish food rhymes a lot


James Brown made a bad semi-rap album 


James Brown made a disco album 


Even brilliant people make some bad decisions


Do some things that are less than brilliant


Maybe even total shit


But the greats at their heights


Are the best humanity has to offer




The fruited plain and the fruited pains 


A resurgence of ideas made by classic rock


Nowhere is a hard place to get a start


Perusal of contracts and contacts


Experience an emotional high 


Receive formal credit for the jokes and notes


People are fucked in life


Even more fucked in death


The hopelessness of life


Far too few people are able to realize


No longer an acceptable solution to resolving conflict 


Before the countdown ends temporary time




Gran gave me an appreciation for good deals


Gran gave me an appreciation for good meals


Gran gave me a lot of good advice


Gran gave me a lot of good advice I too often ignored


Gran often hums a sweet tune


Gran often demands for Jim to be better


Gran does a million things with a lot of different people


Gran gave me an appreciation for travels to distant lands


Gran took me places like Florida and Burger King


Gran gave me a love of card games


Gran gave me honest opinions about life


Gran never knew a stranger


Gran made me realize it's important to live


Gran made me realize it's important to give


Happy birthday Gran!  I'm sure you'll enjoy it.




Abstract thoughts are overrated by critics


Besides the contact high, I don’t feel a thing


Contact your local lying leader, I mean congressman


Gold is not worth the price of having to work


Hire as many people as possible to work for you


Especially if you’re broke and have nothing to lose


Open your mind to the possibility of being wrong at times


Time is going to pass one way or another


So spend it doing what you like


Unless you’re a god


And you’re not


 You don’t have the metaphysical answers


A lot of holy leaders claim to


We never believe unless we see evidence


Unless we’ve been indoctrinated into bullshit since birth


Excel at a part of life few people appreciate


Receive minimal rewards


Get good at something that distracts people from misery


You’ll profit like crazy


You’re nothing more than a collection of temporary cells


But you can make those cells do something better


Than watching sitcoms all day long


People tend to dislike more of the planet


Exponentially as they age


Vials of trials for boys and goys


Existing in the present universe is an odd gift


Living is experiences some joys between inevitable pains




Making a desk out of


An American Medical Association poster


Is this qualifies as art these days? 


We’re talking about some things


A common person could replicate 


A half white and half red piece of painted art 


Nothing special 


A blank canvas and nothing written on it 


“Conceptual” art videos that show nothing but a barn 


This is nothing remarkable in any way, shape, or form 


Yet somehow galleries keep displaying it




You might be on to something kid 


Making phone calls to old relatives


No longer home 


Hanging on the gardens with architectural elements


Righteous duty in compliance with dollars and sense


Beheadings that are committed by the treasonous souls


Made out of the clay


Guarantee a higher yield of market value


Impression on the lost souls


Wander in and out of lives


Like so many fine grapes


Visit a far-away


Many fun sounds come from folks


Consumed by a culture that’s mad


Lead others in the magnificent miles of the world


Looking for a purer arrangement


A place of reckoning


Slice of pizza


Come across as a demented parody figure


Counseling cousins in suffering


May not be able to restore the life that they want


Days when we used to party with old friends


News and views of the oddballs


Trying so hard to produce something beautiful


Refuse to take appropriate risks


Rock and roll sessions to be compared


To the best sounds of all-time


A dynamite song


As I travel the universe


Or at least the extremely tiny portion


Of the cosmos that I’m able to experience 


Thankful to folks who helped me out as I struggled in life


The entire damn time I lived 


I just struggled in new and different ways


As I aged or become closer to broke 




Level of mistrust is too heavy


Use of words to be turned into a trend


To be used among the youth


Or adults who think like youths


In a commercialized and whore-like nation of imbeciles 


The hopes and dreams of a lost generation


Mapped out into a brighter generation


Maintained by a rigid brand of conformity


Creating a word of the mouth product


Craved by all the living


Nine minutes to determine an entire life is a lot to ask


Could be enough to send someone into ecstasy


Or a terrible place of mourning


How much money would one need


Before being able to really live the way they’d want to? 


It depends on the individual


What they consider important




Cool off to the tranquilizing options


We may be able to fight against


The terrible ideological evils of the world


But we have to define what they are first 


Concepts that keep people down are arbitrary


The rush to beat the clock


Shouldn’t apply towards life itself


Far too many people would just have their existence end


Rather than deal with the pain of most of their moments 


Experience heaven while putting other people through hell


Get to the point where they have


A recognized special skill


Built on the backs of peasant laborers


Who just want to earn enough to survive


To meet their immediate needs


Exploitation isn’t pretty


But it makes most of the world


Function as it does 


Terrible tragedies of life


Are often overlooked


By people who witness


A perfectly calm seventy degree day




Mutiny out of bills


Best pipes in the business


Mistakes one makes most accurately


Mark who they are


What they do with the rest of their life


Choose to make a lovely day


Out of a lounging around the house


All day long


Partake in the sweet fluids of life



Great rhythms rarely hit


Mainstream radio


Such garbage


It isn’t the best


The planet can offer better


Why play bad songs?


When we have so many good ones?


The greats don’t die


But they’re put on the shelves

So kids can hear the thoughts


Of a mindless blonde pop star


A phony thug from prep school


A fourth rate Billy Idol wannabee


A hick whining about women and dogs


The best of humanity is inspiring


But whatever that is


Is ultimately subjective


So focus on much better things


Than top 40 radio




The pulse of life seems to flow through them


God, what a great tune


How can a human play like Hendrix?


James Brown makes my hair quiver


Marvin Gaye could tame a beast


Johnny Hartman did things


I didn’t know could be done


Stevie Wonder brings peace


Mahalia Jackson almost makes an atheist believe


AC/DC fires up the adrenaline


The Doors make you feel on drugs


The Who were unbelievably good


From ancient monk chants


To bad ass hip-hop made now


The best music has to offer


May be the best humanity leaves behind




Perceptions of the world can change


When one reads the right books


They encourage questioning what we see

And what may be


I’d love to read all the time

But life gets in the way sometimes


Some of the best things humans do


Have little to do with movement


But are in a static object


Can be picked up any time


Flip a page and open the mind


You’ll be amazed


At what you can learn

Share with other wanderers


All too often lost


Confused about what matters


In the world filled with more books


Than anyone could ever read


Best to focus attention on


What seems best


Only problem is


Nobody knows what book is best


Guess you’ll just have to guess


Like everyone else




Living in a fantasy camp of the mind 


Being parodied may result in being offended


Or being approached with a unique joy in life


I’ve been quite lucky, and I have to push to make my lucky ass relevant


To count as influences, people should inspire you to actually do something.


Some of the worst ideas ever committed to film projects


Happened because some people still thought they were worth making 


Ridiculous ideas are fun to laugh at


They serve as examples of how human projects can be off target


In reality nothing is like the vision some people want to be true 




The Notorious BIG is gone


But not forgotten by some people


Who still listen to 90’s rap


Open relationships can work


But not unless the people involved


Actually are cool with it


Parchesi is a fun game


But is less than brilliant at all times


Quarts are a strange unit of measurement


I try to avoid them


Rage against the machine should make a cameo appearance


On The Jonas Brothers sitcom


Because it would probably confuse or piss off


Fans from both camps


 Stuffing is overrated for a holiday food


But doesn’t make it to the menu many other times of the year


Tribes are disappearing at the same rate


As mega-malls are going up


 Ugly people hate the beautiful ones


But envy them like hell.


Veto all laws made by politicians


Wheat products are usually healthier than white


But 10 pound cheeseburgers served on wheat


May still be rough to consume in one sitting


The truth of life is often hard to find.  Perhaps we’d be better off focusing on living well instead of always worrying about truths that are beyond the realm of human capability. 




Oh man, I’m so down


Living in the third world


I got no money


I got no job


I see people dyin’


Ain’t no food around


Some war lord is killing


Some young kid is robbing


Some mother is crying


Ain’t no hope around


It’s the same in Rwanda


It’s the same in Tibet


It’s the same in Brazil


It’d the same in Tikrete


Ain’t got no cash

Might not even live


Can’t someone help us


Something gotta give


Third world blues

Things are real tough


Don’t want to hear bullshit


Bout how you got it rough


Yeah that’s some bullshit

To think you got it rough






Some fat guys will remind you


There’s nothing you can do




The Mayor’s super corrupt now


Life his father before him



The funny thing about the news is that it never really changes.  Just about every news broadcast since I’ve been alive has been:  Good evening.  I’m blank from blank station news.  Our top story, some depressing event meant to instill fear while captivating you to feel the need to watch the rest of our show.  Next we have national news, which informs you of all the grand tragedy that takes place in the nation you live in.  But your fill in the blank leaders are debating about the best way to reform policies.  In local news, this part of your town is going to shit.  But don’t worry, there are some good things in the world  Distractions like music, movies, and sports should be able to take over your mindset enough to calm you down from the fear we’ve installed into you.  But just in case that’s not enough, here’s a fluff piece about an animal who with a wacky talent.  That will put a nice cherry on top of the fear based news sundae we just fed you.  Good night.  Make sure you tune in tomorrow, and every day for the rest of your lives, even though we pretty much churn out the same repetitive shit each night.


SCRIPT IDEAS- a robot dog that has an idiot human partner solving mysterious crimes together


A TOTAL HACK WRITER WITH A REPUTATION hires nobodies who are brilliant to churn out “his” material






There must be a life worth living


I want to find it before death


I have to scream and cry out


In the world while I can


Nothing could stop me


Except for awful dying


I have to keep on trying


Before I get to dying


Death is a thief


It robs us all


Death is a grief


Takes away yall


Beach Boys


I’m a pebble in the sand


Being kicked by the wind


Going nowhere special


Just around for a bit


I’ll be swallowed by the sea


Tossed around by waves


Don’t know where I’m going


But no pebbles do


Weird Al


I was brushing my teeth on Mars

When I got an idea for cars


I thought that maybe I should leave right then


But I wanted more oxygen


I had to struggle to go back in time


I had a new car on my mind


I’ve been waiting far too long


If I can afford to brush my teeth on Mars


I should afford myself a brand new car


I could drive a Lexus and be happy


Or maybe a limosine


I can’t wait to get back to Earth


I’ll drive whatever I want


I’m so lucky I just can’t wait


To get back from this Mars space race




They Might Be Giants


Give me a drink


I don’t want to think


I want to suck down

Some liquid


I need a drink right now


I’ll drink anything I can


I’ll drink a drink from Japan


I’ll drink a drink with a man


I’ll drink a drink from a can


I need a drink right now


Drinking makes me happy


Drinking makes me sappy


Drinking makes me silly


Drinking makes me hillbilly


I want a drink right now


Drink with me

Drink for free


Drink it up


Drink my cup


I want a drink right now




I watched some videos


They call it YouTube


I really like it


It’s funny stuff


Raps from Transformers


Amazing soccer goals

Clips of TV shows


It’s got it all


Songs from across the galaxy


Movies from the 80’s


Stupid clips of famous folks


Crazy pets doing tricks


People are just wacky


Make no sense at all


I think I’ll watch them on YouTube


And have myself a ball


Oingo Boingo


Use your brain


It helps out


Life sucks less


When you think


Brains are good


Have good thoughts


Love your mind


It’s super


Brains for you


They kick ass


Brains can help


You live in an intelligent manner that brings consistent benefits to a rewarding, productive, and pleasurable lifestyle


Talking Heads


Going out


It can be quite a thrill


I want to go and have some fun


I feel great


Taking off into the night


I bet a good time will go down


Come on


Come join me going out


Come on


We’ll dance drink and shout




In the Earth

There are wicked fool


They make the rules


That lord over us


We must fight back


We must resign


Comforts over freedom


Unless we’ll die


There’s nothing to say


We have to act


Trouble is upon us


Time to attack


Marvin Gaye


The world’s full or problems


The world’ full of pain


How can we escape it?


Sunny days turned to rain


We all need help brother


We need to be strong


I don’t know how to get


All yall to get along


Trouble tends to find us


And we all have die


It’s no wonder so many crazies


For a little money they lie


Trouble in front of us


Trouble always behind


Got to find something good


Before we all die

Stevie Wonder


My lovely lady


You are looking real fine

My lovely lady


We should sip some fine wine


My lovely lady


We should dance until they dawn


My lovely lady


I’ll love you til the day I’m gone


We will take a trip to


The exotic place that you love


We will have some joys in


A pleasant view from above


My love will never end


My joy will always be here


My love I will send


A lovely song for you to hear




I love you baby


I think you love me


I love the life we have


I love the times we have


Let’s keep on loving

Loving all the time


Loving’s the best idea


That we’ve ever had


Love me forever


You know I’ll love you


Love stands the test of time


Love will take us through


Love is the greatest feeling


Greatest feeling of all


Love is the mighty force


Love means all


The O Jays


I love you in the morning

When you wake up so gently


I’ll caress you


I’ll whisper into your ears

I’ll massage you into the morning light


Wake up my beautiful lady


The day waits for you


Spread your sunshine to the world


Give the day a gift




Funky days are upon us


Funk reins from above


The holiest funk around


Commands you to get down


Move, groove, shake that ass


Shake whatever body parts you can


Shake until you’re an old man


Time to get down


Time to get funky

Time to move round


Time for living funky


James Brown


Get to the beat


Get to the heat


Feel it in your soul


Feel the rhythms roll


The beat lives inside you


The beat is oh so sweet


Music is the gift of life


Makes everything all right


Al Green


Hey there girl


Been thinking about you


Missed you so much


You’re the reason I live


I just want to be with you


As long as we can


I’ll give it all for you


We can make life grand


Sex Pistols


Don’t look at me


I don’t need your bullshit


Don’t give a damn


I think you’re a wanker


Go to your fancy school


Go to your fancy house


I hate all of your kind


You think you’re better than us


Rules are all non-sense


Live how you want


Go to hell to the system


Go to hell with you all



I don’t get this big world

I don’t get it at all

I don’t know why we’re all here


It makes no sense at all


I’ll go out into the world

I’ll do what I can


But I’ve failed to get it


I just don’t know why we’re here


Maybe no one does


Maybe it doesn’t matter


Life is going to get to me


As long as I stick around




Float the circles of your mind


The answers are waiting for you


The life can be divine


If you circle within your mind


Give the world a better way


Don’t let life pass you by


Unlock the powers of mind


Watch the world start to shine

Led Zeppelin


March to the beat of the rock n’ roll


Where loonies cry and big men go


I will be a god


I will win

I will spin


I’ll go and take over


All we want

All we are


We will become if we push through




Buddy Guy


Stuck in this town


It’s not looking good

Got nowhere to go


Nothing to see


Just trying to get some bread


So I can get out


But I got my doubts


Might be here again


Motley Crue


I did a lot of drugs


I did a lot of rock

I kicked a lot of ass


I took over whole towns


But now I have to settle down


Unless I can still rock


Forget about settling down


I’d rather die rocking


The world is going to love


My awesome leather pants


Who doesn’t love


The way I sneer and shout


I’m so awesome

I’m so all-time great


I will crush the pretenders

And rock for all my life

Black Sabbath


Leaving town, not coming back


All I got is my backpack

 Going away, going for good         


Have to fight to live in this world


Walking through the dark of night


Heard a sound in awful fright


Saw a flash of light that passed


Got sick of wandering at last



I don’t like the way things are


I don’t like stupid guitars


I hate everything I see


I don’t want this world to be


Stupid world stupid games


Stupid life stupid hate


I don’t want to live like this


I don’t want to miss


Tenacious D


Rock is the king of all

Bow down before you lord


Nothing is so powerful


As the sound of rock and roll


It will crush your puny gods


It will destroy your silly cash


It will laugh at your powerful leaders


It will kick the army’s ass


Rock is the mother of all

And the father of all too


Rock is the only thing that makes life worth living


Rock is the greatest gift to all


Rock forever

Rock can never die


Rock will outlast the cockroaches


And all of space and time






I don’t know if I’m a dude or a chick


I look a little like both


I like to sing like a chick


But my speaking voice is deep


I confuse even my relatives


But people find me sexy


Doesn’t matter that I’m short


Doesn’t matter that I’m weird


Doesn’t matter that I’m getting older


People still find my super-sexy


They should build me a museum


I am the greatest of all-time


I’m the only king and queen of music


My royal legacy lives on for eternity


In the name of the blessed one



Jackson 5


I look into your eyes


I want you to take me back


Call me at home and tell me so


I want you to make me right

I want you to hold me tight


Call me up and take me back


I love the thought of us again


We’ll be so happy and then

We’ll get married and have some kids


Loving you


Is best for sure


Call me up


And ask me so


Curtis Mayfield


Brother down the block

He’s selling that rock


Trying to get ahead


But might end up dead


Fearing for his life


Might have to use his knife


To get a bit more cash


His life has become trash


So sad to see a brother down


Many brothers like him in town


Why is the man still around


Let’s get to keeping him down


One more brother dying trying


No more brothers lying and crying


Let’s stand up and fight back


The man better watch his back

Isaac Hayes


Who’s the white trash hick who’s ignored by all the chicks?




He’s damn right


Who is the man that would risk his neck for no other man?




What a bitch


The Who


I went into town

I bought a few pints of whisky


I sucked them down


And went back to my hotel room


I blew the shit out of everything I saw


I crashed a limo in the pool


I partied into the night yet again


I heard the hotel will ban us for life


I’d like to see them try to ban


The friends of our lunatic drummer


I must admit, perhaps we went too far


But who cares when we play this good


We should destroy what we want


Nobody cares if rock stars are dicks


We can do whatever we want


The Doors


You are going to die


Nobody really knows why

Why we’re here at all


Your life is passing to a crawl


Life is nothing but a flash


Universe tosses out our ash


We all have to pay the price


The harsh demands of life











I want to live well

Not go to hell

But I think I might


Just for dyin’


Live life and fuck death.


To get much more amazing things to happen in the best ways that could provide significance and meaning to a lot of




Life is unpredictable


Wise humans do all they can


To live well


In spite of all the awful problems


Everyone eventually faces


Reality is often an enemy


Creative forces help to cope


But no one is able to win the fight


Life is a losing cause


You aren’t going to beat the universe


Too big of an opponent


But you can go the distance


Put up a glorious fight


Do some things that make your life

A better fight to watch


For other poor saps\


Who are also destined

To get their asses kicked


By the angry brute force


The one we all face in the end


The bully named the universe




Death waits for few folks.


I have to focus on death again.


Death- permanent, forever, goodbye


Death is going to leave us all in the same way.


Death is the only thing we have in common.


Death should motivate you to live.


Death is a laughing matter for the right kind of person.




Music- I’ve listened to an incredible amount of music that I find to be impressive.  I’ve learned how to play guitar at a decent level, can play a bit of harmonica, and can sing inconsistently.  I’ve enjoyed being able to write songs, and even though it’s hardly been stellar, I’m glad I’ve had chances to perform songs.


Books- I’ve written a few, but never made a serious effort to get them published.  No time like the present.


Movies- I’ve written a few, but delayed like hell in doing anything with film.


Comedy- I’ve performed a bunch, but been rather lazy about consistently striving towards any one way of life that could always be built into a wonderful production.


Sex- Glad I’ve had it.


Art- Glad I’ve made some and witnessed even more.


Travel- Glad I circled the world, but also glad I’m with the lady I have.


Sports- Glad I played a bunch and watched a bunch.


Games- Glad I played a bunch and watched some being played.


Philosophy- Glad I read a bunch and have been able to realize that none of them can be proven correct.


Science- Glad I’ve dabbled, but have never made a valuable contribution to science.


Food- Glad I’ve eaten well and learned a bit about how to cook.


Clothing- Glad I’ve had clothes to wear


Shelter- Glad I’ve been fortunate to have nice places to live in




If you don’t live for a purpose


You do nothing at all


The people who try harder


Manage to do some good

Before they die


And pass away into nothing


The people who live passionately


Experience good times and rewards


The best parts of life


Make the ride worth struggles


But pain comes to all


Death comes to all




Have some balls

Say something unique

Be a bit different


There’s no way to be like them


You have to be something new


Might as well make it great


You can be better than that


You can be amazing in your own way


Even if you fuck up sometimes

 That’s all part of life


So start living it                                               




Mass marketed bullshit of the times we live in


Roam to lands and places that make more sense


Designing a vast array of cartoon programs


Created to serve as a temporary joy for children


Who watch and want the toys


Ads carter towards primitive human whims


Seem to exist in nearly all children of every tribe

Recognize shifting priorities


Offer a great deal more commercial value


Intrigued by the theatrics of fooling people


Into coughing up cash to make amends


For the utter destruction of ideas they hate




Ways to begin achieving a higher level of excellence:


Point out inconsistencies within the systems of power that are currently supported.


Make continual efforts to try to be a decent person, even if I’m uncertain about the truth of a large amount of matters in life.


Make continual efforts to grow, and attempt to change in positive ways.


Accept others imperfect efforts if they’re making genuine attempts to grow.


Push to make money.


Push to create something useful and honest that can reach others.


Do my best to present a better way of life to others.


Stand up for my most genuine beliefs, and push forward at all times.


Refuse to continue to accept a mundane lifestyle.


Hendrix- All Along the Watchtower, Manic Depression, Castles Made of Sand


Psychadleic, blues riff, colors, imagination, something mundane to sell a corporate product


Beatles- My top 5


I am the walrus something extremely practical, dear insurance- prudential, Norwegian god, a day in the life of hell, or a mundane life, tomorrow never knows could be a ridiculous ad


Beach Boys- In my Room, Til I die, California Girls


In my room is a bunch of shit, almost nobody in the world would get a til I die parody- unless I made it an original- I’m tiny and a piece of shit compared to a much larger universe.  Ohio girls, some other type of ethnic girls


Doors- Light My fire, LA woman, riders on the storm


Something trippy and something describing the passion of an amazing place


They Might Be Giants- Don’t let’s start, Dr. Worm, Instanbul


Something mundane


James Brown- Sex Machine,


Rhythmic funk




The weirdest topic in the world, combined with over the top yocals


Weird Al


A parody to end all parodies


Tenacious D


Rock gods run amuck


The Who


Power chords and smashing instruments, banging the hell out of the drums, dull guy on bass


Marvin Gaye


Picturesque beauty or awful urban plight


Stevie Wonder


Tuneful and soulful nice political statements, let’s all unite as one




Crazy trippy blues shit


Talking Heads


Mundane made surreal


Oingo Boingo


Abrasive over the top offensive to idiot lyrics




Glib view of reality

Black Sabbath


Let’s scare the hell out of the world with a loud thunder


Motley Crue


Rock is awesome




Rock will never die


Led Zeppelin


Creative use of words and simple imagery aligns well with getting more amazing things to happen


TV and movie theme songs


Zany madcap quick and memorable bits about a program




Commercial love tunes meant to be simple yet sweet


Surf Tunes


Largely instrumental or consisting of beach party lyrics

World Music


A whole range of non-English sounds that are taken for granted by far too much of the world




The end seems near

Too soon I fear


I never had a chance


The world was too strong


I didn’t get along


The pricks always win


Despite all their sin


I can’t believe I lost


The sea of life tossed


Me around like a stone


I was left all alone


Waiting to die


Final goodbye




The life that I lived


Is over now

I listened to a bunch of folks

But never did shit


Can’t do that anymore


Or else I’ll fucking die


I’m not a kid anymore


I have to make rent


Sad that’s my only goal


Just to avoid being homeless


Even that’s a struggle


Because I was a bum


Too bad I was a dipshit


Another ant flushed down the drain


Another wasted brain


Team humanity going down


Team humanity’s still around

But not for long


Universe is collecting dues




I don’t think there is a meaning of life


Just some ways to live better


And some that really suck


But none of it can be proven


To have meaning for all


I know a few things I like

And a few others do


But that doesn’t mean shit


Unless you want it to


I dig music


So do a lot of other folks


But not always


I’d be fine if music were eliminated


From the entire universe


If all we had was that awful


Country line dancing shit


But millions seem to like it


And I can’t prove em’ wrong


But I can make fun of them


All fucking day and night long



Is there any point to creating


If one never shares shit


The best things in the world

Won’t mean much if they sit


In some dank shoebox


Seen by no one


But how many people trot out non-sense


And act like it is the greatest


Just because they made it


A bunch of delusional morons


Is it better to slave without knowing


If your work is great or shit


Or to hide away anything you do


Guaranteeing a non result




The world is big


The universe even bigger


You are small


You are limited


You have to decide


How to spend time


Before it uses you up


There’s tons to learn


But you only get to know a bit


Better choose fast


Before your ass is toast


What do you love most?


No time to know that


No time to form a test


Guess what may be the best


Learn a bit about it


Before your life is shit




You can read about it

But it ain’t the same

You can watch a movie


But that’s not even close


You can hear stories


But that’s nothing like living it


Get off your ass


Or onto it if that’s the dream

Better do what you can now

Enjoy life while you can


Your precious time is limited


Better do what counts now


Before you pass away




I’m afraid to die


I guess I always was


But I used religious lies to cope


But now I can’t believe that shit


I’m not exactly old

But not exactly young


I know that my body could crap out


Even if I play by the rules now


So what should I do knowing


No matter how hard I try


No matter what I do


I’m going to have to die?




16 million viewers don’t lie


How could my sitcom die?


Oh Lord, how I tried


So many network execs lied


So many loyal fans cried


The end is here, wacky neighbor go home


Unemployment is here, Crazy Buddies is done




The world needs no more songs


But they’re nice to have


The world needs no more books


But they’re nice to have


The world needs no more movies

But they’re nice to have


Perhaps selecting a non-essential potential profession


And being less than professional about it


Has led to amazingly bad results


Another lesson for another day


Perhaps most of the time of life is meant to be joyless


For most of the people who’ve ever lived


Emotional states are to be recovered


Better times may be ahead

The losses and the marks of life


Make a difference in the end


Move forward and act with courage


Poetry does little to nothing to convince others


A better way exists


But the imagery that provides joys


May mean little in the end


Sacrifice for something meaningful

Quit doing things that matter none

Make the compromises needed


To live how you want to


Enjoy what you can


Embark on a new mission


Set up a better way of life

Pay the rent


Don’t become spent

Hustle for what counts


Make life worth living


Make a passionate cry


Make an inspiring try


Open the mind and heart


Life should be fantastic


But it often isn’t

Get over tragedies


Get more power to live




I’ve thought about what matters a great deal

Maybe nothing at all


But it seems that

whatever we decide counts matters


Up to us to choose


We can’t control the universe


But we largely determine


The quality of our lives


Stop making no sense


Do what counts


Don’t wait any longer


Do what counts now




The universe is big


I’m so small


Adrift in the sea


Going where the wind blows


The wave will swallow me


Take me down under


Become one with the water


While it takes me away




Madness sets in the midnight hour


The power of words evokes my mind


Tranquility escapes me again


Acting as a channel for the universe


Corners of my mind bend and shake

The strangest trip of all


Contained within the mind


Nothing can settle me now

I have to rock right now


Let the music simply take over


Lose control while making life happen


Into another place in space


Forgetting the troubled past


Ready to move forward


By living in the now



Counterpunch with the Beach Boys

We can do better than that


Listen for inspiration

A change to be the best


A chance to do what’s never been done


Through an interwoven pop album


Check out all the psychedelic celebrities


We’ll have the fans at our feet


Nothing could be better


Than the products of our minds


Let it flow with joy and focus


Creating the magic of life


Inspire the youths of today


And tomorrow as it happens


It really didn’t know in the end


Two of us still left


Hope the joy crusades


In humanity for eternity



I’m going to go home


It’s been a long time


I have hope in my heart


I see Ma in my mind


Maybe lil’ sis will be around


Brother Drew and I will hit the town


Not a thing changed since I left


Same old folks doing the same


Kids playing in the yards


People cruising for a good time


Summer nights and BBQ’s


Swimming pools and little league


Middle American paradise


Full of alcoholics and Christians


Full of cornfields and county fairs


Man it takes me back


Glad to get back once in a while


I really should make time once in a while





Partying was a lot of fun


But we’re older now


That shit could actually kill us


That shit would actually kill us


Time to stay sober


But still time to rock


Time to grow up a little

But still time to rock


We aren’t saying kids shouldn’t


But older guys should quit


They look ridiculous doing that shit


Maybe time to settle down


You don’t have to be boring


But you aren’t 16


Maybe find a hobby


You don’t have to be like Ozzy


Living like him would kill most


Lucky you're still around

Enjoy your new pace of life


While you’re still above ground




Funky feeling about you girl


You look at me the same


You turn my on like lightbulbs


I want more than that


I want you forever


We’ll rock the world tonight


We’ll keep going for life


We’ll burn amber bright


I love everything about you


You’re the one for me


I want to see into your soul


Only you can make me whole


We’ll never be apart


We can be the greatest lovers


We have to right now


I want you forever


We’ll rock the world tonight


We’ll keep going for life


We’ll burn amber bright




I was cruising on my segway in the middle of Mars

When I had thoughts of hacky sacks and candy bars


The biggest thing ever since sliced bread


Only existed then inside my head


Oh my lanta I have to write this down


This could save humanity or at least my town


The greatest idea that a human’s ever had


Nothing about it could be considered bad


Oh how rich I will be


Oh if only my parents could still see


I will be a hero for eternity


I will live forever oh so pleasantly


My new idea will save billions


My new idea will make all millions


No more pain and no more death


Things are going to be all right now


Nobody has to worry ever again


My idea will bring heaven on Earth


And anywhere else we want to go


But oh no!


I don’t have a pen or paper


I hope I remember my idea later




You are a sinner


You’re terribly wicked


You should be repenting


You’re awfully evil


Where is your shame?

Why are you immoral?


You deserve eternal hell


You’ll burn forever


You aren’t forgiven


You wicked sinner


You aren’t forgiven


You evil pagan


You aren’t forgiven


Someday you’ll fry




I want to see a better world


But I’m troubled by what I see


I can’t deal with all the pain


Hard to see in the world today


I want to have a peaceful world

That gives a beautiful life


But I see so many struggling


Makes me wonder why


Things don’t have to be so bad


But we’ve given up hope


I feel for the ones who live with pain


But I can’t cure everyone


I’m no messiah


I’m not even a doctor


But I want to help a few


Before I end up just like them




Help me out brother


We can make things better


We don’t have to pray


We can work together


To do something for ourselves


Through the troubles

Through the pain


We’ve got each other


To make it through the strain


We can make life better


It’ll be all right


Forget about the whining


Let’s work to evolve today



I see a man across the room


He’s looking at me strangely


I don’t know what to make of it


Maybe he wants some change


Maybe he’s selling papers


Perhaps he’s a crazy train


Why did I ride the subway?


I could’ve taken the bus

Don’t know if that’d be better


This guy is still looking at me


Maybe I look like a friend


Maybe I look like his barber


I guess I could talk to the guy


But that would be too easy


I’d rather guess about him


If he comes and talks to me

I’ll have to say something


I guess I’ll start with hey


And improvise from there


Sure that settles it


Wait he’s looking at another guy


I guess he wasn’t that into me



Earth is a strange place


But not as strange as space


I just want to know my place


On Earth or outer space


I look to the skies for answers


But they don’t have none


I look to the ground for clues


But they don’t have none


I don’t know where else to look


I can’t walk to outer space


I can’t swim the entire ocean


But I have to have a place


I can’t be adrift in space


I asked for some kind of sign


But all I saw was stop


And a little bit of yield


But I can’t stop


And don’t want to yield


I want to go


I want to grow


I want to live


I want to give


Please just tell


Where I’m supposed to be


Then I’ll be happy


And live with joy


Just like a boy


In the strange place


Of Earth and space




I’m such a weirdo

I don’t really care


I just want to laugh at life


I have to be this way


I want to leave my home


I want to see the world


Maybe there’s people like me


In another place and time


But maybe not


I might be all alone


I want to hang with other weirdos

They really make me laugh


I think they’re out there somewhere


But not in my mundane town


I have to set out on my own


They’re in the cities


Unless movies and TV lie


The numbers are in my favor


Too many people to be normal


I think cities would make most crazy


So that’s where I’ll go


To find my weirdo tribe



Getting free


Never die

I want to fly

And see in God’s eyes


I know I can

Take control


The story’s flowing


I’m growing bold


I see the golden light


I see it shines for me


Embrace the blissful feeling

That lives inside me


I feel the Earth


Rock and roll


I want to rock


Along with it


I feel nothing but love


Ecstasy from above


And some from below

Nothing can top this


Best I’ve ever felt


Limbic system in overdrive


The wonders of this life


I know I’ll love this moment


As long as I embrace sunshine


The time of life is now


No need to look back


Visions of unbridaled beauty


Will be with me forever




Overcome the struggle


Do all that you can


You might lost the battle


But you have to give it your all


Heroes are willing to fight

For what they believe is right


Life is too important to dismiss


You have to stand for right


No time left to waste


There’s too much violence


Power hungry madmen


Kill too many poor


If we’ve really evolved


Why’s there still war?


Grow into something better


Before your time runs out


Natural to have doubt


There’s some scary stuff


But visions of what could be


Should inspire you and me


We can create a better world


But it ain’t gonna be easy


Get ready to do what counts


The trouble mounts


What will you do?


Before you’re through?




Playing my heart on my guitar


Makes me fell real good


I know that I’m a guitar god


I can feel it in my mood


I have business to tend to


I know I’m all around


The main thing is to be a hero


Nobody can touch me at all


The rocking never stops

I have to kick ass

The tangent is never over


Being your mind


The reasons are all excited


There are thieves of the night


Life is just a joke

The people who know


We have a fate to face

It might not be amazing


Better live while you can


Because you can’t stay amazing


Life is to be lived son


Make it count right now


You’ll live in regret if you don’t


Try to make a mark somehow


The passion of life is stirring

The greats speak through songs


The only way to live out loud


For the ones who bow down

The greats teach much to those who listen


You have to open your mind

Ignore all the bullshit


And focus with your time


The wind was howling with laughter


You never really know why


Time to stand-up and be great


Live out loud while you can


To beat the winds of time




You leave me


You leave me yet again

I got less than nothing


You took off with what little we got again


I don’t get you baby


I try and try and try


I never get anywhere without you


I have to wonder why


But then you up and leave me


Leave me with even less


It’s all just a guess


I still think you’re the best


But you rip my heart straight out


I’m left full of doubt


You tear me apart inside


Left me again just to die




Tripping on a cloud


In the bright blue sky


Not a care in the world


No reason why


Living is so easy


Trying is too hard


Thinking about tomorrow


Never know what goes by


Men are sometimes baffling


They don’t always know why


The difference in the ways


Is enough to count for then


Vague ideas of the mind

Plague my troubled species


Staring at the walls


While hoping to conquer Earth






Feel funky funk yall


Funk is the best


Funk will heal all wonds


Funk is the best


Funk redeems you


Funk will lift


Funk makes dreams for you


Funk solves rifts

Funk it up


While you still can


Funk it up


Like a good man


Funk for ladies


No discrimination


Funk for babies


Across the nation


Funk for people


Is just right

Funk for aliens


Funk in flight


Funk it up


Funk forever


Funk through life


Funk is heaven




Super pimp


You are the man


You don’t take no lip


You are a hero to all the manly men

Who beat up their bitches


Hard to get why all men ain’t pimps


The money is oh so good

The hours could be improved


But it’s all part of being the best


Got to get the rest


That hoe’s money is yours


You don’t bust some ass


You gonna be real poor


Pimp that bitch like Microsoft


See that shit everywhere


Anyone who ain’t a pimp


Ain’t nothing at all in this world


Pimp until the day the man caps you


Pimp all night and day


Pimp unless the man takes you


Pimpin’ is the only way


To the pimp gods I pray


Motherfuckin’ amen




It’s so pretty


I’m feeling good


Life is so wonderful


In my neighborhood


Embrace the day


It’s so sweet


Grab your best girl


Time to eat


The fruits of pleasure


Wine is flowing


Life is a treasure


The sky is glowing


Life can be so grand


You have to take a stand


Make your own life bliss


A never ending wish




Who’s that lanky white boy who scares no one?



He’s a damn bitch.


Who is that wuss who lived at home til he was 25?




He’s a piece of shit.


Who is that punk who went broke in his thirties?




He’s so pathetic


Who was dismissed from a non-paying intern gig by a guy he barely knew via email?




What a loser.


Who is the man who never did a thing to help out anyone?




What a selfish prick.


They say this guy Mike is a completely worthless


Oh yeah.


I’m talking about a guy you never heard of


And that’s probably a good thing.


This fool Mike spent years doing nothing


Now it’s biting him in the ass


What an idiot.


If you see him kick him the shins


All right


Or maybe a nice smack to the head Koleno style


I will


Fuck it, he might not even be worth the energy


Good point


Maybe just let him die


Sounds good


Fuck you Mike


Fuck you Mike




We are completely over the top

Just to sell some stupid songs


We’re both fat and old


But our world is so bereft of good entertainment


You may actually find us interesting


I’ll reference an aging rocker


I’ll say that they were a god


But now it’s time for them to hand over a non-existent rock crown


Over to us


Even though we’re not that great


We’ll make a reference to hell


You’ll think we’re rebellious

Even though Warner Brothers backed us


To the tune of millions


We have no social significance

Just some silly bragging tunes


Not even funny if we were 14


But 44 even worse


But we’ll take your money


Thank you very much


You can go to hell now


Or back to your Mom’s basement


We’ll go to Malibu


Get high and eat buffets


Laugh on The Tonight Show


And celebrate American stupidity


The mindless fans of rock


Thanks again




I’m so alienated

And so are you

Maybe we can be alienated together


And we’ll alienate with a few


We’ll alienate the rich kids

We’ll alienate the jocks


We’ll alienate the teachers

We’ll alienate the cops


Then we’ll make some alienated friends


Get them to speak out


Then we’ll sell out Madison Square Garden

With our alienated flock


We’ll be alienated on MTV


We’ll alienate for cash


We’ll alienate from liberty


Then we’ll all be alienated at last



We’ve only got one song


Done 278 different ways


All of our fans know it


Hell, even a kid would


But we made this one song real good

Rocking forever so we don’t have to change it


Trashy blues rock is best


Listen to our singer squeal


The drum beat is rather consistent


And I think there’s some bass in there somewhere

We have a formula for success

We won’t deviate even a little


We know what we are


A rock band with rocking guitar


Maybe we’ll dress like schoolgirls


That would mean a lot


Maybe we’ll have a member die


We’ll replace him with a robot


Who looks and acts just the same


Quite predictable but never lame


We’ve conquered the rock game


All rock fans and songs should be the same




Satan isn’t so bad


He may have helped us with our band

We’ve made millions of dollars


Because people think we worship him


We really don’t


But he’s nice enough to leave us alone


He hasn’t even taken one penny


If Satan supports us


It’s a mystery to us


He hasn’t even joined our fan club


But we love his fans


They pretend to be dangerous rebels


But they usually just drink and pay 100 bucks a ticket


To hear our loud rock music from decades ago


Hey, whatever works


Whether it be ripping off people with Jesus or Satan


If you want to give up your cash

To get a little Satanic thrill


Be our guest


If being on Satan’s team on Earth gets tips like this


Sign me up for eternal hell



Believe it or not, other countries make music too


It isn’t just the U.S. and England


There’s great music all over the world

In fact, nearly all of it is better than the Billboard charts shit


But you’ll never hear it


If you don’t bother to listen to others not on radio


Give it a shot


It’s a big planet


Maybe the Chinese have a few good musicians


Out of more than a billion


Perhaps India has something to say


They’re over a billion now too


The Middle East has some great grooves


Don’t count out the soulful tunes of Africa


Hey South America might be fun too


Europe is bigger than the UK


Check out shit from Macedonia


They Aussies rock out all the time


Even without ACDC


Hell, even Antarctica might be worth a look


Bob Marley is cool


But he ain’t the beginning and end of world music


Give some other nations a listen

You might be amazed




Summer’s off


Falling in love with my beautiful baby


Life is just a joyful treasure


Now’s the time to have some pleasure

The gifts of life are never ending


The truths of life are done pretending


Life doesn’t have to be a struggle


Life should be an endless wonder


Taking it easy on my day off


Hanging out with my lovely baby


I will make today a treasure


I will make sure to have some pleasure


The good times of mine are never ending


With the non-sense of life I’m done pretending


My life is no longer a pointless struggle


Life has become an endless wonder




Visions of beauty pop into my head


I want to live and never to die


But I don’t know why


The forces of life will crap out on me


It is a damn shame


It is a damn shame


The meaning of life isn’t too obvious

Or there’d be more agreement

People wouldn’t kill


It’s time for music to inspire us


Something reaching into the depths


Of human consciousness


Lay down all effort and become what you are


Be the best you can be every day


Learn more and become evolved


Get over the failures


Get over the failures


Embrace who you become anew


You are much better


You are much better


The difference makes the ride worth the pain


Life is not over


Life is not over


So be what you want before it’s too late


You can be glorious


You can be glorious


Do what you have passion for now, before you no longer can




Voting is dismissing personal responsibility.  It’s lobbying for another person to be more likely to support your agenda.  But how many voters really believe the one they vote for in any major political office stand for what is right?  I’ve never heard a single person I know claim any politician actually initiated taking action for the causes that they felt were most important.  I know no candidate has even come close to fighting for the causes I thought would be most important.  Many people accept that politics are inherently corrupt and do little to change policies for the better.  So they claim to have enough faith in a ruler to be slightly better at kind of occasionally doing some good things for some people.  It’d be better to get rid of all of the phony leaders.  Let’s live our own lives to the best of our ability, and trust others to do the same.


The truth is that I have no single place where I belong unless I decide that I do.  I’m responsible for doing all I can to establish a meaningful existence for myself.  If I fail to do so it’s entirely my own fault.


Even brilliant people are subject to failures and less than brilliant creative moments.  But brilliant people find ways to keep re-inventing themselves to overcome tragedies.


Learn all you can, but never believe that you’ll arrive at a final destination of being done with learning.  Experience all you can, but never believe that you do everything you want.  Create all you can, but never believe that you’ve created everything that you could have.


Sometimes it’s okay to take a break, but I may have gone a little overboard when I hit the decade mark.


Governments lie to you.  You’re labeled a criminal if you lie to them.




Music- It’s funny to think about all of the songs that have come and gone, how ignored most of them are, and how many people still strive to reach the “top” against overwhelming odds.   It’s funny that being able to sing nice or play an instrument in a unique way can result in such a large amount of profits for the blessed few, but most musicians never make shit for what they do.  It’s funny that I think I can make songs without any effort at all.  It’s funny that so many people try so hard to make songs that will last the test of time, but most of us have to know that the ones who last are the ones who have the best marketing teams.  It’s funny that we have so many choices in music, yet most people consciously choose to listen to music that is known to be enjoyed by lots of other people.


Books- It’s funny that so many people continue to write books despite the large amount of quality books that go unread today.  It’s funny that writers are generally thought so little of while TV stars get multi-million dollars while hiring ghostwriters to tell their mundane tales.  It’s funny that there are so many choices of great books to read, but most people who live in nations where books are nearly limitless choose to spend so little time reading and so much watching TV.  It’s funny that even the greatest books contain information that tends to be inaccurate, less relevant, or irrelevant over time.


Movies- It’s funny that so many movies exist, yet so many of them are so obviously bad.  It’s funny that so many film critics recognize classic genius from old films, yet refuse to acknowledge the best films of our era while instead recognizing the mundane crap that wins Oscars as representative of what our era supposedly likes.  It’s funny that grown adults sometimes get paid well to pretend to be other people while so many third world workers nearly starve to death.  It’s funny that success in Hollywood seems to be an odd combination of having courage, talent, being able to kiss ass, and being able to put up with years of doing trivial projects to hope to land a great role.


Comedy- It’s funny that so many people think they’re hilarious when they’re anything but.  It’s funny that so many comedians hate most of life.  It’s funny that comedians compete with each other in ridiculous contests like dick joke telling marathons.  It’s funny that so many people suffer so much while others devote a large chunk of their life trying to illicit laughter out of others for profit.  It’s funny that geniuses are mostly considered to be underground while hacks make it to big time TV fame.


Sex- It’s funny that so much emphasis is put on sexual thoughts, but nearly all of humanity believes they fail to get as much sex as they’d like.


Art- It’s funny that people pay money for “modern art” that could be recreated by a typical child.  It’s funny that pretentious assholes have a field where they can easily rise to the top by learning a few things most people simply just don’t care about.  It’s funny that one can have amazing technical ability but never do anything noteworthy unless they take risks to do things that have never been done before.  It’s funny that so many great artists never achieve any financial security for as long as they live.  It’s funny that so many grand artists live virtually unknown and find fame after they die.


Philosophy- It’s funny that so many humans have wholeheartedly embraced so many bad ideas.  It’s funny that so many young people genuinely believe they’re going to change the world merely with ideas.  It’s funny that so many middle aged and older folks completely give up on their ideals for a middle class lifestyle.  It’s funny that the brightest people of the past still had to fight to get simple and obvious truths to be accepted due to the lies promoted by powerful rulers of the time, intentionally designed to keep masses stupid and powerless.


Science- It’s funny that science hopes to do things that could be akin to supernatural miracles to the foolish observer.  It’s funny that even our most advanced techniques of medicine can still be exploited by a non-sense monetary system.  It’s funny that so many people think we can submit scientific truths to a popular vote.  It’s funny that we have virtually no famous scientist, but tons of famous NASCAR drivers.  It’s funny that science may be able to save humanity, but may destroy it.

Travel- It’s funny the way oblivious tourists dress in some places.  It’s funny to leave the familiar behind just to go someplace where one has never been.  It’s funny to take a visit to someplace without any set agenda.  It’s funny that so many people who travel merely go for business reasons and do little to nothing to experience the rich cultural life of other lands.  It’s funny that so much money is spent on traveling and so many people on Earth continue to stay in one place and suffer.


Games- It’s funny that so many adults unwind by participating in competitions designed for children, it’s funny that so many rigged games are believed in by observers, it’s funny that some choose to devote the largest chunks of time in their lives to mastering a simple game, it’s funny that so many games are available for purchase, it’s funny that many people spend time playing games they don’t even enjoy.

Sports- It’s funny that grown men get paid millions of dollars every year to kick a ball into a net, it’s funny that people who can run and jump fast are held in such a high status, it’s funny to watch old athletes who just can’t let go of what they used to be, it’s funny to listen to terrible sports broadcasters, it’s funny to watch a team get crushed- but not really give a shit.


Food- It’s funny that themed restaurants tend to be so popular, it’s funny that people who can’t handle it try to eat spicy food, it’s funny that some people lack the desire to try new foods, it’s funny that some people fail to understand why kids want to eat mass marketed bullshit instead of good food, it’s funny that so many people shove whatever is available into their faces without thinking about what they eat.


Clothing- It’s funny that grown adults all dress alike in a corporate workplace, it’s funny that social groups all tend to dress in a similar manner, it’s funny that so many poor folks couldn’t care less about fashion, it’s funny to watch a true fashion original, it’s funny that there’s such a social stigma on being naked in our society.


Shelter- It’s funny that so many people work their entire lives to live in a place they’ll never be able to afford, it’s funny that so many people come to believe where they live defines their value as a human being, it’s funny that so many people take such a large amount of pride in owning a house they had nothing to do with building or creating, it’s funny that so many people enjoy camping in an era when humanity clearly has more comfortable options, it’s funny that entertainers have mansions while numerous people can’t even afford to pay rent.



Fear can be crippling, particularly if one fears immunization shots.


There’s a reason why rock stars often excite others and statisticians usually don’t.


Jailing innocent people is a crime.  But it’s a bad idea to only jail people who candidly confess to felonies.


Kill the enemy from within, unless it happens to resemble you far too much.


Lying to children is an awful way to make money, but 3 months a year off may convince you to teach.


Tighten the belt around the necks of leaders who make sure most people have to tighten their belts.


Nothing can open minds faster than a gun.



Masked honky


Farley miracle shot in either b-ball or soccer


Goods and the campfire, red headed beast




I’m encouraged by the latest health care bill.


You’re ruining America!  You send kids to die in wars, and you want us to believe you care about their health?


Congressman Jones, I believe you voted for my support of the suffering people of Iraq and Afghanistan.


But the people have spoken!  The voters of my state want this change and hope!  End the wars!


Excuse me Congressman Jones, but didn’t you get that pamphlet from Halliiburton?


If you mean my large BRIBE CHECK, I certainly did.  Just like you and the rest of us charlatans!


This is an outlandish charge Congressman Jones.  This topic is no longer up for discussion.


The people need to know the truth.  They’ve been swindled by a phony war. 






I’m sorry about that deranged lunatic in our midst fellow Congressman.




Don’t forget the lessons we’ve learned today: do the right thing- whatever I say.




Parody tunes- Jackson 5 or Stevie Wonder tune


You can leave a message on my


Ans-rin, ans-rin, ans-rin


Ans-rin’ machine


Our love will last until death


And then we’ll go away


I’ll love you until you’re a corpse


That’s my dividing line


I love you full of life


You fill me with delight


But the line is drawn when you’re dead


I don’t take dead chicks to bed




Music- I’d love to hear a song done in the B-52’s style like a melody


There’s a thing in the sky


I can’t tell what it is


I’m sitting here left wondering


Just what was that thing?


Could it be a UFO?


I guess it must be

Since I can’t identify it


But not like a flying saucer


More like a what could that have been?


Maybe I’ll never know

I don’t think they put that kind of thing on the news


Too bad






I love all kinds of tunes

Sitting in my underwear listening to Elton John


Man he used to rock


The 1970’s were good to him


The music of the days


Don’t know what to make of street kids


It’s yet another song


So many good tunes in the world


How do I pick which ones to listen to?


Guess I’ll take a chance


And hope for the best


Too many songs to ever hear


Got to know what the hype’s about


I like to dig the oldies


But there must be new good stuff


But I’ll never hear it all


Have to enjoy what I can


Get over times of lost music


Focus on what seems best now


Rock and roll while I still can




Check out the library of Congress


More books than you can imagine


But a certain section may call out to you


More than the rest


You just have to read g31894ftpk2009


Man what a read that is


Might change your life forever


Maybe even human history


All because you had the courage


To open up a book


Open up your mind


Open up your consciousness


Open to the universe


Taking what comes your way


In the words of print


You have to get


The life you want most


It’s now your time


To put the book down


And work to make the world better


It’s your mission


You better listen


Or live in regret


I’d take the bet


That could lead to greatness


Coming from books




I watched a movie again


Last night in bed


It had a few stars


From a decade ago


Laughter never goes out of style

But those clothes sure did


Humans remain largely the same


But the individuals are all different


I can laugh at the props


Some of the corny dialogue


Hard to beat relaxing in bed


And watching old actors


Do their thing for you




The universe is rather absurd


I’m sure by now you’ve heard


A lot of funny people see it that way


Can’t help but say

What they think out loud


Might not make ma proud


But at least they speak the truth


The world is a telephone booth


A little bit cramped and out of date


Humanity should be irate


Because we all have to die


No way to live


Laughs come when we realize we’re fucked


No way out no matter what luck


You work for or happen to get


Laugh at the mysteries of life


You’ll never figure most out


Perhaps it’s wise to doubt


The comedians will ever win


They can try yet again


But humor only lasts so long


Before one hears the final song




I love every sensual feeling


I love every gentle healing kiss


I’ll always miss


Your lovely eyes and loving face


Finally found my place


I don’t care about much else


I only want to be in your bed


I know it’s been years now babe


But I can’t get you out of my head


Not til I’m dead


Will I stop loving you


And the nicest part of what we got


We can make love like monkeys


We can fuck whenever you want


I want to bone you forever


Or at least until I can’t get hard


Sex is one of the reasons I live


And the great blowjobs you give


Make me come every time


I feel better than divine


When we fuck and suck


God you’re amazing babe


We can conquer the world

But why bother


When we can stay home and fuck?




A pretty statue


Another fantastic painting

A kid’s first gallery work


All tend to impress me


The amount of time given to create


I stand in awe again


You’re all such wonderful artists


Painting the world a better canvas


Stenciling it in with crayon


Whatever the medium


I appreciate the work


It takes a lot of guts


To devote life to art


But if it’s your part


Why not give it your all?


Have a ball


Answer the call


Everyone wins


Visual sensations come in


Art is a gift to the world

Look at it while you can




Go to the distant places


Dare to take a risk


See the world you want to see


You’ll be amazed


The world is bigger than your backyard


Unless you have a global perspective


No matter where you go


You’ll learn new lessons


Life is thriving all over the globe


Go where you feel you belong


Go where you may be wrong


You’ll always wonder if you don’t


You’ll never wonder if you go


Open roads and endless highways


Flowing seas and well-built skyways


Humanity gives a lot to the Earth


But the Earth gives way more back


If you never see some more of it


You’ll feel less a part of it


Locals are fun to live with


But so are locals across the world


Everyone can be a little Columbus


Even if just for a day


Then you can say

You know a little more


About this vast world




Watching The World Cup


NBA Finals


The local ball club


Kids messing around


Sports are a lot of fun


Meant to be enjoyed


Play around while you can


Dig the ball game of choice


No matter where you go

People love their team


Support your favorite warriors


They may dazzle again


The figures of life all step out


And bring it home again


Watch them win it all


Watch them cry in defeat


The glory and agony of athletics


Will make you feel alive




Another rainy day


Maybe you should play


A board game for a while

It will make you smile


Take you back to being a kid


Remember what you did


Got to play with friends


Got to play pretend


The joys of cards and dice


It was oh so nice


And now the rain has gone away

But you can still stay


Inside and play


An old board game




I don’t want to take away hope

I want to point out the truth


If there is all-powerful invisible god


It does nothing to prove it’s real


Just because followers have zeal


Doesn’t make it real


Being skeptical of the heal


If it’s something that can be faked


An amputated limb is never magically replaced


Never seen one rise from the dead


Seen wealthy churches instead


Sucking suckers for their bucks


Not a matter of luck


Religions systematically drain the hopeful


And give them an afterlife discount


A coupon that might never be redeemed


It sure seems wrong


To sing some non-sense songs


Pass a collection plate


And simply lay back and wait


To get rich from others sins


They shop out of thrift store bins


While churches get more stained glass


A gold plated mass


A new car for the preacher


Barely a meal for the meekest

We have no proof of God


It seems quite odd


To live for a world that may never be


Instead of the one


That we know we have definitely




I want to know everything possible


But the older I get


That seems quite limited


Time goes by


A lot of people die


Even more come in


But nobody wins


At everything they want


The temporary ride


No one can hide


From the short life we get


It’s hard to bet


On the best odds in life


Too many have strife


Trying to find peace


They come to grief


Good ideas help

Deep thoughts may last a while


But no intelligence saves forever


Philosophy is only good for a while




If anything can save humanity

It will be miracles of science


Maybe they never will


But at least there’s a chance


Medicine is the way


Look what we have today


Longer life spans


Healthier food to eat


Better technology


More entertainment than we can view


Everything is made new


After a few short years


Options always increasing


Quality of life is releasing


Unimagined possibilities

We have science to thank


Thanks to the eggheads and the geeks


The geniuses and freaks


Who allow the rest of us to live


And spend our time in better ways


Thanks for the work of science




Always a debate


Just what should I eat?


I know I’d love some pizza

I bet I’d dig some chips

Chocolate always tastes good

But they say fruit’s better for me


So many delicious foods

I can only eat a few at a time


I want to have the flavors of the gods


Come alive in my mouth right now


Maybe I’ll chow down at a buffet

Or a simple sandwich at home


I know that I’ll win no matter what

As long as I follow my gut


More restaurants than I can ever visit

Man I love this town


A bored diner in Chicago


Should open their eyes and enjoy


Just a few options from around the world


The gifts of food never stop


And if you’re not sure what to do

Just ask for cheese on top




I have a few new clothes


I got them all for free


The ladies in my life are good to me


They give me new shirts and pants


Funny that I mostly hang out shirtless


In my underwear


I’d rather have cheaper clothes


That I don’t have to worry about


No life of a prince for me


Give me cheap threads and let me be on my way


Anyone who pays too much for clothes


Is a grand fool indeed


Too bad that fashions change on a whim


Give up and just wear what you like


And then you can live in peace



Having a place to live is great


But owning a home may be overrated


Mortgage payments and higher taxes


Have to grow up and cut the lawn


Might have to fix a septic tank


It may break your bank


Always a risk in owning a home


But you might find a treasure trove


Some people are happy with what they’ve got


Others never settle for anything less than a castle




Live right now while you still can


Time to stand up and be a man


Or a woman if you want


The time of life is short and you must get down now


Or maybe never at all


Have a ball


You already know the end


Please don’t pretend


You can’t beat it


Michael Jackson couldn’t beat it


Die with your boots on


Or off if your prefer


But know that it’s coming soon


So live right now to the max


Maybe you can beat the tax


But death is knocking at your door


You can try not to answer it


But it will hunt you down


No protein shakes or sit-ups will change it


So accept your final destiny


And accept your temporary destiny


Live out loud now




I miss you girl


I miss that sweet lovin’


Yeah, I know you’re with me right here now girl


But I’ll never stop missing you


I’ll miss you when you get up to get a sandwich


I’ll miss you from across the room


I’ll miss when you take the dog for a walk


I’ll miss you when you and your mama talk


I’ll miss you when you take out the trash


I’ll miss you when you watch a TV show I don’t like


I’ll miss you when you go to the bathroom


I’ll miss you when you fall asleep before me


I’ll miss you when you’re in my arms


I’ll miss you when we’re making love


I’ll miss you girl, until the day I’m dead


Unless I can miss you girl from beyond the grave




How the hell did we get here?


It makes no sense


Why do we worry so much about the ride


Knowing it all ends in a tragic car wreck


Music makes some people lose their minds


But others despise it


Books inspire some to change lives


Others to run away


Movies bring hope to billions


But make billions want to vomit


We only have a little time

So we should try to make it great


Enjoy the time we have left


And enjoy whatever we can


My wacky family


The have all the problems


They drink too much

They fight a lot

They argue about money


They yell at each other


They threaten each other


They throw things at each other


They steal from each other


They sleep with each others wives

They pull each others teeth out


They gouge each others eyes out


They piss on each other when they sleep


They steal each others children


Sell them on the black market


They shoot arrows at each other


They get each other IRS audits


They hire hit men to whack each other


Oh my nutty family




Life is a mere trial


Before inevitable death strikes


And we’re left alone


With nothing but memories


Life is hard to figure out


And to make matters even worse


Most of the time your answer doesn’t count


Unless you show your work


If one is a recluse


They may start to miss things


Like deodorant


Note the happiness of others


Imitate only if you think


It will work for you too


The utter non-sense of the universe


Should be enough to baffle


The greatest geniuses and the idiotic alike


Nothing is going to lead to automatic success


But there are trillions of ways


To automatic failure




Is it sad or practical


That most of my goals


Have to do with making money


Instead of excelling


One must continually ask


What they want


More than anything else 


A reminder of beauty that once was


Could exist now


May exist again in the future


No matter what I would’ve chosen


I was bound to end up


Losing to the universe




Play what you can while you still can 


Don’t expect anything to be


Etched in an eternal memory


Try harder to do temporary good


Elite power structures are likely


To rip off more people


As technology improves


Round the clock surveillance


Bow down to the bureaucratic gods


Nothing more than a silly struggle


To gain a temporary higher status


That’s unlikely to impress anyone




Forced into manual labor


By an ultimate source of morality


That never seems to appear


Difficult periods of life


Bogging down many


A better person stands strong


Despite the unpredictability of life


A swan song


Before the mustard goes bad




Read Hitch 22


Make a decision about life


Call Ma


Have a long chat with Tess


Explore the caves of the unknown


Prepare for some hell


Keep ultimate motivation in mind


Grow in spite of rejections


Spend time well


Remember I’m merely one


Grain of sand on the beach


But I can shine if I want to


Willingly enter into struggle


But also learn to take some time


To appreciate life


Some of the beautiful parts


It has to offer


Conquer fears whenever possible


Do everything possible


To make life better for self and others


Never expect absolute knowledge or perfection


Quit being petty


Be selfish enough to live well


But not selfish enough


To put others through


Unnecessary hell


Love as much as possible


But be hard enough to deal


With inevitable tragedies of life


Allow room for the unexpected


Prepare and plot as if


Tragedy may always be looming


Remember the lessons of the past


But be brave enough


To evolve into something better


Fight all ridiculous causes


But know that fights may be misguided




The universe is going to be a mystery now and for as long as I live


Making a valuable contribution


Being productive


Using time wisely


Having a matching theme


Honoring the ones who came before me


Never knowing how to live well


Disrespecting non-sense that is blindly followed


Creating lyrics that may be able to reach others


Writing a song that makes the best use of time around


Getting a better way of life for the most people possible


Does it require making others suffer to live well?


Is it unwise to spend too much time asking questions that quiet the mind and can’t be answered?


There is no reason to keep waiting for the right time, it never comes.


Being patient is often rather tough


Setting limits for the self is probably going to lead to a worse overall way of life


Perhaps nothing lasts, so act like a rock star for a while

The worship of others may be a bad thing to seek


Refusing to make the most of time is the worst thing that many individuals choose


Creating an original thought may be tougher than anything except for making easy money


Over easy eggs are probably not that easy for some

Stupid lyrics can change the way certain people think for a while


Death can only stop all people


Figuring out what one wants to be when they grow up is refused by some in their adulthood


Huge issues are debated every day, but only actions make lives better or worse


Nothing is going to be done unless we have the courage to make moves despite uncertainty


Courage is developed by experiencing a lot of failure and occasional successes that impress fools


Creating a new language would be rather difficult


Open up to new people and you may be able to see what waits on the other side of sanity


Isolation is rarely a good idea for an extrovert




Outsider music is silly


It has nothing to do with traditional structure


It has everything to do with quirky fun


Nobody can prove what music is best


These cats do it their own unique way


What the hell kind of sounds


Funky beats and funky leads


Make lots of people happy


Some of the worst songs of all-time


Achy Breaky Heart


Pat Boone- Metal Machine Music


William Shatner


Bilbo Baggins


Maxwell’s Silver Hammer


Revolution 9


The Beach Boys disco tune


People are fickle, everything can quickly change




Offer genuine sympathy to others, but know that resources are quite limited and I can’t possibly help every single person alive unless I do something absolutely spectacular, and almost assuredly not even then


Emphasize advances made in the fields that seem most vital, but know that limited success occurs even if one works hard for a lifetime to achieve a particular result


Think as clearly and as rationally as possible, but know that there’s often no way to objectively prove what the best course of action will be even in your own life


Have the wisdom to appreciate others despite some of their flaws


Have the courage to be honest and communicate effectively with others


Know that even if you do everything right, factors outside of your individual control may lead to a loss or a seemingly terrible tragedy


Remember that life is temporary, so is every great situation and every awful situation


Learn lessons from great people and less than great people alike


Frame ways of understanding reality in new and exciting ways


Use what you’ve done to have a positive impact upon others


Relish the beautiful moments and have enough strength to work through the bad moments


Remember the sacrifices that were made to provide me with a better way of life


Refuse to stifle the innovations of others, even if it may make me look bad in comparison


Get over petty feelings such as jealousy or foolish grudges


Enjoy every moment as much as possible


Be as healthy as possible while continuing to live well


Be cynical of others intentions at times, but be willing to have some faith in human solidarity


Know that life is often unpredictable no matter how much I don’t want it to be


Get over my petty hang-ups and have enough courage to use time wisely


I may not know everything I’d like to, but I have to trust that I can spend time in better ways to advance myself and the species as a whole


When I think about things too much instead of delivering actual change, I tend to sit on the sidelines of life and wonder what could have been instead of being able to remember vivid living


Found by piecing together a broad and bored stroke


Literally literary marking


Get over the bad sense of timing and make moves that count right now


Having to eat only twice a day


Open to the friendship of life and allow a greater circle of pleasant memories to take place


Less than imaginative and even worse: boring upon dull






Getting poems and everything else sorted out


Making a better contribution to life and others along the way


Knowing that I can make moves that are superior to what I’ve done thus far


Make real decisions and do my best to live well


Arguing about a larger cause of life


Knowing that all the while, lost souls may be arranged in new and exciting ways


Live vividly and spend time trying to do what makes the most sense


Participate in life and offer value to others


Communicate in the best ways possible with as many people as possible


Leave the Earth a slightly better place


Know that my efforts are likely to face challenges from self and others


Being skeptical is only wise to a point


Being happy is a subjective mindset


The theatres that sell out are popular for a reason


It’s hard to know what a lot of other people are thinking


The pledges of a new type of fraternity

The old losses fade into memories


The judging of another contest


Volumes must be watched


The guides of life are plotting


Figure into the European ideas


Note the success of right minded


Nothing is forever


Cliches fly all about

The obvious jokes must be discarded


Memoirs are nothing to laugh about

The educated laugh again

The fades of the tides


Joining their newest club


Not for a loss yet again

The tears are pledged to others


Figuring a new way to type


Losses keep piling up


Getting tired of focusing on non-sense


Stare out the shaded tree


Lopsided battles feared


A slaughter for the good guys


Joking all about the death


Mourning the loss of morning


Heckled in the stands


Kicking it with a new friend


Icing on something un-cake like


Lesbians ply their trade


Words flow out all over


Like a mopping mess


Determined to rise


Never to give up


Jeer at the snails


Voting in a liar


Better than other liars




Lyrics escape me now


Nothing to show


Life is going


And I’m joining


I’ll never have any proof


Musical tastes are subjective


The goods in life in new ways


What hope is there in a mere tune?


The mind can explore the Earth over


Nobody can prove what’s best


We can merely celebrate


With horns voices and guitars


Give the summer another new tune


Keep dancing until we can no longer


Our heroes will play better than gods


Celebrate and listen right now


I’m glad that I’ve been able to see distant lands and have also taken the time to check out ice cream parlors around the corner.


DEATH: I’m glad I’ve dodged this inevitable bullet thus far.




Many people listen to artists dead instead of the living because they tend to be so dull.


People lose their minds because someone sings a song.


People riot just because a certain type of music is played.


People get angry at pop musicians, but rarely do anything to stand up to evil fucks who are actually behind the pop musicians and a whole lot worse.


A wacky song can earn an “artist” more cash than many third world citizens have a chance to make for a lifetime of actual hard work.


There are more books than could possibly be read already, and more people are fighting like cats and dogs to try to make their mark by writing another book.


Too many people ignore books with factual information because there are so many books with total crap in them.


The absurd world we live in is already so funny that it’s hard to convince people to pay money to read a supposedly funny book.


Coloring books may be the way to create a new book concept for the amount of time and effort you’re willing to put in.




1. A group of Christian underground college guys live together and do wacky things that make little to no sense to outsiders.  Perhaps a few tales involving the silly lifestyle, the lame parties, the prayer groups, and something fictional like non-competitive sports and games.


2. Three guys in their early twenties struggle to make ends meet and have various misadventures while looking for love, money, and a future.


3. A young man travels around the world without any particular agenda in mind, just trying to do what seems best.


4.  A young couple moves to a new city and experiences the fruits of their new surroundings.


5. A foolish guy tries to beat a capitalist system with good intentions to no avail.




Why have I made such a big deal out of pretending to be other people?


Why do I care so much about achieving success in an area where I have no idea what I’m doing?


Why do I have long-term hope in a world where I know everyone dies?


Why do I spend my time toiling away in hope that I’ll create something worth the trouble?


Why do I think other people will care about my tiny thoughts?


Why have I failed to be entertaining so often?


Why can’t I make a better way of life for myself and others?


Why am I acting like a fool in the present?




People who focus on mundane interests may live in regret


People who refuse to focus on mundane interests may live in regret


Life is even more confusing when you’re in a relationship


Bringing children into the world is now a bad idea


Being saved is a ridiculous lie


It’s hard to believe so many people have issues with sex.  How’d you get here hypocrite?




How do people begin selling their art?


Why do people agree to pay so much for certain pieces of art?


How can one find success in artistic endeavors?


What kind of person spends their life in an art museum?


Why don’t art thieves just go to a bank instead?




Why do ignorant people seem to live everywhere I go?


Why bother traveling some place where you can’t speak the language?


What kind of a person moves to a foreign country?


Tourists have lots of money despite having no common sense


Too many people refuse to really explore distant lands when on package tours




Scientists should lie and see how much they can get away with- how can an ignorant public prove them wrong?


Even the most famous scientist in the world gets no press compared to an average pro ballplayer


How do they determine who the best scientist in the world is?  It would have to be an unscientific process.


It’s scary that so many people trust scientists so little and go with preachers instead.


Many scientists spend their career busting their ass only to fail to get the cure.




But one of the most popular cults


Parents get too excited to watch their kids win in a simple game


Parents of odd sports like bowling rarely brag


Heroes fade away into awful things after


Don’t get too excited about that trophy, they break and people forget



Who decides to devote most of their life to poker?


Take advantage of a child to win again and again


Rigged games are bad for you


Playing the lottery is obviously mostly a sucker’s bet


Does the house ever lose?




Enjoy it and die, don’t have any and die


Pizza can be a health food?


Vegans still die


Coffee is non-sense


Diet pills in a world where billions struggle to have enough to eat




Rock of the ages


Still withers away


Best to live out loud


While you still can


Life is too short


Youth even shorter


Don’t want to die too soon


Don’t want to get old either


Life gives you no choice


Better rock while you can


Embrace life for what it is


Make life rock despite struggles


You’ll lose in the end


But you can go out


In quiet desperation


Or rocking hard til the end


Rock on your way out


Rock til the end




God, you’re such a dick sometimes.


I’d rather be a dick than a cunt.


Oh how clever you piece of shit.


Okay, shut the fuck up you bitch whore, your Mom’s coming over.


Oh, hello Andy, nice to see you.


Indeed it is Mrs. Marah.  I was just complimenting Julie on her tasteful decorations.


Oh, how lovely.


And I was just telling Andy how pleasant his company is.




Watch this show


It’s really good

Nothing better to do

Than watch this show


Sit down and relax


Make sure you watch it all


Don’t forge the commercials


They keep us on the air


Please don’t forget the commercials


They’ll be really good too


Buy what they say to


Keep watching our show


Tell everyone you know


It’s the greatest show in human history!




What an attractive film star


You’d want to have sex with them


How about that opening scene


Makes you want to keep watching


Anything could happen


But it’ll be exciting no matter what


We’ll laugh when it’s funny


We’ll keep paying money


To see this sexy film star again


What a brilliant script

What a brilliant cast


Man it uses music well


What cinematography


Art in every way


This flick will change your life

You’ll be a better person


The world itself will change


Because you watch this film

Yes the world will change forever


Because you watch this film




That’s it


I’ve had enough


I’m tired of this bull stuff


You pay me too little


You work me too hard

No one appreciates me


Well Mister, those days are done


You can’t tell me what to do any more


I plan to find other ways to work

 I’ve realized it’s high time


To try something new with my life


I’ll show the world what I’ve got


Blaze a new and exciting trail


Please accept my two week notice


I hope you understand


The time for me to move on is now


Or in the near future anyway


But eventually I will say to you good sir


I quit this stikin’ job!


Oh man, I’m sorry my language was so foul


I take back the crass statement


I’d still appreciate a solid letter of recommendation


To my next potential employers


Before I can gain the courage to tell them


I quit that stinkin’ job too!




I used to know all the greats


Jackie Gleason, Rod Serling, and Lenny Bruce were my men


I rolled with the top dogs and high class all stars


I was treated like royalty

I could recognize any pop culture reference


From 1950- 1963


But the world changed on me


I realized suddenly


Times like mine could never be again


It’s worse than the worst sin


My knowledge is virtually useless


In the age of the internet


These kids with their damn Madonna and Michael Jackson


Think they know the greats


I tell you they’re no Stan Kenton


Or Lionel Hampton legends


If I hear any more of this new fangled David Lettermen


I think I’ll shit my pants


These flash in the pans are nothing like the real stars


Back when entertainment was divine


But you kids don’t have to settle

Travel with me back in time


Check out Your Show of Show


Watch The Twilight Zone


Gods like Chuck Berry can last forever


If you kids would just get off your lazy asses


Teach the kids some real classics


Leave it to Beaver’s better than some fake Terminator


Please check out the classics with me


Please check out some classic TV




I want to sing a song


But I really suck


I want to be a star


But I sound like shit


I want to be rich

But I got no cash


I want to get the women


But I can’t get no ass


I want to be a god


But I can’t even make rent


I don’t want to give up


But my life is spent


I want to live forever


And be the greatest guy


But I’m nowhere close


I guess I’ll fucking die




SEX- what more can be said about how to have sex in the world today?  Bi-sexual options, what is the age limit for lust, do consent laws matter- do we have to ID before we get intimate, what about fake ID’s?  Is there any way to know with the way so many women and girls dress today?

ART- Who pays millions of dollars for a piece of art?  I like art, but millions for art?  There’s a nice art section at Target- you can buy world famous pieces for under twenty bucks.  Now that can be a deal.  An even better deal: if you live in a big city, just walk in the alleyways for a week.  You’ll have enough art to last for quite some time, even if it’s random bits of shit you find.

PHILOSOPHY- It’s funny that anyone could become a professional philosopher- who in the world never thinks?

TRAVEL- Go to new places and check out how depressing and mundane most people are from around the world.

ANTI-RELIGION- Is there anything more absurd than a religion you’re not a part of?  Is there anything that is as much non-sense as religions that obviously cheat hopeful people out of their time and money- like all of them?  All religions are a waste of time, and some might even take the price of your life.


SPORTS- Is there anything more ridiculous than the fact that some grown men can be paid millions of dollars for excelling at a game meant for children to spend a small part of their leisure time with?

GAMES- Can there be justice in a universe where some individuals make a handsome living at playing games professionally?

FOOD- If it’s so helpful to food production to be vegetarian, why is anyone in India starving?

SHELTER- I wonder about how various ethnic groups throughout the world showcase their homes as status symbols- Eskimos, tribal clans, drifters, backpackers, etc.



MUSIC- A song about the Talking Heads and how much joy they brought me


BOOKS- A book about music and the irrational responses it may bring out in others

MOVIES- A flick about people who travel the world and fuck up a lot but are still interesting

COMEDY- A documentary about struggling comedians

SEX- A romp through the fantasy life of someone

ART- A depiction of some hilarious things about our hilarious universe

TRAVEL- A trip devoted to understanding more about any one of my passions


SCIENCE- An article about the most recent developments in technological singularity in plain English

PHILOSOPHY- A new concept for living that provides people with joy


ANTI-RELIGION- A new reason to oppose religion- how about it there isn’t one that clearly works well in all parts of the world


SPORTS- A new game that combines others- how about soca tennis bball pool- hitting a crossbar from the penalty spot, hitting a serve in, hitting a free throw, and nailing a reasonably rough shot on the pool table

GAMES- A carnival game- crazy two’s each player is dealt seven cards, three cards face up as community cards, two’s are wild, and the last card in the community pot is also wild, best 6 card hand with same poker rules

FOOD- Invent a new food- good morning leftover surprise- leftover pizza with fried potatoes, hot sauce, and burrito trimmings

CLOTHING- wear a funny combo business suit top, ballerina dress tutu bottom

SHELTER- Mansion with a cardboard box mansion attached as half

LIFE- Embrace a new way of life and hope that it leads to a better lifestyle

DEATH- Refuse to die for as long as possible, but expect it to come eventually.


MUSIC- Take challenges to make my own original music.


Perform in front of others and be devoted to it.


I realize that any music that’s created is likely to be ignored by most of Earth.  I realize that even the most popular music of any particular era is likely to be pushed to the wayside for more contemporary hits played by big corporations for profit.  I realize that musical taste is subjective, but technical complexity in music can be analyzed objectively.  I’ll never do anything important with music unless I devote my time and energy to getting a better way of life to become a reality within a musical happening.


BOOKS- Take challenges to make my own original books

Finish making a commitment and have writings reach others.


I realize that any book that’s created is merely going to be one among millions.  I realize that even the most popular books of one era are likely to be pushed to the wayside when the general pubic become more interested in new words and ideas.  I realize that taste in books is subjective, but technical ability in writing can be analyzed objectively.  I’ll never do anything important with books unless I devote a great deal of time and energy to creating words that are meaningful to me and others.

MOVIES- Take challenges to make my own original flicks.

One of millions, the most popular bow to new creations, tastes are subjective, technical ability can be worth the efforts,  I have to do devote a lot of time and energy to getting much better things to happen in the real world while I still can.  Use my tiny life to make existence better for self and others.  Know that a selfish life can still result in some better things for others if done with consideration and making moves to get the best parts of life to become a reality.  I have to look within myself and find what I believe to be the best subjective parts of life to be enjoyed.


Perform to the best of my ability and make something useful.


DEATH- Take a REALLY big challenge to try to defeat death.


Live well at all times, and do whatever I can to enjoy life while I still can, despite pushing the bolder like Sisyphus. 




I may have went crazy

I think I missed reality


I don’t see like they do


I don’t see like you do


Little makes sense


Life seems pretend


I can’t get my mind around it


It might be astounding


But I want to move on to reality


I want to see what others see


I want to be like others be


I want to avoid insanity


But I don’t know if I can


The world is complicated for this man


It’s hard to form a plan


When I simply don’t have a clue



Don’t be like Uncle Morty


Don’t tell the same old stories again


Never refer to yourself in third person


Never discuss financial planning


Avoid dental hygiene talks


Never talk about refinishing furniture

Then you won’t be boring


And people might like you




It’s time to go home

Time to go to sleep


But I’ll have to get up tomorrow

And do the same shit over again


God I hate this non-sense


How’d this become my life?


At least I get a few hours to live


Before I have to die



Music may be the wisest way to spend time


Or the most moronic


I love books when well written 


But I can’t believe how much bullshit is printed

I’ve learned a lot from certain movies


But I seem to keep using “learning”


As an excuse to sit on my ass

The greatest comedians can be philosophers 


The worst comedians are a waste of time

I thank the universe for sex


I always prove my appreciation


As much as possible

Eat all you can from the buffet of life


At least until you’re a fat ass

LIFE is a mysterious voyage


Full of twists and turns


Nobody could see coming

DEATH is an odd thing


To become desensitized to


In world where billions have died


Perhaps it makes sense




The universe will go on


Just fine after I die 


I’d like to know why


I came here at all


But that order’s too tall


From all I can tell


No one knows


Sit around watching shows


Put on by silly fools


Obey bullshit rules


All for what


You’ll be cut


No one makes it in the end


The universe isn’t your friend




Write the most brilliant lyrics

Touch the souls of humanity


Inspirational in every way


Odd sounds can ruin it


Brilliance drowned out by crap


No one wants to hear that


Not even for the lyrical rewards


What the hell was the artist thinking?


Shut the fuck up


Be a writer instead


You can’t make good music


You sick son of a bitch



MUSIC- There is more music that exists than I’ll ever have time to listen to.  Most music serves as a mere distraction from the worries and important issues of life.


It may have been foolish of me to believe that music could “save” me.  It’s hard to find a tune that will maintain biological needs.

The great music of the world should serve as an inspiration to be creative and appreciate life while we can.  The awful music of the world should inspire us to revolt and destroy.

BOOKS- The amount of great books in the world that can influence individuals are nearly endless.  The difficult part about life is determining which authors are focused on the most meaningful words that accurately describe what reality is.

It may have been foolish of me to believe that writing a book would mean something significant to others in a world where billions of people do everything they can to avoid reading.

MOVIES- The amount of great movies is nearly endless, but it seems that anyone who tries to find great movies has to sift through many less than brilliant ones. 


It may have been foolish of me to believe that watching movies other people made would ever be able to give me acting, directing, and writing abilities.

COMEDY- The amount of great comedy in a world where everyone is born clueless and is guaranteed to die is limitless.


It may have been foolish of me to believe that I could be taught by others how I could be funny.

SEX- Despite billions of ugly people, the amount of great sex that anyone can have is nearly endless. 

It may have been foolish of me to refuse to have sex merely because God was watching me.  Maybe God would’ve been into it.

ART- There are billions of pieces of art that have been created, yet so many individuals hope that their creations will be able to earn them a comfortable living.


It may have been foolish of me to believe that anything I created would mean more than a funny Mad magazine cover.

TRAVEL- There are hundreds of countries on Earth and I can only live in one place at a time.  It’s impossible to know which place is best, but everyone can make decisions about where they believe they can live better than anywhere else.

It may have been foolish of me to believe that taking a trip around the world drunk would show me my life purpose.

SCIENCE- Many people strive to make scientific improvements but few succeed.


I think the most amazing miracle of science I’ve ever personally witnessed was my frat brothers lighting farts.

ANTI-RELIGION- There are many religions that make quite different claims about truth and none of them are able to offer definite proof that their claims are undeniably true.


It may have been foolish of me to assume there was unquestionably a god until I was 22.

PHILOSOPHY- There are more philosophies than one has time to learn about in one lifetime, but no philosophy that can be guaranteed to lead to a better way of life.


It may have been foolish of me to spend time reading philosophy instead of getting laid.


SPORTS- There are more sports matches taking place every day than anyone has time to watch, but many lazy men do their best to watch whatever sports are on TV.


It may have been foolish of me to think that anyone would ever care about me kicking balls into a net better than other guys wearing different shirts.

GAMES- There are more games taking place than anyone will ever have time to watch.


If people spent as much cash fighting against world hunger as they did on lottery tickets no one would starve.

FOOD- There’s enough food on Earth to sustain billions of humans and numerous animal species, but there may be a famine in any specific place at any given time.

I may have been foolish for trying harder to find out which places served the best chicken wings instead of investing money wisely.

CLOTHING- Billions of people throughout the world have enough clothing to meet their basic survival needs.

I may have been foolish to believe that chicks would dig my “Gone crazy be back later” t-shirt.

SHELTER- There are many different ways to create a home.


I may have been foolish to waste money on rent instead of wasting money on a home I’d never be able to pay off.

LIFE- There are many different ways to spend the limited time one has in life.


I may have been foolish to waste my life trying to find out the truth in a world where everyone and every source of information appears to be so full of shit.

DEATH- There are many different ways to die but they all provide a similar end result.


I may have been foolish to believe I could add anything significant to a world where nearly everything and everyone is forgotten and we all die.




MUSIC- The joys of music are often hard to express with mere words.  The joys of music are often irrational.  The joys of music are able to stay with one as long as they maintain some sense of mind.  The joys of music are rarely anything but subjective.  The joys of music are better shared with others.  The joys of music are hard to find in certain places unless one is willing to create.  The joys of music are preserved through memories.  The joys of music are able to be expressed in many different ways.  The joys of music are as good as it gets in a planet full of various problems, illnesses, and death.  The joys of music are something to enjoy while you can.


The joys of books are mighty for thinkers and fleeting for fools.  The joys of books are able to be taken through life.  The joys of books are able to be shared with others.  The joys of books are harder to find in places of repression. The joys of books are only as limited as the individual imagination.  The joys of books are able to be seen in various places throughout the world.  The joys of books can be about so many different topics.  The joys of books will go on.

The joys of movies are unique to people who are able to experience them while they can.  The joys of movies may be better preserved than anything else.  The joys of movies are both comedic and tragic.  The joys of movies are able to be witnessed in many places.  The joys of movies are able to transcend culture and religion.  The joys of movies are able to be understood by children, the elderly, and nearly everyone in between.  I’m glad I’ve been able to enjoy so much great comedy.  If I have any brains I’ll continue to do more.  If I have any sense I’ll move to expand my horizons and do things that have yet to be done not only by me, but also anyone that I’ve ever known.  The images that are seen in a comedic context can be appreciated by someone who has unique talents and a way of communicating that is unique to a time and place that is nothing more than a fading memory.



MUSIC- The best way to evolve music is to sing a song worth hearing.


The best way to evolve pop music is to ban it.

BOOKS- The best way to evolve the quality of books is to read some and see if you can write an even better one.


The best way to evolve literacy in America is to combine it with more quality pornography.


MOVIES- The best way to evolve the state of movies is to allow creative people to have creative control of major studio film projects.


The best way to evolve movies is to allow horror fans to be killed.

COMEDY- Evolve comedy by being a total jackass.

SEX- Sex will evolve when pregnancy becomes completely voluntary.

ART evolves when creative people give a damn.

TRAVEL evolves when the crew makes sure planes land safely.

PHILOSOPHY evolves when we get one out of a million who avoids watching too much TV.

SCIENCE evolves when someone challenges non-sense and demonstrates truth instead.

ANTI-RELIGION evolves when logic wins over emotional tribal superstition.

SPORTS evolve when the weak are killed off.

GAMES evolve when they become more complex than Chutes and Ladders.

FOOD evolves whenever we can find ways to get even more cheese into it.

CLOTHING evolves when humanity all starts wearing the exact same shit.

SHELTER evolves when we all either own mansions or box homes.  And I can tell which way it seems to be heading.

LIFE evolves when we become a species that refuses to pay money for a song like “Who let the dogs out?”

DEATH evolves when it is overcome.


LAST DAY?   If this were my last day, what would I do?   I'd email friends and family.   I'd email a more detailed message to Tess and Drew about what I've written.   I'd call Ma, Drew, and whoever else I could.   I'd have sex with Tess, if she wanted to.   I'd eat some good food.   I'd see whoever else I could.   I'd try to die with a little dignity, but I might end up just wailing like a little bitch.   Get over the myth of Syspyphus and start pushing rocks for a reason.   TRUTH POEM?   The good and the bad   Nobody can has the time   To know even a small portion   About all of the truth   Life is about making   Failed attempts   To do what we want   I didn't discover   The meaning of life    I don't believe   Anyone has    I have to make   The best of the ride   As long as it lasts    TRAVEL HERO
Visit as many places as I can   But never expect to come close   To seeing all that is   And all that could be   ODD THOUGHT   Fortunate people stick around   While absurdities of life pile up   We're left with little more   Than a ridiculous species   WAY TOO MANY SONGS         So many songs
So many wrongs   I can’t believe it   It’s hard to see it   So many songs are such shit   I can’t believe it’s a hit   It sounds nothing like the best   It fails every musical test   We haven’t evolved   Problems can be solved   Listen to awful tunes   Those talentless goons   The music world has no wits   The music world’s tight assed like Brits   The world isn’t your musical friend   Your life is bad music til the end   BOOKS I COULD LOVE   JOKE’S ON YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE TOO   BORN GRATEFUL FOR VAGINA                                                                                                         ART IN HEARTY BANK ACCOUNT   I BARELY AVOIDED A 6 AM WHORE AND OTHER FUN TRAVEL TALES




It’s hard to believe how many people die every day.  It’s enough to make one believe that they’re unable to do anything to help most people out.




I love people

I love children

I have a sweet voice

You better listen

Black men crying

Their babies dying

You know it ain’t right

Brothers have to fight

For a better way of life

Worth all the strife

One day we’ll all be one

Get to play in the sun

Life will be a joy

For every girl and boy




Getting into a groove with the funk

The doors of the mind open

Who does it?

The beats roll on

I wander to the beach

I heard it was gay

No wonder I loved it

It was really weird

Tenacious sounds

Brown night goes by

AC becomes DC

Sabbath day blues

Experience racks up

52 miles to go

Talking about it

Boingo is madness

Cru is on deck

Cream filled skies

Nirvana at last




You can do okay for a while

Take time to smile

You only get so long

Better make it count

Don’t go too wrong

Life takes you out

Full of fear and doubt

Forget about it now

You’re going down

Better do the town

Get out while you can

Live like a man

Do the biggest and best

Forget about the rest

Focus on what’s sweet

Before your defeat

You can’t take anything with

Eternal life is just a myth

Make your peace with it

Afterlife- forget it




I like to wear cowboy boots

I wrestle you good

I sing really nice in the shower

I dance swell in the nude

I’m a many man

Manliest man of all

We’ll have a ball

I can hang with the boys

I don’t care for the girls

Unless it’s time for shopping

Or maybe some drinks

Who doesn’t like fu-fu?

I’m all about it girl

You know that’s right honey!




Oh hell I

I don’t, I don’t understand

When I see that something

You want to kill this band

You want to kill this band

You better kill this band




I can’t even say what the popular songs of today are

I just know they annoy the shit out of me

I can’t tell the difference between any of it

It all sounds lame

Watered down corporate shit

It ain’t like back in my day

We had music with integrity

When I was coming up

The stars were like gods

Backstreet Boys, N Sync, Hanson

Celine Dion, Garth Brooks

Kriss Kross, Right Said Fred, Hammer

Vanilla Ice, Who Let The Dogs Out?

They had something to say

Hmm, maybe in retrospect

My generation was full of idiots too

Maybe music is just meant to be fun

Fuck around for a while

Before you get old

Lame in a more standard way

Work a bunch doing shit you hate

Just to pay a few bills

Instead of listening to moron songs

Might as well, you’re fucked no matter what

But a little less fucked for a while

If you have cash to fuck around with




Create something original

While you still can

Hope for a better part of life

While you still can

Believe that you can make a difference

While you still can

You may be wrong

But at least you’ll try

You may not win

But at least you’ll try

You may have to deal with pain

But at least you’ll go down swinging




It’s easier to listen to The Beatles

Than Father Freaky Fat

People know The Beatles

Not your weirdo band

I can’t believe those freaks

Even had enough of a following

To justify putting out an album

Billions love The Beatles

You hear them on the radio

Father Freaky Fat

What a dumb name

Like they could ever make it

Then again

I guess some bullshit has been big before

But until I heard Father Freaky Fat on radio

Or see them on the MTV

I won’t respect them

Everyone knows

You have to be the best

To make it to radio or TV




The answers for many problems


Are only found


When we have the courage


To abandon the need


For absolute certainty


Before taking actions


Figuring out jokes


And how to hit


The right notes




The greatest song in the world


Is far better than this


It might be an okay song


It doesn't last too long


It won't bore you to death


But it isn't the best


It's just an average song


It will soon be gone


You'll remember catchier tunes


You'll forget about it soon


Too many songs sound almost the same


It isn't great it might be a bit lame


To be remembered a song must be top class


Instead of a throw away that shall pass




The finest musicians sacrifice

To play difficult scales,

Notes, and compositions

To perfection

But we live in an age

Where any fool can push a button

And play those same notes

To perfection

Youths often look foolish

Dancing to the latest radio hits

But the older one gets

They somehow find ways

To look even more foolish

When dancing

It’s nice to know

Even if we don’t achieve

Our individual dreams

There’s still great music

To be enjoyed

By billions of people




Brilliant movies were once made


Symbols of an era


Gone forever


They had Easy Rider


We've got Transformers 2


I hate to think what the future will hold


For my lame assed generation


The people who are gone


Can no longer speak


The people who are here


Don't say much worth hearing


Media stunts make us cynical


Our time will soon pass


Then the next generation will have to top


Fucking Transformers 2




It's funny how people say they fight for my freedoms, but then have a problem when I don't live the way they think I should.


That's not freedom.


Not at all.  Sometimes it's the opposite of freedom.


The military people say they fight for freedom but then club the shit out of war protestors.


Jesus died on a cross for me for sins he created me to be able to perform, but will send me to burn in hell if I don't believe in him and devote my life to him.


The United States government takes most of my money with the threat of imprisonment if I refuse.

So how does one achieve freedom?


I don't know.  Death?




The IRS sucks really bad


Fuck you


I hate you all like my dad


Fuck you




I have an opinion


But no one seems to care


I could write a song


But it's just a tune


Nothing that will change the world


I could write a book


But it's just printed words


Nothing will change


I could make a movie


A few people might like it


But no one will change things


I could tell some jokes


A few people might laugh


But it won't get anyone to improve


I could make some art


It might be pretty


But it won't feed hungry kids


I could do a lot more


But would it make any real difference?


No matter what I do


It seems many will get sick


Many will suffer


Many will die


Damn shame


But what can I do about it?




There’s nothing going on


Life is too dull

Better than the world

Too much shit going down

Don’t want to die in war


Don’t want to live right here


Have to get out now


Before I die of boredom


Find a medium


Life better than yawns


Life better than pawns


Got to get out now


Got to get to a new town

Got to get out now

Got to get out now




I was dreaming


I couldn’t tell


Was I in heaven


Or some kind of hell


The kids looked old


I had my doubts


I felt so bold


Just like a mouse


I have to go


I have to think


I have to blow


I have to drink


The wishes come


The dishes pile


The simple’s done


I fake a smile


The righteous past


The grey present


The unknown future


Makes me question


I feel afraid

But never stop


I hope my days


End at the top



I like The Beatles

I like The Who


I can't stand the crap on the radio


Since 1992


The days of my youth


Produced awful tunes


They won't be remembered


Good riddance to you


Fuck Garth Brooks

Fuck Shania Twain


Fuck Billy Ray Cyrus


Fuck all that Top 40


I'm glad that it's gone


I'm glad that it's passed


My only regret


It ain't leaving fast




There's a weird ghost


Hanging around my house


Who can help me with it?


Ghost removers!


They might look weird


But they're really good


The only ones to call

Ghost removers!


I'm afraid of these ghosts


Please get them out


They're supernatural pains in the ass


I hope you incinerate them to hell




Some drunken frat boy offers you free drinks


You've got to pour them down the sink


Some hurtin' loser offers you some drugs


He doesn't need pills, he needs hugs


You've got to stand


And demand


To be SOBER!


You'll be clear thinking and in top form


Being sober should be the norm


You won't live a life of regret


You've got morals you can't forget


You've got to stand

And demand


To be SOBER!




Their first album was killer


Second one's a classic too

The third one is overlooked


Well, as much as an album can be


For one of the most successful bands ever


In the midst of their god like hey day


Their fourth is owned by everyone


You almost have no choice


Early Led Zeppelin changed my life




At least I tried


I rarely lied


I often sighed


I finally died


The world crushed me


The girls hushed me


The world punished me


The girls banished me

My time was short


Your time is too


Do what counts now


Before you have to go




Jimi Hendrix is gone


Bill Hicks is gone


George Orwell is gone


Dali is gone


Chris Farley is gone


Richard Feynman is gone


Even Shaft is gone


All of my heroes are dead


Perhaps I should pick some live ones


Or get off my ass


And become a hero to someone else


Nah- That's too hard


Come on heroes of mine


Quit dying on me!




Enjoy the days of your youth


You're fucked when you're old no matter what


How many joyful working adults do you know?


Not fucking many I bet


What do they have to look forward to?


A boss telling them what to do?


A spouse telling them what to do?


Parents dying


Kids are trying


Buddies get old too


Gut grows


Hair falls out


Weight goes up


Things stop working


Fuck that


If you have to go out like that


No matter what anyway


Might as well enjoy youth


Take it for what it's worth


Live it up now


The future may never arrive


The present is the time to live


Do it now while you can


Tomorrow's guaranteed to no man


You can try to plan


But the world is messed up


Don't take work too seriously


You're going to die in the end


It makes no sense to suffer


Because you aren't good at things you hate


Do what you must to get by


Live out loud, embrace the night


You can live instead of shuffling papers


Pull off your own mastermind capers


Have some adventures when young


If you find a job better run


They mostly suck, you don't want that


Don't become a corporate stat


Don't say yes and get fat


Have some passion while you can


Lie in the sun and get a tan


Find what life means to you


Find out what you can do


Find out what you can about life


Try to avoid stress and strife


Life is short and time is passing


Don't waste life just amassing


More shit that you don't need


Live for your own creed


Do a few good deeds


Have a few good reads


You can work later if you must


Live a little before you're dust




The choices of life

Are nearly endless


Try to make good ones


Despite never knowing


How they'll turn out


Hope you have good times


Before you go away


Hope you live well


Before you see hell


Hope you live long


Hope you belong


Hope you want to try


Hope you never die




There are many troubling places

So many so sad faces

The children don’t all get to eat

All kinds of danger we may meet

The world can be a harsh place

There isn’t enough space

For all of us to get what we want

It all seems so wrong

The unknown never leaves

Someone always grieves

Living out loud for a while

Before we have to fade away

We may still have today

But don’t know how much more

No one knows what’s in store

For the lives of the human race

We can’t all go at our own pace

Things keep changing and moving

We just want life to be soothing

But it rarely is unless we kick ass

But most people never quite pass

The test of life graded on a curve




So many human beings


Live on this great planet


Over six billion impressions

I could be doing


I don't know where to begin

How do I decide who to imitate?


I could make fun of my Ma


Or maybe my Dad


Might roast my sister


That wouldn't be bad

My brother is a cheeky one


He's got so many quirks


But none of them are famous


You might not get the reference


I could do a bunch of actors

Like every other comic

The same Jack, DeNiro, Brando


Over and over again


Or I could try to be off beat

And do some folks few do


Maybe do a Bill Gates, a prime minister, or Captain Kangaroo


But there's one big problem


No matter who I pick


Everyone sounds just like me


Hardly impressive shtick


So maybe before I do great impressions

I should take a look at me


How can imitate others


If I do such a bad me?




I’m finally going home


To see my family again


I’ve been working way too hard


At the whoopee cushion factory


Oh I just can’t wait to see Mom and Dad


My brother Drew and my lovely sis Jezebel


We’ll sing holiday songs


Eat some lovely fixings


And then we’ll throw water balloons at rich kids


Who think that they’re better than us


Home for the holidays


My family is so wacky


They give me coal stock for presents


And then shoot me with my old bb gun




I once had promise

I was good at playing ball


I got good grades easily


The girls seemed to like me


My parents made decent money


I had it good


But then things took a turn


I knew my life was changed


I heard that music


That Weird Al music


I knew I’d never be the same again


I started wearing Wacky Hawaiian shirts


I growing a fro


Until Weird Al grew his hair out


Then I did that too


I started hanging with Dr. Demento


I started hanging with nerds


Instead of silly young girls


I thought of Weird Al’s words


That lovely poetry


Of songs like Fat or Eat It


My god it’s so genius


I can’t get it out of my head


Weird Al is my hero


Weird Al is my life


Don’t care if they say I’m a zero


Don’t care if I can’t have a wife

I’d rather be an Al fan


One of the many proud


I’m an Al fan for life


I’m floating on a Weird cloud




Writer’s block gets you


It is evil to be such a bore


Blank mind will fuck you


You won’t see another dime


You squint your eyes

Can’t believe the crap that’s on the screen


What does it mean?


Not even filler


It’s filler light


And nobody can save you from the depths of writer’s hell


You know it’s filler


Filler light


What a shame that you’ve lost you mind





Music can be good


If a song really rock


It might make you laugh


If the singer shows their ass


Tunes might make you think


But more likely that you’ll drink


Music’s supposed to be a good time


Lots of guys feel the need to rhyme


But some not at all


Like Edward the prick


Listen to what you love


Heavenly music sent from above


Or maybe below


The devil tends to jam way better


His human team kicks ass


But whatever you like


Life’s too short to listen to a bunch of shit


If you do, you’ll regret it


Read a book from time to time


You might learn something new


Or be a bit less ignorant


Or at least not completely stupid


It might not change the world


But you can improve your mind


Once you can think for yourself


You start to realize new truths


Just because a book says it’s true


Doesn’t make it so


Just because a book is popular


Doesn’t make it right


Just because a book sells well


Doesn’t mean it’s written well


Books might make you laugh out loud


Books might make you check out the town


Fill your head with pleasant facts


Leave the morons to moron attacks\


You could be productive today


You could change the world


But you don’t want to do that


You want to watch another movie


Who could blame you?


The world’s pretty fucked up


The problems of billions


Aren’t likely to be cured


If you clock in at the office


People will still get sick


People will still die


So fuck it


Let some others work


You should watch another movie



Life is never ending laughs


Once you see how absurd life is


You can’t win


You can just tie for a while


Might as well smile


Laugh like a fool


You’ll never rule


You’re on the way out


No need to pout


Act a fool while you can


Fuck all of your plans


Life has bigger ones


They don’t include you


So have a chuckle


If you have luck you’ll


Get to laugh quite a lot


Before your life stops



I want to fuck her


2nd person- I want to fuck her too!


3rd person- I too would like to fuck her?


All- Well what are we going to do?


Why don’t we all fuck her?


Why don’t you fuck off?


I called her first?


She’s not a fucking parking spot.


Why don’t we see who she chooses?


It’ll have to be me.


Like you stand a chance


Maybe she’ll dig all three


Why don’t you go first?


Fuck you, why don’t you?


God you’re both pussies


Let’s see how you do!


Okay, I’m going to ask her out


Treat her like a lady


Yeah like that will work


You won’t even get a maybe


At least I’ll have class


Yeah, but no ass


We’ll just wait and see


Shit, when I’m laid you’ll see


Good luck to both of you with other women


Fuck you cocky prick


I hope you get warts on your dick


I love you too!




You can’t end like that


It’s just too tacky


You can’t end like that


It’s just too wacky


You should end with class


You don’t end like an ass


You should end on a great high


You should end before you die




Man, this makes no sense Steve.


To the untrained eye maybe not Pete, but…


But nothing!  You’re 32 years old.


Yes and…


You’ve never been a bandleader before.


Granted but…


And you’re not Latin.


I don’t see how that’s relevant.


I think to be a Latin music bandleader, you have to know something about music.


I’ve listened to music off and on for most of my life.


That’s hardly unique.  You can’t even read music.


True, but I can read about music.  Plus, music is just something that you feel.


Only if you’re just listening to it.  A bandleader should know everything there is to know about music.


You have to start somewhere.


Fine, take a class on how to play the spoons or something.  But don’t call yourself a Latin bandleader.


But that’s what I have to be.


One, that’s not even close to true.  You’re a computer software engineer.


That’s how I earn money, but that’s not who I am.


Whatever man.  You can’t even read music, you can’t play any instrument, you don’t have a band, and you’re white!


It doesn’t matter if I’m white.


You’re not Latin.


But I can lead a Latin band.


You don’t have a band.


It’s just a matter of time.


You’re living in a fantasy world!


Better to live in a world of dreams than in a mundane reality like most.


Better to pay your bills and keep your day job.


Better to be who I want in my life.


This isn’t a movie.  I don’t even think you know anyone in a Latin band.


I don’t, but I sometimes talk to the guy down the street who’s always working at that Burrito joint.


He might not be the guy to get you to break into the Latin music business.


I don’t do it for the money.  I do it for the love.


Oh Christ!





Why would you like to work as an editor at Life?


Well, I've been a fan of your magazine for most of my life.  I even had some moments in my teen years when I...




When I, uh, fantasized about some of the most attractive female shots.


I think I know all I need to know Mitch.


It's Mike.


Whatever.  Good day.


Wow.  Uh- Can I re-apply?




I'd like to buy two roses.


Two dozen roses?


No, just two single roses.


Who buys two roses?


I do.  I only have so much to spend on a flower budget.


Why not buy a cheaper bouquet then?


Because, my lady like roses and I have enough to buy two roses.


You should've worked a little overtime and gotten her at least a half dozen roses.


Maybe, but I didn't.  Look, I just want two yellow roses.


I only have one yellow rose left.


Fine, I'll take that and another rose.


I'm sorry.  The yellow rose is the only rose I have left.


The only one?


Yes, it's the only one left.


How can that be? 


Everyone else bought them in dozen packs.  I just kept this one out for myself, because I like them.


Okay, I'll take the yellow rose and another yellow flower.


You shouldn't mix and match with roses.


But you're out and I don't want to spend an evening shopping just for two flowers. 


But if your lady likes flowers, she'll know the difference.


So what?


A real flower lover would never combine different classes of flowers with a rose.


Look, I'll just go to the local megastore and pick up two roses.


Yeah, good luck.  They only sell them by the dozen.


I'll take my chances.




I think the worst movie I've seen in years is Camp Washington.  What an utter pile of dog shit.


I think you're being unkind to dog shit in that review Tim.  This is an insult to filmmakers throughout history.


Annoying, clumsy, and out right offensive.

There is absolutely nothing good about this- I can't even bring myself to call it a film.


Please don't see Camp Washington.  To even waste time telling you what it's about is pointless.  Don't see it.


Really, physically prevent anyone you love from seeing it.  Worst so called "movie" of all-time.


I couldn't agree more.  Moving on to a movie that's worth discussing...




Finally a day off to do whatever I want.


We should watch YouTube videos.


Yeah, but I'd like to do something productive first.


Well let's see, the trash needs to be taken out, you could make your bed, clean your room, mow the neighbors lawn, clean the dishes, sweep and vacuum the rug, or do laundry.


You're right.  We should watch YouTube videos.



I keep sneezing doc.


Do you have any known allergies?




Have you made any changes in your diet recently?


I've been eating a little more cheese than usual, but nothing too radical.


Perhaps it's the high pollen count we've had lately.  But just in case I'm wrong, I'm going to order a series of expensive and outrageous tests to be performed on you.


But I'm only 31.  It's not that big of a deal.


Then why'd you come to the Doctor's office?


Well, I'd rather not sneeze a lot, but I'd prefer even more to save money.


But you're paying for this visit.


No, insurance covers this visit.  Anything else and I pay out of pocket.  And I'm not cutting into my money for drinkin'.


That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.  You don't want to jeopardize your health young man.


It's just a few sneezes.  I'll take my chances Doc.




Busses go five times more the way you don’t want to go than the way you do.


Bikers think they have the privilege to be cars or sidewalk pedestrians on a whim


The lines even in the most mundane places are huge


Smells are best left ignored


Realization that bum preachers are no less insane than “legitimate” ones


People who wear clothes that are more expensive than some bum’s life savings in a cup peacefully co-exist, to some extent


Some of the most ignorant people in the world congregate at the library


Police are indifferent to actual crime, but maintain parking order


There are people who actually pay that much for food, parking, clothes, etc.


So many people are so full of shit.


I should stop fearing a future that I’m completely clueless about.  Maybe I’ll win free cake for a year and everything will be all right.




Fiends aren’t much different than friends


Top support is hard to find

The best of the past still die


The happy insult sufferers


Don’t take joy for granted


Love all you can


Live while you can


Can while you live


While you can live


Open up a deli


Make some more food


Eat the night away


Dance with passion


See it all go by


Can’t change everything

There is no tragedy yet


You’re still around


Move on to bigger


Move on to better


Or at least laterally


Play another tune


Re-masters are great


The treading of water


The drinking of water


Too much to handle


You’ll have to cope


Someone is messing around


There’s tumult in town


Life isn’t so simple


I saw your dimple


Terrible lyrics


Terrible tunes


At least they tried


Vulnerable artists


Objective science


Losing lottery tickets


No case of rickets


Play a telethon


Commit to win


Win to gain glory


Use glory for power


Have power to enjoy


Enjoy as much of life


As you possibly can


You’re fighting a losing battle


But don’t act like cattle


Be original if you dare


Someone else may care


That you weren’t another sheep


While others stayed asleep


Your life was vivid and bright


You shed a little light


Instead of being dark


Your life was a lark


Instead of a useless


Pointless death sentence




Evolution didn’t stop


Humanity can do better


You can too


We have a long way to go


As long as folks still die


We don’t know why


But those who try


Have a shot to help

Have a chance to live


Have a chance to give


Maybe none of us will make it


But someday our ancestors might


Be able to do things we can’t imagine


And we’ll have helped


A bunch of ungrateful future pricks



Your loved one died


It’s so sad


Forget about playing cards with them now


They’ve left the world for good


They ain’t coming back


Oh sure, you can remember them


Or do some things you used to do


But they’re gone forever


I hope you weren’t an asshole to them


When they were still around




Party while you can


You all know the plan


The universe takes you out


Without a shadow of doubt


So use this time to rock


Death can suck your cock


You’re on top right now


You can feel your power


This is your finest hour


Kick some ass while you can


Time to be the man


Take your noble stand


For soon you’ll be canned




You should get a haircut

You should get a job


Be like everyone else


Who’s a boring snob


Quit acting like a hippie


You’re a damn adult


Try hard to be a yuppie


Or failure is your fault


Quit claiming you love art


When you bum for rent


You need to finally start


Acting like a gent


You ought to be ashamed


You aren’t a fucking baby


You ruined your family’s good name


You’re worthless and way too lazy


Stop drinking and watching TV


Give something back to society


Or keep fucking over hard working folks


I hope you stay hungry and broke



I have problems I have to get them solved or nothing good will ever happen in my life that I want to believe can make a difference in the grand scheme of life to make a better overall appearance in the lives of many who are struggling to improve who they are and what they may be able to do to take responsibility for their actions in the noblest and least foolish ways that are lucky to be found in the success rate of the most determined individuals who are pushing forward and using their time to evolve into something better for the uses of the example of fine hours that are leading to a more steady lifestyle that is built out of the winning efforts of money making lenders and borrowers who are focused on goals that are more meaningful than the rest of the league that is standing up to the tests of time that are losses for the open practice of the harshest words that are left for a less than stellar champion who plays for blood but never equals that hopeful event that pulls off a category of leadership that is uncategorized by the opening positions of life and the smallest minds that are set up in the frontal lobes in the synapses of leagues that are still being settled in the hopeful times of life that are nothing more than a simple blog entry for the lost cause that are pledged over for the firmament in the non-sense humor that is developed by hard driving bargains that are supposed to be logical but often wander into vague areas of questioning that are supposed to be loyal to a cause that is opening a front for a business that is supposed to be a colleague that is left wondering who can settle down and lead a more impressive element of life that is guessing about how one can lack professionalism and fond memories of life and love that are supposed to be a leader in the fields of life that are corrected by a guest spot in the findings of a tarp filled world that’s supposed to be a fighting ground for anyone who can reasonably afford to make more opportunities for themselves in the wisdom of the ages to protect various business interests in who they are and what they do to lead up to a thunderous point of continual battles.



I wander the world


I wonder what will happen


I wander for fun


I wonder a ton


Everything changes


Nothing lasts


I hang on to a few memories


I keep checking out what’s new


I can have a laugh

I can have a drink


I’ll see some weird things


I’ll have to stop and think


I still don’t get it


Even after all of these years

But I’m glad I’m still here


And I have a few beers



I don’t know if what I make will matter


I don’t know if anyone will care


But I feel compelled to keep trying


Even if I’m acting a fool


There’s a drive to create

There’s a drive to count

There’s a drive to live well

There’s a drive to amount


To something better than what I’ve been

Something better than what already is


Transcend the dullness and pains


Cure the blues and dwell on Spain


And other fine places in the world


I have to drive to see as much as I can


I know I’m only one man


But if I form a grand plan


I may finally understand


The joys of a great band


Or at least enough to make me happy


For a while before I have to leave




The world is such a beautiful place


Full of ornate designs

That are all destined to die


And disappear into nothing


Music is so wonderful


It provides great joys


Until it makes us deaf


Or we bite the dust anyway


Books contain great knowledge


Enlighten and infom


But they mean nothing at all


To people who can’t read and die


Movies are a treasure


Of human imagination


Too bad all the stars die


They quit too easily on you


All of the art, sex, and travel


Still results in death


All of the food, clothes, and houses


Won’t give you any real life insurance


Live a little before you die


Bow out and say goodbye


Your cameo on Earth


Is about to expire




A lot of things about life piss me off.  But I don’t like being pissed off.  I’d rather be happy.  But the older you get, you see just how life screws you.  You try to be a decent person and others take advantage of you.  You’re born and people take care of you, but pretty much as soon as you can talk you’ve got someone telling what to do and how to do it.  You don’t get to play all day.  You have to go to school.  Why?  So you can acquire relevant skills like finger painting, story time, and watching how bitter most teachers become?  There’s nothing that’s taught in schools that couldn’t be learned by a motivated kid.  All public school is meant to be is a place where conformist worker drones are created.  Anyone who ever does anything important in the real world has to excel a lot more than anything taught at school.  School represents the bare minimum of what you have to know to get a monkey boy job you’d hate.  That’s all.

I find it rather sad that there are people living in the 21st century who starve.  What leads to this terrible mass tragedy?  Some people blame inefficient economic policies.  Others say starvation takes place because of the foolish decisions of corrupt politicians.  Some believe it is the failure of modern science to create methods for humans to be able to grow enough food in various climates.  But I think if anyone is honest, we all know the real culprit: fucking. 





WATCHING 1930’s Dutch cinema


Doing improvisation in Mexico


Having sex anywhere in public in Chicago


Making myself a living piece of art


Traveling to South America by foot


Doing a goofy science experiment


Publishing an anti-religion leaflet


Posing as a philosopher for a photo shoot


Protesting the existence of a popular local sports team


Play 800 simultaneous games of chess and lose all of them


Take on a veggie burrito Mike V. food challenge


Wear only my skimpy white shorts on a backwards jog


Live in Canada for a year while making a living from dancing


Being a grave digger or an undertaker’s assistant


Writing is enough to satisfy someone who just likes to watch the madness of others, but those who want to be active participants have to do something other than merely write about what’s taking place in the universe.   They have to roll up their sleeves, get down and dirty, and take some punches in the face from the universe before they’re able to live well.


Art is anything that is produced with a vivid imagination.


Anyone who makes less than an elephant who paints should be ashamed.


Anyone who makes less money than a monkey with a paintbrush should be shot.




What is the purpose of life?


How did the universe come into creation?  Is it possible that there’s always been some material form of existence?


If there is a god, why does it allow so many contradictory accounts that provide as much tangible evidence as the actual god?


Why do so many people seem so unhappy?


Is there a way to accurately tell who’s happy and who isn’t?


Can I get a better deal on potatoes if I keep looking?


Will I be able to achieve even a small part of my dreams?


If I try, will anyone care?


What do I need to do before I die?  What do I feel like I should do before I die?  What if I fail to do so?  Will anyone be angry?  Will I harm others if I refuse?


Is it wiser to live simply and stop trying to ask all sorts of unknowable questions?




There are many more jokes that can be told.  There are many more songs that can be created.  There are many more books that can be written.   There are many more movies that can be filmed.  There are many more stand-up routines that can be written.  There are many more opportunities for living and healthy people to have sex.  There are many more pieces of art that can be created.  There are many more places where anyone can travel to.  There are many more ways to contribute to science.  There are many more ways to combat against the stupidity of religions.  There are many more ways to create better philosophies.  There are many more ways to promote more passion for sports.  There are many more ways to enjoy games.  There are many more ways to eat.  There are many more ways to design and wear clothes.  There are many more ways to live in homes.  There are many more ways to live life.  There is no way to avoid death.





I want to live the good life


I want to raise a family


I want to be a success


I want to be the best


I want to destroy my enemies

I want to see them die


I want to watch their eyes ooze blood


I want to see them burned alive


I want to see them tortured repeatedly


I want to see their suffering


I want to see their families slaughtered

I want to see their pets cremated


I want to see their communities wiped out

I want to see their cities bombed


I want to see their nations begging for mercy


Only to be crushed like the maggots they are


I want everyone I hate to die


And burn in hell for eternity

I want to rule the entire universe


I want to destroy all of the gods

So I can take their place

And do whatever I want




They say Mozart was a genius


I think he was boring


Tired of all that fancy old white boy shit


It got no style


It got no beat


It ain’t got shit on rap


That’s where it’s at


Listen to the words from the streets


Not the words from old dead white guys

What the hell did they know?


They’re way too old school




I could be a great man


I could act with class


But I hate the great men


They kiss lots of ass


Suck corporate dick for years


Get another degree


Trade freedom for cash


Full of so many fears


Fight to be the best?


Why try if you can’t win?


Rather be with the rest


So I can enjoy my sins


Don’t see the point to being number one


If you have to act like a bitch


Not worth it to lose who you are

Might as well be a snitch


Oppress the poor and foolish


Bomb lots of little brown kids


What kind of psycho are you?


How can you stand to live?


I’d rather be poor than corrupt


I’d rather be dead than live like that


I’d rather not serve evil masters


I’d rather be free and happy




Hey you


You know you’re going to die


Maybe not any time in the near future


But sure as hell someday

So you might as well take some time


To live before you go


Don’t waste time doing stupid shit


Might as well get used to it


You can’t win but you can fight


To battle for your very life


You should have some fun for a while


Fuck the bullshit, have a smile


Bound to lose but not to be lame

You can choose to strive for fame


Be a star and destroy a scene


Be a champ and live a dream


It may not last cuz nothing will


Laugh a lot before you’re killed




I want to live


The world can give


I hate damn death


Give it a rest


The book is done


I hug my hun


I eat some lunch


I’ve got a hunch


The dome is rocking


The boxers socking


I fall down again


I say hey to Ben


The room is dark


I hear a dog bark


The smell is great


It is my fate


I want to be blessed


This life is a test


Rotting away


Against anti-gays


Life is too strange


I have to arrange


To live before I can’t


I hear my dog pant


The rhyme is less than ill


It may end up landfill


Rap isn’t my thing


I’d rather bring


Some chips and dip


Some booze to sip


A flick to watch


I can’t botch


A funny movie


It’d be groovy

We can lay back


Chill out and snack


Life would be sweet


My plan’s complete



You have to pay me for my free verse


Unless you manage to steal it


And get away with it


Then you can have what I made


Without paying


Hell, I can’t stop everyone


I’d rather you give me some cash


I’ve been busting my ass


Trying to make something new


Don’t I deserve my due?


But I get it


You bust your ass too


And probably don’t make shit


Or at least not as much


As you think you should get


The world’s pretty fucked up


There might be bigger deals

Than me getting screwed


Out of a bit of cash


But it still bites my ass


That people are so rude!




Whoever’s in charge


Definitely should be


God ordained it


You better do what they say


You better shut up and obey


Rulers are amazing

I worship the king


Bankers rule the world


Priests are to be trusted


Presidents are heroes


Protecting the rest of us


The army should be worshipped


The have all the might


Their guns provide freedom


You better bow down to them


You better do what they say


You better shut up and obey




I want to enjoy today

I want to eat, love, and stay


In a loving world


I love my ice cream swirled


I hope that I can sing

I hope that I can dance


I hope that I can bring

Another friend a chance


To read a great book


We can all take a look


The truth is coming out


Getting rid of doubt


Watching funny bits


Enjoying awesome tits


Life can be a joy


No need to be coy


Live your life out loud


Stand up and be proud


Look at some great art


Giggle at a fart


Go see new places


Defeat the silly racists


Learn more about reality


Practice congeniality


Science teaches truths


Put them to some uses


Don’t bow down to a god


Pick up your staff and rod


Live the way you really want to


Not like some book says you ought to


Embrace what you believe


Give gifts and receive


Watch great warriors play games


Remember the greatest names


Eat a great meal


Make life a big deal


Wear what you like


Take a morning hike


To a lovely place to live


What I wouldn’t give


To live forever in health


To success and wealth




Start off with a basic premise


A standard lyric like “I love you baby”


Take it somewhere different


Than the cliché is supposed to go

Don’t talk about your endless love


Talk about how fucked up life is


Make some absurd statements


Point out the inconsistencies in formal rules


Get the fuck out while they laughs are good


4:00 AM


Not much going on


Only drunks and bums hang out


You shouldn’t be up this early


You shouldn’t stay up this late


You must be a crazy person

For being up at 4 AM


No one has to work this early


That’s cruel and unusual punishment


Even joggers aren’t up yet


Even the best bars should be closed


What the hell 4 AM?



I’m sorry


My memory must be slipping


I do apologize


I never meant to hurt you


I can’t believe I did that


I never meant to crash


Your car 29 times


I never intended


To bulldoze your doghouse


I didn’t mean to leave your baby

Alone in the middle of the Sahara


Boy is my face red


I’m truly sorry

I can make amends


How about I buy you dinner?


We’ll be square then




I was born


Things were going okay


People looked out for me


I had things my way


But then I started talking


They sent me to stupid schools


I had to shape up or ship out


I had to obey mindless rules


I had to go get a job


I had to work instead of play


I had to let Big Brother rob


I had to sacrifice and pay


For the horrible crime of being born


I didn’t have a choice


I only coped with beer and porn


Never listened to advice


I realized that we’re all living


In mostly fear and awful pains


I realized that we’re all dying


No matter what our short-term gains




There’s lots a books


I can’t read em’ all


Just give me the gist of em’


So I’ll be richer than yall


I ain’t got time to read


That’s for yall


Just give me what I need


So I can get to the mall


I got enough to have my truck


I got enough to go huntin’ deer


I really don’t give a fuck


As long as I got my beer


Yall nerds can read if ya like


I’d rather be making cash


All them books can take a hike


I’d rather be smokin’ hash


I aint’ gonna read shit


I’m better off fer it


I’ll live while yall read


Yall in jail, I’m free


You better get ready


Coming to a theatre near you


The greatest movie of all-time

It will change your life


You won’t believe it

You’ll have to see it 27 times


That might not be enough


Trust us, you’re going to love it


With all of it’s cool stuff


It’s funny, it’s romantic, it’s new, it’s deep


It’s awesome, it’s scary, it’s real, it’s cheap


Better see Psycho Bitches from Hell 3


You won’t believe what you see!


Richard Pryor is dead


And George Carlin is too


But you have a new generation


Of comedy heroes


That you can worship who are new


There’s that one guy

Who make goofy faces


And that other guy who dares


To point out the differences


Between white people and black people


There’s that kid who makes sex jokes


And the gal who says men are pigs


And the guy from that one show


And the old guy who hates everyone


Don’t say that we don’t have comedy heroes

But don’t say that any of them are like


Carlin, Pryor, Hicks, Kinison


Or whoever your comedy heroes are



I want to fuck


I want to fuck you


I want to fuck you over there


I want to fuck you girl


That’s right you


The girl at that table over there


I want to fuck you


You specifically you girl


The girl who looks all hot


I want to fuck you


Erica Jackson


The one who lives at 132 Maple Alpine Drive



Hey I’m an artist

Don’t give me no shit


I can do whatever I want


And call it art


I can YELL


I can whisper


I can belch




I can let the band go on and on


I can recite epic Shakesperean like tragedy


I can do a bunch of lame impression

I can make a tasteless joke

I can pause for a smoke

But I don’t smoke

I can eat a piece of pie

I can jump up and down

But you can’t hear that


I can end it without you knowing why



I want to go some place better

I’m tired of this shit hole


I grow weary of the grind


Why don’t you take me somewhere better?


Goddamn this tropical island

Everything is so boring

Nothing here but sunshine and beaches

Take me somewhere interesting


I want to see these exotic places

With mini-malls and housing complexes


I hear that they’re a blast


I want to see a mall and some churches


Maybe hang out in corn field or two


Listen to country and western music


They both would be a joy


I want to go to a county fair


I’m tired of tropical paradise



Even the best that we’ve got


Won’t save your worthless ass


My God, I can’t believe you’ve made it this far


Science can’t help you

You might as well accept it


Someday you’re going to die


Oh, maybe you’ll get another 120 years in


But the universe owns your ass


You soon will be going down


Might as well get used to it


As horrible as it sounds


Your world will be replaced by new shit



There is no God

There never was


It should be obvious by now


No god cares about you


Why are there wars?

Why are you broke?


Why all the bores?

Because God’s a joke


You can’t win by praying

Watch idiots try


On Earth, you won’t be staying


Soon you’re going to die



The geniuses of humanity


Can serve as inspiration


Of all the great thoughts they’ve had

I simply have to wonder


What kind of tunes did they like?


Was it all of that queer classical?


What kind of movies would they watch now?

I bet they’d love Dumb and Dumber


Who did they find funny?


I bet the guy who pulled his finger


How did they get laid?

I bet however they could have


What kind of art did they like?

I bet they liked graffitti


What kind of food did they eat?

I bet it wasn’t tofu


Why did they have to die?


I guess they sucked as bad as the rest of us





They tell me food saves my life


I’m glad that it does


I like to eat a lot


I love chowing on pizza, burgers, and chips

But wait on a minute Jack says the doc

If you eat all of that

It’s going to kill you


But I thought it’s what keeps me alive

It is, but it can also kill you says the doc


Oh man, what a crock


I want to eat real good all day long


I don’t want any vegetables


I don’t care if they make me strong


Let the rabbits eat the rabbit food


I want to eat like a man while I can


So what I eat lets me stay alive


But it might kill me to deprive


So I’ll take my chances and eat like a champ


After all, I’m way too old for fat camp




Paying for clothes is absurd


You can find free clothes in the alley


They’re just as good as paying all that cash


You don’t want to look like everyone else anyway


Create your own style and laugh about it


You don’t have to look like the media says


Unless you have some stupid job


That says you have to uphold an image


Like anything we wear right now

Won’t look ridiculous to future people

What ridiculous arrogance


What non-sense demands


To get everyone to look alike


Outside of a sports team

SHELTER- I want a house

I want it to be nice

I hope it’s pleasant

I hope it’s all right


I hope it has a fridge


I hope it has TV


I hope I get a dream house


I hope I live to see it


So many people working hard

Saving their money, making plans


Busting their ass to make the grade


Going to school to learn a trade


You better do something soon


Your time could end any time


You better take the time to live


While you can before you die


Forget about waiting for permission


You better live right now

Forget about waiting for the right time


If it matters do it now


No time for patience


No time for bullshit

If it matters do it now


You better get right to it


There’s no way to do it all


Life is full of so much


You better do what you can


Before life takes it from you


Nothing you do will last


But you can still kick ass


At least for a little while

You might as well smile


Sure life is a losing battle

But don’t act like another cattle


Fight for what you believe in


Before life does you in


No time to do anything less


Live your life for what seems best




Andy dating a girl right after she broke up with Daryl Hall. - That’d be weird to see pictures of the two of them hanging up all over the place


Tess using "I'm a puppet" as an explanation!


The laughs that can come from virtually any discussion with Kevin, especially when he talks about how John Peters is crazy.  John living in a house with his lesbian ex-fiancé and refusing to pay for heat because the company did him wrong.  Refusing to sleep in his own bed with his next roommate who he slept with a few times and took off a few days before the lease was up.


Watching people schmooze to try to get ahead in a scene.


Watching people brag about doing free shows with no real prestige.

Discussing Drew calling out Chaz about wanting to have sex for a whole day- "I think that would get rather tiresome and probably quite painful."


Discussing organic chemistry as if I have any idea what the fuck I'm talking about.  Oh yes- compounds and chemicals and what not.


Me falling asleep on the couch while drinking gin.


Failing to live up to the high expectations of family members who wanted me to be a mouthpiece for god.  Talk about unrealistic expectations!




There’s no way to know if one is doing better than global competition in the arts, but there are plenty of ways to effectively measure sales records. 


Artistic success may not be the same thing as financial success, but the artists who are most well-known in the world today tend to also be the ones who are quite financially successful. 


Too many people forget their ideals when they get old enough to die naturally.  Perhaps this should be an indicator that death is a bigger deal to most of humanity than doing what we supposedly believe in most.


There are far too many people fighting for limited resources, opportunities, and parking spaces.


You are alive in a time when billions of humans are capable of maintaining survival, which means there’s even competition for resources as trivial as a t-ball trophy.


Terrible people can still win, because they have more focus and determination than people who are supposedly good, but weak.




MUSIC- It would be unique to have a jam session with 10,000 Carlos Santana fans in The loop.

BOOKS- It would be unique to be on a book tour with Hitchens, Ralph Reed, and Carrot Top.

MOVIES- It would be unique to be in a film with the relatives of Clark Gable, Carey Grant, Humphrey Bogart, George Lucas, Spielberg, etc.

COMEDY- It would be unique to perform with Lewis Black, a few radical Black Panthers, a girl scout troop, and a few Vegas magicians.

SEX- It would be unique to film a presidential porn shoot with women from every country


ART- It would be unique to produce art from each state that fits into a map of the USA

TRAVEL- It would be unique to travel in a submarine across the Bahamas just to hit up a booze party on every major island

SCIENCE- It would be unique to assemble some of the greatest minds to play Scrabble

ANTI-RELIGION- It would be unique to see how differently a religious debate is conducted in Saudi Arabia, The United States, North Korea, Sweden, and Brazil


PHILOSOPHY- It would be unique to pose difficult philosophical questions to either kids or uneducated folks who would have no idea what was being discussed


SPORTS- It would be unique to have professional teams combat in a sport that was different than what they usually play

GAMES- It would be unique to have a celebrity bingo game

FOOD- It would be unique to have an all you can eat challenge with my closest Chicago friends

CLOTHING- It would be unique to assemble 100 people to dress in period costumes and walk around for an hour in the same place and see confused reactions and get odd questions

SHELTER- It would be unique to build a house out of Jell-O

LIFE- It would be unique to live for one year on every continent.

DEATH- It would be unique to die in outer space.




Mike Nesteruk is finally dead

God, he didn’t do shit


Hurry up and get rid of him


Let a shark tear him apart


Eat his flesh so we can forget


His life and body smell like fart


If it were real he’d be in hell


But there’s no proof that it is, oh well


Leave this stinking corpse and go live