Sometimes I'm serious.
LOTS OF LYRICS THAT COULD BE SONGS
It started with the blues
Oh them blues
They’re the root of just about everything
Playin from the depths of the heart
They gonna come to everyone
Feel the love and feel the hate
It’s all coming back to ya
The blues make it all
They keep on rambling
The blues are the news they just gonna cruise
The blues are outta sight and just so tight
Feel every minute and feel it good
They jump out and cry and make you feel whole again
I feel real bad
Life really sucks
My woman done me wrong, and I got nothin’
Nothing but these blues
Rock n roll comes alive
C’mon now on a Saturday night
Rockin as long as we can
Gonna relax and have a good time
To the sounds of a rockin band
Dance, shout, shake
Make it all happen now
We are gonna take over the town
And keep on getting down
Sell sounds to the kids
Make em think we’re real cool
Dress all alike and make a million bucks
Before we get too old
Doo wop bop
La la oo we ooh
We’re so smooth
We’re so calm
We are great
We will get all the girls
And make them swoon
Get all the dates
Loving is what we do
Every single day
Life is so great and wonderful
Let’s keep living for today
Soul groovin’
I like it when the music is playin’
Bouncin’ and groovin’ to the tunes
Dig the good music all night long
Every minute I’m around
The fab boys make it big
We are really pretty
Just nice sweet English boys
And you buy our albums
We thank you very much
We want to thank your dads (he gives you allowance)
For paying for our checks (they’re really big)
We want to thank your dads (they’re really swell now)
For a lifetime of sex (we’re gonna have it everywhere)
Hippies rise!
Oh how I want to love you
Just like lovers should
We can expand our minds
And let our bodies follow
The time for bliss is here
Forever for all mankind
Let’s spread love and do our part
So we all just feel joy
Feel the flowers and watch the sky
It’s all around for us
Nothing but good coming our way
We can have it all though love
Funkier than a sweaty gym sock
YEEOOWH!!
I am funky
I am great
The funk don’t stop here
Let me start my brain
The best music ever
At least to date
Not possible to get old
Even if I age
Monkeys getting chunky
Let them come at me
I’ll fight them with my powerful weapon
The laser called funky!
Disco divas delicious days
We will dance the way to love
By making sexy beats
We will sing bold and loudly
With simple melodies
We will turn the world bisexual
Bring new glamorous drugs
Give Travolta a reason to live
And the Village People a voice
Party time rock and roll
We will live for freedom
Party all night longs
Show us the good times
That never ever stop
Listen to that guitar
Oh man you know that’s hot
Gonna live forever
Popping pills and takin’ drugs
Angry Youth Make Fast Music
I’m gonna kick you in the face
If you come anywhere near my place
I’m gonna scowl and look real tough
By dressing real queer and yelling stuff
Dye your hair and rip your clothes
It will make you one of us
You’ll be on the way
To being real tuff
Synths rule
Welcome to Reagan
He is really neat
Conservative pro lifers
Just can’t be beat
Make the most of spandex
And gay sitcoms
It will not last forever
Everybody wants to rule the decade
Yo, yo from the streets
This is my rad new song
I’ll tell you it won’t be long
Rockin my name brand gear
My words will bring you fear
C’mon from the city to your town
You best back right up
You don’t even wanna mess around
You don’t wanna get messed up
Weird Al Tribute Song
Oh he’s my favorite all time artist
He’s the greatest guy in town
He makes up stupid songs about
Everyone who’s been around
He’s Weird Al, Weird AL, Weird Al Yankovic
His music is great, nothing rank in it
Nothing makes me laugh quite like Al
One day he just might be my pal
A band with Jim, John, Steve, and sometimes Reuben
On my Al what a collection
He’s got self titled Weird Al Yankovic, In 3D, Even Worse, UHF, Greatest Hits Part 1 and 2, Off the Deep End, Alapalooza, One Bad Hair Day, Running with Scissors, Poodle Hat, Straight From Lynwood
He’s mocked all the greats- Queen, the B52’s, Devo, Talking Heads, Peter Gabriel, The Who, The Stones, The Kinks, The Beatles, Stop Dragging My Car Around guy, Michael Jackson, a certain symbolic royal figure, Madonna, Survivor, Fine Young Cannibals, Dire Straights, The Police, The Clash, Oingo Boingo, The Beach Boys, Nirvana, Hammer, Zappa, Rico Suave, New Kids, Extreme, Crash Test Dummies, They Might Be Giants, U2, Soul Asylum, Eddie Vedder, Don Mclean, Billy Ray Cyrus, Barenaked Ladies, The Offspring, Nine Inch Nails, Puff Daddy, Bob Dylan, Avril Lavene, Usher, Green Day, Rage Against the Machine, Eminem, a buncha folka in polka, and Chamillioinaire
Oh and I probably forgot a few too.
ORIGINAL SONGS
LAST ORIGINAL SONG
This is the final original song
Every possible song has been done
No more original songs after this song
All the words of the language are gone
Can’t write about love
Can’t write about war
Can’t write about sex
Can’t write about doors
Every word and every theme
Every single movie scene
They’ve all had a tune
They’ve all had some words
The time has come
For seconds and thirds
Nothing new left to say
People try anyway
It is a shame they’ll fail
Every new song’s bound to fail
Every new song’s bound to fail
(Because from the Beatles)
The universe is Big
But so are you
You can do what’s best
And you can live forever
Turn your mind on to
The joys of the earth
They are here for you
Starting at your birth
Beach Boys (surfin usa)
The girls all hit the beach now
They all look really good
Well, not literally all of them
They don’t all give me wood
I’ll make sure my girl’s pretty
Give the dogs to my buds
Tell them cute girls are taken
They can have all the duds
My friends can have all the duds
I don’t want them no how
They make me cringe real bad
My buds can have the cows
OHIO BLUES
Got the Ohio Blues
It’s been real bad
Can’t shake Ohio Blues
This whole state’s so sad
Been stuck in old Columbus
Stuck on Broad and High
Didn’t get no money
No matter how hard I tried
Been stuck in Downtown Cleveland
Couldn’t get no work
Out of work like many men
Tossed me out like a jerk
Been stuck in Cincinnati
Trying to make some bread
Folks there so Conservative
It’s like they already dead
Been stuck in boring Dayton
I had nothing at all
Glad to get the hell out
Lame urban strip mall
Getting tired of it all
So sick of Buckeyemania
Definitely ain’t perfect here but
Way better than Pennsylvania
Sittin’ here doin’ nothin’
Ramblin’ on I wish again
Well at least I can thank God
I ain’t stuck in Michigan
Dead Celebrities
2009 saw many great people meet their demise. Here is a fitting tribute for them.
Air McNair, Billy Mays, and John Updike
Left us just this year
Chuck Daly, Bea Arthur, Farrah Fawcett
They’re all gone I fear
Ed McMahon, Dom Deluise, and Koko Taylor
Have died and gone away
Paul Harvey, Mark Fidrych, and Robert McNamrara
Are no longer with us today
So to all the departed, I have a few brief words
You are overshadowed by Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson
Sorry, but all of you combined aren’t
Michael Jackson
You really picked a bad time to die
Song to change the world
This song will change the world
It will make things great
This song will change your life
It will change your fate
No more taxes
No more bills
No more debt at all
No more starving kids
No more wars
No more hate at all
No more pain
No more sick
No more death at all
Because this song
Will change the world
Yes this song
Has changed the world
SONG- JESUS IS HIS OWN GRANDPA
They say mother Mary was a virgin
Holy, chaste, and pure
But I have to wonder who
Jesus’ father is for sure
The Holy Spirit impregnated Mary
But I thought that was same as God
And I thought that God was Jesus
It all seems a little odd
He’s his own grandpa!
Jesus is his own grandpa!
Now I know that it’s amazing
But there’s nothing God can’t do
He’s his own grandpa
Loyal American
Pay your taxes
Vote for leaders
Go to church
Wave your flag
Support the troops
Marry hetero
Raise nice children
Own a home
Get a job
Work overtime
Volunteer
Obey your boss
Obey your priest
Obey your bank
Obey the law
Obey the court
Obey the cops
Obey the rich
Obey the right
And you’ll be okay
Hate the unemployed
Hate the atheists
Hate the broke
Hate the lawless
Hate the rule breakers
Hate the criminals
Hate the poor
Hate the left
And really hate the gays
Be a loyal American
Serve the USA
Be a Loyal American
Serve the USA
OPPOSE THE TROOPS
HAPPY BLUES
I feel so happy
My life is really swell
I got a ton of money
I’ve got my own Taco Bell
But that wasn’t sad! That was the opposite of sad.
Yeah, but it makes me feel pretty good. That’s what the blues are for.
I thought the blues were supposed to be sad. Hence the reason they are called the blues.
I don’t see it that way. Dig this:
My life is super awesome
Everything is just great
I got tons of women
That I can always date
Nothing could be better
Than the life I got right now
I’m so busy loving
And I’ll always know how
The greatest song in the existence of humanity take 1
I want to write the greatest song
One that will blow your minds
The one that will make me rich and famous
The greatest tune of all time
One that will give to the people
A noble reason to live
The tune that can make life amazing
For all that hear its joy
Come taste the fruit of the musical labor
That the mind can create and love
Let the music flow and feel good
Make the body and mind glow
Dig the best there is and live now
Like you never have before
The best things in life will come to you
Just by hearing this song!
OK, that might not be the greatest despite my oh so noble attempt. Yet another experiment where I find that just because I thought of something that alone didn’t necessarily make it of high quality- or even regular quality in this case. Now try to write the worst song in the world
Hey there disco angel
I love your groovy wings
Your hair is hot like fire
It makes me want to sing!
You are smoking’ and I am too
Let’s go and shake it down
Disco dancin’ can’t be beat
Anywhere in town
I know my jock is large and you want it now
I’ll let you have it baby
But wait until we’re away from the public
I like getting nasty while alone
Make it now we’re gonna be on
For a disco time
Moving into your heart again
Better than being a boy
BEATLES DEATH TUNE
There is no perfection
But there’s really good
Use your time to find it
Like you really could
Life is going to end
You’ll be gone real soon
Better try to live right now
Before you meet your doom
Life Questions
(Talking Heads style tune)
What can I do?
The world’s too big
What can I do?
I’m only me
Who should I be?
I never know.
Who should I be?
Nobody knows
When will I die?
I do not know.
When will I die?
I’ll never know.
Where should I go?
I do not know.
Where should I go?
Where is the best?
Why am I here?
I do not know.
Why am I here?
I have to go.
FUNK!
FUNK!
I confess
Like it best
Treats me right
Outta sight
Funk
It’s not weak
Go berserk
Have a blast
Make it last
FUNK!
Best thing yet
Don’t forget
Heaven sent
Funky scent
Funk from heaven
Funk from heaven
Yeah!
STOP CRAPPY SONGS
Stop writing crappy songs
The world has quite enough
There’s tons of shit right now
Don’t need your bullshit stuff
Can’t write a simple song
Not even good enough for punk
Stop singing stupid words
Shut up, go get drunk
Now you may go to hell
Even though it’s not real
Please just quit now, you suck
You’ll never get a deal
Blow up your guitar
You could do something else
Make a song
Write some lines
With clever lyrics
Sing real fine
So someone hears it
Find a tune
And make it snappy
Play it soon
Make people happy
Start with riffs
See what you do
Quite a gift
To sound like you
Put some words
To sweet music
Ditch the turds
Don’t you be sick
Feel power
Be like a God
It’s the hour
You’ll be awed
Rock like stars
Or even better
Play guitars
Never settle
On a song
That’s really bad
That is wrong
Makes people mad
If you suck
Who can blame them?
With some luck
You’ll be famous
Sing that tune
Do all that you can
Beat Keith Moon
Be hardcore man
Shout it loud
Loud as you can
Be real proud
Like a Ger-man
Make sure it
Is not too long
They hate shit
That’s way too long
End it now
The final bow
Not sure how
Really right now!
Song off the top of my head
Rock and roll heaven baby! We do it all night long! YEEAAAHH!
Rocking in a cool town that’s so hot tonight
Feels like a hardcore place
Loving every minute hanging around
Never gonna be replaced
We’re gonna have the best time
Don’t let it ever end
Will fight now for the best life
Heaven will ever send
The girls are wild and I’m feeling good
We’re the hottest thing around
Dancing and drinking all night long
These are the times to get down
Thank you good lord for the blessings
Of the devils women and rock
Never been better than right now
Gonna stay at the top
Jesus baby, what cha doin'
I can’t get enough
The best times will keep coming
Alive and ready to win
Guitar solo
Rocking hard now with my best friends
Hard and fast and rough
Life will keep on happening
Go head and live it up
WRONG SONG
Wrong song
Long song
Still better than the thong song
King Kong song
Bong Song
Dong Song
Gong Song
Pong song
Tong song
There’s much I need to be with great efficiency
I tire of the ridiculous ways of the world
I’m about to become unfurled
The world is going to beat me down
Unless I get up and get around
I’ve tried my best to avoid failing
By refusing to try at all
I’ve been just wailing
Instead of having a ball
There are too many people alive today
But I’m pretty sure they all want to stay
Everyone just trying to live well
While millions go through hell
The natural way isn’t always best
Humans got a lot more to test
The best in the world hasn’t happened yet
Well don’t know for sure, willing to bet
Use what I have and make it all right
Stop being so weak and make things tight
Never again will I allow myself to give in
To stupid beliefs like original sin
I want to be a better man
I need to have a better plan
Get to the top or at least on a side
Instead of the bottom, each day I died
A little bit more due to my fears
A real shame that I wasted years
But I’ve got yet another chance
To make sure that I rock sing and dance!
Creating a song right about now
Pop music is dead
It’s nothing like when
I was a kid
Pop music is trash
It gives me a rash
It’s time has past
Pop music is done
It never won
It’s not even fun
Pop music is dumb
Makes me feel numb
The choices of bums
Pop music is wrong
Takes way too long
Not even a song
Pop music is vile
A bunch of bile
Not even wild
Pop music is dead
Put it to bed
Fill it with led
Drop it in the ocean
Make sure it drowns
And is never heard again!
Writing a song can be tough but is not impossible let’s give it a go-
WHAT IS IMPORTANT?
What is important?
What is truth?
What means a lot to you?
What is youth?
You think you know it all
But there’s a lot of crap
You see it’s all too big
Don’t be a sap
Got a lot to do now
Nobody really cares
Got to get around now
Defeat those fears
Who are you to tell me
How to live my life
Please get out of my face
Go and bug my wife
Random One Liners Song
It’s extremely difficult to separate personal beliefs from facts about reality.
Getting the best things in life requires talent and stamina.
Families: Some are great, others are terrible.
It’s hilarious to laugh at people who take themselves too seriously
And kind of sad to observe people who don’t take themselves seriously at all.
Studying the masters of any trade can be helpful.
But unless one aims for exact imitation, they have to attempt to create on their own.
Why should I believe the news when the real world is better than the one created on TV?
We may cause unintentional harm to others no matter how hard we try not to.
A proper balance between serving and savoring must be found to live well.
Powerful people always find ways to exploit those who aren’t clever.
No person is perfect. Those who claim to be are the most arrogant fools in the universe.
Confusion is the hallmark of a deep, yet uncommitted thinker.
Trusting the self to become a better person is vital to allow change.
It’s unlikely that anyone intends to live a life of misery.
It’s nearly impossible to understand a reality that one has never experienced.
Every hero can be shot full of holes.
FAIL
You might not be great
You might not be good
You might suck
Worse than anyone
But you’ll never know
Until you fail
You have to risk
Looking like a fool
You might be a moron
Or a genius in bloom
Surely by this time I’ve created something that doesn’t suck
I should get busy doing what I believe matters
And get down with people who are amazing
There’s no need to continue living like a shmuck
Get busy and earn your luck
Quit Being Dumb
There’s no need to continue doing things that make no sense
I’ve planned and planned and planned
And done worse than all the rest
Unless I somehow
Get off of my ass
I’ll continue to be
Lower than low class
I need to stop
Being a fool
There’s no need
To let other fools rule
Maybe we’re
All less than great
There’s a need
For more than third rate
Stop being so stupid
Start living life well
Get over yourself
Quit living in hell
Another Crack at Songs
(To the beat of “Talk to me, dance with me” by Hot Hot Heat
You’re Gone Tomorrow
You’re gone tomorrow
So you better pay your taxes
You’re gone tomorrow
So you better pay your rent
You’re gone tomorrow
So you better save your money
You’re gone tomorrow
So you better get insurance
You’re gone tomorrow
So you better go to college
You’re gone tomorrow
So you better get a job
You’re gone tomorrow
So you better win big trophies
You’re gone tomorrow
So you better make it big
You’re gone tomorrow
So you better not screw up
You’re gone tomorrow
So you better obey rules
You’re gone tomorrow
So you better forget dreams
You’re gone tomorrow
So you better forget dreams
Jesus- Legend, Liar, Lunatic
Josh McDowell says I have to choose
So I guess I will
Studied the tales of Jesus for years
And I’ve made my decision
Jesus was a legend
Don’t believe he was real
Never seen a guy walk on water
Never seen a guy heal by touching
Never seen a guy rise from the dead
But if there was a Jesus
He was a liar
Prayer doesn’t work- believe me I’ve tried
Hell isn’t real- What a wicked concept
Jesus doesn’t care- just try to prove his power
And if he wasn’t a liar
He was a lunatic
He killed himself to forgive sins
Instead of just forgiving
He’ll send most to hell
For not believing bullshit
He isn’t God
There’s no proof for it
Jesus isn’t Lord
He’s probably a myth
But if not a myth
He’s a shady liar
But if no liar
He’s a zealous loony
So go now
And spread the word!
LET IT FLOW
Second guessing
Kills the artist
Ignore logic
Produce your shit
It may be great
It may suck balls
But at the least
It’s your own shit
There’s greatness
In the art world
You might be it
If you’re legit
So take some chances
Try to be great
You might be it
Or you might make some of the most pointless, trivial, gut-wrenching, vile, putrid, garbage in the history of humanity.
But at least you tried.
SONG
I feel kind of lost
I feel kind of down
Don’t know what I’m doing
Trying to look around
Thought that I’d be happy
If I had a wife
Never really found it
Secret to the thing called life
Caught glimpses of beauty
And got some good vibes for sure
Never really saw the point
Of what I was supposed to do
Wish that I’d realized
Mistakes coming from the past
Had no understanding
It all blew by so fast
Conscience constantly burdened
By what I should be doing
Haven’t been at peace
Ever since my mind went wandering
Judging others harshly
Haven’t conquered my own fears
Unsure where to turn for answers
Hope it all ties together
To bring the world and me more love
Doubt has played a big part
In holding up my dreams
Deciding whether to live out loud
Or settle for quiet desperation
We must deal with the stupidity
Of the human race
We must deal with the absurdity
Of existence, time, and space
Just want to find a place
Where I can live the best life I can
Live it up and help out those
Who really want it and really need it
Crazy that I’ve been so stuck
In perceptions of my mind
My sincere hope
Is that I can serve a purpose
Live a noble and happy life
Need to find a balance
The evil I’ve despised in others
Potentially exists in me
Probably always has
Probably always will
Been afraid to fail and afraid to succeed
Afraid to be boring
But afraid to live life fully
Confused about the particulars
Of virtually any human method
If I can’t tell you a simple thing about the universe
How can I tell you how to live?
Lost on my mission
All is temporary on Earth
But I still take it too seriously
How much sense does that make?
Somehow I’ll see
Life is worth living
And we are all going to make it
To a better place
Change happened to the world without my consent
I bet on the sure bet that wasn’t even there
How can I put my faith in anything less than perfect?
FREE AS YOU CAN AFFORD TO BE
Only free if you got money
Then you’ll get a honey
Man, it’s funny
Suckers buying shit they don’t even need
Whole fucking world in misery and greed
Got no money, you ain’t got shit
Bust your ass just to make rent
Stop being stupid, do what counts
Life’s more important than a bank account
But freedom’s lost when you go broke
Funny when you know life’s just a joke
Silly knowing we all die one day anyway
Always living like a man afraid to lose
Sure, rent has to be paid
Doesn’t have to be miserable though
NEW
New beginnings make me laugh
How did I end up here anyway?
The slightest bits of what was remains
But just about everything from then is gone
Began to live for what I loved in life
Not what I felt obligated to do to succeed
To make my ____ proud, to make money and sit on my ass
No, I decided that since it was all going to end anyway
Might as well try to do what I really wanted
But it’s a weird call to make
After all, bills must be paid
And TV must be watched
I literally never tried to live my dream
Not sure if it’s practical or pathetic
Probably very much both
So here I am just scribbling thoughts
Hoping it will amount to something, someday, somehow
Although it’s been a good ride
I never thought I’d be where I am now
What I believe
Where I live
How I spend my time
Even how I think
Been given so much by so many but
Missed out on so much I really wanted to do
Lived a good life, had some fun
But never really lived a miracle
A life I never wanted or predicted
I know I have to change to make it better
But don’t know what to change into
Guess I’ll have to take a shot and hope for the best
To live well
Can you take death off my tab?
It means nothing
To be alive today
You’ll be gone soon
And you know it
Death is going to come
Nothing you can do
So just say fuck it all
Do just what you want to
Fuck it all
Because you’re gonna die
You never had a chance
Boy you’re gonna fry
I Phone is pretty good
The only reason I stay alive
Is to get the new I Phone
It is the greatest thing ever
I want it so bad
All the cool shit it has
Get my hot rocks off
Man I want that fucking phone
I’d give anything I got
Give me a goddamn I phone
Give me ten right now
I never want to leave my I phone
My life before was foul
I phone is better than the rest
I phone is better than sex
I phone is better than family
I phone is better than life
Fucking I phone!
RELIGION Song
God won’t you help us?
We need to have some food
There are millions of kids starving
I hope that you are good
God won’t you help me?
I need a place to live
I’m tired of being homeless
And so is my poor kid
God won’t you help me?
I’ve got this bad disease
I don’t want to die from it
God, just help me please?
I keep praying and praying
But nothing ever changes
God are you really listening?
You have not talked in ages
I am still praying
And I got no answer
I guess you just don’t care
At all about my cancer
God maybe you don’t
Really exist at all
Don’t want to waste more time
God’s put up a wall
So humanity is screwed
We are all going to die
Spent my whole life praying
Just to find out God’s a lie
God’s a lie
God’s a lie
God’s a lie
Meaning of life
We live on a planet
That’s one in 8 or 9
In a galaxy much larger
Than any of us have the ability to explore
We live in one galaxy
Among more than we’re able to count at this time
This one small planet we live on
Has over six billion humans
And many more other life forms
Knowledge about the past is incomplete
Knowledge about the present is incomplete
Knowledge about the future doesn’t exist at all
There are millions of theories on what the meaning of life is
And many them are contradictory
Many of them are quite ridiculous
None of them are universally approved by all of humanity
None of them can be proven to be completely accurate
None of them come anywhere close to describing the full truth about the universe
Yet you claim to know the meaning of life
Forgive what you may perceive to be my rudeness
But I don’t believe you’re right
And I don’t think anyone else should either
All we are saying is give war a chance.
Improvised song
I’m gonna kick some ass
I’m gonna be real crass
I wanna get some ass
I really hate crab grass
I told ya, I’m not playing
I’m just gonna tear it out
I told ya, I’m just saying
I’m not gonna sit and pout
I’m gonna kick your ass
I’m gonna give some sass
I’m gonna tap that ass
I’m gonna blaze some brass
Yo’ mother!
Peace bitches!
FIVE SONGS I LIKE AND IN THE STYLE OF
The song is over, bad luck, Superfly, It’s a Blue World, Death metal Pantera
Your life is over
You’re gonna die now
Hope it was worth it
You go goodbye now
I think it’s wrong
That we leave no more traces
I think it’s wrong
That we’ll no longer be
I think it’s wrong
That life has no youthful fountains
I think it’s wrong we’re not free
Death destiny
Stupid guy
Don’t need to even question why
The only game he knows is lose or cry
Why this guy?
Hard to understand
Not a hell of a man
Lives in the slums
And will always live alone
I know he’s alive
But I can’t guess why
Stupid guy
It’s a blue world
From now on
It’s a through world
For me
The sea
The sky
My heart and I
We’re all in indigo blue
Without you
It’s a blue world
Hate your parents
Hate your God
Hate the world
Hate everyone
Hate the planets
Hate the stars
Hate outer space
Hate the universe
Hate puppies
Hate ice cream
Hate lovers
Hate haters too
Hate
Hate
Hate
Hate it all!
SOUL TRAIN TUNE
I got my big Afro
I just say what’s up bro
My clothes are real bright
This scene is outta sight
Better get down while I can
Better stand up fight the man
We all getting down
We all getting funk
We all gonna die
We all getting crunk
MUSIC CAN TOUCH THE SOUL
If the soul exists
Which it may not
So why worry about it
It makes no sense to do so
There are people who are less than happy
But it doesn’t make your life bad
The people who overcome difficult odds to live well
Never give into popular lies
The people who pay for the hype
Are the ones who are able to live well
The people who are amazing
Are the ones who are able to be better people
There is no good reason to live well
And offer hope and love to anyone who cares
I think highly of people who sacrifice to get other people what they want
A gracious gesture of any kind is nice to see
There’s no need to be better than anyone who is known
There’s no need to ask in the case of charity
There’s no need to act like a fool
There’s no need to recognize that people get together to do something unique
Create lines and make what seems best in the world a valuable commodity
People who trade in non-sense have little to no chance
Changing who we are for what?
The big roll of the dice keeps on going
There’s no need to allow others to keep me down
Writing freely and thinking freely
There’s oppression, but not of the mind
Unless it is self-imposed
There are starving children
Because the world is often harsh
Billions of people struggling
And a few living well in the meantime
There’s no way to know if one is doing best
But plenty of ways to know if one’s doing all right
The best people figure out ways to create things that make sense
Imitating the greats can be fun
But one has to produce original material
To do something great
And contribute uniquely to the world
WRITE A SONG
MOTHEREFFER!
Memories, they come back to me
When I was young I loved life then
So many wonders
So many days ahead
By now it looks like
I’ll soon be dead
All the good stuff was for nothing
None of it meant squat
I am still gonna die
Despite the stuff I bought
My life is soon gonna end
Well that’s just really great
Just when I finally figured out
The way to live way too late
I’ve been a fool
I haven’t worked for others
Just for myself
The people who are recognized
For being great do all they can for others
Pushing the self out of the comfort zone is key
Using talents to inspire others
Is useful to all who can see
There’s no need to continue in fear
So rise above it if you can
Even if you can’t
Your life is a waste
If you never taste
The sweet parts of life that are great
And make you forget
All the bullshit and hate
Rise above problems to live well
Stop going through pain
And personal hell
The best people don’t live like that
Rise above and be better
Your dreams shouldn’t fall flat
Make sense out of the world
In the best possible ways
Live well and keep going
For the rest of your days
Life can be cruel, life can be hard
But for people who struggle
There can be sweet rewards
Do what’s best and do it now
The people who live well
All let us get down
There’s no way to know
If we’re doing what’s right
The people who live well
Excel and are bright
There’s no way to beat
The big game of life
In the end we all go
It’s a strange way to live
So give what you can give
And take the time
To really, really live
Drug Song of the Day
Drugs can be bad
But can be good
Better try them
You might like them
They’re great fun
Females like them
Take a wild chance
Bust out a dance
Drink up, smoke up
Think up, toke up
You’ll dig the vibe
While you imbibe
All the great stuff
Life gives to you
Do drugs right now
Get high somehow
Live to party
Everybody
Do drugs now
Get high right now
HAVE A SENSE OF HUMMERS
I need to get some money
Or I won’t get to eat
No time for bullshit
I need to fucking eat
Let me have a job now
I don’t want to die
I can’t believe I’m doing this
My life has become dire
I want to live well and prosper
Just like Dr. Spock
If I can’t get the best, I’ll just die
I want to live right now
Let me have some good things
Let me have them all
IS IT WORTH LIVING?
You may live well today
You may have a chance
You can make it today
You may smile and dance
Life is too precious
Don’t waste it at all
Live the way you want to
Make your life a ball
There’s no reason to worry
Things will be all right
There’s no reason to hurry
You can just hang tight
Life is such a blessing
You will never know
Mysteries worth guessing
Sit back enjoy the show
RANDOM
Nothing can be taken away
From people who hold the most hope
Too many people live to die
It is a shame we’re all wondering
Just how to even try
The best people never stop wondering
How the hell to live
Get busy getting down now
You don’t have to give
There’s good times, never ending
For people who want to live out loud
Go and tell your Mother
Make sure she’s proud
Getting the best is mystery
Getting old real fast
Stop the slow train down to London
Get the daisy cast
Anyone who’s great
Will surely come to pass
There’s no way to live forever
The people won’t last
2nd try
There are lots of ways to live well
And you should pick a few
Or if not at least one
There’s nothing better to do
Live well while you still can
Live this life quite well
There’s no reason to pay
The bills that are pure hell
Lots of people wander
Lots of people scram
Commit to do what matters
Life is thank you ma’am
Ever wandering
Through both time and space
Looking really hard now
Trying to find my place
Perhaps it’s nowhere
And I’m lucky to be alive
Anymore don’t even care
My time may not arrive
Being classy makes me nervous
The people down the stairs
They all talk to me but
I don’t hear their fears
They’re all going to leave me
And go their own ways
Suppose it’s the way of life
Better hope for better days
OK, enough for now
SONG TO JESUS
God you’re great
We’re you’re sheep
Give us bread
You are head
God you’re best
Give me tests
I will pass
Kiss your ass
God you’re all
We are small
You’re so big
We are pigs
God’s perfect
We ain’t shit
God’s all good
We are hoods
Save our souls
Give us roles
In heaven
Thanks, Amen
Trying hard to make the grade in a world full of haters and imitators
HERE IS A SONG NOW
TO THE TUNE OF THE SONG IS OVER
WE’RE GOING TO DIE NOW
WE”RE BOUND TO PERISH
WE DIDN”T BEAT LIFE
WE”RE GOING TO DIE NOW
I WISH I COULD LIVE IN HEAVENLY PLACES
I HOPE THERE IS SOME GREAT AFTER PARTY
THAT ALL PEOPLE GET TO HANG OUT IN
BUT I HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE IT
Free verse tune
I have nearly unlimited options
But I rarely take any of them
Studied for years to find what’s best
And I still have no fucking clue
There are lots of people who make asses of themselves
And a few more who never stop trying
To live better than they used to
Building up stockpiles like a psycho
Get better at what matters while one still can
Live well while one still can
Maintain health and hope for happiness
There are lots of people who never give up
They know they’re going to die
But they still choose to live in pain
Just to experience a few moments of joy
JOY MUST BE GREAT
Think about how good the best moments on Earth must be
If people who know they’re destined to die
And go through a great deal of pain
Still choose to stay alive!
Minimalist Comedy Song
Dick Joke
Fart Joke
Sex Joke
Blue Joke
Knock Knock Joke
Who’s on First Joke
Silent Joke
Facial Expression Joke
Bad Joke
Sad Joke
Ad Joke
Best Joke
Car Joke
Death Joke
End Joke
Fear Joke
Fat joke
God Joke
Good Joke
Great Joke
Guest Joke
Hell joke
Help Joke
High Joke
Ice Joke
Illegal Joke
Jew Joke
Jail Joke
Kill Joke
Kite Joke
Light Joke
Loud Joke
Mind Joke
Mint Joke
Mad Joke
No Joke
Nice Joke
Only Joke
Open Joke
Pink Joke
Punk Joke
Queer Joke
Queen Joke
Real Joke
Royal Joke
Same Joke
Sane Joke
Tight Joke
Tough Joke
Uncle Joke
Ulcer Joke
Violent Joke
Vest Joke
Weird Joke
Wild Joke
X-Ray Joke
Xylephone Joke
Youth Joke
Young Joke
Zero Joke
Zebra Joke
BOOZE BLUES
I want a drink
I need to have it now
I want to suck it down
All over town
I need me a beer
I need be a Jack
I need me a shot
Time to throw back
Come on people, let’s get down
No more use in fooling around
Time to party on
Time to get real messed up
Time to have some fun
Time to drink all we can
LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND
The old times may have been good
But the truth is they’re though
Now it’s time to move on
It’s way way way overdue
Time to live for right now
Not some distant past
Live well in the present
But know that it too won’t last
They don’t make em’ like they used to
But that really ain’t all bad
Lot of bad stuff happened then too
Good to love what you had
Open your eyes and look out
Lot of things still going on
So don’/t whine or try pout
Live right and no more wrong
Live it up while you still can
This life can be good
Don’t blame it on the man
Fight back and claim your hood
Do what’s best right now
Do it now for sure
Do what’s best right now
Live for what seems pure
Do it up big guy
Do it while you can
Now’s the time to do it
Get some more great fans
Live well right now
Get what you want
No time like the present
The only time you’ve got
SOUL LOVE
I love the soul
I love the funk
I love the junk
That’s in them trunks
I want to live
I want to dance
I want sing
I want romance
There’s a party going on
Everyone better have fun
The time to live is right now
Come on, everyone get down
Love your life
Treat it right
Love this life
Make it tight
Love this life
Take it all
Love this life
Have a ball
DEATH METAL LOVE SONG
I love the black makeup that you wear
You’re really different
Just like every girl I’ve had
You wear a trench coat,
I really like it
But I really want to take it off
I just want a gothic girl
I want her to be my world
I want that hot gothic girl
Hope she’ll enjoy our pain
That hot gothic girl is great
Look at the tattoos she makes
Really dark and really sad
She has issues with her Dad
Killing time is such a joy
When we’re together I’m your boy
Never ending gothic girl
Won’t you please just be my world
I just want a gothic girl
I want her to be my world
I want that hot gothic girl
Hope she’ll enjoy our pain
Gothic girl
Maybe one day, we’ll crush the system and get everyone to realize just how bad the whole world sucks and treats us all unfair. And there’s no one I’d rather do it with than you, my gothic angel.
Write a new song and write it bad assed
Gentle song, wrathful song
Gentle song
I’d like to sleep in
And lay around in bed
Maybe read a cookbook
Maybe get some head
Life would be pretty swell
I’d like for that to be true
But it’s just a vision I have
It’s not really true
I had to get up early
And go to a job I hate
Man am I feeling surly
Want to masturbate
I want to live better
I want to live another life
This bullshit’s getting old now
I need to get a better life
Fuck you
Fuck me
Fuck everybody
Life’s all bullshit
Fuck God
Fuck Earth
Fuck the Universe
It’s all bullshit
You’re going to die
Fuck love
Fuck hope
Life is full of lies
Goodbye, so long
Your sad ass won’t last
Fuck off
Right now
Fucking fuck the rest
SO MANY SONGS
So many songs
I don’t even know them all
The amount of songs there are
Make me feel small
Sure I’ve written songs
But they’re just a few in a huge bunch
All these songs just won’t leave my brain
They infect it with lots of good stuff
There’s no perfect song
But a lot of songs are good
Then there’s a bunch of crap too
Try not to listen to garbage
People want to love songs
They make life really great
Songs always make life better
They make me forget hate
Love songs, old songs, good songs, bad songs
Death songs, best songs, past songs, long songs
All the songs that people love
All the songs that seem above
Human abilities and human ears
Human titties and human beer
There’s much more I could do
But until I decide
I won’t be doing shit
All these songs drive me insane
Guess I’’ have to be crazy
Cause I can’t stop thinking
About all these wonderful songs!
SCREWED UP MARRIAGE
I love my new life
It’s quite nice
I killed my wife
She was such a bitch
Now I’m rich
It was a cinch
She needed to die and I sent her to hell
I looked around and I killed very well
I sat on the floor looked at the gore
I placed her in mud, drinking her blood
So my life is good
That bitch is dead
I’d kill her again if I could
My life isn’t great
No longer hate
My unholy fate
Kill a whiny bitch
Then you’ll be rich
LINES OF WISDOM
Japanese join forces with white supremacists in well thought out long term scheme
Why are any of us here?
He will die with his doghouses and they will be sold at a garage sale for fifty bucks.
Reason is more valuable than superstition.
Robert Wadlow was 8’ 11 inches.
There’s a man in Freemont, Arkansas who can blow a bubble bigger than his body.
Freedom is slavery
The Pacification of the lower tribes of the Niger
Everything’s just 99 cents
Amen
Learn how to focus thoughts and time
If one refuses they never do anything great
They do things that make no sense
They do things that aren’t sweet
Why not do what you want
Your life’s up to you
The best people live quite well
Life can be quite swell
IMPROVISED SONG IN THE STYLE OF U2
I was looking in there
I saw a wicked crown
I was just a rebel
I took that old king down
I fight my way, fight my way
I am hollow
All is loud
On Christmas Day
And presents are given
For all to play
Chose the same gift
For Uncle Morty
He’s always the same
He will never change
He is not caged
He is torn apart
He can be won
I will give some gifts again
I will love being Santa again
IMPROVISED SONG IN THE STYLE OF THE DOORS
I set out on the highway baby
The recesses of my mind
I saw a giant snake on the side of the road
It told me I should bake a cake
So I went back home in the afternoon
I opened up some drawers
I gathered my long list of ingredients
I whipped up a batch of tasty treats
Doors Cake!
It is real good
Doors cake
If you try it you’ll feel good!
Now the texture’s moist
But still quite flaky
I think it’s really sweet
I got a frosting from Tawain
Going to make it real neat
Doors Cake!
I bet Jim would be proud
Doors Cake!
It is even better than my pound
Doors Cake!
IMPROVISED ORIGINAL SONG
There is no end to all the songs
They keep flowing through my brain
How do I pick just one to sing?
They all seem just so fine
There is a way to pick a lover baby
Maybe it’s just the same
Don’t settle for one for life
But pick one for right now
There is no way to tell the future
So live right now for the joy
It is not a hard life
If you live like a boy
I think that was an awful rhyme
I could have done much better
Forgive me for my artistic sins
I will knit a sweater
Oh my, that’s even worse
I can’t believe I sucked
I think that I have to do better
It is terrible that I am plucked
Of ideas and creative juices
That used to blow my mind
I guess I’ll settle down now baby
Into the artist’s retirement plaza
It could be okay
I think I’m too young
To gain acceptance
Fuck them and their rates
So I’ll remain a lonely artist
And to myself I’ll stay
Screw the rest of the world
It never appreciates
True tortured genius and emotions
That are genuine
I guess I need a new excuse
Maybe do heroin
That old drug will do me quickly
I don’t think I can hang
Lady white horse is a danger
I’ll quit before insane
So I have to keep on singing
Hope it all works out
But then again it never does
For people who can’t live
Forever in the place they want
I guess I’ll have to give
My life to some bizarre cause
Just to make some cash
I hate the notion of working
But I guess it beats starving
Now I am getting normal
God that is scary
I need to be a freaky beatnik
But never sell my kids
Oh wait, I have no children
I can call my own
Thank God for them
They’d drive me crazy
And they would have bad genes
And so now, I must be going
Not that much time left
I hope you got something from this
Although I have my doubts
My doubts
Quite serious and sincere genuine doubts
SONG ABOUT SONGS
Songs
They really make me want to go crazy
Songs
They make me really fat and lazy
Songs
I like the best ones quite a lot
Songs
I hate the worst ones more than Rot
Songs
They make me want to dance
Songs
They sound really good in France
Songs can make you happy
Songs can make you sweet
Songs can make you lucky
Songs can make you great
Nothing like a good song
SONG
Sometimes life just seems so pointless
Nothing but pain in sight
We all know we’re going to die
No matter how hard we fight
And you are stuck and you are down
Got no good reason to live
But even if all that is true
There’s a reason to live I give
You can be a moron
You can be a freak
You can be an asshole
No need to be bleak
You can act a fool
And forget all the bullshit
No need to focus on the pain
There’s too much dumb stuff to do
You can watch some NASCAR
Buy a singing wall fish
Worship false gods
Do some whip-its
Laugh at Seinfeld
Eat at Hooter’s
Gamble for blowjobs
Rename enemies
Dance in Congress
Write fake reports
Or travel to Tibet
Life is full of stupid options
You can’t even take them all
So why focus on the pain now?
When you can be the world’s biggest idiot?
SONG 2
I am the greatest
I think you all suck
At least compared to me
I pity your garbage
It’s not as good as
My relatively weakest song
I am immortal
You are all dying
God, that must really suck
My genius won’t die
Yours won’t blossom
At least not compared to me
I think you all suck
I can’t believe how bad
All of you are compared to me
Why don’t you give up?
You’ll never come close
None of you are as good as me
So just go home now
Take out the shotgun
Blow your brains out
Instead of always losing to me
It is must get tiring
When you know how great I am
You know you’ll never be like me
End your life now
You stupid failure
You will never be as good as me!
I’m bigger than Jesus
I’m bigger than Yahweh
I’m bigger than any fake God you can name
I’m bigger than the Rockies
Or Himalayas
My awesomeness is insane
I’m better than the universe
I can control it
I think you are all inane
So get out of my sight
You are not worthy
Trying to be like me is just vain
Worships and grovel me
But from a distance
I can’t be brought down by you lames
I’m the greatest
I’m the most brilliant
I’m better than everyone in everyone way
Just for forever
Even after I retire
In my name
Amen!
Everyone else combined is less than the smallest particle of my fingernail I clipped off and threw in the garbage last Tuesday
MUSIC- I have never attempted to write a serious opera song
The trials that plague mankind
Are far too great to overcome
For one day we’ll all die
And any survivors
Will have their own problems
What you do will be forgotten
Nothing matters at all
The time we have to live
Is far too short to last
It makes no sense
Life may be a big joke
Too many people are senseless
In a senseless reality
Try to live well while you can
Expect nothing to last for man
It is hard to know what’s right
Must keep the end in sight
Live it up right now
Might not have a chance again
I don’t love it, I don’t hate it.
Music- a song about a barbershop quintet, covering hair metal bands
It’s my barbershop group
We are the best
There’s Randy
There’ Steve
There’s Ted
There’s Bob
There’s Malik Shulu
And we are the five barbershop quintets
We will take over the world
We will sing so good
We will sing so straight
We will sing so gay
We will sing what you want
Whatever makes your day
The Barbershop quintets
Are the very very best
And we want you to have our joy
So come out and listen to us
We are going to be your boy!
What a great group
What a great sound
What a great life
When Barbershop Quintet is around!
MUSIC
Beatles parody- super contemporary- Helter Skelter- Homeless shelter, All you need is lust, A modern day in the life- about things being bleak
I watched the news today oh boy
About a stupid man who ate grenades
And though the news was rather bad
I heard the same before
I bet it had to do with alcohol
I love to turn news on
Toked up, never left bed
Sweet beer hat upon my head
I sit and stare and have a smoke
Some news guy spoke and I ate some ice cream
SKETCH IDEAS
A musical devoted to recession
In a world where billions of people lose money at every step they take…
Man, I am fucked!
One man had the vision to help a suffering world.
No not, a political leader.
Not a clergy member.
Not even a war hero.
It’s Klaus Steinman, healing the world with the magic of song!
SONG
Recession blows
It needs to go
I really hate it
Someone must defeat it
We need a hero!
Someone like Bruce Willis to stand up and fight
We don’t have to fast, we don’t want to be wrong
We have to take over tonight
Well, in times of recession, people need to feel inspired! And there is no better way to do that, than the power of music.
Music will make everything all right
Fuck the taxman
Fuck your boss
Fuck the world
You are going to be all right!
Go see the Recession musical, before times get better!
SONG
Use your head boy
Things are going to be fine
You have got to get a job
Pass them by and by
No one cares if you live like that
Got to make it rhyme
Simple tunes are going down
Got to get around town
Naked truth is hard to hear
Fear is near for here
The place of heat is steaming up
The place of neat is stepping up
Refuse to resist the best life
The ways to live well are through strife
Get down while you can
Make a new and better plan
Create something while you can
There is no better way to be a man
NEW SONG
Try hard to make sense of it all
Try hard not to brawl
The life of ease would be quite nice
The life of peace would be a price
The struggle of people who are the best
Puts the rest to the test
It is hard to get to the top
But harder to not
The offers of love are quite rare
The people who live are not there
Kill the foolish ways of thought
Bill the ghoulish days you fought
There is no need to demand the world
Negotiate for a few pearls
Watch how you can laugh at life
Never agree to stress and strife
Life’s already far too short
To treat life like some dumb sport
The heroes of the past are gone
The heroes of today aren’t done
But they have a limited time to rule
Tricks they play and try to pull
Just to stay on top a bit more
Sad thing is we all end up poor
Even the greats are destined to fall
Nobody can keep it all
Or even a little in the end
Life will leave us all friend
FUNNY SONG
I sing a simple song
Write some silly words
Sing them out loud
And people go apeshit
Easiest job in the world
All I do is write songs
Well write is a slight
Exaggeration considering
I can’t even read music
I just hum some tune
Some kid named Brijul
Makes it something
The Big Wigs will buy
I’m so lucky
Less talent than you think
That’s okay, I got more
Cash than an oil shiek
Love the way you adore me
Don’t get it, but I’ll take it
I am going to rule the world
Just by making dopey tunes
Just by making dopey tunes
GENUINE HOPE
There are a lot of problems in the world
But there are numerous good things too
Tunes by The Beatles or Jimi Hendrix
Books by clever authors
Movies that are funnier than real life
Comedy that is thoughtful and inspiring
Sex that is mind blowing
Art that is beautiful
Thoughts that seem meaningful
Sports that are fun to watch
Games that are fun to play
Food that is tasty to eat
Clothes that are good to wear
Homes that are nice to live in
Travel to many places and spaces
Literally and in the mind
Life can be quite brilliant
You have to make it so
2008 in song Mike Nesteruk
2. Leader Tribute- George/Dick/Saddam/British Gentleman/Kurdish Lady/Military Officer 1/Military Officer 2/Jesus
(OPEN ON: DICK AND GEORGE AT A WHITE HOUSE PRESS CONFERENCE.)
George
And as I look back at my presidentiality, I think the best way to do it is through the magic of song. Ready Dick?
Dick
Oh yeah.
(DICK SNAPS HIS FINGERS. AN ASSISTANT BRINGS OUT A GUITAR. THE ASSISTANT EXITS. DICK BEGINS PLAYING THE OPENING RIFF TO “TRIBUTE” BY TENACIOUS D. GEORGE SINGS.)
George
A long time ago me and my brother Dick
We were traveling down
A long and wholesome road
(SADDAM ENTERS IN DEVIL HORNS.)
George
All of the sudden there shined a shiny demon
In the middle of the road
And he said
Saddam
Fight the best war in the world
Or I’ll eat your souls
George
Well me and Dick looked at each other
And we each said
Dick and George
OK
(SADDAM BEGINS RUNNING AROUND THE STAGE FRANTICALLY. HE CURLS UP INTO A BALL AND SHEILDS HIMSELF.)
George
And we bombed the first place that came to our heads
Just so happened to be
The best war in the world
It was the best war in the world
George
Look into my eyes and it’s easy to see
(A PROPER BRITISH GENTLEMAN AND A KURDISH LADY ENTER. THEY SHAKE HANDS WITH BUSH, GIVE SADDAM THE FINGER, AND EXIT.)
Brits and us make two, Kurds and us make three
It was destiny
George
Once approval ratings go real low
Then the terrors rise then the blood must flow
We make freedom grow
Well needless to say
Iraq was stunned
(TWO MILITARY OFFICERS ENTER. THEY PUT SADDAM’S ARMS BEHIND HIS BACK AND LEAD HIM OUT.)
George
We kicked ass and Saddam was jailed
And the beast was done
George
He asked us
Saddam
Be you angels?
George
And we said
Dick and George
Nay
We’re army men
Rock!
(THE TWO MILITARY PERSONNEL AND SADDAM EXIT.)
Dick and George
HI YI YI
WOAH OH OH OH
WOAH OH OH OH
OH NO NO NO NO NO
George
This is just the greatest war in the world
Give me a tribute
We must remember the greatest war in the world yeah
Give me a tribute
To the greatest war in the world
It is the greatest war in the world alright
It is the best motherfuckin' war alright
Greatest war in the world
(PERFORMED IN A SCAT STYLE.)
George and Dick
Flee enemies flee, flee enemies flee
Flee enemies said yeah!
George
And the peculiar thing is this my friends
The war we planned to fight
Didn’t turn out anything like we thought
George
Please give me a tribute
You gotta believe me
I wish you were there
Forget about world opinion
(JESUS ENTERS AND PATS GEORGE ON THE BACK. JESUS EXITS.)
George
Good God, He loves it
Not surprised to find they can’t stop us
On fire, Iraq on fire
Rich motherfucker, Halliburton
10. Smells Like Republican Voter- Joe/Chauncey/All Available Cast Members
(OPen On: a performance at A Republican meeting.)
Joe
Welcome, fellow Republicans. We have a treat for you tonight!
(cast members imitate the cheerleaders and janitor from the smells like teen spirit video. Chauncey sings his lyrics to the beat of the opening of Nirvana’s “Smells like Teen Spirit.”)
Chauncey
Load up on guns
Bring your friends
all to Iraq
no need to pretend
to help the poor
We’re self
assured
Never enough
fight terror war
McCain (REPEAT 16 TIMES.)
With the liberals it is dangerous
Here we are now
We love Jesus
Family values are contagious
Here we are now
Please pray for
us
Wealthy tax cuts
great idea
John McCain is
Our next leader
Yeah!
20. Funk Takes a Stand! - Bruce/Isaac/Backup Singers/Dick Cheney
(OPEN ON: A RECORDING STUDIO. ISSAC SINGS LYRICS TO THE BEAT OF HIS 1971 HIT SONG THEME FROM SHAFT.)
Isaac
Who's the white primate dick
that’s a war machine to all the hicks?
Backup Singers
Bush!
Isaac
He’s damn right
Who is the man
that would risk his neck for the rich white man?
Backup Singers
Bush!
Isaac
Can ya' dig it?
Who's the cat that won't help out
when there's danger all about?
Backup singers
Bush!
Isaac
Right on.
Isaac
You see this cat
Bush is a bad leader--
(DICK CHENEY ENTERS.)
Dick Cheney
Shut your mouth!
(DICK CHENEY EXITS.)
Isaac
But I'm talkin' about Bush
Backup singers
Then we can dig it.
Isaac
Not a complicated man
but no one understands him or his woman
Backup singers
George Bush!
28. Bar Gay Rights- Hank/Charlene/Lisa/Arnold/John/Paul/George/Ringo
(OPEN ON: GAY RIGHTS PROTESTERS AT THE CALIFORNIA STATE COURTHOUSE.)
Hank
This is a travesty! California is not a place that welcomes homosexuals!
Charlene
You’re ruining the reputation of the state!
Lisa
People, relax. Our Governor has a few words to bring some calm to the storm.
(ARNOLD ENTERS TO APPLAUSE.)
Arnold
I believe homosexual marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman. The courts have ruled. But when it comes to fighting for traditional marriage, I’ll be back!
(ARNOLD EXITS.)
Lisa
Thank you, Governor. We have some entertainment next to satisfy you cooks, I mean sensible citizen protesters. Ladies and gentlemen I give you, Beatlemania.
(GEORGE, JOHN, PAUL, AND RINGO ENTER AS BEATLEMANIA.)
George
Hey there groovy anti-gay legislation fans!
Paul
We are Beatlemania!
John
And we have opposed gay marriage since we first heard it proposed in the 1970’s.
Ringo
Yeah!
Paul
(Whispers) Even the fake Ringo clings to the rest of us. (Louder) And we would love to perform one of our old hits, with a slightly new twist.
Ringo
1,2,3,4
(BEATLEMANIA SINGS THE LYRICS TO “HARD DAY’S NIGHT” BY THE BEATLES.)
John
We will ignore gay rights
And we will treat them worse than dogs
Paul
We will ignore gay rights
Just like the old days when we flogged
George
But if I ever see you
Do the gay things that you do
I’ll make you see that I’m right
John
You know I work all day
To earn money to do straight things
Paul
It’s not worth it just to have some gays
Make me look at their gross things
George
Those homos
They want to destroy what’s right ight
John
Those homos
They force me to fight, fight yeah
Paul
We can’t have more gay rights
Read all about it in my blog
George
We must stop all gay rights
Because we all know they are wrong
John
Gay marriage isn’t right
Paul
Gay marriage isn’t right
George, Paul, John, and Ringo
Gay marriage isn’t right
39. Crazy Cruise?-Representative/Drew/Kate
Representative
To settle the question of the sanity of Tom Cruise, we have with us tonight Dr. Drew Pinsky and Tom’s lovely wife Katie Holmes presenting their points in a unique format.
(DREW, KATIE, AND ANY MUSICIANS REQUIRED ENTER. DREW AND KATIE SING TO THE TUNE OF “IRON MAN” BY BLACK SABBATH.)
Drew
He is batshit man!
Has he lost his mind?
Tonight show couches he has climbed
Is he sane at all?
Or like his stardom will he fall?
Is he A-list or dead?
What the hell is in his head?
He and Kate are a cute pair?
Why should we even care?
Katie
He was turned to steel
By the lying media people
He’s ahead of his time
Knows the future of mankind
Drew
Nobody wants him
He just ignores the world
Planning his vengeance
A new bad film will unfold
Katie
He’s so good in bed
Fills his women full of cred
Sign him as fast as you can
My husband lives again!
44. America’s Theme Song Debate- John/Choir 1/Choir 2
(OPEN ON CNN HEADLINE NEWS.)
John
What’s the better theme song for America? You decide.
(CHOIR 1 SINGS TO THE TUNE OF “GOD BLESS AMERICA.)
Choir 1
The star spangled banner
What a poor song
It was made by an old loony
who was high and always wrong
It’s for war hawks, it’s for crazies,
It’s boring and it’s way too long
God bless America, that’s a real song!
(CHOIR 2 SINGS TO THE TUNE OF “THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER.”)
Choir 2
Oh, say, can you see, God Bless America sucks?
What a
piece of crap it is, that always leaves me gagging.
Whose
bad lines and dumb rhymes, what perilous tripe,
O'er the
TV we watch'd, we heard it’s campy tune,
Radio
put it on air, all that heard it had a
scare,
Gave
proof overnight, there is nothing good there.
O say,
does that Star - Spangled Banner still rave
It’s the
choice of the free and is sung by the brave.
VP Girl- John/Sarah
(JOHN AND SARAH SING TO THE TUNE OF “BARBIE GIRL” BY AQUA.)
John
Hi ya Sarah.
Sarah
Hi John.
John
You wanna go for a ride?
Sarah
Sure John.
John
Jump in.
Sarah
I’m a VP girl
In a right wing world
I’ll be plastic
John’s fantastic
We are quite a pair
They’ll love us everywhere
We’ll rule the nation
Teaching kids creation
John
Come on Sarah join my party
Sarah
I’m a Mom down the block
From the small town world
Hook me up
Fill my cup
I’m your darling
John
You’re a doll
rock and roll
Red state glamour in pink
Ms. Daycare
Love your stare
Hanky panky
Sarah
Keep in touch
We will play
You can say I’m always yours
John
Come on Sarah let’s go party
Sarah
Oh oh oh
John
Come on Sarah let’s go party
Sarah
Eww whoa, eww whoa
Sarah
Oh, I’m having so much fun.
John
Well Sarah, we’re just getting started.
Sarah
How I love you John!
Fresh Princess-Off stage rapper/Palin/Palin’s kids/Rep. Thug 1/Rep. Thug 2/McCain
(OFF STAGE RAPPER RAPS TO THE TUNE OF “THE THEME TO THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR.”)
(OPEN ON: PALIN ON A THRONE.)
Now this is the story
all about how
Palin got picked
From a small town
It will only take a minute
We’ll make it plain
To tell you how she became
The VP of a guy named McCain
(FIVE ACTORS ENTER AS PALIN’S KIDS AND RUN AROUND THE STAGE. SHE CHASES THEM.)
From the middle of nowhere
Born and raised
On the playground
was where she spent most of her days
Governed moose tracks
For two years like a fool
And she was chasing her five kids
Outside of their school
(REP. THUG 1 and 2 ENTER. PALIN’S KIDS EXIT.)
When a couple of guys
they were up to no good
Started seeing trouble
From this Barack hood
So they thought that a chick
Could hurt the black brain
She said
Palin
Oh gosh, I would love to be the VP of McCain
(REP. THUG 1 and 2 SHAKE HANDS WITH PALIN AND EXIT. PALIN REPEATEDLY SHRUGS HER SHOULDERS, LAUGHS, AND SMILES.)
Although she knew nothing
when questions came near
The lying press called her fresh
and never looked in the mirror
If anything I could say that this chick’s insane
Then I thought, holy Jesus
She’s worse than McCain
(MCCAIN ENTERS AND HOLDS HANDS WITH PALIN WHILE THEY WAVE AT THE AUDIENCE.)
They might get the White House
Due to southern primates
If you thought things were shabby
Yo homes wait til’ later
Republican queendom
Hockey Mom will bring pain
And sit on her throne
As the VP of McCain
Celibate- Nun 1/Nun 2/Cardinal Bob/Cardinal Tim/Cardinal Carl
(ACTORS SING TO THE TUNE OF “CELEBRATION” BY KOOL AND THE GANG.)
Nun 1
Celibate clergy come on
Nun 2
Be celibate
Nun 1
Celibate clergy come on
Nun 2
Be celibate
Cardinal Bob
Evil party going on right here
A celibate man
Will never last a year
Cardinal Tim
So bring your lube tube
And your laughter too
They’re not celibate
They want to party with you
Cardinal Carl
Come on now
Celibate priests
They’re not celibate
But they have good times
Cardinal Bob
Celibate Priests
They’re not celebrate
They’ll have a good time tonight
Cardinal Tim
It’s gross
They come together
Do what they want
Just for pleasure
All
Everyone around the world wake up
Come on!
Rogue- Madonna/Backup Dancers
Madonna
Hello, I’m the one and only Madonna. I have been consulting the Kabbalah, and feel that it is time for me to speak out against a great tragedy of our times.
(MADONNA SINGS TO THE TUNE OF HER HIT SONG “VOGUE.”)
Madonna
Strike
a foe
Strike a foe
Rogue, rogue, rogue
Rogue, rogue, rogue
Look around everywhere you turn is heartache
It's everywhere you explode (look around)
They try everything they can to escape
You must destroy them you know (life that they know)
When your squad fails and you want to be
Something better than you are today
You can’t let enemies get away
You’re on a death tour, don’t ask what it's for, so
[Chorus:]
Come on, rogue
Watch the bodies move before bombs tick(move when bombs tick)
Hey, hey, hey
Come on, rogue
Let dead bodies go with the flow (go with the flow)
USA can do it
All you need is army imagination
to fight a fictional war (that's what it's for)
Lose your soul, for deadly inspiration
Your
dreams remind of the gore (oh the horrid gore)
It makes no difference if you're black or white
If you're a boy or a girl
With machine guns pumping it will take away life
Deadly superstar, yes, that's what you are, you know it
Truth is where you find it
That’s just how you justify it
Soul less Iraq morgue is full
That's when I feel like a fool
Debacle, death is small
So watch us butcher the poor
Rogue, (Rogue)
Truth is where you find it (move before bombs tick)
Rogue, (Rogue)
Truth is where you find it (go with the flow)
Greater freedom and the vote
what else could the people want
Modern weapons, we look mean
On the cover of a magazine
Undercover, business scheme
Picture of a deadly team
world nations watch them stare
They can’t stop us, wouldn’t dare
They
are wild, need Christ’s grace
US forces saved the place
George Bush, Cheney, England too
Halliburton, we love you
Patriotic attitude
Kill the brown man is the mood
Don't just stand there, let's get to it
Strike a foe, there's nothing to it
Rogue, rogue
Oooh, you've got to
Watch the bodies move before bombs tick
Oooh, you've got to just
Let dead bodies go with the flow
Oooh, you've got to
Rogue!
51. Beat the White Brats - Amy/Becky/Sir Mix a Lot/Ahmed/Imran
ALL SING TO THE TUNE OF “BABY GOT BACK” BY SIR MIX A LOT
Amy
Oh, my, god. Becky, look at this stud.
He is so big. *scoff* He looks like,
one of those A-rab guys, girlfriend.
But, you know, who understands those A-rab guys? *scoff*
They only call us hoes, because,
we dress to them like prostitutes, 'kay?
I bet his nuts are just so big.
I can't believe he’s just so brown, it's like,
out there, I mean - whoa. Look!
He's just so ... dark!
Sir Mix-a-Lot
These Western sluts always cheat and lie
You Muslim brothers can't deny
That when a girl does sin it’s a pretty big waste
To spit vileness in Allah’s face
They’ll
get hung; wanna call out their bluff
'Cause you know they can’t repent enough
Evil
in the jeans she's wearing
The devil in me can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna just hit you
And burn your picture
My
homeboys tried to warn me
But those butts you got
Amy and Becky
make
men so ornery
Sir Mix a Lot
Ooh,
you Americ-in
You say you wanna get in my pants?
Well, not me, not me
'Cause I ain't like average Jewry
I've
seen your dancin'
To hell with your grave sin’
Don’t sweat, yet,
Got to go where justice is set
I’m
tired of magazines
Showin’ their butts and things
Take a solid Muslim man and ask him that
She gotta pay much back
So, Muslims!
Ahmed, Imran
(Yeah!)
Sir Mix a Lot
Muslims!
Ahmed, Imran
(Yeah!)
Sir Mix a Lot
Have these women become sluts?
Ahmed, Imran
(Hell
yeah!)
Sir Mix a Lot
Call 'em for sake- en!
Ahmed, Imran
(Sake-en!)
Sir Mix a Lot
Sake-en!
Ahmed, Imran
(Sake-en!)
Sir Mix a Lot
Stop
those wicked sluts!
Cut them no slack!
Imran
Unveiled
face with exposed booty
Sir Mix a Lot
Beat the white brats
Take them out back
Stoning
attack
Sir
Mix a Lot
Sin is nothing little when you know the facts
48. ALL IN THE STRUGGLING FAMILY- Choir
PARODY OF “THOSE WERE THE DAYS.” YOU KNOW, THE ALL IN THE FAMILY THEME.
ORIGINAL
"Boy the way Glen Miller played, songs that made the hit parade, guys like us we had it made, those were the days, and you know where you were then, girls were girls and men were men, mister we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again, didn't need no welfare states everybody pulled his weight, gee our old LaSalle ran great, those were the days!"
NEW, AS SUNG BY CHOIR
Boy the way my bills ain’t paid
Living in recession age
Guys like us we have to pray
Broke USA
And our leaders chose to spend
Billions to save poor GM
We could use a man like Daddy War Bucks again
We’ve become a welfare state
Everybody’s losing weight
Man I’m feeling desperate
Broke USA
42. VIOLENT NIGHT- Choirmaster/Choir/Military Psycho 1/Military Psycho 2/ Woman/Child
Choirmaster
This song is dedicated to all the people who suffer through war.
CHOIR SINGS TO THE TUNE OF “SILENT NIGHT
Choir
Violent Night, unholy night
MILITARY PSYCHOS ENTER
Choir
Drop napalm, time to fight
BOMB SOUND EFFECT IS HEARD. MILITARY PSYCHOS GIVE EACHOTHER AN ENTHUSIASTIC HIGH FIVE. WOMAN AND CHILD ENTER.
Choir
Rape a virgin, mother, or child
MILITARY PSYCHOS RAPE WOMAN AND CHILD
Choir
Holy war’s not tender and mild
MILITARY PSYCHOS THROW WOMAN AND CHILD TO GROUND
Choir
Sleep in heavenly peace
MILITARY PSYCHO 1 SLITS THE THROAT OF THE WOMAN. SHE DIES.
Choir
Sleep in heavenly peace
MILITARY PSYCHO 2 SLITS THE THROAT OF CHILD. IT DIES.
End scene.
SILENT NIGHT LYRICS
Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child
Holy Infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace
37. ACLU - Jane/Bill/Cop/Indian/Biker/Cowboy/Construction Worker
Jane
The constitution is getting trashed by our courts.
Bill
Hundreds of gay people are jailed unfairly for violating sodomy laws.
Jane
Homosexuals in the U.S. are still treated like Ricky Martin at a clan rally.
Bill
And nobody seems to care.
Jane
Man, I wish more people were passionate about gay rights civil liberties cases.
Bill
I think I know how we can get people involved.
Jane
HOW?
Bill
The magic of song!
INDIAN, COP, BIKER, COWBOY, AND CONSTRUCTION WORKER ENTER
AND SING TO THE TUNE OF “YMCA” BY THE VILLAGE PEOPLE. ALL FORM APPROPRIATE LETTERS ABOVE THEIR
HEADS WHEN “ACLU” IS SUNG.
Cop
We’ll win your case at the
All
ACLU
Indian
We help the gays at the
All
ACLU
Biker
There are rights that you have that you need to enjoy,
Cowboy
You’ll
win cash with our legal boys ...
Construction
Worker
We’ll win your case at the
All
ACLU
Cop
We help the gays at the
All
ACLU
All
ACLU
End scene.
YMCA LYRICS
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
They have everything that you need to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
25. Economic
Jump-
Daddy Mack/Mack Daddy/Background dancers and singers
ALL SING TO THE TUNE OF “JUMP” BY KRISS KROSS
Daddy Mack
You
should know, you should know that ahhh
Stock markets not doing very well today
Mack Daddy
As
we stand here totally decked out
We have plans to make you
All
Jump Jump
Daddy Mack
The Dow Jones will have to
All
Jump
Jump
Mack Daddy
The Nas-daq will have to
All
Jump
Jump
Daddy Mack
Smart trades will make you
All
Jump
Jump
Mack
Daddy
Don't try to compare this to another bad fiscal fad
I am mad, markets bad, this is something that we never had
Daddy Mack
I'll
make it Jump Jump, end economic slump
Cause I'll be using techniques that make it wanna
All
Jump
Mack
Daddy
How high? Real high
Cause I'm just so fly
A young mo-bi-le, profiled type of guy
Daddy Mack
My portfolio’s in the black cuz I never
All
Slack
Daddy
Mack
while the market is wiggida wiggida
All
Wack
Mack Daddy
I’m
brain stormin' with somethin' to keep you jumpin
S&P ain’t bullcrap, so don’t be dumpin'
Daddy Mack
And
learn something from a rich boss, they all that
So when they ask do you rock just believe that
All
Jump Jump
Mack Daddy
The Dow Jones will have to
All
Jump
Jump
Daddy Mack
The Nas-daq will have to
All
Jump Jump
Mack
Daddy
Smart trades will make you
All
Jump
Jump
Daddy Mack
uh huh uh huh
All
Jump Jump
Mack Daddy
The Dow Jones will have to
All
Jump
Jump
Daddy Mack
The Nas-daq will have to
All
Jump
Jump
Mack Daddy
Smart trades will make you
All
Jump
Jump
Daddy
Mack
Believe dat
ADVICE?
Nearly all advice is pointless.
Look at all the books that have been written.
Almost nobody reads them.
Look at the terrible mistakes humanity has made.
Billions of people still make the same mistakes.
Not to mention, nobody cares about what you think.
You’re imperfect and continue to live a less than pure life.
When you’re perfect and have all the answers, you can start telling other people how to live.
Until then, leave other people to their own affairs until they start bothering you.
BE LIKE CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS OR STEVE ALLEN?
Christopher Hitchens and Steve Allen
Both produced incredible bodies of work.
Both advocate using reason and logic to experience life fully.
They confront others about irrational beliefs differently.
Christopher chooses to blatantly point out the worst elements of faith.
He’s likely to offend others who embrace non-sense.
Moderation is not part of Hitchens.
He frequently insults famous figures who are revered by millions.
He swears
Names names of the charlatans
May show contempt for an entire audience
If he feels they’re wrong
Steve Allen took a more moderate approach.
He didn’t attempt to deliberately insult people.
He issued respectful challenges to those he felt were embracing superstitious non-sense
Steve tried to convince people with logic to accept rational concepts.
SILLY GAL
She was born in 1983
Thought her Grandpa
Fought in the Civil War
Once asked a question
At Long John Silvers
They had a sealed off door
She asked, is that where
They hid the Jews
Referring to the holocaust
She was raised in church
And asked her mother
Why didn’t they find
The bones of Jesus
TIPS FOR LIVING CHEAP
Music- Create your own, listen to library CD’s, hang out with friends who have good music
Books- Library, bookstore, borrow from friends
Movies- Library, dollar movies, rental, sneak in, two for one
Comedy- Create own, open mike, library
Sex- date below social class and level of physical attractiveness, go for loose partners
Science- library, hang with science buddies
Art- draw with pencil, make sculpture out of Play Dough, crayons
Food- Eat potatoes, bread, rice, beans or grass
Clothing- Find new clothes, “borrow” from friends, if forced to buy- only on discount day at thrift stores
Shelter- Be homeless, live in a shelter, live with family, live with rich partner, live in a commune, live in a college dorm, live in a train station, live in a cave
Sports- Play with friends for free, play by yourself, sign a contract for professional team and get paid
Games- Play for free by yourself, with friends, get good and get paid to play
MISANTHROPIC SONG
Many people never achieve their dream
But even more never wake up from their nightmare
Now is the time to give up and join
The rest of humanity in cruel reality
Our species may be so selfish
That no one is influenced by anyone else.
If anyone refuses to participate in struggle
They lose touch with 99% of humanity
Perhaps I seem to have a cruel streak
But it’s only because the pain in the world
Bothers me a great deal
It’s possible that evolution is on pause in many parts of the world
But humanity finds ways to advance
Despite the pathetic nature of billions of its members
Leave the Earth a slightly better place
Even if it is doing so by leaving the Earth
Success is a temporary deceiver
Life is nearly always painful failure
Being depressed can lead to a worse lifestyle
But any adult who has never felt depressed
Clearly has some kind of blinders on.
Anyone who wants a better way of life for themselves
Is likely to face a lot of disappointment
Just accept the world sucks
You’re going to die
And nothing you do has any permanent meaning
Once you are over all that
You’re free to float around
Without any definite purpose in the world
Everyone has the potential to fail you
There are no perfect people
The people we love and care about most
May let us down
All humans possess abilities to lapse
Into bouts of frustration and anger
Mental powers can be developed
But never fully
A human who reached their full potential
Could to do greater things than feeble minds can comprehend
But the fully developed human may not be tolerated
In a world of many petty, narrow minded rulers
What joy can come from hurting others?
Do people value temporary status and possessions
More than their living brothers and sisters?
It seems most of the world does
“Mind your own business” used to be a great policy
But in a world full of taxation, extortion, and murder
It isn’t possible
Mind the business of all people
Who try to ruin lives
Question all people
Many of them may be just as clueless as you are
A few might even be more so
Violence is a terrible way of life for a family
but almost always a necessary way of life for a nation
Pacifist cultures have been wiped out
Unfortunately, life is often dominated by aggressive pricks
MISANTHROPIC SONG 2
When one thinks about
The grand scheme of the universe
They have to see
Everything they’ve ever done
Everything they’ll do
Will mean little to
Nothing in the end
Effort given to failure may
A complete waste of time
Or it can be needed
To learn lessons to improve
Ultimately, all human effort
Results in failure
Do people value temporary status
More than their temporary
Brothers and sisters?
It seems as if
Most of the world does
MISATHROPIC RANT
Even in a world where all had their needs provided, pain could still be imposed
by others. A great deal of competition,
greed, and hatred may always exist.
Deviants may still take great pleasure in hurting others.
As long as the capacity to feel pain exists, people will experience suffering. As long as people are vulnerable to death there will be fear. As long as people live without developed technology, there will be oppressive labor and competition for limited resources. As long as people have the potential to harm others, there will be suffering.
Many people are unhappy because they want to receive rewards without sacrifice. Many feel guilt about hurting other people due to their own fears. Many people are unhappy because they may live and die alone in a cold and indifferent universe. Many people are unhappy because they feel stuck without any realistic chance to change for the better. Many people are unhappy because they fail to meet their goals.
Do people want to be lied to? No, but most people deliberately want to focus on matters other than the most painful truths of reality. It is too disturbing for many people to think about death, evil leaders, and violence.
Atrocities have been committed by corrupt powers who
devalued human life. Innocent people have been tortured and killed merely for
having dissenting opinions. The prospect
of being detained by malicious authorities is a legitimate concern for many
people.
Authority creates problems for individuals who actively oppose those in power.
There are authorities who have little to no regard for common people. Each individual makes personal decisions
about how much intimidation they are willing to tolerate from political powers
before they take action against rulers.
Only people who are desperate ever resort to becoming wage slaves. But that’s nearly everyone. So if you want to avoid that route, better find a way to beat the moneymakers.
Corrupt financial, political, and religious leaders exploit ignorance for their own selfish ends. Wars are waged by the wealthy to shed the blood of the poor. Even many people who meet their survival needs fairly easily experience a great deal of pain, isolation, and misery.
THE ESSENCE OF GENRES OF MUSIC
Boiling music genres down to their essences:
Rock
Power chords- Kick ass, get laid, party.
Blues-
Simple riff, 2nd and 4th frets upper strings back and forth
Life sucks. Music makes it slightly better.
Jazz-
More complex arrangement- something like Coltrane
Chill the hell out. Relax.
Rap-
Repetitive, but tight and danceable- something like Big Pimpin’
The streets are rough. Get money and hoes.
Funk-
E 9, a bass groove run top of the frets
Dance rhythmically to this killer groove.
Country- We’re hicks who haven’t evolved.
Bonanza like
Pop- We make billions from this sappy shit.
Timberlake or Michael Jackson like
Psychadelic- Life is trippy if you open your mind.
LUCY IN THE SKY
Comedy- Laugh at the absurdities of life.
Dare to be stupid
Classical- Impressive technical creations made by humans.
Classico, One, The art of painting
Avant garde- Weird shit can still be played.
Peaches en regalia, Elfman
Theme song- We set cool tunes to this show.
Mash, Hawaii five o, Bond
Metal- I’m angry! Eat shit motherfuckers!
Ace of Spades,
Evolve the way you believe you should before it’s all too late
Surf- Relax and try to enjoy life.
Endless Summer, Pipeline, Beach Boys- California Girls
Motown-Smooth well crafted pop songs with heart and class.
It’s a Shame, My Girl, Just My Imagination
Soul- Let me bare all my feelings to you.
Soul Man
Punk- Fuck you, I hate life.
Sex Pistols, Ramones, Clash
Folk- Here’s a simple tune that can help you unwind.
Simon and Garfunkel, Dylan
Spanish- Appreciate life.
One I know, Spanish Caravan like
Reggae- Calm down and feel good.
Marley, Up stroke 16 bar
Ballad- I love you.
Softer, slower, high notes
Italian- Bonjour Italiano!
Godfather
Romantic- I want to love you or have sex with you.
Same as Ballad?
Hardcore- Look how much energy you have.
Play fast and hard deep top strings
Melodic- Pretty sounds make life better.
Play a theme like Tetris
Ska- Get silly with old school riffs.
Upstoke like Impression I get
Grunge- Corporate structures suck unless done our way.
Nirvana
Christian- Jesus is Lord. Praise him.
Praise- White people tend to sing lamely to Jesus.
Lame
Gospel- Black people sing better to Jesus than white folks.
A bit funky
BEST LYRICS POSSIBLE FOR NOW
Stop working for free
Start working towards a clear purpose
You don’t have to be perfect
But you have to be good
Music isn’t going to lead to a perfect life
But it can increase the quality of your life
OBSESSION
The principle obsession of mine
Has been the meaning of life
Even though I don’t believe
There necessarily is one
How odd
The laughable situations of life
Musical pursuits are good
Knowledge of impressive achievements
Take advantage of whatever is left
Questioning perspectives are useful
Jot down thoughts
I’m not old
But I’m not young anymore either
Use time wisely
Life isn’t going to stop
Just so you can catch up
And do all you want to do
Live right now
MUSICAL TRUTH
Songs don’t have to convey precise meaning
They can stir an irrational, emotional response
People want to feel good
They want to focus on the joy of life
The want to forget the pains and worries
They want to live vibrantly for a while
Music touches most people
In a unique way
It can’t be fully understood
People who take risks with music
May be able serve as heroes to billions
The joy music can bring is great
For all people who take chances
To embrace a better way of life
Let music touch you in a unique fashion
All the best parts of life may lead to better things
The proof is in the pudding
The research has been done
The brilliant concepts one creates
May mean little in the end
To a lot of people who pursue meaning
The artists of one era
Are made possible with technology
The interdependence of life
Can make a lot of things worth living
We’re all on a temporary ride
Things could improve
But unless the rules change
We all have to go away
I know that I’ve been trying for a long time
I know I’ve been wrong
I know I could do much more
I will if I can
I know I have to take some more chances
The people who live well
Do everything they can to be amazing
AGING GRACEFULLY MAY BE ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS TO DO
I don’ want to get old
I don’t want to die either
This could be a problem
Since time keeps moving
I think I’ll have to choose
Unless the universe chooses for me
CREATE WHILE YOU CAN
What you make won’t last
What you create will become past
There’s nothing that everyone loves
But you might find a way
To live well today
Make something while you can
If you can be a man
Or a woman
Who has the courage
To make something unique
It could be your peak
You might be a freak
But you’ll always seek
Until you create something good
Like you know you should
LIFE FLOWS THROUGH YOU
Since you’re alive
Might as well try to be vibrant
Make something great happen
The best times are waiting
Leap into the wild abandon
Get a bold move to make more sense
Explain what you can
Much of life
Never makes sense
No matter how hard we try
TUNE FROM THE MOON
Reached into space
This came back
Never know what to expect
From the moon folks
What kind of sounds they’ve got
Could blow our minds
Even more than what we’ve got
More unique than our weirdest
Prettier than our best
Forget our crap
Time to listen to moon tunes!
I NEVER KNEW
Couldn’t find the answer
I wanted more
But ended with less
I can’t believe I was a fool
Even though I tried to be wise
Get over the past
I know I can
If I have something good
To look forward to
Right now while I can
Live a life of joy
Things aren’t always good
But I can live well
In the future
If I can hang on
Despite my struggles
And a lack of guarantees
That things might be better
KEEP PUSHING TO GET BETTER
You’ll never be better
Unless you stop trying
You need to quit
All that sorry whining
Life is hard
But can be great
If you have talent
And pull your weight
And maybe a whole lot more
But it’s worth if you can
Stand up and be a man
Stand for what’s right
Bright future’s in sight
DETERMINATION
I’ve been kicked in the balls
By life and some folks in it
But I’ve lived to tell the tale
I’m still using the ice
To make my wounded balls
Feel a little better
Despite the awful pain
I might never be the same
But I can keep on icing
And keep on praying
And someday maybe
My balls will feel right
Or at least not as bad
As they ache right now
AL GREEN IS STILL PRETTY DAMN GOOD
I can’t believe
He sounds that good
He’s still a pimp
He might not like that word
If he’s in a holy roller stage
But it’s true
Still sounds smooth
In his damn sixties
Hope I can be that good
In my thirties
Yet alone when I’m old
Good for him
I bet he eats right
And works at his craft
What a nice gift
For himself
And the rest of humanity
Keep on truckin’ Al
I FEEL THE VIBRANCE OF LIFE
I can feel alive
Right now
I can make excuses
Right now
Or I can keep on living
Vibrantly like I should
No more isolation
No more silly pain
No more stupid games
No time for lames
I’m going to live out loud
And keep on living
I’m going to scream and shout
And keep on giving
To the suffering people
Give them a ray of hope
Because life’s too hard
But we can finally cope
At least until we die
And then we’ll wonder why
We worried about stupid shit
Instead of living it
Don’t make that mistake
Bad habits are to break
Live how you want right now
If you can, somehow
Live for what matters most
Before your ass is toast
WHAT A WAY TO END
So many things I could say
But this will do for now
So many places today
But where I am is fine
So many sweet options
But I don’t which is best
So I’ll end on this note
Not the perfect one
But it will do for now
ANOTHER BLUES TALE
Another tune for the road
Rambling all over
This crazy big old world
I’m just trying to get home
So I can be with my girl
I always wanted the good life
But I came up pretty short
I never wanted me a dull wife
All I wanted was what’s good
Trying to force myself into
Another way of life
I know that I done fucked up
I never had a sense of time
Gambling on the game of life
Like I even had a choice
I’m so tired of the shit
I just want some peace of mind
I split for the land of Chicago
Even though I don’t know why
I walked for miles and miles
I wore my old shoes down
I got sick of wandering
But I had to leave that town
I never settled for lessons
I had to learn on my own
I know that I lost a whole lot
And I still haven’t grown
To be a man in the US
I just wanted it all
I never worked for shit
I never heard my call
I know that I was a fool
I got over the worst of all
I know that I can still rule
I want to be first of all
Promise to stop the bullshit
Promise to stop the lies
Promise to start cool shit
Promise to be surprised
I know that life is too hard
I know that I can fail
I want to get a reward
I want to tell my tale
All I got left in this world is my tale
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
System of discretion
Filtering out all the non-sense
System of logic
Sell out for money
At least enough to survive
Royally screwed
To hold on
Period of justice
Comma of non-sense
The completion of goals
The end of time
Never seems to matter
To anyone but me
At least in my life
Oh well the canaries
What a load of crap
We can sell anything
To the proper sap
Believe in your ideals
If you can dare
Make a meal for matza
To turn reality around
Feeling too ambitious
But never quite enough
I don’t want to die here
Or anywhere else
GOOD MUSIC
I love the funky soul songs
That make you feel
Like life is worth living
The type of songs that get you
To dance, love life, and appreciate
The good life you’ve been given
The type of songs that stir you
To remember the best times of life
Living well is easy to do
When great tunes are being played
One more time
SONG IDEA
Consistent and metered
Tempo in mind
Courage and conviction
Impressive and amazing
Producing a high quality
Best parts of the mind
Parody songs- Set lyrics to Hawaii Five O, Batman
SHAMEFUL CONFESSION
I have to try
To make something worthwhile
Have it count for something
If I continue to refuse
To make a profit
I have only myself
To blame for poverty
WEIRD SONG
I thought about Mars
Then I went there
It was cool
I recommend it
You can do what you want
Nobody makes rules there
You can eat cheese
If you bring it
Nobody will bother you
Unless you bring them
Not much going on though
Not even one restaurant
‘
No dance clubs
Maybe the Earth
Ain’t all that bad
I IDOLIZED NERDS
Why’d I want to be like them?
They were never cool
I thought they knew what was cool
But I looked like an idiot
Imitating those freaks
I could’ve been like other freaks
Oh well
I’m no longer young
So I guess it doesn’t matter
All old people are the same
They go to jobs they hate
And bitch about their pains
Watch TV, go to bed
But now instead
I have the memories
Of hanging with weenies
I idolized nerds
TAKE THE CHANCE
Hey someday
You’re going to die
Anyway
No matter what you do
Or what you say
You are going away
So live today
No better way
To have some balls
Go for it all
Nothing to lose
Someday bad news
You just might fail
Don’t kick the pail
Before you dare
To take a dare
Don’t sit and stare
Go get out there
And fucking live
And try to give
A little love
Take a big risk
Or you might miss
The life you could
Have loved for a while
IT”S ALL GOING AWAY
Everything you love
Everything you hate
Is slowly disappearing
You spent too much time caring
About stupid bullshit
Instead of enjoying it
What the hell were you thinking
You should’ve been drinking
The sweet tastes of life
Instead of being trite
It’s all your fault
You did what you were taught
Instead of living out loud
And now you ain’t proud
Just another no one
Instead of a grown one
But that’s okay
You had to know
It’s all going away
Life was your foe
CHILLING FOR TODAY
No need to worry
It’s time for an off day
No need to hurry
It’s time to live your way
Life is good
Eat some food
Life is great
Anticipate
A day of leisure
Got no stress
A day of pleasure
Should be best
I NEED TO CHANGE
I need some courage
I need to commit
I don’t know what will happen
But I’m tired of shit
I think I can live
And kick some ass
But not if I act
Like some little bitch
I stayed away too long
From the money games of the ruthless
I suppose I can laugh again
And avoid being homeless
Didn’t want to sell out
But don’t want to ride
Didn’t want to take orders
But don’t want to die
So I’ll do my best
To quit sucking
Before forever I rest
And tell the world fuck it
BEACH BOYS RIP-OFF
I never realized
The beach was so clear
I always wanted my gal
To have a better life
But I kept on laughing
Even though I tried
I never wanted this
I wanted the good life
I ran wild and didn’t care
I ran wild and burned out
I quit working and dropped out
I know that I was wrong
According to capitalist standards
But at least I tried to live well
STRUGGLING SCRIPT WRITER
Thought he’d make it big
Writing some stories
And selling them to the movies
Boy was he wrong
Took a bunch of bullshit jobs
Just to eat and pay rent
And what’d that get?
A life time of failure
A life time of pain
A life time of unused words
And a pile of broken dreams
Did he lack the patience?
Did he lack talent?
Did he lack the stamina?
Did he lack attempts?
Did he give up too easily?
Was he just a hack?
I guess we’ll never know for sure
But man his life was sad
Struggled for years for a dream
That never became reality
Shame he couldn’t make it big
Or at least even a bit
But that’s how life often goes
It quickly goes to shit
Spent a life in regret
And no one ever reads it
IMPROVEMENT?
Healthier attempt
At depression and death
Awful events
Struggles of life may never end
But that’s not a good reason
To avoid enjoying
In the grand scheme of life
Even your best work
Is no more
Than a grain of salt
LIST OF SONG TITLES
Kiss me, I hate the Irish
Fuck your band
Yet another goddamn love song
I love you more than disco
I never abused drugs, I used them
Portable crapper
Quit all jobs
Quoth the ravin’
Dr. Dre is really keen
Fool me three times, I’m a real fool
I came, I saw, I farted
Heaven must be missing an average looking woman
I love you way too much to marry you
Lazy roommate awards
Dance with death, refuse the after party
Fortune 500 janitors
Vague song
Only fools still write songs
Not even half-assed song
Pardon me while I take a shit
Polite people are a different version of asshole
Number one songs somehow suck
Internment summer camp sucks
Guilt free lard
How can you tell new age songs apart?
Feel my largest organ (My skin babe)
You can’t fuck everyone
Kiss me if your parents approve
Aimless CEO’s
Pre-school dropouts
Drinking with Bin Laden
Nudity is only sometimes a crime
How to lose friends and influence no one
Filibuster radio
I’m addicted to myself
Curious George learns awful truth
Tony Danza sings William Shatner
Terrible, shameful, awful music
You put the cunt in country music
I wish my dick was as big as your heart
Life touched me in weird places
The most boring game
My fashion is weekend sports casual
I write the wrongs
Mull over my mullet
Deep fried Southern mullet
Mullet brigade is loose
How did we invent the mullet?
Billionaires don’t wear mullets
Loose lips sunk my battleship
Fuck you pretty boy
Being the universe’s test subject
Hell isn’t needed to scare people in Tijuana
Creationists need to evolve
If God helps you, why do you suck?
Jesus: Friend or slave master?
Faith in money over God
Open your mind to my cult
My god has the biggest dick
People better than Jesus
God thinks you suck
God needs cash
God’s so funny he kills me
KIND OF FUNNY
I’m tired of faking for you
Ask my lawyer bitch
I’m glad you’re dying
Awful things we said
Bear down coach?
Bad athletic advice
Phony numbers from chicks
Bad business ideas
Every job is temporary
You have no permanent address (You’re going to die)
Poetic injustice
I think you’re repulsive
Too many birds nowadays
Tired of the same old shit
Kiss my broke ass
Shop til U quit mindless consumerism
Half-off coupon experience
Treat your baby better than your outhouse
No call, no show, no dough
That’s my pet bird bitch!
You’re wrong again
Dumb fuck all stars
The pen is mightier than some crayons
Illegal fireworks display
Riot cancelled, let’s obey
Mind controlling music
This song makes me superior
Forget you’re broke
Listen to jet take off
We can do better than country
Fuck Billy Ray
Loudmouth mimes
Opinionated Losers
Hiding from lawyers
No fizzy cola
Luxury Sedan asshole
Suck enough wiener yet?
Soap opera quality
Tighten my tattered belt around your fat ass
Huge tits and chances
All I want is the universe
I hate when perverts sing be my baby
Can’t accept this contract universe
Indian chief executive
The feeling is mutual
Nursing home rebel
Flunked another test
Why’d I bother with High School?
Bless the atheists
Coat hangers are bad doctors
Devil in Preacher’s clothes
Everyone’s obsessed with food
Guilt is for assholes
Loud, lewd, proud, nude
Nag me later
Ugly truths about pretty gals
Violent Amish
Wheat germ germs
Kill all mikes
Loan shark junkees
Dishwashing badasses
Dunk tank all-stars
Stare at walls
Filet of Wish
Nine minus 7 irons
Corporate whores
Mall cop pricks
Illegal jaywalkers
Polka Pimps
Awkward Pause
Lost Bets
Weird Mike Happening
Bubble duel
Already Ate
Last party
Praise the Chords!
List of odd music jobs
Triangle Player
Agent for harp players
Record producer (What the hell does that mean anyway?)
SONG TITLES LIST
Psyched for beef tacos
Light that fart
Laugh at Fuckers
Chicken shit corporation
Attack morons
Tofu is murder
Genocide ain’t a good idea
Have some balls man!
Dash babies against stones- inspired by The Bible book Psalms
Kobe Bryant Blues
100 mill less than Lebron
Poorest planet
Kiss my stock portfolio
Move that mountain with faith con artist
Vegetarian propaganda
New Age music often blows
Healing powers my ass
Greetings from my head
Good to meet you Chucky
Glow in the dark lies
Hang more than ten
Hungover heroes
Intelligence not required
Illegal aliens should aim higher
I owe you money?
Cocaine is for winners
Pop songs murdered
Church bullshit
Invisible men don’t watch you
Create a disturbance
Churches should pay taxes
Reperations to humanity
Mitake riddled species
No time for shit
Bad advice to school kids
Bra stuffing
Bisexual animals
Rock star wills
What a crap book
Cool ass Spaghetti Western
Funny stand up comic
Jump to more than conclusions
Jailhouse cock
Jilted lovers love ballads
Kill the Bible
Kentucky scares the hell out of me
Kite flying on a lazy war ship
Kriss Kross is still jumping
Mundane fall lineup
Wannabee TV exec
Biggest dick ever
Classic lust song
False messiahs are funny
Geography is bitchin!
Get smart stoopid!
Fox News is amazing
Grocery bill blues
Soul sistas unite for tea and crumpets
Ninja kicks politician
The Federal Reserve should die
Young Republicans are really sad
Live like an ant queen
Edit this scene
Improvising bastards
Too cruel for the stage
Perverts on parade
What’s the meaning of this?
When’s lunch?
Year long anniversary
ZZ bottom
Pro-choice for viruses
Random bag check my ass
Kill Mr.Mustard
Take a fucking chance
Evict billionaires
Full moon loony express
Mundane becomes funny
Shower solo
Dog barking better
Will you pay for this?
Dreams of beer and sitting around
Middle class bullshit
Bragging about so little
Sing your ass off
Fucking up is what we do
Companions are friends
Fifteen year old comedy sketch
Few like 1930’s jokes
Times have changed, you haven’t
Tacky beach towels
Good citizens don’t pay taxes
Ethics are better than religion
Elope the right way
Make jail fun
Car salesmen should die
TJ’s funnier than Leno
Cosmos is better than Price is Right
Marx Brothers got shit done
Babe Ruth isn’t a babe
I’m glad the emperor of Japan is no longer divine
Worship the one true God, KFC
Ugly people may be banned
I thought Hollywood was against ugly
Crude ideas
Morgan Freeman acted his ass off
Wow- Marlon Brando
AWOL from AWOL Patrol
Too inside reference song
The roof isn’t really on fire
Stop attacking my potatoes
Popularity is a dumb contest
Jesus isn’t watching
Hey dipshit
Win at bingo
Trademark this bitch
Humans are neat
Hell is meant for you
This bud’s for me
Losing your hair and mind
Agnostics can’t sell out
You seem to know nothing
Irish pubs are overrated
Craziest fuckers
Don’t take advice
Dance a jig Morty
Drink more loser
Drugs make life better
Don’t eat old fish
Long ago I was cool
Biblical death count
Hope I’m wittier before I die
Poker for fat white chumps
Milhouse is a part of us all
Angus Young’s also a rocking accountant
Give The Simpson’s another 20 years
Krusty is a hero
Green pens work best
Wacky neighbors attack
Community college ain’t so bad
I want a family with rhyming names
Bushy mustache neighbor
Same stupid green sweater
Scream like a little girl
Forgive me Satan
Call your Mother!
Court is hell
Finally not sucking
Title forgotten
Worth every penny, except when I was ripped off
Forts are fun
Hip cats to motherfuckers
Stop being such a pussy
Candyland champion
Chainsaws may cause damage
Dance semi-nude
V club membership revoked
Vote for no leaders
I just fucking swept
Win by competing with losers
I’d rather be immortal
Older than TIVO
Odors should be banned
Owe no one shit
Oak trees are liars
Represent my hood congressman
Variety is a crappy spice
Why is there a holy book?
Trucking all night long
Concept albums blow
Angels are bullshit
Age before ugly
T-ball strikeout
Blow me and everyone you love
Boldly go where only a few hundred have gone before
That’s my toe
Failure is an option
Sucky years in review
Try harder dipshit
Song titles are hard
Delights for flights
Devilishly delicious death ditties
Don’t say no
Free the ass, the mind will follow
Leave a mark better than skid marks
You’re nasty
Is it possible to rip yourself off?
Borcht Belt Blues
Diss the non-homies
Don’t we have enough songs?
Classy table cloth on a shitty table
No longer off pitch
The best ants mean little to us
Goodbye friends and pricks
Sell out for a muffin
If you want to be better
Key chains by Valdez
My crappy Taurus rocked
Testimony against humanity
We had a cola war?
Holidays are generally stupid
Church is over
Dress
like Devo
You’ve been a fool
Praise no Lord
End times still on delay
Boner patrol duty
Instrumental with lyrics
You don’t have to watch popular shit
Dare to be Intelligent
Stuck in a closet with Weird Al
Polka until you die
The glass is half-empty and half-full
Ridiculous list song
Mock the flavor of the week in song
My boner for you is like Waffle House, 24/7!
Life’s too short not to be funny
NON-COMEDY SONG TITLES
Fear is waiting kids
Not as good as Coltrane
Tough times Tim
Irate over interest loans
Useless genius
Calf strain blues
Mindless Republicans
Eat politicians
Death to Earth
Fight for a better planet
Trippin’ on Ringo
Falling into billions
Quench my thirst
Guilty as OJ
Question liars
Running away from bad health
Support things that are good
Refuse to give into the man
I have the titles
Now what?
Too much tide
I get square
Too young to take things seriously
Laugh at life
Nobody cares
Who ever heard of that?
Are you serious?
Temporary folks
I want to chill at the beach
Open school
Napkin express
Nothing you can do
Chasing a mild dream
Realistic dreams probably aren’t dreams
Sell no one out
Are you ovens on?
Obstructing justice
Lost track of time
End by reading
Advice for geniuses
Cut deficit spending
Creative visions implode
Death is bad
Get over yourself
Depend on no one
Don’t waste your time
You could be wrong
Tip your waitress
Bargain basement prices
Scalp those tickets
Living in Chicago
Living in Ohio
Living in Wyoming
Contemplate the universe
Tess is awesome
Lost a friend
I can’t believe
Fight to live
Police blotter
Plug your movie
We all have some ideas
Too few live well
Fear isn’t good
Random chaos
Time is never enough
Live to play
Fail more successfully
Don’t be smug
I never knew
Watch it junior
Fellow Americans
Smile at babes
Open daycare
There’s no way
Forging ahead
Regret of past
Non-expert opinion
Studied for years
Magic of life
Drink to forget
There’s no shame
I ate fried chicken
I ran with Blago
I saw OJ Mayo
Andy Dick crashed my girlfriend’s b-day
I saw Jeff Garlin live
Media darlings aren’t always great
Nervous get used
Template for success
Production company uprise
Know your place in the world
Advance better ideas
Practical for no one
Best ides tend to win
Float it by me
Time to die
Mention Red
Character actors
Bothered by West Jeff
Racism makes no sense
Illogical beliefs
How to avoid traps
Constant supervision
Can’t afford college
Not always good to be human
Discretionary income
Make clothes fit
No I in Israel
Why’d you lie?
How could I be so blind?
What do I want most?
A tough line of questioning
Resources are scarce
Shoot it now
Dedicated to money
Review of humanity
I’d like to travel
Time’s limited
Precious peaches
A girl in Cleveland
Grew up poor
Second City was odd
Took some risks and failed
I want an answer
Enable a better day
Float the mind
Decide now genius
Genies grant paltry wishes
Bark on doggie
Papers out of order
Molded for mundane
Prepare to be invaded
The struggles
Will it ever get better?
I quit before I lose
I quit while breaking even
Cancelling my own agenda
Reformat better than ever
I made a contribution
Proud of a little
Took a chance
For the loved ones
I surrender
New day, new bullshit
Pen is mightier than broken swords
End this charade
We have a lot to do before lunch
Advertising is a great evil
Dangerous corporate war
No excuses for your bullshit
Hate the haters
Splatter paint
Quotable movies
Not much left
Help the fellows
Gentle Gentiles
Reduce worry
Forget pretention
You had a good run
Laugh at Pete
Pretty pictures
Think now Einstein
Eat a pound of chocolate
Wear a t-shirt
Buy a house
Soccer hooligans
Joyous occasions
Systems of government
Buzz words
Can anyone win forever?
A COMEDY ALBUM OF MUSIC FROM AROUND THE WORLD
Silence Ain’t Golden
Make sense of this
Troubled youth
Help the needy
Huts ablaze
You never know
Make a list
Never again I swear
End the madness
Music about music
Book about books
Movie about movies
Comedy about comedies
Art about art
Sex about sex
Philosophy on philosophy
Science on science
Food on food
Clothes on clothes
Shelter on shelter
Appreciate life
Live well
End bad times
Friend Rejection
Friends move on
Until we meet again
Princess dream may end
Twisted dreams come true
All about Steve
Enter when ready
Fold some laundry
Flaws are endless
Failures unite
Gift bag optional
Help the homeless
Help wanted everybody
Lose the beer Jules
Lick these
Loosen lips to sink ships
Moaning pleasures
Mondays are just fine
Mind your own lack of business
Move in with Frank
Meltdown’s unlikely
Nothing can stop the sick universe
Never going to try
Nip this in the bud
No time for losers
Question geniuses
Quiz show mania
Legal drug deal
Reality does more harm than biting
So alone again
Simple misunderstandings
Sort it out
Sea monsters ate my ice cream
Swear to I-Pod
TV is amazing
Ugly truths and uglier people
Usted es Eugene?
V-neck something better than sweaters
Correct all wrongs
Rip off genius
Mock the Rock
Glow in the light
Religion might be false
Hope is good
Aesthetic contemplation
Value the ride
Do it before death
Propaganda against propaganda
Love Discovered
Living in a bygone era
Somewhere else
Turn phrases into cash
Get rich now
Internet scams
You make me puke
I can’t believe this
You ate my bananas
Fire the losers
Breathe deep piss ant
Nothing but my VHS collection
Amend this asshole
Yoga can help
Stringing the guitar
Know how to blow
Dance like a maniac
Jump into life
Pools of sorrow
Picture the scenes
Envision a better way of life
Move on the news
Helping the homeless
Digging deeper
Song before my time
Old school tastes
Support the girl scout troops
Guitar tuners help
Click on this ad
Pitching ideas to nuts
How did Gervais pull that off?
Struggling comic
Eat this book
Plastic Venues
Tuesday’s too late
I need to release
Get out now
Boogie with buggies
Babies are too loud
I want a no crying zone
Pain free existence
Yeah right tough guy
Old time jolts
Bolt while you can
Take off into life
From the bottom of my gut
Pen clicking bastards
Scratch my chalkboard
Nobody can know that
Where are we going?
I wish you’d stop bullshitting
Reasons why they lie
Protect my borders
I can’t handle your prejudice
Slight of mind
Ole for the bulls
The Kent State experience
Drive far away
Holding on to a dream
I can’t surf
Teach me something dammit
Prison food often sucks
Eat what they say
Freedom of petty choice
Too much destiny
Fairly decent genes
Pass this on
A bit of info for the curious
Late quiz show answer
Polite society assholes
Rush Hour this jeep
Rent a boat Peter
Walk on frozen water
Advance noble causes
Load the office
Drunk with papers
Can’t write toasted
Hanging with my buddies
I’m in good
Networking for profit
Make more money dipshit
Adult responsibilities without the porn
Beautiful women are worth it
Waste time on freedom
Notions of delusions
I never got you
They still kick it
The classics never die
You’re hardly Mozart
Quit using age as an excuse
Don’t put the reap in reaper
Open repair
Ideas are slow
Making breakfast
The trials of life
Never going to live again
Bold moves
Getting over a tragedy
Make me some biscuits
Bake me a dream
Learn from actors
Pacting without pacting
Pretentious Hollywood
Oh my God Entourage
Dwight made me laugh
A vision of the future
The song is just about over
This song’s for someone else
I love someone else
Better than 95%
Test scores are sub par
Don’t measure greatness by test scores
Glide above a mountain
Games of life mean little
Trials we face
Guidebook to guidebooks
Pick up the reeces pieces
Let’s leave please
Chris Farley was a man
Nothing can help us
Destined for awful death
Do good before death
Move past titles, make music
Cold hearted janitor
Capitalist success
Fighting for money
Guilt over aces
Gamble on life
Interesting way to die
Make breakfast
Clubs are made to join
Capitalism could be better
This one’s on me
Blown by Marvin
Can you believe they were that good?
Golden blunders
Humanity may improve
Too much indifference to me
Sober high with us
Too hot for pot roast
I envy Al Jarreau
Funk flavors were tasty
Quit perfectionism
Adding on
Prince is the shit
Funk’s in the air tonight
Future shock
Fade into night
Temporary beings
Best night ever
Talk old school
Branch into brunch
Show up late
Never kill me
A few minutes of delight
Simpson’s fans
Gran’s cooking
Lopsided
Guilt
Emotion
Repression
Fear
Birth survivors suffer
Abstract
Buttons
Corny
Deuchebag
Gutter
Healing
Interest
Jotting
Eat pizza
Get over yourself before death
Into Wicca?
Never give up on the Dodgers
Looters paradise
Beach chillin’
Living in igloos
Live longer
Continual sorting
Better universe
Take a premise
Garbage dive
Drive to madness or drink?
Bravery to change
Organized raping material culture
Sad about sickness
Be glorious for a while
Insane Liverpool fans
Don’t forget you lived
Party in Thailand
Chllin’ with a classic
Resist this
Advice for advisers
Create art
Destroy art
Evening raid
Free fear
Intern nerd
Kilts for drag queens
Moon soon
Oven coven
Posse toast
Seal rocks
Tree house blues
Where in the?
You bastard
Zero for all
Fun words
Find a friend
Come on in
No Standards
Reprehensible morality
Book of the month
Quote of the week
Limos are for pussies
Get right
Gloating over sins
Commit to whatever
If you want to
He’s a chick
Spoken word trash
Silly existence
Owe you one
Quit everything
Read a book instead
Young minds easily warped
Breathe and beat death
Allow me to kill
Cussing coach
Disturbance is dumb
Elbow room
Federal Reserve bastards
Hero for hire
Illegal weirdo
Jobless
Note to others
Barking spiders
Scary day
Not the pigs
Elfman-like surprise
Weird talent
I don’t care
Idiots are back
Nature is a crime
We’re all criminals
Vengeance isn’t mine
Step into the unknown
Suppose I’m right
Racist crimes
Have an opinion
Get over her Trudy
Facts of death
Morbid Clown
Capital gains tax
Copyright everything
Corporations Inc.
See your way out
Borrow a catchphrase
Catchphrase hell
Glory of Western Civilization
High point of life
End the charade
Appreciate a classic
SCRIPT PRIORITIES
Lengthen
Ideas to lengthen
Write a b scene
Offer genuine value
Consistent
Precious lifestyle accommodated
Guessing
Write a tune
Senselessness
Moral outrage
The happiest I’ve ever been?
Screwball comedy
Abby in the clouds
Awe and horror
Pin up boy
Journal scribbling
Marker Art
Artie was king
Waste no tie
Tomorrow knows rarely
Dig good times
Enjoy health
Compassion for the dying
Focus on living
Appreciate
Make a living
Suckered by art
Headphones
Strings afire
Chinese plate
Irish laughter
Broach a subject
How to be a food Nazi
Obnoxious greetings
Memories of George
Shrimp mouth stuffing
Military tribunal
Foldout couch
Bed frame blues
I overpaid
The mortgage of life
Make up before too late
Bride of fictional green monster
Help the clueless
Rolling through Amsterdam
Show those bastards
Mench on the Ballclub Bench
Stolen phrases
Ripping Off Original Sin
Cast iron piece of shit
Watchin’ footy
Golden Globe lifestyle
Award shows are meaningless
Manufactured cultural meaning
Dissidents dissed again
Shape up, don’t ship out
Mundane days
Wronged by judges
The Bible isn’t true
Swear on a book better than The Bible
Scissors handled safely
Juvenile genius
You can make money doing that?
Geeky accordion nerd becomes millionaire
How’d that honky learn to rap?
Booty Green existed
Trouble with nightclubs
Good times may not last
Beach Boys in a Pat Boone world
Pat Boone scares the hell out of me
Elvis wasn’t king
Luck be a lustful lady
Touched by more than angels
Late 90’s nostalgia junky
Why are alerts red?
Dabble in astrophysics
Judge coloring books by their cover
No need for a leader
Millions succeed and you don’t?
What’s the problem barkeep?
Get anything but a job
Topical humor gone rank
News show gone to hell
Mock superiors
Take advantage of oxygen
Seize the 16 hour work day
Cypress Hill was fucking cool
Save us transhumanists!
Aliens: Idiots or brilliant to avoid us?
Talk show hosts are needy
Wash your mouth out with me
Yoga on DVD
What a sick culture
Jot down thoughts, maybe they’ll care
Make a tiny, tiny difference
Lives are at steak- yeah steak, not stake
Pretty in all shades but pink
MC Escher to MC Hammer
Scottish beer company
I devoted my life to this?
Fucked up freedom
Love them or hate them?
Selling out, buying in, or bumming
Digging through rich people’s trash
If I sold my soul I’d be richer?
How to increase profits on selling your soul
Nawlin’s wilder than Vegas
Southern prejudice is funny
Canadians are so friendly
Hanging with missionaries
Feign interest
P. Hound you rock
Living in your head
Stay Away from Taco Hell
Clearly you misunderstand my violent outburst
I hate your beliefs
So wrong
I’d like to but a vowel
What to have for lunch?
Life Cycles
Peace movements fight back?
Know when to bow out
Clever on the spot
Familiar cultural references
O’ Jays Oh my
You’re not quite as much of an asshole as you think
Time to move on
Consider the artificial lilies
Dance in places safer than streets
Hectic lack of work schedule
Don’t sweat the bigger than planet Earth stuff
Etch a Sketch comedy sketch
Respect toll change collector
How’d you settle for this?
At least I tried to have joy
Go Southern Greek
I’d like to tell you about…
Thanks for life Ma
I like talking to Drew
Sitcom knowledge doesn’t always help
Sketch comedy gods
Improvise your life
Battle of the air bassoonists
Weirdest songs ever
Old timey reference
Missing the show
Front row tickets to spectacle
College laughs
Old pranks
Weber and the orange underwear
J scared swimming spectators
Kurt’s protected by angels
Consuelo’s logical
Ranting Doig
Marx’s pretty lashes
Matt O is studying again
Turkey dinner leftovers
Mad drive to Po’ Folks
What happened to my youth?
Stupid class
Dorm trash talk
I hope they get a meal
Champ of the late night underground wrestling
Rain by DAAP
Running for clarity
Quality Chinese soccer
Engineering is dull
Kenyon’s dunking
Cat face makeup
Paper cup escapade
Cinco De Fino
Tennessee wedding haircut
Arnold Palmer makes a great video game
All you can eat burgers
You bitch about free food?
Murrell’s vast CD collection
Orbit disappeared
Who will make it?
Get your degree dumbass
Smokin’ with Dials
Peters picked me up
I don’t know where I live
Drunk enough to forget
Time travel in Ohio
Another fucked up kid
Disturbing truths
Got to go to work
Please don’t AWOL
Third shift may kill you
West Side bar stories
This place is as good as any
Read another book
Virginia Beach road trip
Travel the globe
Surf Bondi
Soccer’s big here
Don’t forget Arian
Nearly a Welsh girl
Throat slit in Barca
Cuban women, good Lord
Sangria dreams
Cheap wine and expensive fries
Dancing in the park
Wacky morning DJ
Play the part of whoever
Acting is hard work
Cheech not Chong
Grin from ear to Jim Carrey
Kiss but don’t makeup
DeNiro’s still great
Morgan Freeman express
No butt for him
Media isn’t meant for this
Do me a favor
Cite the works of Pauly Shore
The Constitution can be amended
Much love bro
Tell Ma I said hey
Have a good day babe
Be more original than I love you
Love’s highly irrational
Tribute to everyone
Clip on bow tie
Just a footnote in time
Glory for Morey
Fuck me
Reality’s twisted
More mistakes
On cue
For the peeps
Mystery trip
Settle down you two
Frankly Frank’s frank
Shake the fist
So what if he sucks?
Diving ruins soccer
Cut from team
Endless production
Drama king
Blown speaker
Too imaginative
Years ahead of time
Nothing to say
Losing sleep
Healthy, not wealthy or wise
Lip gloss does no justice
Playing in Ohio
Years it took
Capital idea Chet
Nothing to dance about
Picasso was all right
Indifference of the world
My favorite groundskeeper
Skinner’s such a wiener
Martin Prince could kick your ass
Homer is my hero
To live like Homer
Homer went bowling
Middle class slob
Bald with gusto
Don’t hit on Maude
Doh is the word
Sold soul for cheap
What a crappy missionary
Pray before you’re judged
Homer’s been everywhere
Flanders served God
Judgmental as Ned
Physical comedy
Broken printer
Why give that focus?
Algebra serves no purpose
End up in detention
Made up language
Phone tag blues
Travel to new places
Bill Maher in a bull market
Contemplate no more
Scared to death
Flea bass
Supple bosom
Loose morality
Lie to me asshole
Never threaten cops
Don’t worry about bank robbers
Conspiracy theories build up
Lagging behind
Hip cat squared
My phony homie
Steal from Pac
Tacos are a man’s best friend
Too many cooks
Swear on Satanic Bible
Laugh at my friend
Go to your garden
Soup stories
Stone Soup commune
Passing by a historical sight
I saw Pearl Harbor
Trip with Pop
Road trip blues
Whistle test my ass
Dumb philosopher
You should want more than poetry
Book me tonight
Meaning of life
Laugh at family
Support the Proops
Fooled by the media
Get drunk again
Settle for beer
I could go for a year of vacation
Rats race less than most folks
Gossip about Duane
Allman’s were tough
Aspiring musician
Too old to give up?
Gave up before starting
Work for a reason
Spend time with fam
Japan could be cool
Learn a language
Talk the talk, never walk the walk
Until we get more money
Lines from old flicks
I married a buddy
Wedding in Florida
Jimi’s still the best
No one plays like that
Friendly skies no friendlier than the rest
Might fail
Avoid prison
Politics are evil
No one owes you
Boss of me is me
Jolly good bloke
Patronize arts
Delight in laugher
Fester’s growling
Endless Characters
What to do?
Finances control you
Pen clicking morons
Get royalties
Impose on others
There was magic
Ratty Wallet
Products from Thailand
The most exotic place
Rumble from Wheaton, Illinois
Why’d Belushi die?
Chevy Chase should have his own network
Akroyd was classy
Garret Morris was underappreciated
70’s show musical guest
Make a sound now
After death blues
Some things are bothering
Troubles float away
Downtown Cleveland
Doubting too much
Ads for gruel
Living for pizza
I was happy
Too much cake
Gravy train ride’s over
Opinions matter, facts matter more
There’s a better life
Chasing after Mario
Games we play
Pop is right
Sabbath day rules
Company picnic
Settle for wishes
Ghosts in Chi-town
Living on the outside
Choosing to lose
Prove it!
Convey ideas
Nitty gritty
Non-sense
Seizing property
Cusp of being
Random sampling
Drastic change
Mediocrity and banality
Learn
Cruel side of life
Using fiction to demonstrate
That’d be frightening
Dangerous in real life
Declare constructively
NEW SHIT
Unwilling
Conditions of humanity
Bulk optimum
Pettiness into a warped project
Coordinate a trip to the moon
Contemporaries
Serious and introspective thoughts
End on the mend
End on the one
Pretend to end
Fuzzy computer
Risking
Never going to die
Find an idea
Getting funky yo
Starting rather small
Glory but no fame
Nobody cares for you
No way home
No way
Funny shit
Keep creating
Tiny in grand scheme
No time to die
Debt ain’t cool
Die with dignity
Choose differently
There’s no need
Fear isn’t a friend
Funky times were there
Trio of pleasures
Foggy night
Delicious snacks
Quit writing carp or crap
Dessert is the meaning of life
Sweet nectar
Never thought it’d be possible
Reference the Chaser
Hillsong Parody
Religious scumbags
Life should be a musical
Dance with Taylor
Confront your priest
Higher quality of life
Statistically awful
Low end furniture
Laugh at poverty
No choice but pain
Dentists are evil
Old age blues
Bitch about work
Support old funk
Amazing Museums
Trial size guilt
Fountain pen shuffle
Beg for billions
Idiots are growing
Logical putty
Too much bean
Third rate Fred Durst imitator
I insulted Heath Ledger
Get a watch fool
Fretting over nothing
Worried about death
For the love of fake God
Your breath is questionable
Pass the scotch
Cold ones for all
Boasting about nothing
Brag about houses
Interesting people
Repeat from earlier
Thematic link
Weird people rule
I only know losers
Spoon fed Christian boy
BBQ shredded and tasty
Foot long coneys ain’t what they used to be
Engineering library days
Greg was an odd boss
I slept while filing
Job tasks are often pointless
Kentucky has some liquor stores
Bluegrass could be better
Ben Franklin bust
Busted by civilians
For the love of lazy
Seashell surprise
The young will eat us
I love how Ma talks
Odd facial expression
Big humpy
Argue for money
Lose the tie
Bigs fade away too
Sickness of living
Ending a romance
What an obvious ploy
Phony dialogue
Is this who I think it is?
Odd to see folks get old
A life sentence always ends in death
Culture of twisted morality
Little makes sense
I never ate your yogurt
Battle with exes
Success is a mysterious woman
Balloons are worth their weight in old onions
I know telephone wires that work harder than you
Forgive my fuckin’ cousin
Better to be a black sheep in a white sweater world
Music doesn’t always make sense
It’s okay to love irrational things
Keep struggling
Worth a look
Juice bars are an odd concept
Chuck Berry is still kicking, right?
Don’t judge character with disco
Chicken wing envy
I love your sauce
Refer-eshing times
Clever pun titles
Get down with Dwight
Found Graham Crackers
So what if you failed?
What did you expect?
Change before they change you
Go for silver
Be realistic
Physical objects
Playing poker with buddies
I dug the 80’s
No plans for tonight
Ten years to read a book?
Alive or Dead?
Dollar store humor piece
Cover of Mad
Pay off bookie
Vote for non-politicians
Assume people don’t have time to read
Some people make me sick
Ole to you sir!
Grow up just a little bit
Brush them teeth boy
Greats like Frank still go
Mysterious stranger glances
Comic book panels
Old time crooner phrases
Ring a ding Joey
Still rockin’ in their sixties
No excuse for me
If Pete can do it, why not me?
Get moving tough guy
Don’t be perfect, be good
Good titles are easy, good songs aren’t
Brian Wilson changed things
Be more than nothing
Fear’s awful
Fear may be worse than death
Repeat listening
You have enough
The miracles from above
Yeah, they’ll ignore you
Greatness is upon us
Songs in the bank
Use what you’ve got
Tiger swimming champ
Retiring hero
Just getting started
I didn’t fight hard enough
Hope is a four letter word
Ponderosa was grand
Things obviously change
I liked that group
Rocking in chairs
Rude old man
Embrace change
Take another chance
The 80’s had some sitcoms
Little but rubbish
Facts on your side
Wheat is healthier
Everyone’s ending
Band the banned
It’d be funny to see
Choose death
I’m an accident
Don’t now how we got here
Tucked away in Columbus, Ohio
We need a baseball
Language barrier makes me laugh
Memories also fade
Trucking away on a lawnmower
Cat fight of a life time
Have to work again
Tree hugging bastards
Phone your only friend
Game shows left us
Broken printer
Snow flakes lazily fall
Sleeping girlfriend
Blessed are the sheik
I want sex
Crude success
I lose to Achy Breaky Heart
Popular doesn’t mean right
Maybe one day we’ll all agree
Enjoy right now
Mid-size range of life
Hitchens once said
Quote the immortals
Wisdom lives on
Stupidity’s rarely defeated
Dance before you leave
Sing before you go
Watch snow fall and beach waves
Guilty by nature
Born into awful families
Not always another chance
Jump off the bandwagon
Make the unusual choice
Improvisation mantra
Teachers taught me little
I learn by fucking up
Forgive me yet again
Yoga mind fuck
Something new for the kids
Bow out now
Decide on mantra
Into the unknown
I’d like to know
Pursue knowledge
A terrible advantage
Can’t capture every experience
Quote legends
Market like hell
Words are just that
Life’s a buffet, stop cleaning dishes and eat
Blue collar guy may win
No politician’s blue collar
Don’t know if that’s a word
Bob Barker made you a bitch too
Add humor
Life’s too short to golf
I spent time like an idiot
Open cupboard
Why does it have to be racial?
Lies scientists tell
Creationism isn’t a fact
Irish folk tunes are inconsistent
Fields are competitive
Death is tragic
150,000 every day
Figures for the mind
Re-negotiate a better life
Sequester a jury
I see poverty and riches
Here now
Silly phrases
Repeat viewing
Fame’s double edged
Failed too many times
Number of my lady
I had lots of interests
Grit teeth and bear arms
Hearsay evidence
Fish out of water comedy
Dancing at midnight
Memories beginning to fade
I tried to keep it but lost anyway
Computer clean
Clearance but no sale
Another tribe
A free ticket to somewhere
Never mention me
I’ll be forgotten, but so will you
Reward the blockbuster
Paid for by alimony
Too many problems
Don’t worry about everything
Science generation
Beg for bolo ties
Never enough crudity
Santorini was fabulous
Captured my life on film
Crazed fans need to die
Leave the world alone
Embarrassing fast dance
I was so lame
Wish I’d had courage
Uphill battle
For the love of the gym
The neurotic may win
Woody Allen fan club
Don’t count me in
Maybe death’s not so bad
I’d like to fly before I die
Dreams are sometimes kind of met
I’d kill for a chance to produce
Have non-psychotic hunger
Years of failure lead to better times
End insanity before it gets me
When will it end?
You won’t know when it’s over either
I already said goodbye
If I don’t see you again
At least say goodbye in an original way
I’d rather live instead of say bye
Live don’t leave
Guitar tuner came in handy
Tools are meant to be used
Regret weaknesses
Make new future old times
Pleasure may drive us nuts
Endorsing genocide isn’t the same as doing it
Time gone by
Still not sure
Won’t be a slave
Flock may be clueless
Random typing
Propaganda poverty and shackles
Injustice isn’t cool
Competing can drive one mad
Morbid candidate
Formats
News junkies
Atmospheres of ideology
Cleaning up
Sequential order and others
Die any time
Continue to question
Silly ideas and punch
Manipulated for gain
Bureaucrats own you
Young talented performer
Songs in the mind
Does tantric sex work?
Bad tasting fortune cookie
Authentic
Accord
Stop feeding lies to babies
New times are now
Growing rich from the blood of peasants
Wicked or smart to exploit others for gain?
Survival and bumming around
Giving free samples
Worth playing
Terrible ideas
Actress of solitude
Impressive resume achieved
Getting shit done quick
End the tires
You’re a hog
60’s tunes rocked
Different view
Youth slipping away
Took my time
Type faster
Time slipped away
Idiots praise invisible gods
Hesitant
Strangest sounds
Trying to equal
Generosity handed to me
Connect the dots
Hard nosed skeptics
Custom built ship
Quality in boldness
In a world where many
Live in bitterness
Quit bitching about
The state of the world
Do something to change it
If I don’t make
Conscious effort to change
I’ll fall back into old habits
Bowling is an absurd hobby
Softening blows sometimes
Prolongs inevitable pain
Times have changed
So have I
I don’t think
Either one of us had a choice
Laughter for the happy is good
But laugher best serves
People who suffer
Design a classic architecture
Imagination
Doubt my work is perfect
Commercial sensibilities
Ridiculous thoughts
Respect and honor
Budget time and resources
Guiltier pleasure
Memorize an entire
Relocate to a better time
Melodies can be made out of nearly anything
Best accordion band in the land
Awe and wonder
Sizeable options face prejudice
Non-mundane scenarios
Connect to the world
Great to others
Quite proud of what they’ve done
Machines do it better
Repeating creative value
Trust money
Wise men
Flawed people are evil
Nothing to note
Weird Dreams
I like Cheech and Chong
Funnier than Satan
We created the all-mighty Creator
Science proves no gods
In between phrase
I like hanging out
Soccer is fantastic
Tried not to suffer
Why do you live well?
Economic situations
Voyage around the world
Logical constructs
Limited time and experience
Going for bronze
Sleeping through life
Tired of being tired
Invitations to madness
Feeling insignificant
Powerless hour
Love is irrational
Oslo is a swinging town
Opening a business
For the love of deities
I’d like to forget
The pain never left
The greedy often win
Sacrificing years for a goal
Superstring theory
Theoretical physics
For the love of…
A new website
Make money doing right
Wars inside
Weird beliefs
Warehouse deals
Video game tribute
Movie night
I like the library
Fowl play- the birds attack
Hippie song based on a Bible verse
The sixties are long gone
Monthly subscription services
Love is a scam
Old guys make sense
Pop is hilarious
Ma was loving
Money goes to those who exploit
The reality zone
For little money
Science superior to scientology
Photograph so you don’t forget
Why don’t we get drunk and preach?
Know how to lie
Real tee
Know living
Ben Franklin blues
Bus the children
I wrote a novel
Writer for hire
Money making schemes
Buy more groceries
God tells you nothing
TV full of lies
I believe Ari Gold
Sitcom characters speak to me
Revelation from below
Hell in my mind
Write the damn book
Correct all wrongs
An old husband’s tale
The dirty napkin
I almost died
Cars can kill
Clip fingernails
Mundane trappings
Common experiences
Generous for what?
I lived for cheese
I don’t like threats
The desire for life
Sacrifice for this?
The total sum of parts
Exaggerations of life
Point of life
Get over the gold standard
Facts can’t be disputed
Olympic bans
Subway time faults
New mission
Filter messages
TV celebrities
Semi-appropriate remarks
Exceptional person
British train stations
Thinking for yourself
It takes bravery
The war of wages
Waging wage wars
Cheat with God
I’d like to believe you, but that’s stupid
The power of lust
I don’t need fake money
Folding laundry blues
Huckster faith school
Laugh at atheists
Reasonably good business practices
Quitters for Jesus
I hate the blues
Lust bus
Read a book fool
Prejudice is bullshit
Bad grammar
Shilling for bucks
Tribalism is racist
Viewer discretion is bullshit
Huge fan of life
Brotherhood’s lost
The proof isn’t in this pudding
What is surprising anymore?
Who’s this guy?
Ignored the media
Bumped into a fool
Spit on in Korea
The white of black
The role of the roll
As it is
Mingus-like isolationists
Created duties
Depressed failures
Learn something new
Budgeting time and money
Eddie Murphy is funny, Ben Bernake isn’t
Guy from Quaker Oats commercials
Religion’s a crock of shit
Options and choices
Ridiculous dialogue
Lobbying to freedom
Memorizing disasters
Marketing genius
Gaining titles of honor
Literally no chance
Entitled performers
Never written
Article about 3033
Note to IO
Passing pebble in the river of life
Joke punch lines
Pretender to a crown
Build your financial empire
Somebody made up all of this
Adding value
Higher intentions
Discontinue a realistic portrayal
No one obligated to me
View to make it through
Anything else?
Influential brochure
Having a sense of poetry or music
Special Flakes
Create a character if needed
Low quality life
Portfolio of a madman
Guilty parties
Life is more than that.
Crooks have bureaucrats
Reality is going to kill you
Moving on, not done
AMAZING PLACE
Innovative and useful
Folks who want nothing
Authority of life
Being intimidated by creative geniuses
Utterly ridiculous non-sense
Ambitious folks get greater things
Commercial ideas
Commercial pursuits
Are the only thing that matter
Merchandising a marriage contract for a fee
Inspirational view of reality
Sensationalism along with media hype
Hardly forgivable
Never mind the contemplation.
The time for action is now
Crafting and framing their gifts
In unique ways
Blessed souls
Dabble in the arts
Life intertwined with musical numbers
Kill the enemy from within
Meant to last forever
But it won’t
CONSCIOUS EFFORT
Make a choice
To live well
Or you life will
Descend into hell
No one should want that
It’s tons of shit
No one should have that
But too many have it
Get better while you can
Get good at something
If you refuse
You’ll soon be nothing
No one gives a damn
On a planet this big
Better be a man
Game of life is rigged
You lose no matter what
But you can win for a while
All you have to do
Bust your ass and smile
It might be fake joy
But you’re not a boy
Time to be the man
And live well while you can
Joke riddled song
The humor of life
It is wonderful
Makes me laugh
Makes me cry
Makes me giggle
Makes me die
I love laughter more than life itself
I can at least enjoy the moment
GOD, MUCH POP MUSIC SUCKS THESE DAYS
How can you stand it?
The pop songs suck
This era has no soul
What happened to good music?
We don’t need karaoke idols
We don’t need blond teen twits
We don’t need phony thugs
We don’t need cowboy shit
You ever hear Stevie Wonder?
You ever hear The O’ Jays?
You ever hear Ray Charles?
You ever hear Al Green?
We’ve got great music
Some still being made today
So why do we tolerate the bullshit?
Instead of promoting heroes?
Makes no sense
Do your part
Refuse to support crap
Support funky soul artists
Who speak to you
And say something
Worth listening to
WE LOST A GREAT HERO
He’s gone
Nothing lasts forever
But his legacy will last
As long as anything in humanity does
He was the greatest of my time
He caused controversy
An unusual man in nearly every way
Unlike a lot of his friends and family
I’m not so sure he’s alive in heaven
But I think what he did in life
Will stay with people for as long as
Anything anyone has done
In my lifetime
I hope the work he did
Will be passed on to future generations
Because his work provided genuine hope
For a lot of suffering people
And I believe his work
Will do the same for the ages
I’M STILL AFRIAD
I fear the future
I fear the unknown
All I’ve worked so hard for
Is going away
I know that I’ll lose in the end
I can’t help but be sad about it
Terrible curse to be human
Knowing no matter what we do
No matter how we act
No matter how we choose
To spend our time
To maintain our health
We die anyway
Puts small problems in their place
But makes many worry even more
About the big ones
FOCUS MATTERS
Anything else and I’m a fool
Had some theories for years
Know that no matter what
Design your life to be what you want
Facts and figures come in soon enough
Mistakes we make and bills we break
The memories often fade
None know how to conquer the world
The sight of all that seems lost
FOOLISH SONG
Abundant source of ray and light
Work my hardest to display wit and irony
Live well now, because there’s no telling what tomorrow may bring
Detoxify the notions of grandeur
Never give into futile pursuits
I can continue
Higher levels mindless numbing exodus
Gaining clarity of thought
Reducing God to a convention of religion is laughable.
Hypocrites, communists, and atheists
Pressure from white America
Made into a TV movie
Strip down words to bare essentials
Committing to a bigger piece of the puzzle
Memorized scripts
Trial and error systems
Stop being such a fool
Witnessing a miracle for what it is
Discriminate against the people who are guarded
Disasters can be avoided, but
Never attempting to do things that matter is foolish
Make it to this tune that I can hear now:
I feel relaxed and I can get good things
I will live real well doing awesome
It’s a killer day
Good things on my mind
Getting to a better point of life
Knowing that anything is possible
Getting over the past
Living for today
Making life count for much better things
Offering a better view of reality
Knowing that I can be better
Great things wait Jack
No more time to be foolish
Get the best parts of life
Fight for what’s right
Care about others
Know that there are ways to win
Figure out how to live well
Gain the better parts of life to live well
Get on board with what matters
Let life do the talking
Refuse to be intimidated
Go after things passionately
Refuse the treaties of life to make more sense than anything else
Know nothing is better than what we offer to people who want to live well.
I’m always going to live well and do impressions later before it’s all too late.
Vogue for me in the best ways possible
Don’t try to re-create the past. Try to leap into new territory.
Softball is on the mind and the romance in the air
in the basking of the hounds of life
party dolls were wild back in the day
an anomaly can be a spark of great interest
Combine the sounds of funk and blues to have something totally new
Finish the damn ones you have!
Do something with the ones you’ve created.
Perform more and do more to reach out to others in unique ways.
Have more
design the covers and the cartoons that I want
Form a new and better one, live by it more faithfully
Eat
Wear it
Make a new contribution
Play some from time to time
Innovations and policies I could take
Quit making excuses
If I hadn’t tried, I always would’ve wondered
I’m glad I took some risks to get to try
It’s better to draw a crowd and
Gather the jokes
Great things achieved before I die
SONGS OR POEMS?
PETTY EMOTIONS
Dress how you want to dress
Play the part of a theatre owner
I can refuse to trust many people
But if I refuse to trust anyone
I’m going to be left all alone
If I believe that we’re all the same
Why do I waste time?
Doing things that matter none
While being intimidated by power?
OPTIONS UNTIL GOING AWAY
These are the most confusing times
Songs- I could write a million more
But I’d like to write one good one
Before I die
Science- I am humbled
By how little I know
About the scientific truths
Of the universe
Religion- I failed to find God
But I suppose that an all-powerful deity
Was destined to beat me
When I challenged it to
A game of hide and seek
Ending well can be tough
Particularly if one never gives
A proper amount of time
To go gracefully
I quit for now, but don’t worry
Unless I get hit by a bus
Or some other tragedy hits
I’ll be back with more non-sense
Before you know it
MY TASTES
The ashes of what could be considered good
Resist the temptation to live like a fool
Excel at one part of life
Have more money
Or have a positive impact
Stop making petty excuses
Depletion of resources
To express an opinion
Grand scheme of life
I’m a fan of dorky white guys
CONTEMPLATIONS FROM A PARTY
Splash on to a scene
Buy a drink for Tessa
Initial skepticism
A real improviser is able to
Design their own system
I’ve never viewed myself as
The funniest one
In any group of my friends
But fortunately I’ve often surrounded myself
With people who are rather funny
Undertaken a vicious satire of life
While waiting on the sidelines
Influences are a funny thing
CHEESE
It gives me a great deal of pleasure to eat
I love it on everything
It’s sweet savory flavor
Oh man
Dig it on a pizza
Dig it on a sandwich
Dig it with nachos
Hell, I’ll even hang out
With art and wine snobs
Just for a bit of delight
LAME MUSICIANS
Bad tune
No ability
Why do we listen?
Auditory train wreck
Too many great musicians
To waste time on this crap
Get the fuck off the stage
Go home or go somewhere else
But quit listening to this shit
COMEDY SONG
Make another dick joke
People always laugh
Make another goofy face
Morons always laugh
Say another cuss word
Tools will always laugh
Imitate a celebrity
Dull people always laugh
Make a corny joke
Lame folks always laugh
You never know what will work for sure
But fuck-wits always laugh
Even if you’re completely unoriginal
Just act like a fool
LIFE IS ODD
Life is often hard
Struggle just to live
Too many good folks die
Too many pricks don’t give
There are often no answers
No one’s figured it out
So much uncertainty
Easily filled with doubt
I don’t know where I’m going
But don’t get people who do
I respect their commitment
But I can’t live like you
CHILDISH MEMORIES
I can still do
Just about anything
In the long-term
But the short-term is probably
Going to have some rough points
No matter what I choose
Notoriously lazy people
Somehow miss the point
Refuse to be filled
With a broader worldview
By looking only at the hills
Of the West side of Columbus, OH
THE LIFE OF AN ENTERTAINER
Sometimes you have to jump off a cliff
By providing ample entertainment for the masses
You can make a practical change in the real world
But quite small change
And one that has less impact
Than surgeons
Rocket scientists
And probably even
Lunch ladies
MAKING A PACT WITH SATAN?
Never seal a deal with the devil himself
Because he might not show up
If he did
He might do shitty work
But you won’t go to hell
To call him out
Today just step away
Playboy will be there for me to relax
Quit this childish fight against capitalism
The devil already won humanity
Have a sense of wit and irony
I’ve dabbled in a little bit of everything
But excelled in only one thing
Refusing to cut a contract or a rug
With that wicked devil
SING BEFORE DEATH
I want to live
I want to give
But the world is big
Its problems bigger
I don’t know what to do
Before my time is through
Want to do what right
No answer in sight
Just trying to do some good
Never believe I could
Do everything I want
Lost everything I fought
Confused about this life
What’s the point of life?
I guess we all just live for a while, and have to try to make the best of the mysterious ride.
HUMAN NATURE
I want more
Like everyone else
I want to get it
More than others
I have to fight them
Because they’re greedy pricks
But hopefully not quite
As greedy as me
ME AND A FRIEND TALKING
I love you more
Than I love butter and toast
Gee, thanks Mike
Cindy, I just mean
I love you more
Than candy bars
You always compare your love to food
I hope you love me more
Than some mass marketed crap
I do
That’s the entire point
Of me telling you so
Hogwash
See, you compare things to food to
I didn’t compare anything
Hogwash is just an expression
To say you’re full of shit!
See!
You compared me
To hogwash and shit!
Shit isn’t a proper food
You’re saying I’m not a proper man
You just do improper things
So does every guy
So when you think about it
Being a proper guy means
Doing improper things
That’s non-sense
Non-sense is accusing me
Of being unloving
Because I say you’re superior
To delicious snacks!
IDIOTS RUN
I got nowhere to run
I love that song Rick
I hate that song Lou
I’m serious
They bulldozed my track
So?
You don’t have to use a track to run
It’s the surface genuine professional runners use
When they compete
But you’re not a pro
You’re not going to be
Competing for any gold medals
Any time soon
No, but if I decide to
It’d be nice to prepare
By having a proper surface
To run on
But you live in New York City
There are thousands of tracks here
But I like that one
That was just right by
My house
You can walk two more blocks
Use the one at Chase and 54th
But I hate to walk that far
Right before I run
It’s just two blocks
Every bit counts
If you’re too lazy to walk two blocks
What’s the point of exercising?
I want the glory
There’s no glory in running
That’s actually not true
Did you know that they
Even have awards for walking now?
That sounds like complete bullshit
I know it does
But it’s true
Walking awards
What do they call them, the walkies?
I think that’s an unofficial name
You’ve got to be shitting me
No way
The walkies are huge in New
York City
WALKING TOGETHER OR AWAY?
I thought we both dreamt of changing
The way the world views walking
We did Greg
But I’m just all walked out
Please Mary
Don’t go walking out of my life
Walk with me
I feel my walking path
May be different than yours Greg
Walk back to me
Walk back!
No time for walking or talking
It’s time to step
Goodbye Greg
But I can walk faster than you
You know I’ll just catch you
Wherever you go
That’s why I’m going
To walk to a bus
You wouldn’t dare
Oh yes I would
After that, you’ll have no idea
Where I’m going
Oh yeah!
Well, I’ve got to get to walking
Away from you!
I’m still dedicated to changing
The way humanity views walking
I guess some people just quit
Whenever the walking gets tough
Mary walks away
See you knock walking
Yet you still walk away!
You still walk away!
METAPHORICAL FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Cities are nothing more than
The worst of humanity
Packed in close together
In stinking quarters
Toughen up or a bunch of
Prison guards do it for you
Unless you have justice
You’ll get used to getting fucked
By most of the world on a daily basis
Abet nobody to be on the safe side
Of refusing to abet a murderer
Earn cash to get respect
Give away cash to get love
Greet friends with a majestic air
All enemies with a pessimistic sneer
Kilt wearers are too often rejected
In corporate offices
Might makes right
As often as white is light
Note the suffering of the world
Try to help eliminate it
Find ways to cope with being unable to do so
Despite awful horrors
Every day on Earth
And eventual guaranteed death
For everything we hold dear
Believe that somehow
The crazy ride of life
Can be worth living
DEATH IS FUCKED, BUT SO IS LIFE
Death results in everyone being fucked. To believe otherwise is non-sense. I don’t want to live in agonizing pain, but I sure as hell don’t want to just cease to exist forever. I don’t want to live on by having numbskull children or by writing some book. I really want to live on in health, peace, and happiness forever! I can either spend my life imagining a fictional utopian heaven, or I can get busy trying to make this a realistic possibility, if not for me, for some other living beings in the future.
LIFE AIN’T ALWAYS GRAND
Assholes in suits pretend to be better
The universe is going to bite me
In the ass in the end
Remain nasty, brutish, and short
Package rebellion in consumer products
Soulless and anti-melodic
Beaches wait in the short-term
Human options are limited
To fucking up or fucking around
Refuse to waste time
Laugh about eternal death
If you can
MESSY LYRICS
Move forward
Get better things done
Stop going on like a fool
Lead to something better
Work hard to reach others
Get over problems
Contribute value to others
Know who I am and what I might offer
Get over the problems
Accept that life is often hard
Accept that life is often unfair
Start living
LAME WHITE FREAK DANCIN’
Funny shit makes me laugh
I remember when we danced
Like honkeys from Ohio
I make efforts
But they’re lame efforts
Hence the lame results
To dance like a champion
But fuck the supposed champs
Didn’t Little Miss Sunshine
Teach us the vital lesson
That it’s better to be a freak
And damn the artificial
Non-sense judgments
Of people like that weird MC
Or huge bitch prude judge
ADMIT THE TIME TO MOVE IS NOW
Get something much better done
Make it count
Know that times are ending
I need to make a serious move
Or at least calm the fuck down
Before I die permanently
Quit being do damn honest
If it does nothing to help me
Live a lie and live out loud
Or tell the truth
And toil for masters?
Maybe a lie ain’t so bad
WORKING FOR OTHERS FUCKS YOU
You can grovel to get entry level
Bust your ass for morons
Get treated like shit
Struggle to eat and pay rent
Or you can say to hell with that
And fight to win your own way of life
The universe may still fuck you
But you knew that was going to happen
No matter what you did someday
So might as well go out
Doing something rad
Instead of serving a master
Not much better than sharecropping
Which isn’t much better than slavery
OBVIOUS CHOICES
Creating can result in failure
But so can refusing to create
Make something important
Or at least try
Better to fail at something interesting
Rather than succeed
At stupid bullshit
GOOD, BETTER, BEST
Lines are imperfect
Lines are close to perfect
Lines are as close to perfect
As humanity can make
This ultimately means
Good, better, and best
Are all imperfect
Fuckin’ humans
GROW UP? STAY IMMATURE!
Denied a chance
Crafted by focusing intensely
Commercial values of life
Subvert human intellectual thoughts
Slot in the roster of the A team
Resemble a laughing ensemble
Join others in a cosmic dance
Conveying real emotions by being guarded
Whine and complain about sub-standard life
Despite lack of intelligent enterprise
No legitimate excuse for my awful behaviors
FUCK DOCTORS, FUCK DYING MORE
Refuse to allow diseases to conquer your body
No doctor and no medicine
Is guaranteed to save your life idiots
Instead of relying on doctors
Why not save your own ass?
Probably because no matter what
You’re eventually destined to fail
Maybe it is a good idea to have
The best coverage possible
To cover your own ass
With the best humanity has yet
To save our asses a bit longer
BE NICE GUY OR PRICK?
Good people often lose
Because they get so disappointed
About failing to help all the people
They’d love to help
Perhaps this is why pricks often win
Because all they care about
Is refining their failures to get power
Instead of being noble
Power is what operates the world
Not good tidings
But it’s still nice to see some level
Of good tidings in the world
Individuals who are brave enough
To challenge bad policies of rulers
Are often mistreated or killed
Is it worth self-sacrifice to win?
CREATIVE LACK OF CONTROL
Take the funniest takes
People are rewinding
Just to design
Bullshit for cash
Copyright every single word
You ever speak or write
But never be silly enough
To believe others won’t steal
MY SPECIAL GAL
I love her
She might love me
She might love him
She might love her
Open relationship
Bi-sexual girlfriend
Gets confusing sometimes
BOOK TITLES
Fuck the universe and everything in it that isn’t me
I took the time to write this damn thing and would appreciate it if people spent money on it
A book for humans and related creatures
I almost shot Pauly Shore
Bigger than Jesus, Mohammed, The Pope, Obama, Bill Gates, and Oprah
Fuck death, laugh instead
LIVE FOR MORE THAN MEDIOCRITY
Make the laughter better than canned
Resist the worst ideas
I believe that I’m going to die someday
Finish what seems better than anything else
Before that happens
SERIOUSLY
Until reliable evidence can demonstrate
Facts that are more accurate than our beliefs
Many people will cling to irrational beliefs
Life is full of mystery
Which is why it’s satisfying
When humanity figures out something new
That can benefit us as a species
Perhaps we all lose in the end
But we can try to enjoy one hell of a ride
YOU THINK THERE’S A MEANING TO LIFE?
In a universe where any of us can die
Any time without knowing why
It seems highly unlikely that there’s
One meaning of life that applies to all of humanity
What is the meaning of life for babies who are aborted?
Or babies who die before old enough to do anything of note?
Or children who are quite young?
Or for teenagers who die before it seems just?
Or for young adults who seemed indestructible?
Or for middle aged adults?
Or for the elderly?
The meaning of life can’t be proven
For any person at any age
DEALING WITH PAIN
The amount of recovery time needed
Increases exponentially as one gets older
Or more accustomed to temporary living
Without pain
FUNNY THINGS THAT WERE SAID LAST NIGHT
Bauman clapping like a little girl
When a Monkees song was played
On the jukebox
Abby falling off a cliff
Both the Panty Filers and Koleno
Calling back Target and China
I was obsessed with the show
While it was going on
Now, I couldn’t tell you
What it was even about
Want something urgently
Make it easy for folks to figure out
What that is
Fractured take on the British accent with a loony chick
A flirtatious chick can still make me nervous
Dancing- It’s as white as me
Laughing hysterically at me
Considering him in the same category
Of lame whiteness as me
I have a few questions line
Saying that the first scene
Wasn’t very good
HUGE IDEAS TINY WORDS
Associating with a rogue group
Village wanderers who get more done
Laugh at the absurd lives we lead
Nearly universally rejected
Act as a creative vessel if you must
Or just live how you want to now
IMPORTANT
Unique and pleasant sounds, creative lyrics
Funny lyrics, lyrics that seem to make one feel
A unique emotional experience
Never written an entire book about music
But it’s been a part of nearly everything
Ever written by people
Love some of the parody songs
Even if it’s only been brief
Probably ignored some of the bigger issues
Like to think that broad areas of life covered
Extensive and dorky personal film list
A bit more to add as well
Shitload of comedy
Could write a shitload more
Had sex joke published
Grand irony
Tried quite hard to come up with
A brilliant philosophy
Still have no idea if others give a fuck about it
Focus on creating more
A bit less on learning
Glad I’ve played games
Tried to write a cookbook
Glad I’ve abandoned the project
Need to re-invent again
Before too late to invent at all
SENSELESS DISRESPECT
Less than polite
Contents often
Life is going to be considered
Givers of life be referenced
Conceding disgust
Innocence figures suggestions
Police reign pouring dour life
Genuine options before sleighing
I’D LOVE
I’d love to see humanity live indefinitely in peace, health, and joy while continuing to learn, create, and experience what the universe has to offer.
I have to believe that this could happen someday. There’s certainly no evidence of it in the present, but the species has advanced in many relevant ways. Despite the nearly endless problems of the world, there are some pretty amazing things that happen.
TIRED OF BEING A LOSER
As much as I’ve tried
To understand reality
I’ve never made decisions
That could lead
To a positive long-term life
I have to correct
The wrongs of my past
I don’t know what the future will bring
I don’t know if I’ll get the life I want
But if I’m wiling to take chances
I should be able to experience
A lot more joy than I have previously
Giving up is always an option
But not necessarily a good one
MOVE ON FOOL
Create something better
Anything less is absolutely foolish
Passport yourself into a new world
Realize a greater truth
Among the lost souls of Chicago
People with clear aims refuse
To spend time in unintelligent ways
Plethora of folks who love and run
Mayhem that registers
Demographic age range that
Life gets the final laugh on you
Grow a brain or a pair of tits
If you want to succeed in this world
Fighting harder instead of regretting
Sketch format that reaches others
Steady array of zingers and one-liners
Reading alone didn’t make me better
Let go of the negative self-image
Ripping off talented performers
Stand up to mindless consumer cults
NO EDITING
Know who you and what you want out of life more than anything else. The savings plan of a life time is going to require some harder work that reaches others in the ways of life that are meant to be seen by people who are figuring out better ways to create entire articles based on the absurdities of life that are discovered to exist for a lot of folks who want to live well, but tend not to get much better elements of life to make a larger degree of success out of the truths that are spoken by the intelligent folks who are nerds.
Work harder to be a person of value who gets much more done, and agree to release who I am and what I do to a fortunate government program that results in getting worse things done to make a mockery out of the lives of some unfortunate soldiers who get more done to live well and less done to go through the hell of living out a life that makes little to no sense. Know that I can do much more to live well and build significant values to be something more than a trip through wanderlust that meets the needs or wants of numerous individuals who live through perilous times that are resulting in unmet needs and summations of the desires many of us have to build more value and worth in the peppering of resistance that is met with a bigger and bolder idea to make a mountain out of the proverbial molehill while banks wait for executive privileges that are molded into a better way of life than anything that has ever been realized before while making moves to continue into a way of life that is making less sense than before. The competition of life can be stiff, but work harder to get a better result out of the present times that we can live in that is found to be amazing and worth the limited time we spend on watching the talents of others.
Practice being unique, and developing a better sense of timing and rushing to make more sense out of the desirable elements of life that pinpoint who we are and what we do to kiss a loving performance into the audience to suggest that the goofs and the larks of life are bold and amazing in professional ways that are building upon the suggestions to sit and or stand in the command of the neutralizing force of references that are making little to no sense in the best ways possible to create an arranged marriage for far too many people who want nothing more than to live in a spectator sport of life that is arranged in ways that could be viewed as sheer comedy. The worthless ideas are sure to come at times, but be more determined to get over mental thinking errors of the past that make little to no sense in the grand scheme of life that is excusing the apologies for making a better way of life that gets a more impressive result to be viewed in vindictive and silly ways to counteract the very nature of the parts of life that are discovered to be horrible and less than total truth in the best ways one may see fit. Breaking down the philosophical arguments of the bits and pieces of life that are made out to be humorous is quite laughable, and I can fight to get more done by being a better person who is allowing themselves to grow and witness better accords by living well and figuring out better contributions to make to life and what it means to live well and reminisce about the figures and authorities of life that are made out of impressions of the mind that are long forgotten by an amalgamation of the ideas that we’ve processed in our minds to create lasting values and honor among the bold and brave figures of a long gone past that are fighting to get more respect and honor out of life by giving more than ourselves to our loves and what we find to be more riveting than anything else we could or should be doing to equate to better positions of attack than anything else we create that could be considered bold and beautiful among the options of life that are made out to serve the needs of others who are tricked into a conned way of life that are made out to make an impression on others who are figuring out a truthful way of life that is made upon the hills of life to make an impression out of the worthiness of life that has little to no formal credentials to live the way they feel is best for the largest amount of people who are counting the powerful individuals to make a better choice based upon market factors that are attributed to a larger share of profiteering while gaining access to larger amounts of life that impact others in important ways that are recognized as pushy by the overbearing figures of life that are met by agents and filthy scum of the like who do little to nothing to make the world a better place.
ODD WAYS OF LOOKING AT REALITY
Bad luck hits all people
Who Teddy Pendergrass didn’t dig
Memories are all we leave behind
But relatives tend to prefer cash
Make a lot of money
Use it to live or squander
A real man admits he’s a dumbass
While trying to be less of one
Differences between cultures may be
Something to laugh about
Or something that gets folks killed
Even if we lived forever
Most men wouldn’t make it past
A fifth grade level of anything
Only the best parts of life should be experienced
But it takes a lot of things that are anything but
To finally get them in reality
Temporary people may not be the best
To ask for advice about how to live your life
Take advantage of life while you can
Because it always wins the fight
Against humans in the end
SO SMOOTH
Gamble on guidelines
Misconstrued by people
Maintain a sense of dignity and honor
While pawing through garbage just to survive
Frequently dropping out of society
Continual bullshit that resides in our silly culture
Networking kinds who want nothing more
Than to triumph over the losers of Earth
The greatest book in human history!
But that’s subjective!
So I suppose it was an absurd quest all along
Science admits that there are many things that are unknown.
Do the cartoons and see what happens
Even if I spend my whole life
Trying to make scientific improvements
I may fail
That’s the task of a scientist
Setting poetry in motion
Could be the calling that some have
SILLY LIFESTYLE
Work out
Vulgar parade
Lasting value and honors
Funniest possible ways
Some disappointing elements
Get faster or get the fuck out
BIG mathematical situation of life
Ridiculous play by Camus
Sleeping in by lazy bums
BIG DEALS!
A bear can leave me alone
Bees buzz with beer
Create a caring court
Dad decides dutch doors
Effort eyes earnest earnings
Fear for far fro
God getting greedy gourgeous
Help hire human hands
Interesting intelligent intellectuals in ills
Jot jail jokes jumping jabs
Kilt Killarney kite kangaroo
Line love listen lips
Moan mean mite more most
Not note nothing nor neither nemesis
Open our own orange ocean
Pit people portray peppered piss pots pope
Quit quitting quiet quiliting
Rip rye roasted red robin record response respect
Sip short stilly silly soaps
Tip the top tomb traitor
Up utility utilize unstun unable undone
Vote veto veer vanity vans
Why where were who what
X-con good enough
You yahoo yazoo yoyo yodeler
Zoo zilch zip zap zone
End entries education epitome ewes
I think I can do better
Than mere word associations
To end a piece of fictional garbage
LORDY MAMA
Representative of their best ideas
Wither away into a less evolved species
How horrible the thought is!
Make up for lost time now son!
Anything we agree to do
Is bound for utter destruction
Laugh at the chumps.
Have the luxury to pursue ends other
Stop fucking around
Get busier living well
Making a small mark
Even if it’s a tiny one
Spent far too much time watching
Instead taking action
Conduct a grand experiment
Craft an intelligent argument
Refuse to take orders from phony leaders
Consciously chosen to be a bum
Instead of being a hero
Receives rave reviews
Produce good cheer among human beings
The best people are often
Hard pressed for time for a reason
They’re in demand
REMEMBER JOKES?
Allow no one to talk to you, because they could be a terrorist.
Because you live, you will someday die.
Delicious foods are only enjoyed by people who manage to avoid death.
Focal points of life involve not dying.
Golden memories should be pursued before one dies.
Heroic deaths are nothing compared to heroic lives.
Isolated people who die before they help humans serve no point for team humanity.
Jeeps are less likely to kill people than death racers, but since you’re going to die anyway, why not go out in blaze of glory instead of like a fruity, pretentious yuppie?
Karate is more likely to kill than Tai Chi.
Opinions are like assholes, wipe until clean.
Prying into a coffin may be the worst idea of your life.
Rental space is a cheap way to live, but maybe not the place most people want to be buried.
Stoppage time too often results in sudden death.
Troughs are for animals that live a meager existence until death.
Ugly people die sooner than pretty people often.
Vortex the mind around the concept that our temporary lives only serve as a warning to the future damned.
Withhold sex from a partner and your relationship will suffer a slow or rapid death.
Yearn for more, but know that even if you get it, you’ll still die forever someday.
Zippo lighters are enjoyable, but they’re primarily used by folks to engage in activities that kill us quicker.
Sense of balance is needed to cope with inevitable pain, suffering, and death.
The purpose of life is to laugh as much as possible before the universe pulls your curtain down.
Are you possibly mistaken about being guaranteed to live forever just because you obey an ancient book?
Amazing things can happen in life, but nobody seems to be able to produce miracles that lead to the dead being brought back to life anymore.
Things are fucked up, but not as badly as they may be once we die.
By the way, I’m sorry your family was hit by a bus.
The art behind life is that it is beautiful for a while until we start heading towards the grave.
Best of life is still nothing compared to the worst of death.
Parts of people want to live forever, but not people who hate living.
Of all my friends, I hope you die first.
Life is never going to be forever, but people still make eternal promises.
Film is a brilliant piece of art that can be extracted from life.
The funny thing about life is that it is unpredictable no matter how mundane it can seem.
Fictional characters are more important to more people than family members now.
Experience what makes life worth living- Waffle house breakfast.
Now is the time to live for your dream, especially if it’s a simple dream like sleeping more.
Make a better sandwich, because you could get hit by a bus today.
Better live now, because the future may never come.
Things can be realized by people who have intelligence and focus, and hopefully your family at least figures out enough to get burritos.
TAKING FROM THE HARVEST
Influences are quite funny
I want to sing just like that dude
He seems so laid back and peaceful
I wish I had his record sales
There are better parts of life
Than just listening to pop crap
The imagery is beautiful
And he plays real nice
Kicking it to this ditty
And I still love this tune
Maybe I could dance again
Because I still love that old tune
Because I am a loon
At least I can admit my heroes
They still stand up pretty well
At least to me
I have no idea if the kids like it
I imagine there’s always some
Times have changed again
But I should have seen that
Because they always do
I need to work to get change
To work in my favor
I may not be everything I want
But I should be at least one thing
I’ve wanted to be
Or else my life
Is a big waste of time
So change goddamn it!
????
Killing others is morally wrong, unless you have the power to determine whether it’s legal.
Open your mind and you’ll be amazed at how many amazing things exist in the world. There are people who make enough to money to survive who bowl most of their waking hours.
Potential friends exist in many places, but the folks at the retirement center may not appreciate a visit form 50 Cent as much as kids do.
Question everyone and everything you think you know. Turns out, some of them may be wrong.
Respect is due to people who sacrifice to achieve something significant. So acknowledge the fact that I once missed The Simpsons to take my kid to the hospital!
The best way to be tough is to ride around on your own elephant.
The more you sing at the office, the greater the chances of you being hired to be a great music hero.
Why not do everything possible to live well? Because it often causes a lot of pain to live well!
Even if you excel, eventually your life seems to be taken over by death.
You aren’t perfect. Neither is anyone, but there are reasons you’re not as famous as Michael Jackson.
Zero can be done to save the entire planet. But a lot can be done to eat cookies, so set your goals low and watch how your success rate skyrockets.
All of our heroes are still destined to fall at times. This makes us equal in the eyes of the universe as members of a tiny species who mostly destroy the extremely small portion of the one planet we live on. No wonder the universe does everything possible to kill us all.
Moan about the injustice of the world, but only try to change it if you’re willing to risk your life for it.
People who commit injustice tend to be pretty committed to their cause.
Nothing can be done to change a lot of people instantly, but anyone is going to change over time. It’s much like leaving a piece of pizza out- it’s exactly the same for a few days- but it sure as hell isn’t over the course of many years.
Put yourself through Chinese prison and see how homework seems easy after that.
Until there’s justice, there will always be some clueless people who actually believe it exists.
Where can one go for the best food? This might be cheating, but so far from my experience, I’d have to say Earth. The shit like tang they eat in space isn’t all that great.
Exactly how can one many change the world? I’d say the easiest way to do so is to feed his family, or refuse to feed his family. Either way, shit’s going to change.
Live the way you want to, but expect a bunch of assholes to try to stop you if you do.
POETRY OR SONGS?
PAUSE
A friend is someone who should treat you better than an indifferent stranger.
Even the best bands have tunes that few people know about.
Create a better way of life for yourself, and do it with something longer lasting than Play-doh.
Determine who the best people are based upon what they wear.
Fear anyone who has enough power over you to kill you without anyone knowing.
Gold plated streets wouldn’t make things better unless it were easy to steal and replace.
Help causes that matter unless it cuts into your time to watch sitcoms.
Kill enemies only if they resist your attempts to destroy their country and
loved ones.
Lightning bugs may be used by people who can’t afford electricity.
Nothing is going to stop you from living a dream, except for waking up to reality.
Open a business to sacrifice years of your life to hopefully break even.
Quit any organization where you don’t start at the top- then we’ll all be winners.
Tip for journalists: Real quotes from others are harder to get than making up ones warped in your favor.
Vent about problems to poor people, because they always have at least as many.
Being required to act with joy is enough to make a person miserable.
HAVE THE BALLS TO MAKE NEW SHIT
Essence of rock n’ roll
Create a new type of music, book, movie, or comedy
Knocked on the ass
Capture the attention of media hyped money
Even if it is only brief and full of shit
Knowledge we take with us to the grave does no good
So spread the words now while you can
To emerge from a bogus scene
Anything I choose to do may be amazing
Or it may be shit
Desires of evil fucks who control corporations
Publishers of ideas
Logical sequences are conveniently forgotten
By herds and masses that have no taste or class
Promote lies and filth from within a corrupt system
Defeat government regulations
Protest against the health care of the people
Allow your fingers to float across the page
While coming up with great ideas
Replacing the lamest
Rejection isn’t necessarily final
Kept in awful chains by people who do nothing
Other than fuck over others to profit
WHAT DO I FEEL PASSIONATE ABOUT?
Can’t define precisely what makes music amazing
But it’s a joy to listen to, play, and feel brilliant tunes
Love reading material that makes me think or laugh
Love comedies, dramas, and documentary films the most
I love funny films, articles, stand-up, improvisation
And just about anything in life that can be funny
I like sex
I love pretty artsy things
I like to wander and travel
I love scientific knowledge
And what effective experiments have done for humanity
I love to eat
I love to watch and play sports
I like to only be naked when I want
I like having a warm place to live
I like to play around and have fun
Alone and with friends
Life can be hard
But it can also be wonderful at times
CREATIVE IMPULSE
Re-construct a crafty part
Gaining acceptance by nurturing
Whiners and wieners
Result in complete and awful permanent death
Inevitable mistakes are hard to regret
Less than a fair niche of the market
Protection of assholes
Making a home out of the road
Never figured out how to instruct youths
People who believe there’s a right answer
Will fight to find whatever it is
Knowledge alone doesn’t make a great poem
WHAT EXACTLY IS ART?
There’s no known way to create glamorous art
One has to be able to trust their instincts
As much as possible
But never know for certain
That they’ve created something perfect
Instead of aiming to create perfect art
Try to create things that seem to be
As good as you can possibly envision
In case you haven’t figured out
Your vision of beauty is subjective
TAKING A SILLY RISK
Pursuing cult arts
Embarking on cavemen like species
Used by the casting directors of note
Question the reserves of treasure troves
Unhappy with limited performances
Fell in love and traveled the world
Created enough material to constitute
Calling it a novel
Makes me feel less like a bum
More like a dignified man.
Taken enough time to explore the world over
It’s fun to read again
To gain the perspective of another person
Don’t want to just wait and think anymore
WEIRD ONES SERVE 9-5ER’S
Tricking the system
Freakiest residents of the block
Work for years to perform
A montage of scenes
Meant to be viewed
By the elite at a theatre
How ironic
To live a life
As a rebel
Just to get support
From the rich
And horribly mundane
SOMETHING UNIQUE FOR ME
A comedy stand-up bit
Conspiracy theories vs. lying media
A clever sex joke submitted to Playboy
Something pretty that makes me think or laugh
Perhaps a drawing of an MC Escher painting
Philosophy that’s useful in the real world
Create indefinite human life
Look back with joy at some moments
Horror with others
Explore and learn more for team humanity
Expose more reasons why religion seems false
Watch a B-ball game or follow footy
Play some trivia
Call Ma, Gran, Drew
Hang with some friends if I can
Eat rice, other stuff
Wear enough to avoid getting sick
Appreciate pop culture with The Beach Boys
Stay in some kind of shelter
Go someplace new in Chicago
Don’t believe I can prove the meaning of life to others
But keep running experiments
To find what seems to best fit for me
SUMMARY OF ONE HUMAN LIFE
Do more to have an effect in the real world
Cabinet of guilt in a courteous manner
Money out of a sitcom situation
Fighters of laws with gangs of beetles
Too many good men die too easily
Following the instructions of corrupt leaders
Who want nothing but profit for themselves
Supported by the failed human experiment
Means so little in the grand scheme of the universe
A horrible corrupt system of desensitized bastards
Who delight in killing innocent life
Borders of human imagination are nearly endless
Experience greater things than they have before
As they move to do well in the universe as it is
Superior to anything in the universe
We choose to do ahead of all other options
The love of life must take over
Fulfill any valid purposes that have value
THE UNIVERSE IS MYSTERIOUS
Music is only discovered by people who excel
Make a firm decision
Thesaurus painters of visions
Intentionally creating a scene
I’ve hit many of the main points
I could always analyze myself to death a bit more
If there seems to be endless humor in a cruel universe
And we’re made in the image of god
Maybe God has a sick sense of humor
There are always absurd things happening on our absurd planet
Whether these absurdities are glorious or tragic
Depend on whether you profit from them or not
Serious truths I’ve never written about
Take the time to make a better event of life
REFUSE TO RESPECT LIES
Wage war against Islam and the ridiculous ideas it promotes
Reality takes root soon
Absurdities of religion harm humanity
Keep billions of people entrapped in wish thinking
Instead of making our planet a better place
Religious folks do so to earn eternal rewards
Or to convert people to their illogical faith
Humanity may not be a logical species
But there’s a difference between hoping for better things
And following rules that make no sense
That allow a few powerful people to profit
At the expense of the masses
The shame of life is all too often
The best people fall to the interests of corrupt phonies
Who do nothing other than promote bullshit
So they can profit while fools obey them.
SILLY GOALS
Be willing to give up silly pursuits
To do things that matter
Like making a silly book, movie, album
Screwing around with buddies
Makes little to no sense in the cartoon space age
Attaining a higher level of artistry
The gods we refer to as The B-52’s
At the heights of their powers
Conquer a subjected race of people
Appreciation in the finest sense
Of every word that is uttered
Having a sense of flow and rhythm is lovely
Impromptu without editing life
We build together or crumble apart
I wanted to write the best words of all-time
But I may not even write the best words in my family
KEEP GOING BRO
Status quo will lead to me being
Homeless, broke, hungry
On the brink of being a bum or dying
I didn’t mind being a bum for a while
But the time to get more serious about life
May be now to avoid horror
People are going to take advantage of me
Unless I fight much harder
Build up resistance to pain
CRUTCHES OF EXISTENCE
Balance a triad of options
Creativity to flow freely
I have been a fool sir
I no longer rule sir
Inconsistencies of funny banter
Better quip in the moment
Best and bravest options
Add a funk flavor to life
Reconcile the dreams
Minds of traumatic experience
Permanent death strikes
Worst for the political enemies
Equal the boosters in hot wings
Fulfill the fitting nature of fiction
Advising troublesome urges
Take chances in this great casino
We call the universe
YEAH, RIGHT
Improving and improvising
15 familiar, 15 non- familiar
The education of an individual is far more important
Than doing what a system demands one to do
Central thesis to the problems of life
People have died while I spent time
Writing this shit
Use my imperfect work
To try to make an impression
Beggar ideology into notions of design
I am forgiven and only I
Can give myself such a status
Imagination can be experienced
As a time traveler or a mere historian
Sick of breakfast of champions lectures
I want to know about
A breakfast of losers
Showcase a broad array of talents
Improve myself and humanity
SHEEP LIE
Numbers of mindless drones
Can’t be underestimated
Party unlike rock stars
They pretend to live well under timid lies
Ruin projects and expect it
To turn out to look like shit
They act superior
Despite their inferior
Attitude and performance
Leave them to their flock
Go hang out somewhere pleasant
Or hang with the flock
And laugh your ass off at it
WONDERING ABOUT LIFE
Comparable to the souls of comedy gold
Mining the heavens to get better results
In the lower depths of Earth
Creating chaos shouldn’t be hard
In a universe where it rules
Rules of life are arbitrary and easy
To bend to your favor if you have no attachments
Getting to the top is never easy
And almost never lasts very long
It’s better to develop your own unique views
Of what has importance
Spend time doing that
Instead of anything that’s garbage
You do just to pay the rent
A place of spin and rhetoric
Help the species if you want to serve
Any lasting function at all
DO YOUR OWN THING
Quirky experiments amaze and dazzle
Nothing hip about anything I’ve been doing
Precious and precocious times
Tragic comedies cry and laugh
Safest bets aren’t always the best ones to take
Particularly if you aspire to something higher
Than mere safety
BITTERNESS
The rejections of life
Mysoginistic views of the troubled souls
Crawl to the law
Dynasties of competition
Overcome failures by crushing others
Treated like a poor man’s Paris Hilton
IMPROVE IMPROVISATION
Herby banned from initiating a negotiation scene
Time went by fast
Be far different than characters on TV
I want everyone to live well
But I don’t know if that will ever be
A realistic possibility
I hope it is
People act and think
Ten-year odyssey of wanderlust
Megaphone crooners and their life
I’ve already lost my fortune, pride, respect, honors, dignity, freedom
And ability to serve a respectable position within society
I’d like to have some of those things back
I’m a walking contradiction in many ways
I consciously chose to be a wanderer
Timing and pacing are everything
To being a good comedian
Live life as best as I can
But never think that I’m good enough
To figure out the entire universe
TRIBUTE TO THE BEST
Have a sense of appreciation
For the geniuses who live in the present
And the ones we’ve lost
Who struggled so others could
Appreciate life a bit more
SELF-EXAMINATION
Anxiousness to righteous indignation
Too lazy to overcome basic privileges
Embrace the moment
Way of life that is mapped out
Way of life that embraces change
Way of life pushing for brighter futures
I haven’t conquered all of my proverbial demons
I probably never will.
Long-suffering activities
Doing my part by refusing to support corrupt politicians
Refusing to exploit people for profit
LIVE WHILE YOU CAN
Have more ambitions than none
It may make a difference
In the way others live
Quit being a prick
If you can’t
At least be a more entertaining one
The most amazing people only rule for a while
But serve as an example of how great
Humans can temporarily be
The finest hour one realizes is likely to seem far too short
Compared to the many hours spent doing things
That one hates just to survive or thrive
Brilliant minds of the past still have
Their ideas cherished today
But times change people
Relevant knowledge from 200 years ago
May have been long-surpassed
Take advantage of the limited time you have
Because one never knows how much time they have left
LIFE IS DEFINITELY FUNNY
Fans should be allowed to have opinions
But actual performers and athletes
Should also be free to ignore the opinions of fans
The difference between good music and bad music
May be largely subjective
But there are reasons why
The Jonas Brothers sell millions of records
And guys who can play every note Mozart ever wrote
Die without a record deal
Even if it’s trite garbage
People like new shit
If you want to enjoy life
Convince others to join
Your merry little band of travelers
Until you pass away into oblivion
MUSIC
The finest music one can listen to may be
Found someplace across the world
Or may be unknown to nearly all of humanity
Music has changed quite a bit in my lifetime
Much like everything else
Keeping up with musical trends is tough to do
Particularly if you’re old enough to have a job
The music that inspires you may be considered
Creative genius or awful noise
BOOKS
There are many more books now
Than anyone will ever have time to read
Yet so many people still want
To contribute new ones to the world
Despite all of the information currently in books
None of them can be proven
To have answers about the best way of life
No matter how many fools say their book does
Recommending a book to a friend can result in
New truths being brought to light
Or old truths being brought back into focus
MOVIES
I enjoyed The Runaways
But I’d hardly call it a film for the ages
Seeing Dakota rocking out
Makes me feel old
COMEDY
Appreciate all of the time you get to laugh
Because the joke is likely to be on you eventually
Some people have no real way to cope with
The awful parts of reality
Other than to try to laugh at them
SEX
Most adults love sex
But spend so little time having it
Perhaps it is a dish best served
In small portions for many folks
Sex jokes are easy to make
Because it’s the only part of life
All of humanity tends to have in common
We’re here because of sex
If every man had a chance to have
As much sex as they wanted
It might end the world as we know it
ART
Producing a masterpiece may take years
There are already so many masterpieces
It may seem pointless to make all of the effort to do so
Creating is one of the few arts
That may never die until the humanity does
It takes a brilliant mind to create great art
But anyone can pick up a crayon and give it a shot
TRAVEL
Places I’d love to travel to
Tuscany with Tess
And our close family and friends
Rio for carnival
South Africa for The World Cup
The Caribbean for relaxation, surf, and scenery
Mykanos, the island I just missed
PHILOSOPHY
All of the philosophy in the world means nothing
If there aren’t living being to appreciate it
It’s best to have a philosophy that encourages
Appreciation of temporary life
I’ve embraced some poor philosophies
I’ve made some improvements
But continue to have a much less than perfect beliefs
All of the logic in human history has yet to create
One obviously true philosophy for all people
The best ideas of the greatest minds
Are still unable to conquer
Many of the worst human problems
SPORTS
Writing about sports is a funny way to make a living
But on an absurd planet
It’s not even near the top of the list
Hyping an athlete as much as Michael Jordan
Would be funny if they were just average
I wonder if a film about sports like Major League
Will ultimately be better remembered by future generations
Ahead of all real athletes
FOOD
It’s a delight to be able to eat one wants
But not constantly
Or it can kill
Living in Chicago is a nice reminder
That you’ll never have enough time to eat
All foods that look good
Many people go to bed hungry
While other people struggle to lose weight
SOCIETY
I never wanted to look like everyone else
But the truth is that no matter how hard I tried to be different
I have an ordinary skeleton
It’d odd that many people are judged
Based upon the size of the house they live in
Until humans can live forever, there’s no such thing as a permanent residence.
Many things I’ve worked so hard to understand
Have disappeared forever
NO EDIT
Genocide is awful. Pol Pot is as much of a murderer as Barack Obama. The act of genocide is a horrible thing, but you want your comforts to be added to just to live well and get an intense political argument to have hopes for the better parts of life that are meant to be used by people who are serving masters to gain access to much richer parts of life to have higher hopes for the heroes of yesteryear to have a focus on the best issues that matter more than anything else before being dismissed by prudes who are loving individuals who are happy to see the best options of life that make more sense than anything else. The capacities of life that are designed to lead up to more and greater responsibilities to lead others out of the shapes and sizes of amazing potential choices to be featured by humoring the essences of life to lead them out of the casting calls that are made by people who are greater than the urgent needs of the ones who are met by the professional actors guilds that are impressive and getting a broad range of ideas that are going to be given out by folks who want to feature a better part of life to be made to get into character to live well and feature prominently in the given takes of life that are making more sense than anything else in the world that is open to communicating with the people who are auditioning a revenge trek that’s made to create an impression in the notions of design to live well and make moves that are arguing for a higher hope among the casting of better people who are living well and hoping to laugh at all of the people who want nothing more than to be cast in the senses of life to fit a role that is making an impression in the lives of others who serve as convincing options to make more out of the arguments that are hoping for best-sellers in the midst of options that are meaningful and thought to be a complete and total vortex of time values that are produced by people who want nothing more than to offer a better view of reality and what it means to make a subjective casting call judgment to live well and have an opinion worth offering to the world to get out of the heads of folks who are featured in the classic eras of life to make more sense than anything else. The people who want to live well are going to do all they can to provide a fortune for the best folks who want to live well and fight off death at least for another month until they pursue projects that seem to matter more than anything else in the world to give into a project that may matter more than anything else. The figures of the past who are creating a better piece of everything to gain insight about how to live well and what to gain from misadventures are the ones who are shelving a life of work to be made out of tales that are earning a better position of life to gain access to the wondrous parts and bits and pieces of living out of the moves to make a better earning than anything else in the world that is making the most out of the sense and getting an erotic experience to take pleasure in the roots of the fortunes that are gained by living well and hoping for a bolder prediction in the best events of life that are possible to re-invent who we are and what we do to cover the subjective journalistic style of a better writer than myself. I have to admit that I’m not the literal best at anything that can be proven, but I do believe I have written some quality things about life and some topics that are meant to be engaging and produce values that are lasting and can improve lives. I also have some silly sex jokes, and some things that are probably wrong. So be it. I’m big enough to admit that I’m less than perfect. I’m in the flow of many parts of life, and I don’t want to be disrupted if I am giving something of myself that could lead to much better values being produced. Make sure that I give all of the efforts I can to create film projects that lead to much more appropriate fashions being made out of the imagery to tell a tale to live well and gain a higher hope in life by allowing people who are working within a greater system to make an impression in the lives of others who are giving lines here and there to make an impression to stand around and at least have something noteworthy to say before passing on into death. The people who make an impression around the news items to distract the general population are often laughable, and can cause a sensational environment in the midst of the prime ministers who remain unknown due to ignorance, indifference, and making higher priorities of life. The knowledge that one carries with them to live well is made out of the creation sciences to make a valuable impression on the folks who are designing the items of life to arrange for a more apt version of the scenes we tend to play in our minds over and over again before we die and get nothing good to happen while making moves to organize a regime that is on task and pinpointing the best parts of life to others in creative and original ways.
HOLD ON
Moving violations may apply
Eyes of sleeping pigeons
Gambling with the dice of life
Designs of rap artists
Running an edgy business
Sadistic nature of work
Proclaim a louder version of truth
Too few are able to see
Use limited time well
MOVE ON FROM PAIN
Central thesis is life
Diverse array of people
Powerful sermon to impact
Initial shocks come with pursuing passion
Talent marked for gold
Questioning options of Earth
Stage fright freaks
Fanatic fans of fleeting fancies
Phrasing is a laughable part of play
Cartoonish bands of former eras
May serve as role models for aspiring nerds
Facing our fears
Leading a lost tribe out of the desert
Into a bed of banshees horrified by problems
Leading good people into a worse way of life
The range of human emotions is almost as great
As the range of human problems
Be witty and live well
Never settle for total bullshit
ABSURD CULTURE
Football highlight reel developed into a career
Larger source code
Ridiculous lifestyle choice
A more mature species would
Be angry about the lies told to children
Don’t have enough knowledge
To properly know right from wrong
Chemically altered by nature
Formal dinner made in compliance with laws
Make swift and brutal decisions
Real heroes are largely unappreciated
But still adored by fans within the game
The older one gets
Perhaps the older they want to be
Base opinions on real life issues
Or continue to make shit up
THE UNIVERSE WINS
Stay in sight
Expect others to be human
Ultimately looking out for their own needs
Ahead of the interests of others
A shame so many good people go away
But it’s the laws of the universe we live in
Mass marketed tracks promote
Satanic interests ahead of supposedly holy tactics
Question anyone who claims to speak on behalf gods
Souls of grandchildren considered enemies
Speculations of facts
News and booze of the season
Recognize role models who run social experiments
Meet with a casting director to get broader satire
The bigger they get the harder they rock
Step into the glorious light of Hendrix
Contemplated for long enough
The time to take actions is now
To say I’ve been trapped in wanderlust
May be a bit of an understatement
Refuse to respect stupid laws
They bring terrible realities to far too many
Being lost in a sea of options
Learn from the best while pursuing value
Admit what’s unknown
Still have enough courage to pursue truth
UNRAVEL MENTAL MADNESS
Horrible part of reality
Inevitable lies are preached
By folks kept in check
By maintaining a higher standard
Being observed by a lot of folks
Perfect a craft up to a point
Appreciate a number of funny incidents
Longevity to linger in the cultural stew
Left brewing over the toasts of towns
Play safe and be grateful for administration
Keeping a wellspring of information
Messing around to gain admittance
Superficial ideas lend to commercial reliability
Create a cultural phenomenon
A curmudgeonly millionaire has a say in
The cultural landscape of our nation
The idea of a show about nothing may be appealing
Because there’s nothing said that’s morally beneficial
So we might as well laugh at global depravity
Memories of fading stars, atheists, and wonderful people
Make a difference in the lives of others
Despite large amounts of failures
Get over the past and try to repeat
The most amazing parts of it
ODD LIFE MISSION
Depressing fans of a band
Set out to cause a minor riot
Within the suburbs of a mindset
Entrapped in a lifestyle with a level of creative desperation
A team of investigators listening to old albums
By The Smiths on a cleaning day in early spring
HARDLY ART
Enjoyable family fun
Reflect back to the enjoyable moments of life
Theme parks may come to mind
The truth is that visions of beauty tend to be subjective
The amount of great experiences is nearly limitless
As long as one has good health
Bad health limits options quite a bit
Human interest puff piece
Before the main death toll counts
Make the workers fearful and afraid yet again
What do you want to contribute to the world before you die?
Something worthwhile that leads to others being able to enjoy life
And learn a bit before they die
Quit offering lame excuses for why not yet good enough
Wanderlust movie navigates a richer experience
Falling from grace we may have never had in the first place
Stop whining about being sore
Get busier living well
Live and breathe the geography of a particular area
Travel guides to life
Christian theme re-visited in pop songs
Just to reach a stupid mainstream market
HOW LAUGHABLE
Make more of a movie out of life
By bargaining for the range of human emotions
Have trouble predicting the next phenomenon
Exhibitionist streaks we tend to display
Perhaps the state of pop music is rather trivial
Considering the global crisis of guaranteed death
But sounds serve as inspirations for thoughts
A more credible source
Mere ideas are extrapolated
Rational concept that only promotes self-interests
Thrive in a world full of pretenders and haters
ONE EARLY MORN
I had a conversation with Weber
Well, not exactly
An internet chat
Seems he’s doing well
Hanging with his baby and planning for the fourth
Funny what people get excited for
Funny what people devote their lives to
TUNES
Too late to convince others to join a merry band
Making a notion of life out of music
People who want laid back tunes often find them
But it takes a little bit of effort
Joys that reach the masses
Tend to come from familiar comforts
What’s near is dear
The supposed joys of life
WHO WRITES THIS SHIT?
Baby is going to leave for work
Giving up is too easy
Pushing ahead is too hard
Can’t convince many to read
Urgings of a point of view
Correcting previous wrongs
Watching a disturbing film
One with horrors done to kids
It isn’t right
But serves as a nasty reflection
Of realities that exist for too many
The actions people take
Develop into ways of life for many
I could be better
But at least I’d never do that
Cashing a check by mail
Proves cancellation policies
Resign from a worthy post
Horrible realities found by nations
Practicing for no real purpose
Nothing constructive about it
THE GREATEST DANGER: CRIMINALS OR GOVERNMENTS?
People who cause chaos
Are quite a problem
But tend to be squashed rapidly
The real problem for most of us
The people in charge
Who supposedly look after our interests
Unless the our is the elite
Our interests are ignored by leaders
Our interests only become realities
By fighting
Either by ourselves
Or in solidarity with others
Who serve a common purpose
Impossible by peaceful means
Nearly every time
Better to go along with the system
Or fight with everything you’ve got
Yet another decision to make on the road of life
Before you join the nicest folks and the total pricks
In permanent death
REALIZING WHAT’S BEEN DONE
So much music already out there
How could one make something superior?
So many books already
How could one make something even better?
So many movies already in the world
How could one make an even better one?
There’s no right answer
There’s only guessing
Personal judgment calls
The truth is that enjoyment of life is subjective
Although there are many things many tend to do
Bits of life that give joy to millions
Almost nothing in the universe
Is able to bring pleasure to every single person
The truth is that mystery never stops
Life is often hard to figure out
And the few successes of humanity
Are quite amazing in consideration
Of the obvious truth
That we’re all here just for a while
Yet some choose to give
Instead of fucking around all of the time
That’s what makes some small percent of humans
Worthy of respect and honor
CREATE BETTER LIFE
Writing a few things, watching a few things, creating a few things
Exercising, eating, laughing about life
The pointless nature of most struggles
Rallying against a system to little to no avail
Trying hard and struggling despite it
Not trying at all and struggling because of it
WHAT WE ARE
Hypocrisy may know no bounds
Create a lazy character
Proper conclusion based on scientific evidence
Dream sequence depends on taking years
Pursuing a craft worth mentioning to future generations
Parody the lampooning crusades
Multiple day stretches without sleeping enough
Non-sense drivel is dispelled at a swift rate
Crass commercial ventures are ultimately lost causes
Compete for a role in a film
Maintaining a sacred attitude towards
Travels to a different time and place called Thailand
Commit a regicide of sorts
Love may keep certain people together
But the truth is that love rarely pays for a mortgage
Or even a cell phone bill
Quit caring about prestige, normalcy, and arbitrary rules
Masterminds of centuries embark on a case study
Strain to get credulity
An overnight undergraduate college paper completed
Convey intensity in the acting skills of a loser
Move on and enjoy life in the present
Or not at all
TRACE THIS BACK
Tough guys laugh too
But not at everything
Be a bit selective
Some things are painful
Writing badly can be fun
But writing pointlessly is never acceptable
Some may be inspired by failure
But no one will be inspired by things
That don’t even exist
DO IT NOW
Finish making a contribution
But don’t let it kill you
Before life does
SECRET TO LIFE?
Live as long as you can
While living as well as you can
Even though you may never find out
How you can do either
BREAKER
Take an opinion
Write it down if you must
Stop being a fool
Commit to live
Rather than pass life by
Learn a few things
Pass them on
Knowledge is power
But only if used
Too many folks
Never do shit
With what they got
Shame fear builds too high
Got to have courage
To do anything good
Before you die
OVERCOME FEARS
Or not
But life is better
If you do
SILLY MUSICAL TRUTHS
On a planet of more songs and types of music
Than I’ll ever have time to hear
I still get stuck surrounded by people
Who willingly listen to the same ridiculous
Mundane pop song
For the 237th time that week
Driven nuts by people
Who ignore the world
Of nearly endless musical beauty
For another Boy Band
Or another blond bimbo
IMPORTANT?
Deciding what to focus on can be tough
If drawn to a particular part of it
May as well embrace the love
Do all we can to bring hilarity to life
Lighten the load for a few folks
Great artists only last for a while
Getting married to change a way of life
Settlings of trappings
Only great actors stand out
But so many mundane ones still get work
While so many talented ones sit out
Makes little sense
In an often senseless world
Friends of old come to visit
If only for a while
The truths of one age change
New truths become relevant
Keeping up with change of life is nearly impossible
Yet so many people still try
What is it changes
What is done becomes nearly everything
Enjoy the moments you have left
Dig the simple pleasures
Having bread to eat, water to drink
But dig the greatest pleasures too
Great sex with a lover
Hanging with the family
Being able to listen to fine music
Experience life richly
Then you’ll see
Life is a joy for those who make it so
WORDS
Mere words don’t often change the world
Actions often do
Even if it’s just a small change
Better to have a small impact
Than no impact at all
On a planet of nearly 7 billion folks
It’s unlikely that you’ll be able to reach a lot of them
But you can always try to do something
To reach a tiny amount of them
Hell, there are billions of people
Who live completely different lives
Even Jesus and the mass media
Fail to reach them all
Settle for your small sphere of life
Try to do a little good if you can
Enjoy the rest of the time to live
As much like you want to
As often as you can
Because living well is a mystery
And we all have to try to figure out beauty
If we have any sense at all
LYRICS FOR A DORK
Funniest things ever
Often get lost in translations
Former friends were funny
But they became responsible
Mortgage payments drain the fun out of folks
For many the price of ownership
Is the price of a large amount of joy
Not worth it in that case
But for others
The price of ownership
Is just some measly green papers
To enhance experiences one gets
Virtually on command
People fight like rats at a buffet
Just for a few more pellets of rewards
It’d actually be funny
If in most cases
It wasn’t so very sad
EMOTION AND READING
The worst movies of all-time
Serve as an inspiration
Writing a rough draft
Turning it into something profound
Using knowledge for a purpose
Even if only temporary
Credit folks who try
With advancing the species
Don’t always have to be a genius
Just have to participate
Unique souls break into a business
Commit to living well
Pretenders to a crown
Perhaps even including former rulers
Nobody stays on top forever
The few who get to experience the top
Can attest to that
The people who say nothing changes
Are complete fools
Everything changes all of the time
It just happens gradually
So fools tend to miss it
Even though it always happens
Masters of world music
Too often go unrecognized
Too often unrewarded
But keep doing it anyway
The people who are called to different paths
Don’t care about tons of prestige
They care about their own causes
Whatever they may be
Filtering in and out of brilliance
Embrace the moments of purity
Change is coming soon
It can be felt in the air
Becoming deeply cynical of leaders
Is probably a good thing
Wrestling with God is pointless
Pop musicians are easier to grasp
Even if they’re quite silly too
At least it’s something tangible
That can be understood
By one of the five standard senses
RADICALS DIE
Making a case for anti-persecution
Leftists blocked by anti-commie movements
People tend to fear what they don’t understand
So most people are afraid
Of nearly everything in the universe
Bridging a gap from knowledge to love
Is tough to do
But a few people learn how
Or create a way to do so
Either way
What exquisite beauty
For those who find a path
Creating is part of a process
Life and its essence
Not to be taken away
From a faint memory of a pop album cover
The largeness of the sea runs the mind
It is funny to reflect back on the joys
Experienced with friends and family
The notions of intelligence
Make a big deal out of committing
Spending a lot of time in figuring out
But hardly moving anywhere
Faith in others isn’t necessary
But it makes life much easier
Than living like an animal
Or a demented savage
The reigns of leaders are whittling away
Nobody cares what they say
They simply obey
To live okay
I never looked upon my doubts
As unfounded non-sense
Tried to embrace a method of change
But found I was oddly resistant
To ideas I thought might hurt me
Even though I had no way to know
In certain cases
Experiments haven’t been run
But we may be best to trust instincts
At least in matters where
There’s no way to know for certain
Guessing can get old
Best to live a little before expiration date
Do it now before too late
GOING OUT
Piping hot and piping up
Giving effort and giving up
People who care and people who don’t
People who are good and people like the Pope
Rotten deals and tasty meals
Freaked out fucks and lucky cocks
Nothing funny and a lot of money
Rewards high and good kids die
Concepts flush and a bum rush
Bad reputations and weird insinuations
Rhyming schemes and dreaming of teams
INFLUENCED BY FILMS
Taboo habits can drive one crazy
Teenagers in Indiana are a wild bunch
Documenting the events that took place decades ago
Making a film out the seemingly mundane
Desperately seeking a pop star
Maybe the biggest star in the world now
Despite all of the crappy movies
A bit about dorks
And the silly games they play
Devoting most of life to a game
An odd concept
Despite the fact that I love games
Trading some house items with a suburban couple
Who would’ve thought that be a hit?
A program with two middle aged dudes
Acting like teens
Blowing shit up
This is what the people want
Democracy is a flawed theory
Even if it were practiced
It means little to people
It’s supposed to help
Making less sense than Glen or Glenda
That’s saying a lot
MUSIC SEEPS IN
The two stringed instrument awakens
But slowly in a cold haze on a British morn
It’s supposed to play mostly Brits
But CCR always seems to slip in
My girlfriend can’t stand shrill Fogerty
But I like Hendrix better anyway
Laughing at the ridiculous life I lead
Why not?
I’m going to be alive anyway
Might as well try to live uniquely
Even though it’s technically impossible to fail
So many aim for rigid conformity
Without thinking why
Perhaps it’s wise
DUCK ANALAGIES OFTEN FAIL
The ducks in the middle of a flock
Rarely get shot by hunters
But they also are surrounded by
A bunch of ducks just like them
Instead of doing what they want
They follow the flock
Different choices for different ducks
MENTAL BOUNDARIES
Imagination is nearly endless
But time is quite limited
Spend time doing what matters most
Or be left in the dust
Never getting to the best parts of life
Correct the wrongs
Move on if need be
Start living and giving
Be a valuable person in the world
It may not be perfect
But at least do something damn it
No good reason not to
Perhaps, living is what we all do anyway
What a pretentious line
Get over and make a better one
The great part of life
No matter how bad we fuck up
We can try to do better
As long as we live
FIGHT TO IMPROVE
Competition in some parts of life makes no sense
It’s mostly about who your agent is
Business deals completed by heroes
Save the souls of humanity
Make a unique imprint on the world
Embrace the gorgeous beauties
They may pass into oblivion
But appreciate them while you can
Know your stage and place in life
Adjust as best seen fit
Make a name for yourself
Refuse to believe the reviews
Unless you think they’re accurate
Admit to having flaws
Strive to correct them
Or laugh about them
Keep moving in positive directions
Forget about the abuses of times past
Know that even greats struggle
Commit to a way of life
Forget about some fears
Take a fucking risk
Live while you still can
Hubris is preparing for a fall
Even if it’s not one of Biblical proportions
The powers of the mind
May be greater than any other human component
Training for traditional tryouts
Too much pain for too many folks
Tragic parts of the universe are scorned
Times past and part ways with your youth
But at least you still have something
Worth hanging on to
Maybe you can only write one line at a time
But at least you can do that
A lot of people who write grand works
Also make a lot of shit
But at least they keep producing
Running a noble experiment
For humanity to take something from
Awkward how some make it and some never will
Laugh about the absurdities of a species
Know that you have to get your ass in gear
Or you’ll be stuck using
Stupid phrases of the land you grew up in
GOODBYE TO WHAT I KNEW
Life events became tragic
When everyone I loved
Died from the way they used to be
Stupid of me not to anticipate change
In a changing universe
Surrounded by gorgeous music
At least I once danced
At least I played a lot
At least I was able to laugh
More than I cried
Before I died
CAUSE A STIR
Life is temporary
Time often seems to short
To be able to do all we want
Push for the best parts of life
Aim to be something better
Even if the future remains unknown
Lots of reasons to try harder
No reasons to quit just yet
An entire planet waits
Just to see what I’m capable of doing
But I have yet to conquer
Even my own limitations
Instead of waiting to defeat my proverbial demons
I’ll have to act in spite of them
And do something meaningful
Despite my many flaws
Reducing the flaws
Or just continuing with some intact
Is the only way
Humans ever do anything
So I might as well join my flawed brethren
In some type of struggles
That often lead to failures
But sometimes lead to brilliance
Bright moments embraced
Shared by all who get it
Temporary life is all about
Creating brief moments of triumph
A success that won’t last
But still remains impressive
To any who are able to see
That the tiny victories of life
Tend to make it worth living
MUNDANE ITEMS
Blessed candle that smells like scotch
Funniest lot of people engaging in leaflets
Irish gentle nature
I’ve lived, I’ve lost, failed and won
I can look back, relax now, or look ahead
Even if I continue to make mistakes
I’d love to make them in a new and more profitable way
Inspired creatively
Most punk music isn’t very good
Absurdities of media and the over the top characters
Played by both sides of a political spectrum
Serve as diversions for middle American values
The creative process may be a greater high
Than anything ever formed by a drug company
Fronts formed free falling floats for fans fighting for five hundred fees
This sound is a gas
I really dig it
Slang of one era is destined to be laughed at
Unless lingo of the present becomes static or lame
No more than Moore
No less than Les Baxter and his merry pranksters
Social experiments are beat
Generation whatever the hell this is labeled
Refuse to conform to a mere definition
Created by some asshole journalist
Death is far too permanent to be something I support.
HUMAN SPECTRUM
The best of humanity is absolutely inspiring while they worst of humanity should scare the hell out of all of us. Which is better to focus on? I think it’s best to have some knowledge about both ends of the species. I’d love to reach levels of greatness and end some of the worst aspects of life for humanity. Will I be able to do so? I know the odds aren’t with me. But time and my limited vision will tell.
Read biographies about Graham Chapman
Serve the interests of Viola Spolin
May write books and become well-known
Creating a new sketch show
Dabbling in a part of life
Courage to follow most genuine convictions
Laugh at many of the things that I’ve done
Many of the absurd choices I’ve made
I guess it’s part of being alive
Being a human
Being a wisher and a dreamer
Hope for even better times
STATE OF MIND
I’ve read a ton, and done a lot less than a ton. It makes no sense to do things that are pointless, but all of life might be. It makes no sense to get shit if it doesn’t make you happy, but few people are happy unless they have a decent amount of shit. Lies are all over the place, but the truth is often hard to impossible to understand. Lots of realizations have yet to reach humanity. But performers who convey an emotional response well are able to convey much better things than the boring.
Figure out a rider of the hail storm
A blessed thought that won’t last
But has lovely temporary value
Businesslike stooges settle into a role
Promoted from within
Engage in a larger amount of hopeful press
Found to be disturbing within the confines of a likely trip
Convey a passage to be taken figuratively
By adult readers as they make up their own minds
About what may or may not have significance
Lease on life may be up soon
Continue evolving into something better
Join causes that seem to promote better interests
NO LOVE CAN BE PROVEN IN A LAB
For the love of a woman
A man will often do rather strange things
Making sense out of the past
Is often difficult to impossible to do
The work of your life may not even mean a thing
To the person you love most
Love never makes sense
Enjoy it, if you can
But don’t waste any time
Trying to understand it
You’ll lose
THE MAN IS IN CHARGE
Giving into an ordained system of power
Keeps the ruling class empowered
The working classes working
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
Notes and lyrics
Mentioned along with the improvisational friends
Getting a working class job like so many others
Have a shred of hope in a time and place
By living in wanderlust
A lot of folks live in loud desperation
A guaranteed way of death for far too many folks
RELEVANCE FOR THE LAST MONTH OR TWO
I can only make my work meaningful
Or I can continue to wait for no good reason
I’ve been hesitant to finish my final products
I know how many works already exist
Why I want to make mine exceptional
Have the courage to make what I’ve formed useful
I can continue to just watch
Or I can take risks to actually get involved with humanity
MY AFFAIR WITH MUSIC
There’s more amazing music
Than I’ll ever have time to listen to
That’s been made by hopeful humans
I believe music will always be relevant to my life
There’s a mysterious element in tunes
That touches people like me uniquely
But formal structures and processes
Can be studied for a lifetime
Without mastering any of them
I’ll try to enjoy whatever music I can
For as long as I can
THE UNIVERSE
There’s no cause and effect relationship with you and the universe. You ended up here, but the universe has no specific instructions. You have to create a voyage you find worthwhile if you can. But the universe appears to be indifferent to our little human activities.
No matter how hard I try, I seem to fail to understand everything in the universe.
The universe is big
And I’m small
But at least I’m tall
Compared to yall
The universe is the weirdest place I’ve ever been to.
The universe makes about as much sense as a god-awful b-film made to make money.
The universe plays cruel jokes every day, but humans are chastised for imitating their creator?
The universe is a vast place full of nearly endless mysteries, but some people still devote the bulk of the time of their life simply to making enough money to survive.
The universe has said nothing to me directly, which I figure gives me permission to do anything I can get away within it.
The universe is nearly impossible to dump while staying alive. Believe me, I’ve tried.
The universe may be cruel or a friend, but if it’s a friend now, it’s always a traitor in the end.
The universe seems to be mostly made out of elements that scientists claim not to be able to understand. Yet so many non-scientists seem to claim that they know a God is watching over all of us and has a specific purpose for everything in the universe.
The universe is more amazing than I can imagine. I’m still trying to understand the gift of potato chips.
If we have an appreciation for the universe, it’s odd that we focus so much time and energy squabbling about how to best live on this tiny planet.
The universe is probably indifferent to your greatest hopes, but on the plus side, your most ridiculous failures as well.
The universe is larger than I can understand. I don’t even get basic astrophysics.
Instead of trying to control the universe, maybe it’s wise to build a small fire and stay close to it.
Human actions may change things for a while on this planet, but we have a way to go before we prove to have much of an impact on the universe.
Despite the fact that the universe seems indifferent to me and my kind, I like hanging with it.
Despite the fact that the universe is indifferent to me now, I hope it’ll someday show me favoritism.
I think the worst drug I’ve ever been addicted to is the universe.
Someone is too ambitious if they’re unhappy until they control the universe.
It’s hard to believe that such a strange universe produces so many strange people who try so hard to achieve the failed quest to be normal.
In the grand scheme of the universe, it may not matter much to the human species whether you lived like a bum or royalty. But it’ll probably determine your opinion of how pleasant the universe is.
The universe is beyond my full understanding, but I still don’t want to automatically assume a magical invisible spirit being rules over all just because I don’t have every answer about the truth of the universe.
Admitting that the universe is often beyond comprehension is the first step towards being sane.
The universe has some great parts, but most of it offers little in the easy to access oxygen department.
The universe may be explored further by humanity, but we’ve still got tons of turmoil even on our small piece of the puzzle.
It’s possible that the most bizarre piece of the universe’s puzzle is our planet, but it might be just one of many twisted realities.
The universe isn’t going to wait for you. It’s got a journey of its own.
The universe is a grand place for people who accept that they only have a bit of time to enjoy its privileges before permanent expiration of membership.
The universe may be expanding, but I don’t want to risk property values in that part of reality.
The universe seems to have a few good things within it, but most of it’s hard for me to see.
The universe is only a friend if I like associating with people who give me nothing and are certain to eventually kill me. The universe is a temporary friend, but an eventual killer.
Although it’s probably good to be excited about some of the people, places, and things in your life, it’s possible that other people may want to focus on something else in the universe. So enjoy what you can, but never take your temporary life in this giant universe that eventually destroys us all too seriously.
AH, THE END
Settling into a new routine
Vital to getting loads
Be happy despite knowing
You hold a losing ticket in the end
What’s happened to the planet?
Righteous dignity
Four o’ clock blues
Figure in a change of plans
Or at least a change of pants
Desperation among us
That’s how humans are
Nothing key forgotten
But most little things
Move on to better days
New movie to be made
Bio by you yet again
FUNNY SONG
Well this song might not be as good as Beethoven
Or even as good as Bach
This tune might be just an all right one
Maybe not even as good as rock
But there’s one thing I know for sure
And if you don’t you suck
This simple song’s better than Hannah Montana
This stupid riff’s better than Lady Gaga
The worst shit I yell’s better than Britney Spears
If they make millions then so should I
They shouldn’t be heroes
Their music should die
If they’re worshipped
I should be bigger than Jesus
If the world was right I’d have billions
Buying tacky shit with my face on it
Oh my only dream left
Is to be better than mundane blond pop star
SERIOUS SONG
Too many babies are born
Not enough to eat
Too many pricks rise to power
Too few evolve for better
The whole world’s destined to die
And experience pain along the way
Grim reality for most
Hard to know what to do
In a world with so much uncertainty
Hard to be motivated
Knowing it all goes away
Since we only live for a while
Should try to enjoy the ride
Until it slips away
POETIC SONG
Rebellion in the timing and sense of the words
Jazz fusion plays in my mind
Better than the rest
It survives my test
Put in a guest
I’d like to request
A festive mood for a besting toad
Looting the riot stores
Capital idea James
The nicest guys on the planet
May not be able to help us all
It’s a shame we have to go
We were having such a lovely time
Wasting another Friday night
Sleeping and watching TV
Kicked my ass several times over
Life is nothing but a guess
Finish projects that matter
Commit to the end
A ripping guitar riff is unsettling
The times of life are puzzling
For the love of the work
For the love of craft
It pays to pay attention
To things that seem to matter
Never bother with garbage
Sax solos are far too short
Touched by a distant memory
Hoping to have some content
Without being pretentious
Table for four please
Love to have a look at those
Terrible ideas plague the species
Getting over quarterly losses
Bidding for the wrong team
Festival of the mind
Grocery store coupon deals
Meals on super fly wheels
Portions of proceeds go to me
Igniting a slight fire from within
Polite society can go to hell
Hubris is another word for asshole
Kicking and screaming all the while
Funk flares up joy in me
Dance til’ death
For the times we have
Never mind that grunge
Pot is going to be legal
Little will change
Decide what to do
Make the move
Live out loud
Or chill out quietly
Embrace all the good things
Resist the bullshit
Know how to do best
Right the wrongs
Write the songs
Loop the tape
Wear a cape
Be a hero
If you dare
If you care
Or wear the collar
Make a dollar
Go home
Watch TV
Pray for money
Lack the honey
Hope for better days
Refuse to change your ways
Life becomes a haze
Enjoy your laze
ANTI-RELIGION SONG
More than 100,000 people die every day
Abortions are nearly non-stop
Millions of people sick at any given time
And your God just watches
Not giving two shits
That’s either a sadistic God
Or a powerless one
Either way, count me out
I refuse to worship a loser or a prick
You should too
If humans are ever going to solve problems
We need a lot less prayer and a lot more work
Already obvious to rational people
Even supposed believers already know
Their god doesn’t really answer their prayers
They can hope for it
But they know God ain’t no genie
Or the people who pray
Have the worst prayers of all-time
Hey God, don’t worry about those starving children
How about giving me a raise?
Hey God, I trust it’s your will for thousands to die in war
Why not make this one guy with crutches at a revival meeting
Start doing the electric turbo breakdance?
Fuck all of the people who die if you want them to
I’d love for you to get the Vatican nicer stained glass
But it’s no wonder your God doesn’t care
How many human inventions care about human affairs?
SONG ABOUT ME
I’m twisted
Maybe more than them
I tried a few things
Failed miserably
And settled for the mundane
I accept some of my fate
But not when I’m getting fucked by assholes
At least I can tell them what they are
Even if it results
In me getting clubbed
And thrown into some nasty place
Beaten down for refusing to go along
With their corrupt plans
Life is funny
Serve the masters
Or live like a bum
Neither is a good idea
But might as well make a choice
There’s a huge difference
Between getting your ass kicked
And getting your ass kissed
Most prefer the latter
But is it worth it to kiss ass?
When you can just live on the outside?
YO
Create something funnier
Stare all alone
It doesn’t mean fortunes can’t improve
Leading a pack of wild wolves out of treasure troves
Creative sparks are all too often crushed to dust
By the studio system and sound bites on a whim
Making movies may not change the world
At least everyone who tries has a shot at glory
Give unto others something far better than a false savior
Listened to a lot of folks about how to live
Still don’t know what the best way to live is
No reason to believe anyone does
ACTING
Breaking character and saucy races
Argue about the alcoholic content of life
Terrible premise for a comedy stand-up bit
Thrills make it worth the pains
Church on top, street girl on the bottom
LOSS
No matter we do
We lose what we love
Eventually
It’s true for everyone
But we can fight
To get our lives
To count for a while
HOLD ON THERE TIGER
Dialogue exercises
Memorable trials
Clever twist to run well
Portioned out by the cosmos
Seemingly innocent
But rather paltry in outlook
Convey emotion
Appreciation for 80’s music
Negating a realistic approach
Rehearsal space of the apartment of life
Being live in Rome would be quite a feeling
Passed by twice as in travels
Vain and arrogant
Non-unions refuse to cross picket lines
Making a musical out of the mundane lives
Superior to the current “path”
THINGS SOME PEOPLE DEVOTE THEIR LIVES TO
God- No
Country- No
Family (creating one) - no
Raising children- no
Making a lot of money
Career worth having
Love is subjective, so enjoy it
A cause- Support many causes, do much more
TROUBLED WORLD
Pay for crimes against humanity
People who count themselves lucky
Forget about the past, unless it gives
Supreme pleasure in the present
Death of friends is never a good time
Trio of nothing more than a gifted program
It’ll only matter
If performed in front of others
In the right places
Create a product that can be purchased
Convince others that this is more worthy of their time
Than anything else in the music world
And the entire world
No small task
Don’t claim to have any expertise
Shouldn’t pretend to be a complete fool either
BITS OF WISDOM
Efforts aren’t a waste if we apply time and talents to help other people who fail in the battle against the universe.
Anyone up before 6 AM is either cursed or driven.
No matter what time it is, no matter what the temperature, no matter what day of the year\it is, someone in Chicago is running outside in shorts.
If you live in Chicago, even if you’re a conservative law abiding citizen, at least a few times a year you’ll come close to being killed by random traffic.
Many people are wise enough to give up way before struggling for years to find there are no permanent solutions to human problems.
Perhaps the things in life that are meant to be taken seriously only last for a while. Having a sense of peace or security, even temporarily, may only be a feeling that resides in humans for a brief moment.
Give up on perfection, aim for excellence. There is no way to be perfect. There are demonstrable ways to achieve excellence.
I HAVE TO DO ALL OF THIS?
I have to be willing to move on.
I have to be willing to let go.
I have to be willing to try in the real world.
I have to be full of integrity, but also know that I may have to compromise at times.
I have to be willing to do everything possible to live well and spend the rest
of my time being productive and earning a living.
I have to be more than I’ve been thus far in life.
I have to try harder for the ones I love, and for the ones who suffer who I don’t even know at this point.
I have to do better than I have thus far.
I have to contribute to parts of life that I believe are worthwhile.
I have to have courage and be willing to make up a point of life that’s meant to be inspiring.
I have to be a wonder in all that I do and say.
I have to relax and try to enjoy life as best possible.
I have to be a buzz kill and get a much worse type of life than anything else to make a format funny.
I have to be willing to explore the cave of the unknown with others who I want to participate with.
I have to try to be better than anything I am in the present.
I have to be an amazing person who does and says unique things that seem to matter more than anything else in life and make a row of differences in the way that I perceive reality.
I don’t actually have to do anything. I’d like to keep living, and keep living well. But I’m pretty damn sure that the universe is going to go on in its chaotic state, with or without me.
WAITING FOR THE GODS
Records show efforts
Not enough to count
Being a performer who is hated
May have a place in the world
Act with courage or life is going to tear you apart
Serve as an inspiration to creative sources
Create the ultimate wacky neighbor scenario
Make an impression on a world
Still searching for a hero or savior
MANAGE
Legends of yesterday
Had less than great moments
Examine heroes
Jimi Hendrix wrote songs about purple haze, depression, fire
Not all that meaningful
Jimi primarily chose his bass player
Because he “dug his hairstyle”
The Beach Boys recorded some bad songs
Love You is consistently annoying
Wilsons struggled with depression
Mike Love is a deuche bag
Jim Morrison was a drunken prick
Doors music after Jim died was forgettable
Lyrics like Father I want to kill you
Mother I want to (indecipherable yelling)
Hardly the stuff of genius
The Beatles sang about yellow submarines and holding hands
Got gimmicky suits and mop top haircuts to be more popular
My Grandfather and many like him believe The Beatles destroyed music
They made some silly, pointless movies
The Who’s Squeeze Box and Behind Blue Eyes aren’t treasures
Tenacious D may be a bit over the top at times
Weird Al resorts to childish food rhymes a lot
James Brown made a bad semi-rap album
James Brown made a disco album
Even brilliant people make some bad decisions
Do some things that are less than brilliant
Maybe even total shit
But the greats at their heights
Are the best humanity has to offer
FREEDOM?
The fruited plain and the fruited pains
A resurgence of ideas made by classic rock
Nowhere is a hard place to get a start
Perusal of contracts and contacts
Experience an emotional high
Receive formal credit for the jokes and notes
People are fucked in life
Even more fucked in death
The hopelessness of life
Far too few people are able to realize
No longer an acceptable solution to resolving conflict
Before the countdown ends temporary time
WHEN I THINK OF GRAN
Gran gave me an appreciation for good deals
Gran gave me an appreciation for good meals
Gran gave me a lot of good advice
Gran gave me a lot of good advice I too often ignored
Gran often hums a sweet tune
Gran often demands for Jim to be better
Gran does a million things with a lot of different people
Gran gave me an appreciation for travels to distant lands
Gran took me places like Florida and Burger King
Gran gave me a love of card games
Gran gave me honest opinions about life
Gran never knew a stranger
Gran made me realize it's important to live
Gran made me realize it's important to give
Happy birthday Gran! I'm sure you'll enjoy it.
JOKE OF LIFE
Abstract thoughts are overrated by critics
Besides the contact high, I don’t feel a thing
Contact your local lying leader, I mean congressman
Gold is not worth the price of having to work
Hire as many people as possible to work for you
Especially if you’re broke and have nothing to lose
Open your mind to the possibility of being wrong at times
Time is going to pass one way or another
So spend it doing what you like
Unless you’re a god
And you’re not
You don’t have the metaphysical answers
A lot of holy leaders claim to
We never believe unless we see evidence
Unless we’ve been indoctrinated into bullshit since birth
Excel at a part of life few people appreciate
Receive minimal rewards
Get good at something that distracts people from misery
You’ll profit like crazy
You’re nothing more than a collection of temporary cells
But you can make those cells do something better
Than watching sitcoms all day long
People tend to dislike more of the planet
Exponentially as they age
Vials of trials for boys and goys
Existing in the present universe is an odd gift
Living is experiences some joys between inevitable pains
THIS IS ART?
Making a desk out of
An American Medical Association poster
Is this qualifies as art these days?
We’re talking about some things
A common person could replicate
A half white and half red piece of painted art
Nothing special
A blank canvas and nothing written on it
“Conceptual” art videos that show nothing but a barn
This is nothing remarkable in any way, shape, or form
Yet somehow galleries keep displaying it
HOVER INTO DREAMS
You might be on to something kid
Making phone calls to old relatives
No longer home
Hanging on the gardens with architectural elements
Righteous duty in compliance with dollars and sense
Beheadings that are committed by the treasonous souls
Made out of the clay
Guarantee a higher yield of market value
Impression on the lost souls
Wander in and out of lives
Like so many fine grapes
Visit a far-away
Many fun sounds come from folks
Consumed by a culture that’s mad
Lead others in the magnificent miles of the world
Looking for a purer arrangement
A place of reckoning
Slice of pizza
Come across as a demented parody figure
Counseling cousins in suffering
May not be able to restore the life that they want
Days when we used to party with old friends
News and views of the oddballs
Trying so hard to produce something beautiful
Refuse to take appropriate risks
Rock and roll sessions to be compared
To the best sounds of all-time
A dynamite song
As I travel the universe
Or at least the extremely tiny portion
Of the cosmos that I’m able to experience
Thankful to folks who helped me out as I struggled in life
The entire damn time I lived
I just struggled in new and different ways
As I aged or become closer to broke
CUT THE SHIT
Level of mistrust is too heavy
Use of words to be turned into a trend
To be used among the youth
Or adults who think like youths
In a commercialized and whore-like nation of imbeciles
The hopes and dreams of a lost generation
Mapped out into a brighter generation
Maintained by a rigid brand of conformity
Creating a word of the mouth product
Craved by all the living
Nine minutes to determine an entire life is a lot to ask
Could be enough to send someone into ecstasy
Or a terrible place of mourning
How much money would one need
Before being able to really live the way they’d want to?
It depends on the individual
What they consider important
HISTORY MOVES FAST
Cool off to the tranquilizing options
We may be able to fight against
The terrible ideological evils of the world
But we have to define what they are first
Concepts that keep people down are arbitrary
The rush to beat the clock
Shouldn’t apply towards life itself
Far too many people would just have their existence end
Rather than deal with the pain of most of their moments
Experience heaven while putting other people through hell
Get to the point where they have
A recognized special skill
Built on the backs of peasant laborers
Who just want to earn enough to survive
To meet their immediate needs
Exploitation isn’t pretty
But it makes most of the world
Function as it does
Terrible tragedies of life
Are often overlooked
By people who witness
A perfectly calm seventy degree day
CAPITAL IDEA
Mutiny out of bills
Best pipes in the business
Mistakes one makes most accurately
Mark who they are
What they do with the rest of their life
Choose to make a lovely day
Out of a lounging around the house
All day long
Partake in the sweet fluids of life
PUSHED BY RADIO
Great rhythms rarely hit
Mainstream radio
Such garbage
It isn’t the best
The planet can offer better
Why play bad songs?
When we have so many good ones?
The greats don’t die
But they’re put on the shelves
So kids can hear the thoughts
Of a mindless blonde pop star
A phony thug from prep school
A fourth rate Billy Idol wannabee
A hick whining about women and dogs
The best of humanity is inspiring
But whatever that is
Is ultimately subjective
So focus on much better things
Than top 40 radio
A SONG ABOUT GREAT MUSICIANS
The pulse of life seems to flow through them
God, what a great tune
How can a human play like Hendrix?
James Brown makes my hair quiver
Marvin Gaye could tame a beast
Johnny Hartman did things
I didn’t know could be done
Stevie Wonder brings peace
Mahalia Jackson almost makes an atheist believe
AC/DC fires up the adrenaline
The Doors make you feel on drugs
The Who were unbelievably good
From ancient monk chants
To bad ass hip-hop made now
The best music has to offer
May be the best humanity leaves behind
A SONG ABOUT GREAT BOOKS
Perceptions of the world can change
When one reads the right books
They encourage questioning what we see
And what may be
I’d love to read all the time
But life gets in the way sometimes
Some of the best things humans do
Have little to do with movement
But are in a static object
Can be picked up any time
Flip a page and open the mind
You’ll be amazed
At what you can learn
Share with other wanderers
All too often lost
Confused about what matters
In the world filled with more books
Than anyone could ever read
Best to focus attention on
What seems best
Only problem is
Nobody knows what book is best
Guess you’ll just have to guess
Like everyone else
CREATIVE PEOPLE FAIL
Living in a fantasy camp of the mind
Being parodied may result in being offended
Or being approached with a unique joy in life
I’ve been quite lucky, and I have to push to make my lucky ass relevant
To count as influences, people should inspire you to actually do something.
Some of the worst ideas ever committed to film projects
Happened because some people still thought they were worth making
Ridiculous ideas are fun to laugh at
They serve as examples of how human projects can be off target
In reality nothing is like the vision some people want to be true
TUNE
The Notorious BIG is gone
But not forgotten by some people
Who still listen to 90’s rap
Open relationships can work
But not unless the people involved
Actually are cool with it
Parchesi is a fun game
But is less than brilliant at all times
Quarts are a strange unit of measurement
I try to avoid them
Rage against the machine should make a cameo appearance
On The Jonas Brothers sitcom
Because it would probably confuse or piss off
Fans from both camps
Stuffing is overrated for a holiday food
But doesn’t make it to the menu many other times of the year
Tribes are disappearing at the same rate
As mega-malls are going up
Ugly people hate the beautiful ones
But envy them like hell.
Veto all laws made by politicians
Wheat products are usually healthier than white
But 10 pound cheeseburgers served on wheat
May still be rough to consume in one sitting
The truth of life is often hard to find. Perhaps we’d be better off focusing on living well instead of always worrying about truths that are beyond the realm of human capability.
SONG- WRITE A BLUES SONGS FROM THIRD WORLD PERSPECTIVE BUT HUMOR
Oh man, I’m so down
Living in the third world
I got no money
I got no job
I see people dyin’
Ain’t no food around
Some war lord is killing
Some young kid is robbing
Some mother is crying
Ain’t no hope around
It’s the same in Rwanda
It’s the same in Tibet
It’s the same in Brazil
It’d the same in Tikrete
Ain’t got no cash
Might not even live
Can’t someone help us
Something gotta give
Third world blues
Things are real tough
Don’t want to hear bullshit
Bout how you got it rough
Yeah that’s some bullshit
To think you got it rough
PARODY SONG- NEW YORK - CHICAGO
Chicago
Some fat guys will remind you
There’s nothing you can do
Chicago
The Mayor’s super corrupt now
Life his father before him
JOKES- NEWS JOKES
The funny thing about the news is that it never really changes. Just about every news broadcast since I’ve been alive has been: Good evening. I’m blank from blank station news. Our top story, some depressing event meant to instill fear while captivating you to feel the need to watch the rest of our show. Next we have national news, which informs you of all the grand tragedy that takes place in the nation you live in. But your fill in the blank leaders are debating about the best way to reform policies. In local news, this part of your town is going to shit. But don’t worry, there are some good things in the world Distractions like music, movies, and sports should be able to take over your mindset enough to calm you down from the fear we’ve installed into you. But just in case that’s not enough, here’s a fluff piece about an animal who with a wacky talent. That will put a nice cherry on top of the fear based news sundae we just fed you. Good night. Make sure you tune in tomorrow, and every day for the rest of your lives, even though we pretty much churn out the same repetitive shit each night.
SCRIPT IDEAS- a robot dog that has an idiot human partner solving mysterious crimes together
A TOTAL HACK WRITER WITH A REPUTATION hires nobodies who are brilliant to churn out “his” material
SONG IN STYLE OF
Hendrix
There must be a life worth living
I want to find it before death
I have to scream and cry out
In the world while I can
Nothing could stop me
Except for awful dying
I have to keep on trying
Before I get to dying
Death is a thief
It robs us all
Death is a grief
Takes away yall
Beach Boys
I’m a pebble in the sand
Being kicked by the wind
Going nowhere special
Just around for a bit
I’ll be swallowed by the sea
Tossed around by waves
Don’t know where I’m going
But no pebbles do
Weird Al
I was brushing my teeth on Mars
When I got an idea for cars
I thought that maybe I should leave right then
But I wanted more oxygen
I had to struggle to go back in time
I had a new car on my mind
I’ve been waiting far too long
If I can afford to brush my teeth on Mars
I should afford myself a brand new car
I could drive a Lexus and be happy
Or maybe a limosine
I can’t wait to get back to Earth
I’ll drive whatever I want
I’m so lucky I just can’t wait
To get back from this Mars space race
Yeah!
They Might Be Giants
Give me a drink
I don’t want to think
I want to suck down
Some liquid
I need a drink right now
I’ll drink anything I can
I’ll drink a drink from Japan
I’ll drink a drink with a man
I’ll drink a drink from a can
I need a drink right now
Drinking makes me happy
Drinking makes me sappy
Drinking makes me silly
Drinking makes me hillbilly
I want a drink right now
Drink with me
Drink for free
Drink it up
Drink my cup
I want a drink right now
B-52’s
I watched some videos
They call it YouTube
I really like it
It’s funny stuff
Raps from Transformers
Amazing soccer goals
Clips of TV shows
It’s got it all
Songs from across the galaxy
Movies from the 80’s
Stupid clips of famous folks
Crazy pets doing tricks
People are just wacky
Make no sense at all
I think I’ll watch them on YouTube
And have myself a ball
Oingo Boingo
Use your brain
It helps out
Life sucks less
When you think
Brains are good
Have good thoughts
Love your mind
It’s super
Brains for you
They kick ass
Brains can help
You live in an intelligent manner that brings consistent benefits to a rewarding, productive, and pleasurable lifestyle
Talking Heads
Going out
It can be quite a thrill
I want to go and have some fun
I feel great
Taking off into the night
I bet a good time will go down
Come on
Come join me going out
Come on
We’ll dance drink and shout
Cream
In the Earth
There are wicked fool
They make the rules
That lord over us
We must fight back
We must resign
Comforts over freedom
Unless we’ll die
There’s nothing to say
We have to act
Trouble is upon us
Time to attack
Marvin Gaye
The world’s full or problems
The world’ full of pain
How can we escape it?
Sunny days turned to rain
We all need help brother
We need to be strong
I don’t know how to get
All yall to get along
Trouble tends to find us
And we all have die
It’s no wonder so many crazies
For a little money they lie
Trouble in front of us
Trouble always behind
Got to find something good
Before we all die
Stevie Wonder
My lovely lady
You are looking real fine
My lovely lady
We should sip some fine wine
My lovely lady
We should dance until they dawn
My lovely lady
I’ll love you til the day I’m gone
We will take a trip to
The exotic place that you love
We will have some joys in
A pleasant view from above
My love will never end
My joy will always be here
My love I will send
A lovely song for you to hear
Motown
I love you baby
I think you love me
I love the life we have
I love the times we have
Let’s keep on loving
Loving all the time
Loving’s the best idea
That we’ve ever had
Love me forever
You know I’ll love you
Love stands the test of time
Love will take us through
Love is the greatest feeling
Greatest feeling of all
Love is the mighty force
Love means all
The O Jays
I love you in the morning
When you wake up so gently
I’ll caress you
I’ll whisper into your ears
I’ll massage you into the morning light
Wake up my beautiful lady
The day waits for you
Spread your sunshine to the world
Give the day a gift
P-Funk
Funky days are upon us
Funk reins from above
The holiest funk around
Commands you to get down
Move, groove, shake that ass
Shake whatever body parts you can
Shake until you’re an old man
Time to get down
Time to get funky
Time to move round
Time for living funky
James Brown
Get to the beat
Get to the heat
Feel it in your soul
Feel the rhythms roll
The beat lives inside you
The beat is oh so sweet
Music is the gift of life
Makes everything all right
Al Green
Hey there girl
Been thinking about you
Missed you so much
You’re the reason I live
I just want to be with you
As long as we can
I’ll give it all for you
We can make life grand
Sex Pistols
Don’t look at me
I don’t need your bullshit
Don’t give a damn
I think you’re a wanker
Go to your fancy school
Go to your fancy house
I hate all of your kind
You think you’re better than us
Rules are all non-sense
Live how you want
Go to hell to the system
Go to hell with you all
Clash
I don’t get this big world
I don’t get it at all
I don’t know why we’re all here
It makes no sense at all
I’ll go out into the world
I’ll do what I can
But I’ve failed to get it
I just don’t know why we’re here
Maybe no one does
Maybe it doesn’t matter
Life is going to get to me
As long as I stick around
Beatles
Float the circles of your mind
The answers are waiting for you
The life can be divine
If you circle within your mind
Give the world a better way
Don’t let life pass you by
Unlock the powers of mind
Watch the world start to shine
Led Zeppelin
March to the beat of the rock n’ roll
Where loonies cry and big men go
I will be a god
I will win
I will spin
I’ll go and take over
All we want
All we are
We will become if we push through
Yeah!
Buddy Guy
Stuck in this town
It’s not looking good
Got nowhere to go
Nothing to see
Just trying to get some bread
So I can get out
But I got my doubts
Might be here again
Motley Crue
I did a lot of drugs
I did a lot of rock
I kicked a lot of ass
I took over whole towns
But now I have to settle down
Unless I can still rock
Forget about settling down
I’d rather die rocking
The world is going to love
My awesome leather pants
Who doesn’t love
The way I sneer and shout
I’m so awesome
I’m so all-time great
I will crush the pretenders
And rock for all my life
Black Sabbath
Leaving town, not coming back
All I got is my backpack
Going away, going for good
Have to fight to live in this world
Walking through the dark of night
Heard a sound in awful fright
Saw a flash of light that passed
Got sick of wandering at last
Nirvana
I don’t like the way things are
I don’t like stupid guitars
I hate everything I see
I don’t want this world to be
Stupid world stupid games
Stupid life stupid hate
I don’t want to live like this
I don’t want to miss
Tenacious D
Rock is the king of all
Bow down before you lord
Nothing is so powerful
As the sound of rock and roll
It will crush your puny gods
It will destroy your silly cash
It will laugh at your powerful leaders
It will kick the army’s ass
Rock is the mother of all
And the father of all too
Rock is the only thing that makes life worth living
Rock is the greatest gift to all
Rock forever
Rock can never die
Rock will outlast the cockroaches
And all of space and time
ROCK, ROCK, ROCK
Prince
I don’t know if I’m a dude or a chick
I look a little like both
I like to sing like a chick
But my speaking voice is deep
I confuse even my relatives
But people find me sexy
Doesn’t matter that I’m short
Doesn’t matter that I’m weird
Doesn’t matter that I’m getting older
People still find my super-sexy
They should build me a museum
I am the greatest of all-time
I’m the only king and queen of music
My royal legacy lives on for eternity
In the name of the blessed one
Superfunkybadassedlovaamen!
Jackson 5
I look into your eyes
I want you to take me back
Call me at home and tell me so
I want you to make me right
I want you to hold me tight
Call me up and take me back
I love the thought of us again
We’ll be so happy and then
We’ll get married and have some kids
Loving you
Is best for sure
Call me up
And ask me so
Curtis Mayfield
Brother down the block
He’s selling that rock
Trying to get ahead
But might end up dead
Fearing for his life
Might have to use his knife
To get a bit more cash
His life has become trash
So sad to see a brother down
Many brothers like him in town
Why is the man still around
Let’s get to keeping him down
One more brother dying trying
No more brothers lying and crying
Let’s stand up and fight back
The man better watch his back
Isaac Hayes
Who’s the white trash hick who’s ignored by all the chicks?
Mike
He’s damn right
Who is the man that would risk his neck for no other man?
Mike
What a bitch
The Who
I went into town
I bought a few pints of whisky
I sucked them down
And went back to my hotel room
I blew the shit out of everything I saw
I crashed a limo in the pool
I partied into the night yet again
I heard the hotel will ban us for life
I’d like to see them try to ban
The friends of our lunatic drummer
I must admit, perhaps we went too far
But who cares when we play this good
We should destroy what we want
Nobody cares if rock stars are dicks
We can do whatever we want
The Doors
You are going to die
Nobody really knows why
Why we’re here at all
Your life is passing to a crawl
Life is nothing but a flash
Universe tosses out our ash
We all have to pay the price
The harsh demands of life
No
MAKE A TUNE
MAKE IT GOOD
MAKE IT LOUD
MAKE IT FOOD
I want to live well
Not go to hell
But I think I might
Just for dyin’
Live life and fuck death.
To get much more amazing things to happen in the best ways that could provide significance and meaning to a lot of
LIFE BEATS ALL DOWN
Life is unpredictable
Wise humans do all they can
To live well
In spite of all the awful problems
Everyone eventually faces
Reality is often an enemy
Creative forces help to cope
But no one is able to win the fight
Life is a losing cause
You aren’t going to beat the universe
Too big of an opponent
But you can go the distance
Put up a glorious fight
Do some things that make your life
A better fight to watch
For other poor saps\
Who are also destined
To get their asses kicked
By the angry brute force
The one we all face in the end
The bully named the universe
DAMN DEATH
Death waits for few folks.
I have to focus on death again.
Death- permanent, forever, goodbye
Death is going to leave us all in the same way.
Death is the only thing we have in common.
Death should motivate you to live.
Death is a laughing matter for the right kind of person.
JOYS OF LIFE
Music- I’ve listened to an incredible amount of music that I find to be impressive. I’ve learned how to play guitar at a decent level, can play a bit of harmonica, and can sing inconsistently. I’ve enjoyed being able to write songs, and even though it’s hardly been stellar, I’m glad I’ve had chances to perform songs.
Books- I’ve written a few, but never made a serious effort to get them published. No time like the present.
Movies- I’ve written a few, but delayed like hell in doing anything with film.
Comedy- I’ve performed a bunch, but been rather lazy about consistently striving towards any one way of life that could always be built into a wonderful production.
Sex- Glad I’ve had it.
Art- Glad I’ve made some and witnessed even more.
Travel- Glad I circled the world, but also glad I’m with the lady I have.
Sports- Glad I played a bunch and watched a bunch.
Games- Glad I played a bunch and watched some being played.
Philosophy- Glad I read a bunch and have been able to realize that none of them can be proven correct.
Science- Glad I’ve dabbled, but have never made a valuable contribution to science.
Food- Glad I’ve eaten well and learned a bit about how to cook.
Clothing- Glad I’ve had clothes to wear
Shelter- Glad I’ve been fortunate to have nice places to live in
THERE HAS TO BE A POINT
If you don’t live for a purpose
You do nothing at all
The people who try harder
Manage to do some good
Before they die
And pass away into nothing
The people who live passionately
Experience good times and rewards
The best parts of life
Make the ride worth struggles
But pain comes to all
Death comes to all
DON’T BE GENERIC
Have some balls
Say something unique
Be a bit different
There’s no way to be like them
You have to be something new
Might as well make it great
You can be better than that
You can be amazing in your own way
Even if you fuck up sometimes
That’s all part of life
So start living it
LEARN TO ADVERTISE
Mass marketed bullshit of the times we live in
Roam to lands and places that make more sense
Designing a vast array of cartoon programs
Created to serve as a temporary joy for children
Who watch and want the toys
Ads carter towards primitive human whims
Seem to exist in nearly all children of every tribe
Recognize shifting priorities
Offer a great deal more commercial value
Intrigued by the theatrics of fooling people
Into coughing up cash to make amends
For the utter destruction of ideas they hate
EXCELLENCE
Ways to begin achieving a higher level of excellence:
Point out inconsistencies within the systems of power that are currently supported.
Make continual efforts to try to be a decent person, even if I’m uncertain about the truth of a large amount of matters in life.
Make continual efforts to grow, and attempt to change in positive ways.
Accept others imperfect efforts if they’re making genuine attempts to grow.
Push to make money.
Push to create something useful and honest that can reach others.
Do my best to present a better way of life to others.
Stand up for my most genuine beliefs, and push forward at all times.
Refuse to continue to accept a mundane lifestyle.
Hendrix- All Along the Watchtower, Manic Depression, Castles Made of Sand
Psychadleic, blues riff, colors, imagination, something mundane to sell a corporate product
Beatles- My top 5
I am the walrus something extremely practical, dear insurance- prudential, Norwegian god, a day in the life of hell, or a mundane life, tomorrow never knows could be a ridiculous ad
Beach Boys- In my Room, Til I die, California Girls
In my room is a bunch of shit, almost nobody in the world would get a til I die parody- unless I made it an original- I’m tiny and a piece of shit compared to a much larger universe. Ohio girls, some other type of ethnic girls
Doors- Light My fire, LA woman, riders on the storm
Something trippy and something describing the passion of an amazing place
They Might Be Giants- Don’t let’s start, Dr. Worm, Instanbul
Something mundane
James Brown- Sex Machine,
Rhythmic funk
B-52’s
The weirdest topic in the world, combined with over the top yocals
Weird Al
A parody to end all parodies
Tenacious D
Rock gods run amuck
The Who
Power chords and smashing instruments, banging the hell out of the drums, dull guy on bass
Marvin Gaye
Picturesque beauty or awful urban plight
Stevie Wonder
Tuneful and soulful nice political statements, let’s all unite as one
Cream
Crazy trippy blues shit
Talking Heads
Mundane made surreal
Oingo Boingo
Abrasive over the top offensive to idiot lyrics
Nirvana
Glib view of reality
Black Sabbath
Let’s scare the hell out of the world with a loud thunder
Motley Crue
Rock is awesome
AC/DC
Rock will never die
Led Zeppelin
Creative use of words and simple imagery aligns well with getting more amazing things to happen
TV and movie theme songs
Zany madcap quick and memorable bits about a program
Motown
Commercial love tunes meant to be simple yet sweet
Surf Tunes
Largely instrumental or consisting of beach party lyrics
World Music
A whole range of non-English sounds that are taken for granted by far too much of the world
LYRICS WITH NO MEANING
The end seems near
Too soon I fear
I never had a chance
The world was too strong
I didn’t get along
The pricks always win
Despite all their sin
I can’t believe I lost
The sea of life tossed
Me around like a stone
I was left all alone
Waiting to die
Final goodbye
TOO MUCH TROUBLE
The life that I lived
Is over now
I listened to a bunch of folks
But never did shit
Can’t do that anymore
Or else I’ll fucking die
I’m not a kid anymore
I have to make rent
Sad that’s my only goal
Just to avoid being homeless
Even that’s a struggle
Because I was a bum
Too bad I was a dipshit
Another ant flushed down the drain
Another wasted brain
Team humanity going down
Team humanity’s still around
But not for long
Universe is collecting dues
THE MEANING OF LIFE?
I don’t think there is a meaning of life
Just some ways to live better
And some that really suck
But none of it can be proven
To have meaning for all
I know a few things I like
And a few others do
But that doesn’t mean shit
Unless you want it to
I dig music
So do a lot of other folks
But not always
I’d be fine if music were eliminated
From the entire universe
If all we had was that awful
Country line dancing shit
But millions seem to like it
And I can’t prove em’ wrong
But I can make fun of them
All fucking day and night long
A NEED TO CREATE
Is there any point to creating
If one never shares shit
The best things in the world
Won’t mean much if they sit
In some dank shoebox
Seen by no one
But how many people trot out non-sense
And act like it is the greatest
Just because they made it
A bunch of delusional morons
Is it better to slave without knowing
If your work is great or shit
Or to hide away anything you do
Guaranteeing a non result
LEARNING
The world is big
The universe even bigger
You are small
You are limited
You have to decide
How to spend time
Before it uses you up
There’s tons to learn
But you only get to know a bit
Better choose fast
Before your ass is toast
What do you love most?
No time to know that
No time to form a test
Guess what may be the best
Learn a bit about it
Before your life is shit
EXPERIENCE
You can read about it
But it ain’t the same
You can watch a movie
But that’s not even close
You can hear stories
But that’s nothing like living it
Get off your ass
Or onto it if that’s the dream
Better do what you can now
Enjoy life while you can
Your precious time is limited
Better do what counts now
Before you pass away
MY MORTALITY FRIGHTENS ME
I’m afraid to die
I guess I always was
But I used religious lies to cope
But now I can’t believe that shit
I’m not exactly old
But not exactly young
I know that my body could crap out
Even if I play by the rules now
So what should I do knowing
No matter how hard I try
No matter what I do
I’m going to have to die?
THE END OF THE SITCOM ROAD
16 million viewers don’t lie
How could my sitcom die?
Oh Lord, how I tried
So many network execs lied
So many loyal fans cried
The end is here, wacky neighbor go home
Unemployment is here, Crazy Buddies is done
CREATIVE NEED
The world needs no more songs
But they’re nice to have
The world needs no more books
But they’re nice to have
The world needs no more movies
But they’re nice to have
Perhaps selecting a non-essential potential profession
And being less than professional about it
Has led to amazingly bad results
Another lesson for another day
Perhaps most of the time of life is meant to be joyless
For most of the people who’ve ever lived
Emotional states are to be recovered
Better times may be ahead
The losses and the marks of life
Make a difference in the end
Move forward and act with courage
Poetry does little to nothing to convince others
A better way exists
But the imagery that provides joys
May mean little in the end
Sacrifice for something meaningful
Quit doing things that matter none
Make the compromises needed
To live how you want to
Enjoy what you can
Embark on a new mission
Set up a better way of life
Pay the rent
Don’t become spent
Hustle for what counts
Make life worth living
Make a passionate cry
Make an inspiring try
Open the mind and heart
Life should be fantastic
But it often isn’t
Get over tragedies
Get more power to live
THOUGHT AND ACTIONS
I’ve thought about what matters a great deal
Maybe nothing at all
But it seems that
whatever we decide counts matters
Up to us to choose
We can’t control the universe
But we largely determine
The quality of our lives
Stop making no sense
Do what counts
Don’t wait any longer
Do what counts now
BEACH BOYS
The universe is big
I’m so small
Adrift in the sea
Going where the wind blows
The wave will swallow me
Take me down under
Become one with the water
While it takes me away
DOORS
Madness sets in the midnight hour
The power of words evokes my mind
Tranquility escapes me again
Acting as a channel for the universe
Corners of my mind bend and shake
The strangest trip of all
Contained within the mind
Nothing can settle me now
I have to rock right now
Let the music simply take over
Lose control while making life happen
Into another place in space
Forgetting the troubled past
Ready to move forward
By living in the now
BEATLES
Counterpunch with the Beach Boys
We can do better than that
Listen for inspiration
A change to be the best
A chance to do what’s never been done
Through an interwoven pop album
Check out all the psychedelic celebrities
We’ll have the fans at our feet
Nothing could be better
Than the products of our minds
Let it flow with joy and focus
Creating the magic of life
Inspire the youths of today
And tomorrow as it happens
It really didn’t know in the end
Two of us still left
Hope the joy crusades
In humanity for eternity
SIMON AND GARFUNKEL
I’m going to go home
It’s been a long time
I have hope in my heart
I see Ma in my mind
Maybe lil’ sis will be around
Brother Drew and I will hit the town
Not a thing changed since I left
Same old folks doing the same
Kids playing in the yards
People cruising for a good time
Summer nights and BBQ’s
Swimming pools and little league
Middle American paradise
Full of alcoholics and Christians
Full of cornfields and county fairs
Man it takes me back
Glad to get back once in a while
I really should make time once in a while
MOTLEY CRUE
WILD SOBER DAYS
Partying was a lot of fun
But we’re older now
That shit could actually kill us
That shit would actually kill us
Time to stay sober
But still time to rock
Time to grow up a little
But still time to rock
We aren’t saying kids shouldn’t
But older guys should quit
They look ridiculous doing that shit
Maybe time to settle down
You don’t have to be boring
But you aren’t 16
Maybe find a hobby
You don’t have to be like Ozzy
Living like him would kill most
Lucky you're still around
Enjoy your new pace of life
While you’re still above ground
PRINCE
Funky feeling about you girl
You look at me the same
You turn my on like lightbulbs
I want more than that
I want you forever
We’ll rock the world tonight
We’ll keep going for life
We’ll burn amber bright
I love everything about you
You’re the one for me
I want to see into your soul
Only you can make me whole
We’ll never be apart
We can be the greatest lovers
We have to right now
I want you forever
We’ll rock the world tonight
We’ll keep going for life
We’ll burn amber bright
WEIRD AL
I was cruising on my segway in the middle of Mars
When I had thoughts of hacky sacks and candy bars
The biggest thing ever since sliced bread
Only existed then inside my head
Oh my lanta I have to write this down
This could save humanity or at least my town
The greatest idea that a human’s ever had
Nothing about it could be considered bad
Oh how rich I will be
Oh if only my parents could still see
I will be a hero for eternity
I will live forever oh so pleasantly
My new idea will save billions
My new idea will make all millions
No more pain and no more death
Things are going to be all right now
Nobody has to worry ever again
My idea will bring heaven on Earth
And anywhere else we want to go
But oh no!
I don’t have a pen or paper
I hope I remember my idea later
THE WHO
You are a sinner
You’re terribly wicked
You should be repenting
You’re awfully evil
Where is your shame?
Why are you immoral?
You deserve eternal hell
You’ll burn forever
You aren’t forgiven
You wicked sinner
You aren’t forgiven
You evil pagan
You aren’t forgiven
Someday you’ll fry
THE TEMPTATIONS
I want to see a better world
But I’m troubled by what I see
I can’t deal with all the pain
Hard to see in the world today
I want to have a peaceful world
That gives a beautiful life
But I see so many struggling
Makes me wonder why
Things don’t have to be so bad
But we’ve given up hope
I feel for the ones who live with pain
But I can’t cure everyone
I’m no messiah
I’m not even a doctor
But I want to help a few
Before I end up just like them
THE O JAYS
Help me out brother
We can make things better
We don’t have to pray
We can work together
To do something for ourselves
Through the troubles
Through the pain
We’ve got each other
To make it through the strain
We can make life better
It’ll be all right
Forget about the whining
Let’s work to evolve today
TALKING HEADS
I see a man across the room
He’s looking at me strangely
I don’t know what to make of it
Maybe he wants some change
Maybe he’s selling papers
Perhaps he’s a crazy train
Why did I ride the subway?
I could’ve taken the bus
Don’t know if that’d be better
This guy is still looking at me
Maybe I look like a friend
Maybe I look like his barber
I guess I could talk to the guy
But that would be too easy
I’d rather guess about him
If he comes and talks to me
I’ll have to say something
I guess I’ll start with hey
And improvise from there
Sure that settles it
Wait he’s looking at another guy
I guess he wasn’t that into me
B-52’S
Earth is a strange place
But not as strange as space
I just want to know my place
On Earth or outer space
I look to the skies for answers
But they don’t have none
I look to the ground for clues
But they don’t have none
I don’t know where else to look
I can’t walk to outer space
I can’t swim the entire ocean
But I have to have a place
I can’t be adrift in space
I asked for some kind of sign
But all I saw was stop
And a little bit of yield
But I can’t stop
And don’t want to yield
I want to go
I want to grow
I want to live
I want to give
Please just tell
Where I’m supposed to be
Then I’ll be happy
And live with joy
Just like a boy
In the strange place
Of Earth and space
OINGO BOINGO
I’m such a weirdo
I don’t really care
I just want to laugh at life
I have to be this way
I want to leave my home
I want to see the world
Maybe there’s people like me
In another place and time
But maybe not
I might be all alone
I want to hang with other weirdos
They really make me laugh
I think they’re out there somewhere
But not in my mundane town
I have to set out on my own
They’re in the cities
Unless movies and TV lie
The numbers are in my favor
Too many people to be normal
I think cities would make most crazy
So that’s where I’ll go
To find my weirdo tribe
CREAM
Getting free
Never die
I want to fly
And see in God’s eyes
I know I can
Take control
The story’s flowing
I’m growing bold
I see the golden light
I see it shines for me
Embrace the blissful feeling
That lives inside me
I feel the Earth
Rock and roll
I want to rock
Along with it
I feel nothing but love
Ecstasy from above
And some from below
Nothing can top this
Best I’ve ever felt
Limbic system in overdrive
The wonders of this life
I know I’ll love this moment
As long as I embrace sunshine
The time of life is now
No need to look back
Visions of unbridaled beauty
Will be with me forever
MARVIN GAYE
Overcome the struggle
Do all that you can
You might lost the battle
But you have to give it your all
Heroes are willing to fight
For what they believe is right
Life is too important to dismiss
You have to stand for right
No time left to waste
There’s too much violence
Power hungry madmen
Kill too many poor
If we’ve really evolved
Why’s there still war?
Grow into something better
Before your time runs out
Natural to have doubt
There’s some scary stuff
But visions of what could be
Should inspire you and me
We can create a better world
But it ain’t gonna be easy
Get ready to do what counts
The trouble mounts
What will you do?
Before you’re through?
HENDRIX
Playing my heart on my guitar
Makes me fell real good
I know that I’m a guitar god
I can feel it in my mood
I have business to tend to
I know I’m all around
The main thing is to be a hero
Nobody can touch me at all
The rocking never stops
I have to kick ass
The tangent is never over
Being your mind
The reasons are all excited
There are thieves of the night
Life is just a joke
The people who know
We have a fate to face
It might not be amazing
Better live while you can
Because you can’t stay amazing
Life is to be lived son
Make it count right now
You’ll live in regret if you don’t
Try to make a mark somehow
The passion of life is stirring
The greats speak through songs
The only way to live out loud
For the ones who bow down
The greats teach much to those who listen
You have to open your mind
Ignore all the bullshit
And focus with your time
The wind was howling with laughter
You never really know why
Time to stand-up and be great
Live out loud while you can
To beat the winds of time
LED ZEPPELIN
You leave me
You leave me yet again
I got less than nothing
You took off with what little we got again
I don’t get you baby
I try and try and try
I never get anywhere without you
I have to wonder why
But then you up and leave me
Leave me with even less
It’s all just a guess
I still think you’re the best
But you rip my heart straight out
I’m left full of doubt
You tear me apart inside
Left me again just to die
PINK FLOYD
Tripping on a cloud
In the bright blue sky
Not a care in the world
No reason why
Living is so easy
Trying is too hard
Thinking about tomorrow
Never know what goes by
Men are sometimes baffling
They don’t always know why
The difference in the ways
Is enough to count for then
Vague ideas of the mind
Plague my troubled species
Staring at the walls
While hoping to conquer Earth
JAMES BROWN
YEOW!
Feel funky funk yall
Funk is the best
Funk will heal all wonds
Funk is the best
Funk redeems you
Funk will lift
Funk makes dreams for you
Funk solves rifts
Funk it up
While you still can
Funk it up
Like a good man
Funk for ladies
No discrimination
Funk for babies
Across the nation
Funk for people
Is just right
Funk for aliens
Funk in flight
Funk it up
Funk forever
Funk through life
Funk is heaven
CURTIS MAYFIELD
Super pimp
You are the man
You don’t take no lip
You are a hero to all the manly men
Who beat up their bitches
Hard to get why all men ain’t pimps
The money is oh so good
The hours could be improved
But it’s all part of being the best
Got to get the rest
That hoe’s money is yours
You don’t bust some ass
You gonna be real poor
Pimp that bitch like Microsoft
See that shit everywhere
Anyone who ain’t a pimp
Ain’t nothing at all in this world
Pimp until the day the man caps you
Pimp all night and day
Pimp unless the man takes you
Pimpin’ is the only way
To the pimp gods I pray
Motherfuckin’ amen
TEMPTATIONS
It’s so pretty
I’m feeling good
Life is so wonderful
In my neighborhood
Embrace the day
It’s so sweet
Grab your best girl
Time to eat
The fruits of pleasure
Wine is flowing
Life is a treasure
The sky is glowing
Life can be so grand
You have to take a stand
Make your own life bliss
A never ending wish
SHAFT
Who’s that lanky white boy
who scares no one?
Mike
He’s a damn bitch.
Who is that wuss who lived at home til he was 25?
Mike
He’s a piece of shit.
Who is that punk who went broke in his thirties?
Mike
He’s so pathetic
Who was dismissed from a non-paying intern gig by a guy he barely knew via email?
Mike
What a loser.
Who is the man who never did a thing to help out anyone?
Mike
What a selfish prick.
They say this guy Mike is a completely worthless
Oh yeah.
I’m talking about a guy you never heard of
And that’s probably a good thing.
This fool Mike spent years doing nothing
Now it’s biting him in the ass
What an idiot.
If you see him kick him the shins
All right
Or maybe a nice smack to the head Koleno style
I will
Fuck it, he might not even be worth the energy
Good point
Maybe just let him die
Sounds good
Fuck you Mike
Fuck you Mike
TENACIOUS D
We are completely over the top
Just to sell some stupid songs
We’re both fat and old
But our world is so bereft of good entertainment
You may actually find us interesting
I’ll reference an aging rocker
I’ll say that they were a god
But now it’s time for them to hand over a non-existent rock crown
Over to us
Even though we’re not that great
We’ll make a reference to hell
You’ll think we’re rebellious
Even though Warner Brothers backed us
To the tune of millions
We have no social significance
Just some silly bragging tunes
Not even funny if we were 14
But 44 even worse
But we’ll take your money
Thank you very much
You can go to hell now
Or back to your Mom’s basement
We’ll go to Malibu
Get high and eat buffets
Laugh on The Tonight Show
And celebrate American stupidity
The mindless fans of rock
Thanks again
NIRVANA
I’m so alienated
And so are you
Maybe we can be alienated together
And we’ll alienate with a few
We’ll alienate the rich kids
We’ll alienate the jocks
We’ll alienate the teachers
We’ll alienate the cops
Then we’ll make some alienated friends
Get them to speak out
Then we’ll sell out Madison Square Garden
With our alienated flock
We’ll be alienated on MTV
We’ll alienate for cash
We’ll alienate from liberty
Then we’ll all be alienated at last
ACDC
We’ve only got one song
Done 278 different ways
All of our fans know it
Hell, even a kid would
But we made this one song real good
Rocking forever so we don’t have to change it
Trashy blues rock is best
Listen to our singer squeal
The drum beat is rather consistent
And I think there’s some bass in there somewhere
We have a formula for success
We won’t deviate even a little
We know what we are
A rock band with rocking guitar
Maybe we’ll dress like schoolgirls
That would mean a lot
Maybe we’ll have a member die
We’ll replace him with a robot
Who looks and acts just the same
Quite predictable but never lame
We’ve conquered the rock game
All rock fans and songs should be the same
BLACK SABBATH
Satan isn’t so bad
He may have helped us with our band
We’ve made millions of dollars
Because people think we worship him
We really don’t
But he’s nice enough to leave us alone
He hasn’t even taken one penny
If Satan supports us
It’s a mystery to us
He hasn’t even joined our fan club
But we love his fans
They pretend to be dangerous rebels
But they usually just drink and pay 100 bucks a ticket
To hear our loud rock music from decades ago
Hey, whatever works
Whether it be ripping off people with Jesus or Satan
If you want to give up your cash
To get a little Satanic thrill
Be our guest
If being on Satan’s team on Earth gets tips like this
Sign me up for eternal hell
WORLD MUSIC
Believe it or not, other countries make music too
It isn’t just the U.S. and England
There’s great music all over the world
In fact, nearly all of it is better than the Billboard charts shit
But you’ll never hear it
If you don’t bother to listen to others not on radio
Give it a shot
It’s a big planet
Maybe the Chinese have a few good musicians
Out of more than a billion
Perhaps India has something to say
They’re over a billion now too
The Middle East has some great grooves
Don’t count out the soulful tunes of Africa
Hey South America might be fun too
Europe is bigger than the UK
Check out shit from Macedonia
They Aussies rock out all the time
Even without ACDC
Hell, even Antarctica might be worth a look
Bob Marley is cool
But he ain’t the beginning and end of world music
Give some other nations a listen
You might be amazed
STEVIE WONDER
Summer’s off
Falling in love with my beautiful baby
Life is just a joyful treasure
Now’s the time to have some pleasure
The gifts of life are never ending
The truths of life are done pretending
Life doesn’t have to be a struggle
Life should be an endless wonder
Taking it easy on my day off
Hanging out with my lovely baby
I will make today a treasure
I will make sure to have some pleasure
The good times of mine are never ending
With the non-sense of life I’m done pretending
My life is no longer a pointless struggle
Life has become an endless wonder
SONG ALONG WITH BRILLIANCE
Visions of beauty pop into my head
I want to live and never to die
But I don’t know why
The forces of life will crap out on me
It is a damn shame
It is a damn shame
The meaning of life isn’t too obvious
Or there’d be more agreement
People wouldn’t kill
It’s time for music to inspire us
Something reaching into the depths
Of human consciousness
Lay down all effort and become what you are
Be the best you can be every day
Learn more and become evolved
Get over the failures
Get over the failures
Embrace who you become anew
You are much better
You are much better
The difference makes the ride worth the pain
Life is not over
Life is not over
So be what you want before it’s too late
You can be glorious
You can be glorious
Do what you have passion for now, before you no longer can
GOOD THOUGHTS CAN BE A SONG
Voting is dismissing personal responsibility. It’s lobbying for another person to be more likely to support your agenda. But how many voters really believe the one they vote for in any major political office stand for what is right? I’ve never heard a single person I know claim any politician actually initiated taking action for the causes that they felt were most important. I know no candidate has even come close to fighting for the causes I thought would be most important. Many people accept that politics are inherently corrupt and do little to change policies for the better. So they claim to have enough faith in a ruler to be slightly better at kind of occasionally doing some good things for some people. It’d be better to get rid of all of the phony leaders. Let’s live our own lives to the best of our ability, and trust others to do the same.
The truth is that I have no single place where I belong unless I decide that I do. I’m responsible for doing all I can to establish a meaningful existence for myself. If I fail to do so it’s entirely my own fault.
Even brilliant people are subject to failures and less than brilliant creative moments. But brilliant people find ways to keep re-inventing themselves to overcome tragedies.
Learn all you can, but never believe that you’ll arrive at a final destination of being done with learning. Experience all you can, but never believe that you do everything you want. Create all you can, but never believe that you’ve created everything that you could have.
Sometimes it’s okay to take a break, but I may have gone a little overboard when I hit the decade mark.
Governments lie to you. You’re labeled a criminal if you lie to them.
FUNNY BITS ABOUT LIFE
Music- It’s funny to think about all of the songs that have come and gone, how ignored most of them are, and how many people still strive to reach the “top” against overwhelming odds. It’s funny that being able to sing nice or play an instrument in a unique way can result in such a large amount of profits for the blessed few, but most musicians never make shit for what they do. It’s funny that I think I can make songs without any effort at all. It’s funny that so many people try so hard to make songs that will last the test of time, but most of us have to know that the ones who last are the ones who have the best marketing teams. It’s funny that we have so many choices in music, yet most people consciously choose to listen to music that is known to be enjoyed by lots of other people.
Books- It’s funny that so many people continue to write books despite the large amount of quality books that go unread today. It’s funny that writers are generally thought so little of while TV stars get multi-million dollars while hiring ghostwriters to tell their mundane tales. It’s funny that there are so many choices of great books to read, but most people who live in nations where books are nearly limitless choose to spend so little time reading and so much watching TV. It’s funny that even the greatest books contain information that tends to be inaccurate, less relevant, or irrelevant over time.
Movies- It’s funny that so many movies exist, yet so many of them are so obviously bad. It’s funny that so many film critics recognize classic genius from old films, yet refuse to acknowledge the best films of our era while instead recognizing the mundane crap that wins Oscars as representative of what our era supposedly likes. It’s funny that grown adults sometimes get paid well to pretend to be other people while so many third world workers nearly starve to death. It’s funny that success in Hollywood seems to be an odd combination of having courage, talent, being able to kiss ass, and being able to put up with years of doing trivial projects to hope to land a great role.
Comedy- It’s funny that so many people think they’re hilarious when they’re anything but. It’s funny that so many comedians hate most of life. It’s funny that comedians compete with each other in ridiculous contests like dick joke telling marathons. It’s funny that so many people suffer so much while others devote a large chunk of their life trying to illicit laughter out of others for profit. It’s funny that geniuses are mostly considered to be underground while hacks make it to big time TV fame.
Sex- It’s funny that so much emphasis is put on sexual thoughts, but nearly all of humanity believes they fail to get as much sex as they’d like.
Art- It’s funny that people pay money for “modern art” that could be recreated by a typical child. It’s funny that pretentious assholes have a field where they can easily rise to the top by learning a few things most people simply just don’t care about. It’s funny that one can have amazing technical ability but never do anything noteworthy unless they take risks to do things that have never been done before. It’s funny that so many great artists never achieve any financial security for as long as they live. It’s funny that so many grand artists live virtually unknown and find fame after they die.
Philosophy- It’s funny that so many humans have wholeheartedly embraced so many bad ideas. It’s funny that so many young people genuinely believe they’re going to change the world merely with ideas. It’s funny that so many middle aged and older folks completely give up on their ideals for a middle class lifestyle. It’s funny that the brightest people of the past still had to fight to get simple and obvious truths to be accepted due to the lies promoted by powerful rulers of the time, intentionally designed to keep masses stupid and powerless.
Science- It’s funny that science hopes to do things that could be akin to supernatural miracles to the foolish observer. It’s funny that even our most advanced techniques of medicine can still be exploited by a non-sense monetary system. It’s funny that so many people think we can submit scientific truths to a popular vote. It’s funny that we have virtually no famous scientist, but tons of famous NASCAR drivers. It’s funny that science may be able to save humanity, but may destroy it.
Travel- It’s funny the way oblivious tourists dress in some places. It’s funny to leave the familiar behind just to go someplace where one has never been. It’s funny to take a visit to someplace without any set agenda. It’s funny that so many people who travel merely go for business reasons and do little to nothing to experience the rich cultural life of other lands. It’s funny that so much money is spent on traveling and so many people on Earth continue to stay in one place and suffer.
Games- It’s funny that so many adults unwind by participating in competitions designed for children, it’s funny that so many rigged games are believed in by observers, it’s funny that some choose to devote the largest chunks of time in their lives to mastering a simple game, it’s funny that so many games are available for purchase, it’s funny that many people spend time playing games they don’t even enjoy.
Sports- It’s funny that grown men get paid millions of dollars every year to
kick a ball into a net, it’s funny that people who can run and jump fast are
held in such a high status, it’s funny to watch old athletes who just can’t let
go of what they used to be, it’s funny to listen to terrible sports
broadcasters, it’s funny to watch a team get crushed- but not really give a
shit.
Food- It’s funny that themed restaurants tend to be so popular, it’s funny that people who can’t handle it try to eat spicy food, it’s funny that some people lack the desire to try new foods, it’s funny that some people fail to understand why kids want to eat mass marketed bullshit instead of good food, it’s funny that so many people shove whatever is available into their faces without thinking about what they eat.
Clothing- It’s funny that grown adults all dress alike in a corporate workplace, it’s funny that social groups all tend to dress in a similar manner, it’s funny that so many poor folks couldn’t care less about fashion, it’s funny to watch a true fashion original, it’s funny that there’s such a social stigma on being naked in our society.
Shelter- It’s funny that so many people work their entire lives to live in a place they’ll never be able to afford, it’s funny that so many people come to believe where they live defines their value as a human being, it’s funny that so many people take such a large amount of pride in owning a house they had nothing to do with building or creating, it’s funny that so many people enjoy camping in an era when humanity clearly has more comfortable options, it’s funny that entertainers have mansions while numerous people can’t even afford to pay rent.
JOKES ON HUMANITY
Fear can be crippling, particularly if one fears immunization shots.
There’s a reason why rock stars often excite others and statisticians usually don’t.
Jailing innocent people is a crime. But it’s a bad idea to only jail people who candidly confess to felonies.
Kill the enemy from within, unless it happens to resemble you far too much.
Lying to children is an awful way to make money, but 3 months a year off may convince you to teach.
Tighten the belt around the necks of leaders who make sure most people have to tighten their belts.
Nothing can open minds faster than a gun.
YOUTHFUL FUNNIES
Masked honky
Farley miracle shot in either b-ball or soccer
Goods and the campfire, red headed beast
SKETCH
I’m encouraged by the latest health care bill.
You’re ruining America! You send kids to die in wars, and you want us to believe you care about their health?
Congressman Jones, I believe you voted for my support of the suffering people of Iraq and Afghanistan.
But the people have spoken! The voters of my state want this change and hope! End the wars!
Excuse me Congressman Jones, but didn’t you get that pamphlet from Halliiburton?
If you mean my large BRIBE CHECK, I certainly did. Just like you and the rest of us charlatans!
This is an outlandish charge Congressman Jones. This topic is no longer up for discussion.
The people need to know the truth. They’ve been swindled by a phony war.
Security!
OBAMA NODS IN THE DIRECTION OF JONES AND GIVES A LIGHT PUNCH TO HIS OWN EYE. SECURITY BEAT THE LIVING HELL OUT OF JONES AND DRAG HIM OFF.
I’m sorry about that deranged lunatic in our midst fellow Congressman.
CONGRESSIONAL MEMBERS LOOK FRIGHTENED
Don’t forget the lessons we’ve learned today: do the right thing- whatever I say.
SONGS
Parody tunes- Jackson 5 or Stevie Wonder tune
You can leave a message on my
Ans-rin, ans-rin, ans-rin
Ans-rin’ machine
Our love will last until death
And then we’ll go away
I’ll love you until you’re a corpse
That’s my dividing line
I love you full of life
You fill me with delight
But the line is drawn when you’re dead
I don’t take dead chicks to bed
SONGS
Music- I’d love to hear a song done in the B-52’s style like a melody
There’s a thing in the sky
I can’t tell what it is
I’m sitting here left wondering
Just what was that thing?
Could it be a UFO?
I guess it must be
Since I can’t identify it
But not like a flying saucer
More like a what could that have been?
Maybe I’ll never know
I don’t think they put that kind of thing on the news
Too bad
ALBUM DAY
Music
I love all kinds of tunes
Sitting in my underwear listening to Elton John
Man he used to rock
The 1970’s were good to him
The music of the days
Don’t know what to make of street kids
It’s yet another song
So many good tunes in the world
How do I pick which ones to listen to?
Guess I’ll take a chance
And hope for the best
Too many songs to ever hear
Got to know what the hype’s about
I like to dig the oldies
But there must be new good stuff
But I’ll never hear it all
Have to enjoy what I can
Get over times of lost music
Focus on what seems best now
Rock and roll while I still can
Books
Check out the library of Congress
More books than you can imagine
But a certain section may call out to you
More than the rest
You just have to read g31894ftpk2009
Man what a read that is
Might change your life forever
Maybe even human history
All because you had the courage
To open up a book
Open up your mind
Open up your consciousness
Open to the universe
Taking what comes your way
In the words of print
You have to get
The life you want most
It’s now your time
To put the book down
And work to make the world better
It’s your mission
You better listen
Or live in regret
I’d take the bet
That could lead to greatness
Coming from books
Movies
I watched a movie again
Last night in bed
It had a few stars
From a decade ago
Laughter never goes out of style
But those clothes sure did
Humans remain largely the same
But the individuals are all different
I can laugh at the props
Some of the corny dialogue
Hard to beat relaxing in bed
And watching old actors
Do their thing for you
Comedy
The universe is rather absurd
I’m sure by now you’ve heard
A lot of funny people see it that way
Can’t help but say
What they think out loud
Might not make ma proud
But at least they speak the truth
The world is a telephone booth
A little bit cramped and out of date
Humanity should be irate
Because we all have to die
No way to live
Laughs come when we realize we’re fucked
No way out no matter what luck
You work for or happen to get
Laugh at the mysteries of life
You’ll never figure most out
Perhaps it’s wise to doubt
The comedians will ever win
They can try yet again
But humor only lasts so long
Before one hears the final song
Sex
I love every sensual feeling
I love every gentle healing kiss
I’ll always miss
Your lovely eyes and loving face
Finally found my place
I don’t care about much else
I only want to be in your bed
I know it’s been years now babe
But I can’t get you out of my head
Not til I’m dead
Will I stop loving you
And the nicest part of what we got
We can make love like monkeys
We can fuck whenever you want
I want to bone you forever
Or at least until I can’t get hard
Sex is one of the reasons I live
And the great blowjobs you give
Make me come every time
I feel better than divine
When we fuck and suck
God you’re amazing babe
We can conquer the world
But why bother
When we can stay home and fuck?
Art
A pretty statue
Another fantastic painting
A kid’s first gallery work
All tend to impress me
The amount of time given to create
I stand in awe again
You’re all such wonderful artists
Painting the world a better canvas
Stenciling it in with crayon
Whatever the medium
I appreciate the work
It takes a lot of guts
To devote life to art
But if it’s your part
Why not give it your all?
Have a ball
Answer the call
Everyone wins
Visual sensations come in
Art is a gift to the world
Look at it while you can
Travel
Go to the distant places
Dare to take a risk
See the world you want to see
You’ll be amazed
The world is bigger than your backyard
Unless you have a global perspective
No matter where you go
You’ll learn new lessons
Life is thriving all over the globe
Go where you feel you belong
Go where you may be wrong
You’ll always wonder if you don’t
You’ll never wonder if you go
Open roads and endless highways
Flowing seas and well-built skyways
Humanity gives a lot to the Earth
But the Earth gives way more back
If you never see some more of it
You’ll feel less a part of it
Locals are fun to live with
But so are locals across the world
Everyone can be a little Columbus
Even if just for a day
Then you can say
You know a little more
About this vast world
Sports
Watching The World Cup
NBA Finals
The local ball club
Kids messing around
Sports are a lot of fun
Meant to be enjoyed
Play around while you can
Dig the ball game of choice
No matter where you go
People love their team
Support your favorite warriors
They may dazzle again
The figures of life all step out
And bring it home again
Watch them win it all
Watch them cry in defeat
The glory and agony of athletics
Will make you feel alive
Games
Another rainy day
Maybe you should play
A board game for a while
It will make you smile
Take you back to being a kid
Remember what you did
Got to play with friends
Got to play pretend
The joys of cards and dice
It was oh so nice
And now the rain has gone away
But you can still stay
Inside and play
An old board game
Anti-religion
I don’t want to take away hope
I want to point out the truth
If there is all-powerful invisible god
It does nothing to prove it’s real
Just because followers have zeal
Doesn’t make it real
Being skeptical of the heal
If it’s something that can be faked
An amputated limb is never magically replaced
Never seen one rise from the dead
Seen wealthy churches instead
Sucking suckers for their bucks
Not a matter of luck
Religions systematically drain the hopeful
And give them an afterlife discount
A coupon that might never be redeemed
It sure seems wrong
To sing some non-sense songs
Pass a collection plate
And simply lay back and wait
To get rich from others sins
They shop out of thrift store bins
While churches get more stained glass
A gold plated mass
A new car for the preacher
Barely a meal for the meekest
We have no proof of God
It seems quite odd
To live for a world that may never be
Instead of the one
That we know we have definitely
Philosophy
I want to know everything possible
But the older I get
That seems quite limited
Time goes by
A lot of people die
Even more come in
But nobody wins
At everything they want
The temporary ride
No one can hide
From the short life we get
It’s hard to bet
On the best odds in life
Too many have strife
Trying to find peace
They come to grief
Good ideas help
Deep thoughts may last a while
But no intelligence saves forever
Philosophy is only good for a while
Science
If anything can save humanity
It will be miracles of science
Maybe they never will
But at least there’s a chance
Medicine is the way
Look what we have today
Longer life spans
Healthier food to eat
Better technology
More entertainment than we can view
Everything is made new
After a few short years
Options always increasing
Quality of life is releasing
Unimagined possibilities
We have science to thank
Thanks to the eggheads and the geeks
The geniuses and freaks
Who allow the rest of us to live
And spend our time in better ways
Thanks for the work of science
Food
Always a debate
Just what should I eat?
I know I’d love some pizza
I bet I’d dig some chips
Chocolate always tastes good
But they say fruit’s better for me
So many delicious foods
I can only eat a few at a time
I want to have the flavors of the gods
Come alive in my mouth right now
Maybe I’ll chow down at a buffet
Or a simple sandwich at home
I know that I’ll win no matter what
As long as I follow my gut
More restaurants than I can ever visit
Man I love this town
A bored diner in Chicago
Should open their eyes and enjoy
Just a few options from around the world
The gifts of food never stop
And if you’re not sure what to do
Just ask for cheese on top
Clothing
I have a few new clothes
I got them all for free
The ladies in my life are good to me
They give me new shirts and pants
Funny that I mostly hang out shirtless
In my underwear
I’d rather have cheaper clothes
That I don’t have to worry about
No life of a prince for me
Give me cheap threads and let me be on my way
Anyone who pays too much for clothes
Is a grand fool indeed
Too bad that fashions change on a whim
Give up and just wear what you like
And then you can live in peace
Shelter
Having a place to live is great
But owning a home may be overrated
Mortgage payments and higher taxes
Have to grow up and cut the lawn
Might have to fix a septic tank
It may break your bank
Always a risk in owning a home
But you might find a treasure trove
Some people are happy with what they’ve got
Others never settle for anything less than a castle
Life
Live right now while you still can
Time to stand up and be a man
Or a woman if you want
The time of life is short and you must get down now
Or maybe never at all
Have a ball
You already know the end
Please don’t pretend
You can’t beat it
Michael Jackson couldn’t beat it
Die with your boots on
Or off if your prefer
But know that it’s coming soon
So live right now to the max
Maybe you can beat the tax
But death is knocking at your door
You can try not to answer it
But it will hunt you down
No protein shakes or sit-ups will change it
So accept your final destiny
And accept your temporary destiny
Live out loud now
I MISS YOU EVEN WHEN I’M WITH YOU GIRL- SONG
I miss you girl
I miss that sweet lovin’
Yeah, I know you’re with me right here now girl
But I’ll never stop missing you
I’ll miss you when you get up to get a sandwich
I’ll miss you from across the room
I’ll miss when you take the dog for a walk
I’ll miss you when you and your mama talk
I’ll miss you when you take out the trash
I’ll miss you when you watch a TV show I don’t like
I’ll miss you when you go to the bathroom
I’ll miss you when you fall asleep before me
I’ll miss you when you’re in my arms
I’ll miss you when we’re making love
I’ll miss you girl, until the day I’m dead
Unless I can miss you girl from beyond the grave
COMEDY SHOULD BE EASY TO SEE IN AN ABSURD UNIVERSE
How the hell did we get here?
It makes no sense
Why do we worry so much about the ride
Knowing it all ends in a tragic car wreck
Music makes some people lose their minds
But others despise it
Books inspire some to change lives
Others to run away
Movies bring hope to billions
But make billions want to vomit
We only have a little time
So we should try to make it great
Enjoy the time we have left
And enjoy whatever we can
My wacky family
The have all the problems
They drink too much
They fight a lot
They argue about money
They yell at each other
They threaten each other
They throw things at each other
They steal from each other
They sleep with each others wives
They pull each others teeth out
They gouge each others eyes out
They piss on each other when they sleep
They steal each others children
Sell them on the black market
They shoot arrows at each other
They get each other IRS audits
They hire hit men to whack each other
Oh my nutty family
MYSTERY AGAIN
Life is a mere trial
Before inevitable death strikes
And we’re left alone
With nothing but memories
Life is hard to figure out
And to make matters even worse
Most of the time your answer doesn’t count
Unless you show your work
If one is a recluse
They may start to miss things
Like deodorant
Note the happiness of others
Imitate only if you think
It will work for you too
The utter non-sense of the universe
Should be enough to baffle
The greatest geniuses and the idiotic alike
Nothing is going to lead to automatic success
But there are trillions of ways
To automatic failure
LIFE SLIPPING AWAY
Is it sad or practical
That most of my goals
Have to do with making money
Instead of excelling
One must continually ask
What they want
More than anything else
A reminder of beauty that once was
Could exist now
May exist again in the future
No matter what I would’ve chosen
I was bound to end up
Losing to the universe
LIFE IS OFTEN STRUGGLE
Play what you can while you still can
Don’t expect anything to be
Etched in an eternal memory
Try harder to do temporary good
Elite power structures are likely
To rip off more people
As technology improves
Round the clock surveillance
Bow down to the bureaucratic gods
Nothing more than a silly struggle
To gain a temporary higher status
That’s unlikely to impress anyone
FIGHT THE BASTARDS
Forced into manual labor
By an ultimate source of morality
That never seems to appear
Difficult periods of life
Bogging down many
A better person stands strong
Despite the unpredictability of life
A swan song
Before the mustard goes bad
SMALL LIST OF MINE
Read Hitch 22
Make a decision about life
Call Ma
Have a long chat with Tess
Explore the caves of the unknown
Prepare for some hell
Keep ultimate motivation in mind
Grow in spite of rejections
Spend time well
Remember I’m merely one
Grain of sand on the beach
But I can shine if I want to
Willingly enter into struggle
But also learn to take some time
To appreciate life
Some of the beautiful parts
It has to offer
Conquer fears whenever possible
Do everything possible
To make life better for self and others
Never expect absolute knowledge or perfection
Quit being petty
Be selfish enough to live well
But not selfish enough
To put others through
Unnecessary hell
Love as much as possible
But be hard enough to deal
With inevitable tragedies of life
Allow room for the unexpected
Prepare and plot as if
Tragedy may always be looming
Remember the lessons of the past
But be brave enough
To evolve into something better
Fight all ridiculous causes
But know that fights may be misguided
WHAT THE HELL LIFE?
The universe is going to be a mystery now and for as long as I live
Making a valuable contribution
Being productive
Using time wisely
Having a matching theme
Honoring the ones who came before me
Never knowing how to live well
Disrespecting non-sense that is blindly followed
Creating lyrics that may be able to reach others
Writing a song that makes the best use of time around
Getting a better way of life for the most people possible
Does it require making others suffer to live well?
Is it unwise to spend too much time asking questions that quiet the mind and can’t be answered?
There is no reason to keep waiting for the right time, it never comes.
Being patient is often rather tough
Setting limits for the self is probably going to lead to a worse overall way of life
Perhaps nothing lasts, so act like a rock star for a while
The worship of others may be a bad thing to seek
Refusing to make the most of time is the worst thing that many individuals choose
Creating an original thought may be tougher than anything except for making easy money
Over easy eggs are probably not that easy for some
Stupid lyrics can change the way certain people think for a while
Death can only stop all people
Figuring out what one wants to be when they grow up is refused by some in their adulthood
Huge issues are debated every day, but only actions make lives better or worse
Nothing is going to be done unless we have the courage to make moves despite uncertainty
Courage is developed by experiencing a lot of failure and occasional successes that impress fools
Creating a new language would be rather difficult
Open up to new people and you may be able to see what waits on the other side of sanity
Isolation is rarely a good idea for an extrovert
OUTSIDER PERSPECTIVE ON OUTSIDER MUSIC
Outsider music is silly
It has nothing to do with traditional structure
It has everything to do with quirky fun
Nobody can prove what music is best
These cats do it their own unique way
What the hell kind of sounds
Funky beats and funky leads
Make lots of people happy
Some of the worst songs of all-time
Achy Breaky Heart
Pat Boone- Metal Machine Music
William Shatner
Bilbo Baggins
Maxwell’s Silver Hammer
Revolution 9
The Beach Boys disco tune
People are fickle, everything can quickly change
ODDBALL LOSER THOUGHTS
Offer genuine sympathy to others, but know that resources are quite limited and I can’t possibly help every single person alive unless I do something absolutely spectacular, and almost assuredly not even then
Emphasize advances made in the fields that seem most vital, but know that limited success occurs even if one works hard for a lifetime to achieve a particular result
Think as clearly and as rationally as possible, but know that there’s often no way to objectively prove what the best course of action will be even in your own life
Have the wisdom to appreciate others despite some of their flaws
Have the courage to be honest and communicate effectively with others
Know that even if you do everything right, factors outside of your individual control may lead to a loss or a seemingly terrible tragedy
Remember that life is temporary, so is every great situation and every awful situation
Learn lessons from great people and less than great people alike
Frame ways of understanding reality in new and exciting ways
Use what you’ve done to have a positive impact upon others
Relish the beautiful moments and have enough strength to work through the bad moments
Remember the sacrifices that were made to provide me with a better way of life
Refuse to stifle the innovations of others, even if it may make me look bad in comparison
Get over petty feelings such as jealousy or foolish grudges
Enjoy every moment as much as possible
Be as healthy as possible while continuing to live well
Be cynical of others intentions at times, but be willing to have some faith in human solidarity
Know that life is often unpredictable no matter how much I don’t want it to be
Get over my petty hang-ups and have enough courage to use time wisely
I may not know everything I’d like to, but I have to trust that I can spend time in better ways to advance myself and the species as a whole
When I think about things too much instead of delivering actual change, I tend to sit on the sidelines of life and wonder what could have been instead of being able to remember vivid living
Found by piecing together a broad and bored stroke
Literally literary marking
Get over the bad sense of timing and make moves that count right now
Having to eat only twice a day
Open to the friendship of life and allow a greater circle of pleasant memories to take place
Less than imaginative and even worse: boring upon dull
NEW FOR TODAY
Priorities
Getting poems and everything else sorted out
Making a better contribution to life and others along the way
Knowing that I can make moves that are superior to what I’ve done thus far
Make real decisions and do my best to live well
Arguing about a larger cause of life
Knowing that all the while, lost souls may be arranged in new and exciting ways
Live vividly and spend time trying to do what makes the most sense
Participate in life and offer value to others
Communicate in the best ways possible with as many people as possible
Leave the Earth a slightly better place
Know that my efforts are likely to face challenges from self and others
Being skeptical is only wise to a point
Being happy is a subjective mindset
The theatres that sell out are popular for a reason
It’s hard to know what a lot of other people are thinking
The pledges of a new type of fraternity
The old losses fade into memories
The judging of another contest
Volumes must be watched
The guides of life are plotting
Figure into the European ideas
Note the success of right minded
Nothing is forever
Cliches fly all about
The obvious jokes must be discarded
Memoirs are nothing to laugh about
The educated laugh again
The fades of the tides
Joining their newest club
Not for a loss yet again
The tears are pledged to others
Figuring a new way to type
Losses keep piling up
Getting tired of focusing on non-sense
Stare out the shaded tree
Lopsided battles feared
A slaughter for the good guys
Joking all about the death
Mourning the loss of morning
Heckled in the stands
Kicking it with a new friend
Icing on something un-cake like
Lesbians ply their trade
Words flow out all over
Like a mopping mess
Determined to rise
Never to give up
Jeer at the snails
Voting in a liar
Better than other liars
UNIQUE
Lyrics escape me now
Nothing to show
Life is going
And I’m joining
I’ll never have any proof
Musical tastes are subjective
The goods in life in new ways
What hope is there in a mere tune?
The mind can explore the Earth over
Nobody can prove what’s best
We can merely celebrate
With horns voices and guitars
Give the summer another new tune
Keep dancing until we can no longer
Our heroes will play better than gods
Celebrate and listen right now
I’m glad that I’ve been able to see distant lands and have also taken the time to check out ice cream parlors around the corner.
DEATH: I’m glad I’ve dodged this inevitable bullet thus far.
STRAIGHT UP
Many people listen to artists dead instead of the living because they tend to be so dull.
People lose their minds because someone sings a song.
People riot just because a certain type of music is played.
People get angry at pop musicians, but rarely do anything to stand up to evil fucks who are actually behind the pop musicians and a whole lot worse.
A wacky song can earn an “artist” more cash than many third world citizens have a chance to make for a lifetime of actual hard work.
There are more books than could possibly be read already, and more people are fighting like cats and dogs to try to make their mark by writing another book.
Too many people ignore books with factual information because there are so many books with total crap in them.
The absurd world we live in is already so funny that it’s hard to convince people to pay money to read a supposedly funny book.
Coloring books may be the way to create a new book concept for the amount of time and effort you’re willing to put in.
SHIT MOVIE PITCHES
1. A group of Christian underground college guys live together and do wacky things that make little to no sense to outsiders. Perhaps a few tales involving the silly lifestyle, the lame parties, the prayer groups, and something fictional like non-competitive sports and games.
2. Three guys in their early twenties struggle to make ends meet and have various misadventures while looking for love, money, and a future.
3. A young man travels around the world without any particular agenda in mind, just trying to do what seems best.
4. A young couple moves to a new city and experiences the fruits of their new surroundings.
5. A foolish guy tries to beat a capitalist system with good intentions to no avail.
I THOUGHT I WAS TRYING TO BE FUNNY
Why have I made such a big deal out of pretending to be other people?
Why do I care so much about achieving success in an area where I have no idea what I’m doing?
Why do I have long-term hope in a world where I know everyone dies?
Why do I spend my time toiling away in hope that I’ll create something worth the trouble?
Why do I think other people will care about my tiny thoughts?
Why have I failed to be entertaining so often?
Why can’t I make a better way of life for myself and others?
Why am I acting like a fool in the present?
EITHER WAY YOU GO AWAY
People who focus on mundane interests may live in regret
People who refuse to focus on mundane interests may live in regret
Life is even more confusing when you’re in a relationship
Bringing children into the world is now a bad idea
Being saved is a ridiculous lie
It’s hard to believe so many people have issues with sex. How’d you get here hypocrite?
ART PONDERINGS
How do people begin selling their art?
Why do people agree to pay so much for certain pieces of art?
How can one find success in artistic endeavors?
What kind of person spends their life in an art museum?
Why don’t art thieves just go to a bank instead?
TRAVEL SOMEWHERE BETTER THAN EARTH
Why do ignorant people seem to live everywhere I go?
Why bother traveling some place where you can’t speak the language?
What kind of a person moves to a foreign country?
Tourists have lots of money despite having no common sense
Too many people refuse to really explore distant lands when on package tours
SCIENCE IS NEAT
Scientists should lie and see how much they can get away with- how can an ignorant public prove them wrong?
Even the most famous scientist in the world gets no press compared to an average pro ballplayer
How do they determine who the best scientist in the world is? It would have to be an unscientific process.
It’s scary that so many people trust scientists so little and go with preachers instead.
Many scientists spend their career busting their ass only to fail to get the cure.
SPORTS ARE LIKE CULTS
But one of the most popular cults
Parents get too excited to watch their kids win in a simple game
Parents of odd sports like bowling rarely brag
Heroes fade away into awful things after
Don’t get too excited about that trophy, they break and people forget
GAME FAME
Who decides to devote most of their life to poker?
Take advantage of a child to win again and again
Rigged games are bad for you
Playing the lottery is obviously mostly a sucker’s bet
Does the house ever lose?
FOOD IS WEIRD TOO
Enjoy it and die, don’t have any and die
Pizza can be a health food?
Vegans still die
Coffee is non-sense
Diet pills in a world where billions struggle to have enough to eat
ROCK NOW DIE LATER
Rock of the ages
Still withers away
Best to live out loud
While you still can
Life is too short
Youth even shorter
Don’t want to die too soon
Don’t want to get old either
Life gives you no choice
Better rock while you can
Embrace life for what it is
Make life rock despite struggles
You’ll lose in the end
But you can go out
In quiet desperation
Or rocking hard til the end
Rock on your way out
Rock til the end
DISHONEST DIALOGUE
God, you’re such a dick sometimes.
I’d rather be a dick than a cunt.
Oh how clever you piece of shit.
Okay, shut the fuck up you bitch whore, your Mom’s coming over.
Oh, hello Andy, nice to see you.
Indeed it is Mrs. Marah. I was just complimenting Julie on her tasteful decorations.
Oh, how lovely.
And I was just telling Andy how pleasant his company is.
THEME SONG
Watch this show
It’s really good
Nothing better to do
Than watch this show
Sit down and relax
Make sure you watch it all
Don’t forge the commercials
They keep us on the air
Please don’t forget the commercials
They’ll be really good too
Buy what they say to
Keep watching our show
Tell everyone you know
It’s the greatest show in human history!
MOVIE THEME
What an attractive film star
You’d want to have sex with them
How about that opening scene
Makes you want to keep watching
Anything could happen
But it’ll be exciting no matter what
We’ll laugh when it’s funny
We’ll keep paying money
To see this sexy film star again
What a brilliant script
What a brilliant cast
Man it uses music well
What cinematography
Art in every way
This flick will change your life
You’ll be a better person
The world itself will change
Because you watch this film
Yes the world will change forever
Because you watch this film
I QUIT THIS STINKIN’ JOB
That’s it
I’ve had enough
I’m tired of this bull stuff
You pay me too little
You work me too hard
No one appreciates me
Well Mister, those days are done
You can’t tell me what to do any more
I plan to find other ways to work
I’ve realized it’s high time
To try something new with my life
I’ll show the world what I’ve got
Blaze a new and exciting trail
Please accept my two week notice
I hope you understand
The time for me to move on is now
Or in the near future anyway
But eventually I will say to you good sir
I quit this stikin’ job!
Oh man, I’m sorry my language was so foul
I take back the crass statement
I’d still appreciate a solid letter of recommendation
To my next potential employers
Before I can gain the courage to tell them
I quit that stinkin’ job too!
FALLEN POP CULTURE REFERENCE KING
I used to know all the greats
Jackie Gleason, Rod Serling, and Lenny Bruce were my men
I rolled with the top dogs and high class all stars
I was treated like royalty
I could recognize any pop culture reference
From 1950- 1963
But the world changed on me
I realized suddenly
Times like mine could never be again
It’s worse than the worst sin
My knowledge is virtually useless
In the age of the internet
These kids with their damn Madonna and Michael Jackson
Think they know the greats
I tell you they’re no Stan Kenton
Or Lionel Hampton legends
If I hear any more of this new fangled David Lettermen
I think I’ll shit my pants
These flash in the pans are nothing like the real stars
Back when entertainment was divine
But you kids don’t have to settle
Travel with me back in time
Check out Your Show of Show
Watch The Twilight Zone
Gods like Chuck Berry can last forever
If you kids would just get off your lazy asses
Teach the kids some real classics
Leave it to Beaver’s better than some fake Terminator
Please check out the classics with me
Please check out some classic TV
MUSICAL PESSIMISM
I want to sing a song
But I really suck
I want to be a star
But I sound like shit
I want to be rich
But I got no cash
I want to get the women
But I can’t get no ass
I want to be a god
But I can’t even make rent
I don’t want to give up
But my life is spent
I want to live forever
And be the greatest guy
But I’m nowhere close
I guess I’ll fucking die
SOMETHING OTHERS MAY APPRECIATE
SEX- what more can be said about how to have sex in the
world today? Bi-sexual options, what is
the age limit for lust, do consent laws matter- do we have to ID before we get
intimate, what about fake ID’s? Is there
any way to know with the way so many women and girls dress today?
ART- Who pays millions of dollars for a piece of art? I like art, but millions for art? There’s a nice art section at Target- you can
buy world famous pieces for under twenty bucks.
Now that can be a deal. An even
better deal: if you live in a big city, just walk in the alleyways for a week. You’ll have enough art to last for quite some
time, even if it’s random bits of shit you find.
PHILOSOPHY- It’s funny that anyone could become a professional philosopher- who in the world never thinks?
TRAVEL- Go to new places and check out how depressing and mundane most people
are from around the world.
ANTI-RELIGION- Is there anything more absurd than a religion you’re not a part
of? Is there anything that is as much
non-sense as religions that obviously cheat hopeful people out of their time
and money- like all of them? All
religions are a waste of time, and some might even take the price of your life.
SPORTS- Is there anything more ridiculous than the fact that
some grown men can be paid millions of dollars for excelling at a game meant
for children to spend a small part of their leisure time with?
GAMES- Can there be justice in a universe where some individuals make a
handsome living at playing games professionally?
FOOD- If it’s so helpful to food production to be vegetarian, why is anyone in
India starving?
SHELTER- I wonder about how various ethnic groups throughout the world showcase
their homes as status symbols- Eskimos, tribal clans, drifters, backpackers,
etc.
MUSIC- A song about the Talking Heads and how much joy they brought me
BOOKS- A book about music and the irrational responses it
may bring out in others
MOVIES- A flick about people who travel the world and fuck up a lot but are
still interesting
COMEDY- A documentary about struggling comedians
SEX- A romp through the fantasy life of someone
ART- A depiction of some hilarious things about our hilarious universe
TRAVEL- A trip devoted to understanding more about any one of my passions
SCIENCE- An article about the most recent developments in
technological singularity in plain English
PHILOSOPHY- A new concept for living that provides people with joy
ANTI-RELIGION- A new reason to oppose religion- how about it there isn’t one that clearly works well in all parts of the world
SPORTS- A new game that combines others- how about soca
tennis bball pool- hitting a crossbar from the penalty spot, hitting a serve
in, hitting a free throw, and nailing a reasonably rough shot on the pool table
GAMES- A carnival game- crazy two’s each player is dealt seven cards, three
cards face up as community cards, two’s are wild, and the last card in the
community pot is also wild, best 6 card hand with same poker rules
FOOD- Invent a new food- good morning leftover surprise- leftover pizza with
fried potatoes, hot sauce, and burrito trimmings
CLOTHING- wear a funny combo business suit top, ballerina dress tutu bottom
SHELTER- Mansion with a cardboard box mansion attached as half
LIFE- Embrace a new way of life and hope that it leads to a better lifestyle
DEATH- Refuse to die for as long as possible, but expect it to come eventually.
MUSIC- Take challenges to make my own original music.
Perform in front of others and be devoted to it.
I realize that any music that’s created is likely to be ignored by most of Earth. I realize that even the most popular music of any particular era is likely to be pushed to the wayside for more contemporary hits played by big corporations for profit. I realize that musical taste is subjective, but technical complexity in music can be analyzed objectively. I’ll never do anything important with music unless I devote my time and energy to getting a better way of life to become a reality within a musical happening.
BOOKS- Take challenges to make my own original books
Finish making a commitment and have writings reach others.
I realize that any book that’s created is merely going to be one among millions. I realize that even the most popular books of one era are likely to be pushed to the wayside when the general pubic become more interested in new words and ideas. I realize that taste in books is subjective, but technical ability in writing can be analyzed objectively. I’ll never do anything important with books unless I devote a great deal of time and energy to creating words that are meaningful to me and others.
MOVIES- Take challenges to make my own original flicks.
One of millions, the most popular bow to new creations, tastes are subjective, technical ability can be worth the efforts, I have to do devote a lot of time and energy to getting much better things to happen in the real world while I still can. Use my tiny life to make existence better for self and others. Know that a selfish life can still result in some better things for others if done with consideration and making moves to get the best parts of life to become a reality. I have to look within myself and find what I believe to be the best subjective parts of life to be enjoyed.
Perform to the best of my ability and make something useful.
DEATH- Take a REALLY big challenge to try to defeat death.
Live well at all times, and do whatever I can to enjoy life while I still can, despite pushing the bolder like Sisyphus.
MOVING ON TO REALITY
I may have went crazy
I think I missed reality
I don’t see like they do
I don’t see like you do
Little makes sense
Life seems pretend
I can’t get my mind around it
It might be astounding
But I want to move on to reality
I want to see what others see
I want to be like others be
I want to avoid insanity
But I don’t know if I can
The world is complicated for this man
It’s hard to form a plan
When I simply don’t have a clue
REFUSE TO BE BORING
Don’t be like Uncle Morty
Don’t tell the same old stories again
Never refer to yourself in third person
Never discuss financial planning
Avoid dental hygiene talks
Never talk about refinishing furniture
Then you won’t be boring
And people might like you
THE END FOR NOW?
It’s time to go home
Time to go to sleep
But I’ll have to get up tomorrow
And do the same shit over again
God I hate this non-sense
How’d this become my life?
At least I get a few hours to live
Before I have to die
HEARTY ARTS
Music may be the wisest way to spend time
Or the most moronic
I love books when well written
But I can’t believe how much bullshit is printed
I’ve learned a lot from certain movies
But I seem to keep using “learning”
As an excuse to sit on my ass
The greatest comedians can be philosophers
The worst comedians are a waste of time
I thank the universe for sex
I always prove my appreciation
As much as possible
Eat all you can from the buffet of life
At least until you’re a fat ass
LIFE is a mysterious voyage
Full of twists and turns
Nobody could see coming
DEATH is an odd thing
To become desensitized to
In world where billions have died
Perhaps it makes sense
WHY BOTHER?
The universe will go on
Just fine after I die
I’d like to know why
I came here at all
But that order’s too tall
From all I can tell
No one knows
Sit around watching shows
Put on by silly fools
Obey bullshit rules
All for what
You’ll be cut
No one makes it in the end
The universe isn’t your friend
GREAT LYRICS DON’T MAKE UP FOR A SHIT SONG
Write the most brilliant lyrics
Touch the souls of humanity
Inspirational in every way
Odd sounds can ruin it
Brilliance drowned out by crap
No one wants to hear that
Not even for the lyrical rewards
What the hell was the artist thinking?
Shut the fuck up
Be a writer instead
You can’t make good music
You sick son of a bitch
SERIOUS THOUGHT, COMEDIC THOUGHT
MUSIC- There is more music that exists than I’ll ever have time to listen to. Most music serves as a mere distraction from the worries and important issues of life.
It may have been foolish of me to believe that music could
“save” me. It’s hard to find a tune that
will maintain biological needs.
The great music of the world should serve as an inspiration to be creative and appreciate life while we can. The awful music of the world should inspire us to revolt and destroy.
BOOKS- The amount of great books in the world that can influence individuals
are nearly endless. The difficult part
about life is determining which authors are focused on the most meaningful
words that accurately describe what reality is.
It may have been foolish of me to believe that writing a book would mean something significant to others in a world where billions of people do everything they can to avoid reading.
MOVIES- The amount of great movies is nearly endless, but it seems that anyone
who tries to find great movies has to sift through many less than brilliant
ones.
It may have been foolish of me to believe that watching
movies other people made would ever be able to give me acting, directing, and
writing abilities.
COMEDY- The amount of great comedy in a world where everyone is born clueless
and is guaranteed to die is limitless.
It may have been foolish of me to believe that I could be taught by others how I could be funny.
SEX- Despite billions of ugly people, the amount of great sex that anyone can
have is nearly endless.
It may have been foolish of me to refuse to have sex merely because God was watching me. Maybe God would’ve been into it.
ART- There are billions of pieces of art that have been created, yet so many
individuals hope that their creations will be able to earn them a comfortable
living.
It may have been foolish of me to believe that anything I
created would mean more than a funny Mad magazine cover.
TRAVEL- There are hundreds of countries on Earth and I can only live in one
place at a time. It’s impossible to know
which place is best, but everyone can make decisions about where they believe
they can live better than anywhere else.
It may have been foolish of me to believe that taking a trip around the world drunk would show me my life purpose.
SCIENCE- Many people strive to make scientific improvements but few succeed.
I think the most amazing miracle of science I’ve ever
personally witnessed was my frat brothers lighting farts.
ANTI-RELIGION- There are many religions that make quite different claims about
truth and none of them are able to offer definite proof that their claims are
undeniably true.
It may have been foolish of me to assume there was
unquestionably a god until I was 22.
PHILOSOPHY- There are more philosophies than one has time to learn about in one
lifetime, but no philosophy that can be guaranteed to lead to a better way of
life.
It may have been foolish of me to spend time reading philosophy instead of getting laid.
SPORTS- There are more sports matches taking place every day than anyone has time to watch, but many lazy men do their best to watch whatever sports are on TV.
It may have been foolish of me to think that anyone would
ever care about me kicking balls into a net better than other guys wearing
different shirts.
GAMES- There are more games taking place than anyone will ever have time to
watch.
If people spent as much cash fighting against world hunger
as they did on lottery tickets no one would starve.
FOOD- There’s enough food on Earth to sustain billions of humans and numerous
animal species, but there may be a famine in any specific place at any given
time.
I may have been foolish for trying harder to find out which places served the best chicken wings instead of investing money wisely.
CLOTHING- Billions of people throughout the world have enough clothing to meet
their basic survival needs.
I may have been foolish to believe that chicks would dig my “Gone crazy be back
later” t-shirt.
SHELTER- There are many different ways to create a home.
I may have been foolish to waste money on rent instead of wasting money on a home I’d never be able to pay off.
LIFE- There are many different ways to spend the limited time one has in life.
I may have been foolish to waste my life trying to find out
the truth in a world where everyone and every source of information appears to
be so full of shit.
DEATH- There are many different ways to die but they all provide a similar end
result.
I may have been foolish to believe I could add anything significant to a world where nearly everything and everyone is forgotten and we all die.
JOYS
MUSIC- The joys of music are often hard to express with mere words. The joys of music are often irrational. The joys of music are able to stay with one as long as they maintain some sense of mind. The joys of music are rarely anything but subjective. The joys of music are better shared with others. The joys of music are hard to find in certain places unless one is willing to create. The joys of music are preserved through memories. The joys of music are able to be expressed in many different ways. The joys of music are as good as it gets in a planet full of various problems, illnesses, and death. The joys of music are something to enjoy while you can.
The joys of books are mighty for thinkers and fleeting for
fools. The joys of books are able to be
taken through life. The joys of books
are able to be shared with others. The
joys of books are harder to find in places of repression. The joys of books are
only as limited as the individual imagination.
The joys of books are able to be seen in various places throughout the
world. The joys of books can be about so
many different topics. The joys of books
will go on.
The joys of movies are unique to people who are able to
experience them while they can. The joys
of movies may be better preserved than anything else. The joys of movies are both comedic and
tragic. The joys of movies are able to
be witnessed in many places. The joys of
movies are able to transcend culture and religion. The joys of movies are able to be understood
by children, the elderly, and nearly everyone in between. I’m glad I’ve been able to enjoy so much
great comedy. If I have any brains I’ll
continue to do more. If I have any sense
I’ll move to expand my horizons and do things that have yet to be done not only
by me, but also anyone that I’ve ever known.
The images that are seen in a comedic context can be appreciated by
someone who has unique talents and a way of communicating that is unique to a
time and place that is nothing more than a fading memory.
EVOLVE
MUSIC- The best way to evolve music is to sing a song worth hearing.
The best way to evolve pop music is to ban it.
BOOKS- The best way to evolve the quality of books is to read some and see if
you can write an even better one.
The best way to evolve literacy in America is to combine it with more quality pornography.
MOVIES- The best way to evolve the state of movies is to allow creative people to have creative control of major studio film projects.
The best way to evolve movies is to allow horror fans to be killed.
COMEDY- Evolve comedy by being a total jackass.
SEX- Sex will evolve when pregnancy becomes completely voluntary.
ART evolves when creative people give a damn.
TRAVEL evolves when the crew makes sure planes land safely.
PHILOSOPHY evolves when we get one out of a million who
avoids watching too much TV.
SCIENCE evolves when someone challenges non-sense and demonstrates truth
instead.
ANTI-RELIGION evolves when logic wins over emotional tribal superstition.
SPORTS evolve when the weak are killed off.
GAMES evolve when they become more complex than Chutes and Ladders.
FOOD evolves whenever we can find ways to get even more cheese into it.
CLOTHING evolves when humanity all starts wearing the exact
same shit.
SHELTER evolves when we all either own mansions or box homes. And I can tell which way it seems to be
heading.
LIFE evolves when we become a species that refuses to pay money for a song like
“Who let the dogs out?”
DEATH evolves when it is overcome.
LAST DAY? If this were my last day, what would I do? I'd email friends and family. I'd email a more detailed message to Tess and Drew about what I've written. I'd call Ma, Drew, and whoever else I could. I'd have sex with Tess, if she wanted to. I'd eat some good food. I'd see whoever else I could. I'd try to die with a little dignity, but I might end up just wailing like a little bitch. Get over the myth of Syspyphus and start pushing rocks for a reason. TRUTH POEM? The good and the bad Nobody can has the time To know even a small portion About all of the truth Life is about making Failed attempts To do what we want I didn't discover The meaning of life I don't believe Anyone has I have to make The best of the ride As long as it lasts TRAVEL HERO
Visit as many places as I can But never expect to come close To seeing all that is And all that could be ODD THOUGHT Fortunate people stick around While absurdities of life pile up We're left with little more Than a ridiculous species WAY TOO MANY SONGS So many songs
So many wrongs I can’t believe it It’s hard to see it So many songs are such shit I can’t believe it’s a hit It sounds nothing like the best It fails every musical test We haven’t evolved Problems can be solved Listen to awful tunes Those talentless goons The music world has no wits The music world’s tight assed like Brits The world isn’t your musical friend Your life is bad music til the end BOOKS I COULD LOVE JOKE’S ON YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE TOO BORN GRATEFUL FOR VAGINA ART IN HEARTY BANK ACCOUNT I BARELY AVOIDED A 6 AM WHORE AND OTHER FUN TRAVEL TALES
PHILOSOPHY IS EVEN LESS USEFUL THAN THEY SAY
MY PHILOSOPHY IS BIGGER THAN YOURS
SCIENCE MAKES RELIGION EAT SHIT SPORTS AND HOMOEROTIC HILARITY LIFE IS A GAME WITH STAKES TOO RISKY TO PLAY YOU’RE GOING TO WEAR THAT PIECE OF CRAP? HONEY YOU STINK AGAIN FASHION IS OUT OF FASHION LIFE IS TO BE LIVED, EXCEPT FOR WHEN YOU HAVE TO WORK AND DO A BUNCH OF PRACTICAL SHIT THAT YOU HATE BUT SHOULD PROBABY DO IF YOU EVER WANT TO HAVE ENOUGH MATERIAL GOODS TO BE ABLE TO LIVE WELL LIFE IS THE STRANGEST EXPERIENCE OF ALL DEATH ISN’T FOR ME
RISK YOUR LIFE AVOIDING DEATH
It’s hard to believe how many people die every day. It’s enough to make one believe that they’re unable to do anything to help most people out.
WONDER WANNA BE
I love people
I love children
I have a sweet voice
You better listen
Black men crying
Their babies dying
You know it ain’t right
Brothers have to fight
For a better way of life
Worth all the strife
One day we’ll all be one
Get to play in the sun
Life will be a joy
For every girl and boy
NAME DROPPING
Getting into a groove with the funk
The doors of the mind open
Who does it?
The beats roll on
I wander to the beach
I heard it was gay
No wonder I loved it
It was really weird
Tenacious sounds
Brown night goes by
AC becomes DC
Sabbath day blues
Experience racks up
52 miles to go
Talking about it
Boingo is madness
Cru is on deck
Cream filled skies
Nirvana at last
THERE’S NO WAY TO WIN
You can do okay for a while
Take time to smile
You only get so long
Better make it count
Don’t go too wrong
Life takes you out
Full of fear and doubt
Forget about it now
You’re going down
Better do the town
Get out while you can
Live like a man
Do the biggest and best
Forget about the rest
Focus on what’s sweet
Before your defeat
You can’t take anything with
Eternal life is just a myth
Make your peace with it
Afterlife- forget it
MANLY QUEEN
I like to wear cowboy boots
I wrestle you good
I sing really nice in the shower
I dance swell in the nude
I’m a many man
Manliest man of all
We’ll have a ball
I can hang with the boys
I don’t care for the girls
Unless it’s time for shopping
Or maybe some drinks
Who doesn’t like fu-fu?
I’m all about it girl
You know that’s right honey!
MANSON WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND
Oh hell I
I don’t, I don’t understand
When I see that something
You want to kill this band
You want to kill this band
You better kill this band
NEW SONGS SUCK
I can’t even say what the popular songs of today are
I just know they annoy the shit out of me
I can’t tell the difference between any of it
It all sounds lame
Watered down corporate shit
It ain’t like back in my day
We had music with integrity
When I was coming up
The stars were like gods
Backstreet Boys, N Sync, Hanson
Celine Dion, Garth Brooks
Kriss Kross, Right Said Fred, Hammer
Vanilla Ice, Who Let The Dogs Out?
They had something to say
Hmm, maybe in retrospect
My generation was full of idiots too
Maybe music is just meant to be fun
Fuck around for a while
Before you get old
Lame in a more standard way
Work a bunch doing shit you hate
Just to pay a few bills
Instead of listening to moron songs
Might as well, you’re fucked no matter what
But a little less fucked for a while
If you have cash to fuck around with
OH LIFE
Create something original
While you still can
Hope for a better part of life
While you still can
Believe that you can make a difference
While you still can
You may be wrong
But at least you’ll try
You may not win
But at least you’ll try
You may have to deal with pain
But at least you’ll go down swinging
YOUR BAND IS AWFUL
It’s easier to listen to The Beatles
Than Father Freaky Fat
People know The Beatles
Not your weirdo band
I can’t believe those freaks
Even had enough of a following
To justify putting out an album
Billions love The Beatles
You hear them on the radio
Father Freaky Fat
What a dumb name
Like they could ever make it
Then again
I guess some bullshit has been big before
But until I heard Father Freaky Fat on radio
Or see them on the MTV
I won’t respect them
Everyone knows
You have to be the best
To make it to radio or TV
SOLVE A PROBLEM
The answers for many problems
Are only found
When we have the courage
To abandon the need
For absolute certainty
Before taking actions
Figuring out jokes
And how to hit
The right notes
AN AVERAGE SONG
The greatest song in the world
Is far better than this
It might be an okay song
It doesn't last too long
It won't bore you to death
But it isn't the best
It's just an average song
It will soon be gone
You'll remember catchier tunes
You'll forget about it soon
Too many songs sound almost the same
It isn't great it might be a bit lame
To be remembered a song must be top class
Instead of a throw away that shall pass
A FEW MUSICAL TRUTHS
The finest musicians sacrifice
To play difficult scales,
Notes, and compositions
To perfection
But we live in an age
Where any fool can push a button
And play those same notes
To perfection
Youths often look foolish
Dancing to the latest radio hits
But the older one gets
They somehow find ways
To look even more foolish
When dancing
It’s nice to know
Even if we don’t achieve
Our individual dreams
There’s still great music
To be enjoyed
By billions of people
EASY RIDER TO TRANSFORMERS 2
Brilliant movies were once made
Symbols of an era
Gone forever
They had Easy Rider
We've got Transformers 2
I hate to think what the future will hold
For my lame assed generation
The people who are gone
Can no longer speak
The people who are here
Don't say much worth hearing
Media stunts make us cynical
Our time will soon pass
Then the next generation will have to top
Fucking Transformers 2
FREEDOM
It's funny how people say they fight for my freedoms, but then have a problem when I don't live the way they think I should.
That's not freedom.
Not at all. Sometimes it's the opposite of freedom.
The military people say they fight for freedom but then club the shit out of war protestors.
Jesus died on a cross for me for sins he created me to be able to perform, but will send me to burn in hell if I don't believe in him and devote my life to him.
The United States government takes most of my money with the threat of imprisonment if I refuse.
So how does one achieve freedom?
I don't know. Death?
BITTER?
The IRS sucks really bad
Fuck you
I hate you all like my dad
Fuck you
I CAN'T HELP YOU
I have an opinion
But no one seems to care
I could write a song
But it's just a tune
Nothing that will change the world
I could write a book
But it's just printed words
Nothing will change
I could make a movie
A few people might like it
But no one will change things
I could tell some jokes
A few people might laugh
But it won't get anyone to improve
I could make some art
It might be pretty
But it won't feed hungry kids
I could do a lot more
But would it make any real difference?
No matter what I do
It seems many will get sick
Many will suffer
Many will die
Damn shame
But what can I do about it?
LIVE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE
There’s nothing going on
Life is too dull
Better than the world
Too much shit going down
Don’t want to die in war
Don’t want to live right here
Have to get out now
Before I die of boredom
Find a medium
Life better than yawns
Life better than pawns
Got to get out now
Got to get to a new town
Got to get out now
Got to get out now
OFFER A SONG TO THE WORLD
I was dreaming
I couldn’t tell
Was I in heaven
Or some kind of hell
The kids looked old
I had my doubts
I felt so bold
Just like a mouse
I have to go
I have to think
I have to blow
I have to drink
The wishes come
The dishes pile
The simple’s done
I fake a smile
The righteous past
The grey present
The unknown future
Makes me question
I feel afraid
But never stop
I hope my days
End at the top
I ENJOY MUSIC
I like The Beatles
I like The Who
I can't stand the crap on the radio
Since 1992
The days of my youth
Produced awful tunes
They won't be remembered
Good riddance to you
Fuck Garth Brooks
Fuck Shania Twain
Fuck Billy Ray Cyrus
Fuck all that Top 40
I'm glad that it's gone
I'm glad that it's passed
My only regret
It ain't leaving fast
GHOST REMOVERS
There's a weird ghost
Hanging around my house
Who can help me with it?
Ghost removers!
They might look weird
But they're really good
The only ones to call
Ghost removers!
I'm afraid of these ghosts
Please get them out
They're supernatural pains in the ass
I hope you incinerate them to hell
FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO BE SOBER
Some drunken frat boy offers you free drinks
You've got to pour them down the sink
Some hurtin' loser offers you some drugs
He doesn't need pills, he needs hugs
You've got to stand
And demand
To be SOBER!
You'll be clear thinking and in top form
Being sober should be the norm
You won't live a life of regret
You've got morals you can't forget
You've got to stand
And demand
To be SOBER!
ZEPPELIN WAS PRETTY GOOD
Their first album was killer
Second one's a classic too
The third one is overlooked
Well, as much as an album can be
For one of the most successful bands ever
In the midst of their god like hey day
Their fourth is owned by everyone
You almost have no choice
Early Led Zeppelin changed my life
BEFORE YOU'RE GONE
At least I tried
I rarely lied
I often sighed
I finally died
The world crushed me
The girls hushed me
The world punished me
The girls banished me
My time was short
Your time is too
Do what counts now
Before you have to go
MY HEROES ARE DEAD
Jimi Hendrix is gone
Bill Hicks is gone
George Orwell is gone
Dali is gone
Chris Farley is gone
Richard Feynman is gone
Even Shaft is gone
All of my heroes are dead
Perhaps I should pick some live ones
Or get off my ass
And become a hero to someone else
Nah- That's too hard
Come on heroes of mine
Quit dying on me!
YOU'VE GOT YOUR WHOLE LIFE TO AVOID WORK
Enjoy the days of your youth
You're fucked when you're old no matter what
How many joyful working adults do you know?
Not fucking many I bet
What do they have to look forward to?
A boss telling them what to do?
A spouse telling them what to do?
Parents dying
Kids are trying
Buddies get old too
Gut grows
Hair falls out
Weight goes up
Things stop working
Fuck that
If you have to go out like that
No matter what anyway
Might as well enjoy youth
Take it for what it's worth
Live it up now
The future may never arrive
The present is the time to live
Do it now while you can
Tomorrow's guaranteed to no man
You can try to plan
But the world is messed up
Don't take work too seriously
You're going to die in the end
It makes no sense to suffer
Because you aren't good at things you hate
Do what you must to get by
Live out loud, embrace the night
You can live instead of shuffling papers
Pull off your own mastermind capers
Have some adventures when young
If you find a job better run
They mostly suck, you don't want that
Don't become a corporate stat
Don't say yes and get fat
Have some passion while you can
Lie in the sun and get a tan
Find what life means to you
Find out what you can do
Find out what you can about life
Try to avoid stress and strife
Life is short and time is passing
Don't waste life just amassing
More shit that you don't need
Live for your own creed
Do a few good deeds
Have a few good reads
You can work later if you must
Live a little before you're dust
LIFE OPTIONS
The choices of life
Are nearly endless
Try to make good ones
Despite never knowing
How they'll turn out
Hope you have good times
Before you go away
Hope you live well
Before you see hell
Hope you live long
Hope you belong
Hope you want to try
Hope you never die
BE BRAVE
There are many troubling places
So many so sad faces
The children don’t all get to eat
All kinds of danger we may meet
The world can be a harsh place
There isn’t enough space
For all of us to get what we want
It all seems so wrong
The unknown never leaves
Someone always grieves
Living out loud for a while
Before we have to fade away
We may still have today
But don’t know how much more
No one knows what’s in store
For the lives of the human race
We can’t all go at our own pace
Things keep changing and moving
We just want life to be soothing
But it rarely is unless we kick ass
But most people never quite pass
The test of life graded on a curve
WHO SHOULD I IMPERSONATE?
So many human beings
Live on this great planet
Over six billion impressions
I could be doing
I don't know where to begin
How do I decide who to imitate?
I could make fun of my Ma
Or maybe my Dad
Might roast my sister
That wouldn't be bad
My brother is a cheeky one
He's got so many quirks
But none of them are famous
You might not get the reference
I could do a bunch of actors
Like every other comic
The same Jack, DeNiro, Brando
Over and over again
Or I could try to be off beat
And do some folks few do
Maybe do a Bill Gates, a prime minister, or Captain Kangaroo
But there's one big problem
No matter who I pick
Everyone sounds just like me
Hardly impressive shtick
So maybe before I do great impressions
I should take a look at me
How can imitate others
If I do such a bad me?
WEIRD SONG
I’m finally going home
To see my family again
I’ve been working way too hard
At the whoopee cushion factory
Oh I just can’t wait to see Mom and Dad
My brother Drew and my lovely sis Jezebel
We’ll sing holiday songs
Eat some lovely fixings
And then we’ll throw water balloons at rich kids
Who think that they’re better than us
Home for the holidays
My family is so wacky
They give me coal stock for presents
And then shoot me with my old bb gun
AL CHANGED MY LIFE
I once had promise
I was good at playing ball
I got good grades easily
The girls seemed to like me
My parents made decent money
I had it good
But then things took a turn
I knew my life was changed
I heard that music
That Weird Al music
I knew I’d never be the same again
I started wearing Wacky Hawaiian shirts
I growing a fro
Until Weird Al grew his hair out
Then I did that too
I started hanging with Dr. Demento
I started hanging with nerds
Instead of silly young girls
I thought of Weird Al’s words
That lovely poetry
Of songs like Fat or Eat It
My god it’s so genius
I can’t get it out of my head
Weird Al is my hero
Weird Al is my life
Don’t care if they say I’m a zero
Don’t care if I can’t have a wife
I’d rather be an Al fan
One of the many proud
I’m an Al fan for life
I’m floating on a Weird cloud
THRILLER- FILLER
Writer’s block gets you
It is evil to be such a bore
Blank mind will fuck you
You won’t see another dime
You squint your eyes
Can’t believe the crap that’s on the screen
What does it mean?
Not even filler
It’s filler light
And nobody can save you from the depths of writer’s hell
You know it’s filler
Filler light
What a shame that you’ve lost you mind
A TRIBUTE TO LIFE AND THE FEW THINGS THAT DON’T COMPLETELY SUCK
MUSIC
Music can be good
If a song really rock
It might make you laugh
If the singer shows their ass
Tunes might make you think
But more likely that you’ll drink
Music’s supposed to be a good time
Lots of guys feel the need to rhyme
But some not at all
Like Edward the prick
Listen to what you love
Heavenly music sent from above
Or maybe below
The devil tends to jam way better
His human team kicks ass
But whatever you like
Life’s too short to listen to a bunch of shit
If you do, you’ll regret it
BOOKS
Read a book from time to time
You might learn something new
Or be a bit less ignorant
Or at least not completely stupid
It might not change the world
But you can improve your mind
Once you can think for yourself
You start to realize new truths
Just because a book says it’s true
Doesn’t make it so
Just because a book is popular
Doesn’t make it right
Just because a book sells well
Doesn’t mean it’s written well
Books might make you laugh out loud
Books might make you check out the town
Fill your head with pleasant facts
Leave the morons to moron attacks\
MOVIES
You could be productive today
You could change the world
But you don’t want to do that
You want to watch another movie
Who could blame you?
The world’s pretty fucked up
The problems of billions
Aren’t likely to be cured
If you clock in at the office
People will still get sick
People will still die
So fuck it
Let some others work
You should watch another movie
COMEDY
Life is never ending laughs
Once you see how absurd life is
You can’t win
You can just tie for a while
Might as well smile
Laugh like a fool
You’ll never rule
You’re on the way out
No need to pout
Act a fool while you can
Fuck all of your plans
Life has bigger ones
They don’t include you
So have a chuckle
If you have luck you’ll
Get to laugh quite a lot
Before your life stops
SEX
I want to fuck her
2nd person- I want to fuck her too!
3rd person- I too would like to fuck her?
All- Well what are we going to do?
Why don’t we all fuck her?
Why don’t you fuck off?
I called her first?
She’s not a fucking parking spot.
Why don’t we see who she chooses?
It’ll have to be me.
Like you stand a chance
Maybe she’ll dig all three
Why don’t you go first?
Fuck you, why don’t you?
God you’re both pussies
Let’s see how you do!
Okay, I’m going to ask her out
Treat her like a lady
Yeah like that will work
You won’t even get a maybe
At least I’ll have class
Yeah, but no ass
We’ll just wait and see
Shit, when I’m laid you’ll see
Good luck to both of you with other women
Fuck you cocky prick
I hope you get warts on your dick
I love you too!
END LIKE THAT?
You can’t end like that
It’s just too tacky
You can’t end like that
It’s just too wacky
You should end with class
You don’t end like an ass
You should end on a great high
You should end before you die
LATIN BANDLEADER
Man, this makes no sense Steve.
To the untrained eye maybe not Pete, but…
But nothing! You’re 32 years old.
Yes and…
You’ve never been a bandleader before.
Granted but…
And you’re not Latin.
I don’t see how that’s relevant.
I think to be a Latin music bandleader, you have to know something about music.
I’ve listened to music off and on for most of my life.
That’s hardly unique. You can’t even read music.
True, but I can read about music. Plus, music is just something that you feel.
Only if you’re just listening to it. A bandleader should know everything there is to know about music.
You have to start somewhere.
Fine, take a class on how to play the spoons or something. But don’t call yourself a Latin bandleader.
But that’s what I have to be.
One, that’s not even close to true. You’re a computer software engineer.
That’s how I earn money, but that’s not who I am.
Whatever man. You can’t even read music, you can’t play any instrument, you don’t have a band, and you’re white!
It doesn’t matter if I’m white.
You’re not Latin.
But I can lead a Latin band.
You don’t have a band.
It’s just a matter of time.
You’re living in a fantasy world!
Better to live in a world of dreams than in a mundane reality like most.
Better to pay your bills and keep your day job.
Better to be who I want in my life.
This isn’t a movie. I don’t even think you know anyone in a Latin band.
I don’t, but I sometimes talk to the guy down the street who’s always working at that Burrito joint.
He might not be the guy to get you to break into the Latin music business.
I don’t do it for the money. I do it for the love.
Oh Christ!
MOVIE SCENE
OPEN ON: A LIFE MAGAZINE INTERVIEW
Why would you like to work as an editor at Life?
Well, I've been a fan of your magazine for most of my life. I even had some moments in my teen years when I...
Yes?
When I, uh, fantasized about some of the most attractive female shots.
I think I know all I need to know Mitch.
It's Mike.
Whatever. Good day.
Wow. Uh- Can I re-apply?
OPEN ON: A FLOWER STAND
I'd like to buy two roses.
Two dozen roses?
No, just two single roses.
Who buys two roses?
I do. I only have so much to spend on a flower budget.
Why not buy a cheaper bouquet then?
Because, my lady like roses and I have enough to buy two roses.
You should've worked a little overtime and gotten her at least a half dozen roses.
Maybe, but I didn't. Look, I just want two yellow roses.
I only have one yellow rose left.
Fine, I'll take that and another rose.
I'm sorry. The yellow rose is the only rose I have left.
The only one?
Yes, it's the only one left.
How can that be?
Everyone else bought them in dozen packs. I just kept this one out for myself, because I like them.
Okay, I'll take the yellow rose and another yellow flower.
You shouldn't mix and match with roses.
But you're out and I don't want to spend an evening shopping just for two flowers.
But if your lady likes flowers, she'll know the difference.
So what?
A real flower lover would never combine different classes of flowers with a rose.
Look, I'll just go to the local megastore and pick up two roses.
Yeah, good luck. They only sell them by the dozen.
I'll take my chances.
OPEN ON: A FILM DISCUSSION SHOW
I think the worst movie I've seen in years is Camp Washington. What an utter pile of dog shit.
I think you're being unkind to dog shit in that review Tim. This is an insult to filmmakers throughout history.
Annoying, clumsy, and out right offensive.
There is absolutely nothing good about this- I can't even bring myself to call
it a film.
Please don't see Camp Washington. To even waste time telling you what it's about is pointless. Don't see it.
Really, physically prevent anyone you love from seeing it. Worst so called "movie" of all-time.
I couldn't agree more. Moving on to a movie that's worth discussing...
SKETCH- OFF DAY
Finally a day off to do whatever I want.
We should watch YouTube videos.
Yeah, but I'd like to do something productive first.
Well let's see, the trash needs to be taken out, you could make your bed, clean your room, mow the neighbors lawn, clean the dishes, sweep and vacuum the rug, or do laundry.
You're right. We should watch YouTube videos.
DR. OFFICE
I keep sneezing doc.
Do you have any known allergies?
No.
Have you made any changes in your diet recently?
I've been eating a little more cheese than usual, but nothing too radical.
Perhaps it's the high pollen count we've had lately. But just in case I'm wrong, I'm going to order a series of expensive and outrageous tests to be performed on you.
But I'm only 31. It's not that big of a deal.
Then why'd you come to the Doctor's office?
Well, I'd rather not sneeze a lot, but I'd prefer even more to save money.
But you're paying for this visit.
No, insurance covers this visit. Anything else and I pay out of pocket. And I'm not cutting into my money for drinkin'.
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You don't want to jeopardize your health young man.
It's just a few sneezes. I'll take my chances Doc.
ABSURD THINGS ABOUT THE CITY
Busses go five times more the way you don’t want to go than the way you do.
Bikers think they have the privilege to be cars or sidewalk pedestrians on a whim
The lines even in the most mundane places are huge
Smells are best left ignored
Realization that bum preachers are no less insane than “legitimate” ones
People who wear clothes that are more expensive than some bum’s life savings in a cup peacefully co-exist, to some extent
Some of the most ignorant people in the world congregate at the library
Police are indifferent to actual crime, but maintain parking order
There are people who actually pay that much for food, parking, clothes, etc.
So many people are so full of shit.
I should stop fearing a future that I’m completely clueless about. Maybe I’ll win free cake for a year and everything will be all right.
TYPING AS FAST AS POSSIBLE
Fiends aren’t much different than friends
Top support is hard to find
The best of the past still die
The happy insult sufferers
Don’t take joy for granted
Love all you can
Live while you can
Can while you live
While you can live
Open up a deli
Make some more food
Eat the night away
Dance with passion
See it all go by
Can’t change everything
There is no tragedy yet
You’re still around
Move on to bigger
Move on to better
Or at least laterally
Play another tune
Re-masters are great
The treading of water
The drinking of water
Too much to handle
You’ll have to cope
Someone is messing around
There’s tumult in town
Life isn’t so simple
I saw your dimple
Terrible lyrics
Terrible tunes
At least they tried
Vulnerable artists
Objective science
Losing lottery tickets
No case of rickets
Play a telethon
Commit to win
Win to gain glory
Use glory for power
Have power to enjoy
Enjoy as much of life
As you possibly can
You’re fighting a losing battle
But don’t act like cattle
Be original if you dare
Someone else may care
That you weren’t another sheep
While others stayed asleep
Your life was vivid and bright
You shed a little light
Instead of being dark
Your life was a lark
Instead of a useless
Pointless death sentence
MORE TO CREATE
Evolution didn’t stop
Humanity can do better
You can too
We have a long way to go
As long as folks still die
We don’t know why
But those who try
Have a shot to help
Have a chance to live
Have a chance to give
Maybe none of us will make it
But someday our ancestors might
Be able to do things we can’t imagine
And we’ll have helped
A bunch of ungrateful future pricks
DEATH IS A FUCKER
Your loved one died
It’s so sad
Forget about playing cards with them now
They’ve left the world for good
They ain’t coming back
Oh sure, you can remember them
Or do some things you used to do
But they’re gone forever
I hope you weren’t an asshole to them
When they were still around
CELEBRATION OF LIFE
Party while you can
You all know the plan
The universe takes you out
Without a shadow of doubt
So use this time to rock
Death can suck your cock
You’re on top right now
You can feel your power
This is your finest hour
Kick some ass while you can
Time to be the man
Take your noble stand
For soon you’ll be canned
PINKO ARTIST
You should get a haircut
You should get a job
Be like everyone else
Who’s a boring snob
Quit acting like a hippie
You’re a damn adult
Try hard to be a yuppie
Or failure is your fault
Quit claiming you love art
When you bum for rent
You need to finally start
Acting like a gent
You ought to be ashamed
You aren’t a fucking baby
You ruined your family’s good name
You’re worthless and way too lazy
Stop drinking and watching TV
Give something back to society
Or keep fucking over hard working folks
I hope you stay hungry and broke
FREE ASSOCIATION BLUES
I have problems I have to get them solved or nothing good will ever happen in my life that I want to believe can make a difference in the grand scheme of life to make a better overall appearance in the lives of many who are struggling to improve who they are and what they may be able to do to take responsibility for their actions in the noblest and least foolish ways that are lucky to be found in the success rate of the most determined individuals who are pushing forward and using their time to evolve into something better for the uses of the example of fine hours that are leading to a more steady lifestyle that is built out of the winning efforts of money making lenders and borrowers who are focused on goals that are more meaningful than the rest of the league that is standing up to the tests of time that are losses for the open practice of the harshest words that are left for a less than stellar champion who plays for blood but never equals that hopeful event that pulls off a category of leadership that is uncategorized by the opening positions of life and the smallest minds that are set up in the frontal lobes in the synapses of leagues that are still being settled in the hopeful times of life that are nothing more than a simple blog entry for the lost cause that are pledged over for the firmament in the non-sense humor that is developed by hard driving bargains that are supposed to be logical but often wander into vague areas of questioning that are supposed to be loyal to a cause that is opening a front for a business that is supposed to be a colleague that is left wondering who can settle down and lead a more impressive element of life that is guessing about how one can lack professionalism and fond memories of life and love that are supposed to be a leader in the fields of life that are corrected by a guest spot in the findings of a tarp filled world that’s supposed to be a fighting ground for anyone who can reasonably afford to make more opportunities for themselves in the wisdom of the ages to protect various business interests in who they are and what they do to lead up to a thunderous point of continual battles.
WANDER AND WONDER
I wander the world
I wonder what will happen
I wander for fun
I wonder a ton
Everything changes
Nothing lasts
I hang on to a few memories
I keep checking out what’s new
I can have a laugh
I can have a drink
I’ll see some weird things
I’ll have to stop and think
I still don’t get it
Even after all of these years
But I’m glad I’m still here
And I have a few beers
KEEP CREATING
I don’t know if what I make will matter
I don’t know if anyone will care
But I feel compelled to keep trying
Even if I’m acting a fool
There’s a drive to create
There’s a drive to count
There’s a drive to live well
There’s a drive to amount
To something better than what I’ve been
Something better than what already is
Transcend the dullness and pains
Cure the blues and dwell on Spain
And other fine places in the world
I have to drive to see as much as I can
I know I’m only one man
But if I form a grand plan
I may finally understand
The joys of a great band
Or at least enough to make me happy
For a while before I have to leave
BEAUTIFUL OR NASTY?
The world is such a beautiful place
Full of ornate designs
That are all destined to die
And disappear into nothing
Music is so wonderful
It provides great joys
Until it makes us deaf
Or we bite the dust anyway
Books contain great knowledge
Enlighten and infom
But they mean nothing at all
To people who can’t read and die
Movies are a treasure
Of human imagination
Too bad all the stars die
They quit too easily on you
All of the art, sex, and travel
Still results in death
All of the food, clothes, and houses
Won’t give you any real life insurance
Live a little before you die
Bow out and say goodbye
Your cameo on Earth
Is about to expire
DEMENTED COMEDY SONG
A lot of things about life piss me
off. But I don’t like being pissed
off. I’d rather be happy. But the older you get, you see just how life
screws you. You try to be a decent
person and others take advantage of you.
You’re born and people take care of you, but pretty much as soon as you
can talk you’ve got someone telling what to do and how to do it. You don’t get to play all day. You have to go to school. Why?
So you can acquire relevant skills like finger painting, story time, and
watching how bitter most teachers become?
There’s nothing that’s taught in schools that couldn’t be learned by a
motivated kid. All public school is
meant to be is a place where conformist worker drones are created. Anyone who ever does anything important in
the real world has to excel a lot more than anything taught at school. School represents the bare minimum of what
you have to know to get a monkey boy job you’d hate. That’s all.
I find it rather sad that there are people living in the 21st century who starve. What leads to this terrible mass tragedy? Some people blame inefficient economic policies. Others say starvation takes place because of the foolish decisions of corrupt politicians. Some believe it is the failure of modern science to create methods for humans to be able to grow enough food in various climates. But I think if anyone is honest, we all know the real culprit: fucking.
OPERA
READING ARABIC
WATCHING 1930’s Dutch cinema
Doing improvisation in Mexico
Having sex anywhere in public in Chicago
Making myself a living piece of art
Traveling to South America by foot
Doing a goofy science experiment
Publishing an anti-religion leaflet
Posing as a philosopher for a photo shoot
Protesting the existence of a popular local sports team
Play 800 simultaneous games of chess and lose all of them
Take on a veggie burrito Mike V. food challenge
Wear only my skimpy white shorts on a backwards jog
Live in Canada for a year while making a living from dancing
Being a grave digger or an undertaker’s assistant
Writing is enough to satisfy someone who just likes to watch the madness of others, but those who want to be active participants have to do something other than merely write about what’s taking place in the universe. They have to roll up their sleeves, get down and dirty, and take some punches in the face from the universe before they’re able to live well.
Art is anything that is produced with a vivid imagination.
Anyone who makes less than an elephant who paints should be ashamed.
Anyone who makes less money than a monkey with a paintbrush should be shot.
QUESTIONS I STILL HAVE
What is the purpose of life?
How did the universe come into creation? Is it possible that there’s always been some material form of existence?
If there is a god, why does it allow so many contradictory accounts that provide as much tangible evidence as the actual god?
Why do so many people seem so unhappy?
Is there a way to accurately tell who’s happy and who isn’t?
Can I get a better deal on potatoes if I keep looking?
Will I be able to achieve even a small part of my dreams?
If I try, will anyone care?
What do I need to do before I die? What do I feel like I should do before I die? What if I fail to do so? Will anyone be angry? Will I harm others if I refuse?
Is it wiser to live simply and stop trying to ask all sorts of unknowable questions?
MANY MORE OPTIONS
There are many more jokes that can be told. There are many more songs that can be created. There are many more books that can be written. There are many more movies that can be filmed. There are many more stand-up routines that can be written. There are many more opportunities for living and healthy people to have sex. There are many more pieces of art that can be created. There are many more places where anyone can travel to. There are many more ways to contribute to science. There are many more ways to combat against the stupidity of religions. There are many more ways to create better philosophies. There are many more ways to promote more passion for sports. There are many more ways to enjoy games. There are many more ways to eat. There are many more ways to design and wear clothes. There are many more ways to live in homes. There are many more ways to live life. There is no way to avoid death.
SONGS
LIVE A GOOD LIFE
I want to live the good life
I want to raise a family
I want to be a success
I want to be the best
I want to destroy my enemies
I want to see them die
I want to watch their eyes ooze blood
I want to see them burned alive
I want to see them tortured repeatedly
I want to see their suffering
I want to see their families slaughtered
I want to see their pets cremated
I want to see their communities wiped out
I want to see their cities bombed
I want to see their nations begging for mercy
Only to be crushed like the maggots they are
I want everyone I hate to die
And burn in hell for eternity
I want to rule the entire universe
I want to destroy all of the gods
So I can take their place
And do whatever I want
RAP IS CRAP?
They say Mozart was a genius
I think he was boring
Tired of all that fancy old white boy shit
It got no style
It got no beat
It ain’t got shit on rap
That’s where it’s at
Listen to the words from the streets
Not the words from old dead white guys
What the hell did they know?
They’re way too old school
SOPHISTICATION
I could be a great man
I could act with class
But I hate the great men
They kiss lots of ass
Suck corporate dick for years
Get another degree
Trade freedom for cash
Full of so many fears
Fight to be the best?
Why try if you can’t win?
Rather be with the rest
So I can enjoy my sins
Don’t see the point to being number one
If you have to act like a bitch
Not worth it to lose who you are
Might as well be a snitch
Oppress the poor and foolish
Bomb lots of little brown kids
What kind of psycho are you?
How can you stand to live?
I’d rather be poor than corrupt
I’d rather be dead than live like that
I’d rather not serve evil masters
I’d rather be free and happy
LAUGH AT DEATH
Hey you
You know you’re going to die
Maybe not any time in the near future
But sure as hell someday
So you might as well take some time
To live before you go
Don’t waste time doing stupid shit
Might as well get used to it
You can’t win but you can fight
To battle for your very life
You should have some fun for a while
Fuck the bullshit, have a smile
Bound to lose but not to be lame
You can choose to strive for fame
Be a star and destroy a scene
Be a champ and live a dream
It may not last cuz nothing will
Laugh a lot before you’re killed
RHYME SCHEME
I want to live
The world can give
I hate damn death
Give it a rest
The book is done
I hug my hun
I eat some lunch
I’ve got a hunch
The dome is rocking
The boxers socking
I fall down again
I say hey to Ben
The room is dark
I hear a dog bark
The smell is great
It is my fate
I want to be blessed
This life is a test
Rotting away
Against anti-gays
Life is too strange
I have to arrange
To live before I can’t
I hear my dog pant
The rhyme is less than ill
It may end up landfill
Rap isn’t my thing
I’d rather bring
Some chips and dip
Some booze to sip
A flick to watch
I can’t botch
A funny movie
It’d be groovy
We can lay back
Chill out and snack
Life would be sweet
My plan’s complete
FREE VERSE AIN’T FREE
You have to pay me for my free verse
Unless you manage to steal it
And get away with it
Then you can have what I made
Without paying
Hell, I can’t stop everyone
I’d rather you give me some cash
I’ve been busting my ass
Trying to make something new
Don’t I deserve my due?
But I get it
You bust your ass too
And probably don’t make shit
Or at least not as much
As you think you should get
The world’s pretty fucked up
There might be bigger deals
Than me getting screwed
Out of a bit of cash
But it still bites my ass
That people are so rude!
OBEY POWER
Whoever’s in charge
Definitely should be
God ordained it
You better do what they say
You better shut up and obey
Rulers are amazing
I worship the king
Bankers rule the world
Priests are to be trusted
Presidents are heroes
Protecting the rest of us
The army should be worshipped
The have all the might
Their guns provide freedom
You better bow down to them
You better do what they say
You better shut up and obey
HAPPY RAP?
I want to enjoy today
I want to eat, love, and stay
In a loving world
I love my ice cream swirled
I hope that I can sing
I hope that I can dance
I hope that I can bring
Another friend a chance
To read a great book
We can all take a look
The truth is coming out
Getting rid of doubt
Watching funny bits
Enjoying awesome tits
Life can be a joy
No need to be coy
Live your life out loud
Stand up and be proud
Look at some great art
Giggle at a fart
Go see new places
Defeat the silly racists
Learn more about reality
Practice congeniality
Science teaches truths
Put them to some uses
Don’t bow down to a god
Pick up your staff and rod
Live the way you really want to
Not like some book says you ought to
Embrace what you believe
Give gifts and receive
Watch great warriors play games
Remember the greatest names
Eat a great meal
Make life a big deal
Wear what you like
Take a morning hike
To a lovely place to live
What I wouldn’t give
To live forever in health
To success and wealth
FUNNY SONGS ARE OFTEN LAME
Start off with a basic premise
A standard lyric like “I love you baby”
Take it somewhere different
Than the cliché is supposed to go
Don’t talk about your endless love
Talk about how fucked up life is
Make some absurd statements
Point out the inconsistencies in formal rules
Get the fuck out while they laughs are good
4:00 AM
Not much going on
Only drunks and bums hang out
You shouldn’t be up this early
You shouldn’t stay up this late
You must be a crazy person
For being up at 4 AM
No one has to work this early
That’s cruel and unusual punishment
Even joggers aren’t up yet
Even the best bars should be closed
What the hell 4 AM?
I FORGOT
I’m sorry
My memory must be slipping
I do apologize
I never meant to hurt you
I can’t believe I did that
I never meant to crash
Your car 29 times
I never intended
To bulldoze your doghouse
I didn’t mean to leave your baby
Alone in the middle of the Sahara
Boy is my face red
I’m truly sorry
I can make amends
How about I buy you dinner?
We’ll be square then
MUSIC- WHAT THE HELL?
I was born
Things were going okay
People looked out for me
I had things my way
But then I started talking
They sent me to stupid schools
I had to shape up or ship out
I had to obey mindless rules
I had to go get a job
I had to work instead of play
I had to let Big Brother rob
I had to sacrifice and pay
For the horrible crime of being born
I didn’t have a choice
I only coped with beer and porn
Never listened to advice
I realized that we’re all living
In mostly fear and awful pains
I realized that we’re all dying
No matter what our short-term gains
BOOKS- IT AIN’T NO BIG DEAL
There’s lots a books
I can’t read em’ all
Just give me the gist of em’
So I’ll be richer than yall
I ain’t got time to read
That’s for yall
Just give me what I need
So I can get to the mall
I got enough to have my truck
I got enough to go huntin’ deer
I really don’t give a fuck
As long as I got my beer
Yall nerds can read if ya like
I’d rather be making cash
All them books can take a hike
I’d rather be smokin’ hash
I aint’ gonna read shit
I’m better off fer it
I’ll live while yall read
Yall in jail, I’m free
MOVIES- THIS MOVIE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
You better get ready
Coming to a theatre near you
The greatest movie of all-time
It will change your life
You won’t believe it
You’ll have to see it 27 times
That might not be enough
Trust us, you’re going to love it
With all of it’s cool stuff
It’s funny, it’s romantic, it’s new, it’s deep
It’s awesome, it’s scary, it’s real, it’s cheap
Better see Psycho Bitches from Hell 3
You won’t believe what you see!
COMEDY- LAUGH AT THE GREAT ONES
Richard Pryor is dead
And George Carlin is too
But you have a new generation
Of comedy heroes
That you can worship who are new
There’s that one guy
Who make goofy faces
And that other guy who dares
To point out the differences
Between white people and black people
There’s that kid who makes sex jokes
And the gal who says men are pigs
And the guy from that one show
And the old guy who hates everyone
Don’t say that we don’t have comedy heroes
But don’t say that any of them are like
Carlin, Pryor, Hicks, Kinison
Or whoever your comedy heroes are
SEX- CLUB HIT?
I want to fuck
I want to fuck you
I want to fuck you over there
I want to fuck you girl
That’s right you
The girl at that table over there
I want to fuck you
You specifically you girl
The girl who looks all hot
I want to fuck you
Erica Jackson
The one who lives at 132 Maple Alpine Drive
ART- THIS IS ART?
Hey I’m an artist
Don’t give me no shit
I can do whatever I want
And call it art
I can YELL
I can whisper
I can belch
I can YODEL
I can let the band go on and on
I can recite epic Shakesperean like tragedy
I can do a bunch of lame impression
I can make a tasteless joke
I can pause for a smoke
But I don’t smoke
I can eat a piece of pie
I can jump up and down
But you can’t hear that
I can end it without you knowing why
TRAVEL- TAKE ME THERE
I want to go some place better
I’m tired of this shit hole
I grow weary of the grind
Why don’t you take me somewhere better?
Goddamn this tropical island
Everything is so boring
Nothing here but sunshine and beaches
Take me somewhere interesting
I want to see these exotic places
With mini-malls and housing complexes
I hear that they’re a blast
I want to see a mall and some churches
Maybe hang out in corn field or two
Listen to country and western music
They both would be a joy
I want to go to a county fair
I’m tired of tropical paradise
SCIENCE CAN’T SAVE
Even the best that we’ve got
Won’t save your worthless ass
My God, I can’t believe you’ve made it this far
Science can’t help you
You might as well accept it
Someday you’re going to die
Oh, maybe you’ll get another 120 years in
But the universe owns your ass
You soon will be going down
Might as well get used to it
As horrible as it sounds
Your world will be replaced by new shit
ANTI-RELIGION HYMN
There is no God
There never was
It should be obvious by now
No god cares about you
Why are there wars?
Why are you broke?
Why all the bores?
Because God’s a joke
You can’t win by praying
Watch idiots try
On Earth, you won’t be staying
Soon you’re going to die
PHILOSOPHY- THE GREATEST MINDS
The geniuses of humanity
Can serve as inspiration
Of all the great thoughts they’ve had
I simply have to wonder
What kind of tunes did they like?
Was it all of that queer classical?
What kind of movies would they watch now?
I bet they’d love Dumb and Dumber
Who did they find funny?
I bet the guy who pulled his finger
How did they get laid?
I bet however they could have
What kind of art did they like?
I bet they liked graffitti
What kind of food did they eat?
I bet it wasn’t tofu
Why did they have to die?
I guess they sucked as bad as the rest of us
FOOD- IT MIGHT SAVE YOU, IT MIGHT KILL YOU
They tell me food saves my life
I’m glad that it does
I like to eat a lot
I love chowing on pizza, burgers, and chips
But wait on a minute Jack says the doc
If you eat all of that
It’s going to kill you
But I thought it’s what keeps me alive
It is, but it can also kill you says the doc
Oh man, what a crock
I want to eat real good all day long
I don’t want any vegetables
I don’t care if they make me strong
Let the rabbits eat the rabbit food
I want to eat like a man while I can
So what I eat lets me stay alive
But it might kill me to deprive
So I’ll take my chances and eat like a champ
After all, I’m way too old for fat camp
CLOTHING IS A SCAM
Paying for clothes is absurd
You can find free clothes in the alley
They’re just as good as paying all that cash
You don’t want to look like everyone else anyway
Create your own style and laugh about it
You don’t have to look like the media says
Unless you have some stupid job
That says you have to uphold an image
Like anything we wear right now
Won’t look ridiculous to future people
What ridiculous arrogance
What non-sense demands
To get everyone to look alike
Outside of a sports team
SHELTER- I want a house
I want it to be nice
I hope it’s pleasant
I hope it’s all right
I hope it has a fridge
I hope it has TV
I hope I get a dream house
I hope I live to see it
LIFE- YOU BETTER LIVE BEFORE YOU DIE
So many people working hard
Saving their money, making plans
Busting their ass to make the grade
Going to school to learn a trade
You better do something soon
Your time could end any time
You better take the time to live
While you can before you die
Forget about waiting for permission
You better live right now
Forget about waiting for the right time
If it matters do it now
No time for patience
No time for bullshit
If it matters do it now
You better get right to it
There’s no way to do it all
Life is full of so much
You better do what you can
Before life takes it from you
Nothing you do will last
But you can still kick ass
At least for a little while
You might as well smile
Sure life is a losing battle
But don’t act like another cattle
Fight for what you believe in
Before life does you in
No time to do anything less
Live your life for what seems best
REAL LIFE LAUGHS
Andy dating a girl right after she broke up with Daryl Hall. - That’d be weird to see pictures of the two of them hanging up all over the place
Tess using "I'm a puppet" as an explanation!
The laughs that can come from virtually any discussion with Kevin, especially when he talks about how John Peters is crazy. John living in a house with his lesbian ex-fiancé and refusing to pay for heat because the company did him wrong. Refusing to sleep in his own bed with his next roommate who he slept with a few times and took off a few days before the lease was up.
Watching people schmooze to try to get ahead in a scene.
Watching people brag about doing free
shows with no real prestige.
Discussing Drew calling out Chaz about wanting to have sex for a whole day- "I think that would get rather tiresome and probably quite painful."
Discussing organic chemistry as if I have any idea what the fuck I'm talking about. Oh yes- compounds and chemicals and what not.
Me falling asleep on the couch while drinking gin.
Failing to live up to the high expectations of family members who wanted me to be a mouthpiece for god. Talk about unrealistic expectations!
OH WOW THOUGHTS!
There’s no way to know if one is doing better than global competition in the arts, but there are plenty of ways to effectively measure sales records.
Artistic success may not be the same thing as financial success, but the artists who are most well-known in the world today tend to also be the ones who are quite financially successful.
Too many people forget their ideals when they get old enough to die naturally. Perhaps this should be an indicator that death is a bigger deal to most of humanity than doing what we supposedly believe in most.
There are far too many people fighting for limited resources, opportunities, and parking spaces.
You are alive in a time when billions of humans are capable of maintaining survival, which means there’s even competition for resources as trivial as a t-ball trophy.
Terrible people can still win, because they have more focus and determination than people who are supposedly good, but weak.
UNIQUE IDEAS
MUSIC- It would be unique to have a jam
session with 10,000 Carlos Santana fans in The loop.
BOOKS- It would be unique to be on a book tour with Hitchens, Ralph Reed, and
Carrot Top.
MOVIES- It would be unique to be in a film with the relatives of Clark Gable,
Carey Grant, Humphrey Bogart, George Lucas, Spielberg, etc.
COMEDY- It would be unique to perform with Lewis Black, a few radical Black
Panthers, a girl scout troop, and a few Vegas magicians.
SEX- It would be unique to film a presidential porn shoot with women from every
country
ART- It would be unique to produce art
from each state that fits into a map of the USA
TRAVEL- It would be unique to travel in a submarine across the Bahamas just to
hit up a booze party on every major island
SCIENCE- It would be unique to assemble some of the greatest minds to play
Scrabble
ANTI-RELIGION- It would be unique to see how differently a religious debate is
conducted in Saudi Arabia, The United States, North Korea, Sweden, and Brazil
PHILOSOPHY- It would be unique to pose difficult philosophical questions to either kids or uneducated folks who would have no idea what was being discussed
SPORTS- It would be unique to have
professional teams combat in a sport that was different than what they usually
play
GAMES- It would be unique to have a celebrity bingo game
FOOD- It would be unique to have an all you can eat challenge with my closest
Chicago friends
CLOTHING- It would be unique to assemble 100 people to dress in period costumes
and walk around for an hour in the same place and see confused reactions and
get odd questions
SHELTER- It would be unique to build a house out of Jell-O
LIFE- It would be unique to live for one year on every continent.
DEATH- It would be unique to die in outer space.
MY DEATH
Mike Nesteruk is finally dead
God, he didn’t do shit
Hurry up and get rid of him
Let a shark tear him apart
Eat his flesh so we can forget
His life and body smell like fart
If it were real he’d be in hell
But there’s no proof that it is, oh well
Leave this stinking corpse and go live
