Sometimes I'm serious.


I’m moral.  I don’t allow X-rated materials in places where I use child slaves.


Have a sense of decency.  Let me get my abortion in peace.


Love isn’t the way to solve many problems.  Like child rape.


Only people who have solid values understand why I hate babies.


Finding the right words to end a relationship is tough.  Especially with deaf, blind mutes.


Never accept that you’ve lost.  Fight for what you want, wife beater.


Abortion should be mandatory for all couples who can’t afford to send their kids to an Ivy League school.


If we want to improve test scores, any school kids who can’t pass proficiency tests should be beaten until they can.


The best way to win many women’s hearts is casino night at the morgue.            


A gal asked about my job, sick Grandfather, and asked me to have lunch with her in the near future.  I responded "Job = same, lunch = yep, Grandfather = dead."


Why is it bad to throw the baby out with the bath water?   The water might be useful.

Anyone who believes they’re best at everything should try breaking the world record for time spent staring at the sun.


Rent a movie if you want to escape your problems for a while.  Rent a boat if you want to escape your problems for a long time.  Rent a shotgun if you want to escape your problems forever.


If we want an impartial judge, our court cases should be decided by a cold, indifferent universe.


Most people aren’t remembered because they’re way too much like other boring and forgettable people.


We can get to the moon, yet many people refuse to walk in stores because they're incredibly fat, lazy, and pathetic.


Nothing can stop you from achieving your dreams, unless you count reality.


Lying to authorities is only a crime because they don’t want anyone using their tactics against them.


Trusting authority is tough in an era when priests are rapists, teachers have sex with their students, and politicians are only weird if they have no sex scandals.


Dogs require love and affection.  This is why humans should be banned from caring for them.

Abortion is a divisive issue.  But not for long, once the little fetuses are killed.