Sometimes I'm serious.




1. Start your own religion

Pro- You make up the rules.  A lot of potential holidays. 

Con- Hard to get tax breaks.  A lot of people act like your wacky religion is somehow crazier than others.

2. Christianity

Pro- Possible eternal salvation in paradise.  Some really beautiful churches on this team!

Con- Serving as a slave of Christ makes this life suck.  Jesus tends to answer a lot less prayers than The Bible says.  Possible eternal hellfire if you screw up.

3. Islam

Pro- Possible eternal salvation in paradise.  Rules often warped in your favor if you’re a dude.

Con- Being a woman.  Possible eternal hellfire if you screw up.

4. Judaism

Pro- You don’t have to push outsiders to join the flock.  You can deny every single truth of the religious claims, but still be in the tribe just because you were born.

Con- Tons of weird stuff encouraged.  Lots of people persecute you.

5. Hinduism

Pro- Lots of gods to pick and choose from.  A lot of different rules you can choose to play by.

Con- Caste system is rough if you’re not in a winning bracket at birth.

6. Buddhism

Pro- No one can judge you if you get a little heavy.  You look good in orange saffron.

Con- Meditating not as good as having nice stuff.

7. Sikhism

Pro- Wide range of turbans thought to be “cool.”  Due to Westerners being almost entirely ignorant of your faith, you have almost no chance of being mocked on comedy programs. 

Con- People in most of the world think you’re Muslims.

8. Atheism

Pro- Not a religion.  No mystery man watching you at all times, judging you, deciding whether to let you into the Playboy Mansion or the gas chambers for eternity.

Con- No easy excuses for bad behavior. 

9. Agnosticism

Pro- You can do whatever you want.  No flag waving.

Con- Somehow, people sometimes still get mad at you for admitting your lack of knowledge.

10. Cult group

Pro- A unique experience.  You could be the start of something big.

Con- Brainwashing.  Occasional cyanide Kool Aid, government raid, or end times everyone dies party.