Sometimes I'm serious.

DEALING WITH FEARS

WHAT DO I FEAR?

Death, the unknown, failure, going broke, having nothing, being wrong, being terrible at what I try to be great at, wasting others time and energy, hurting other people, pain, being no use to anyone, being a total fool who lives for no good reason, never giving anything of value to anyone, being a terrible person who commits to the wrong side of the battles in life, choosing so poorly that nobody listens to me

 

Most of my life, my greatest fears were God, death, and consequences.

 

GOD

 

Not a fear anymore.  If there’s no God, there’s no reason to be afraid.  If there’s a God and it’s forgiving, there’s no reason to be afraid.  If there’s a God and it doesn’t like me, I’m screwed.  But I find this so improbable that I don’t worry about it.

 

DEATH

 

I’m still afraid to die.  Knowing that everything I could ever do ends with death, this makes some sense.   I don’t want to fear death so much that I never take risks.  That’s foolish and makes no sense.

 

CONSEQUENCES

 

The potential consequences of life still make me afraid.  Certain consequences, such as being shot, are reasonable to fear.  Others, such as shark attacks in Columbus, Ohio are not.   What consequences do I specifically fear?

 

MAKING THE WRONG CHOICE

 

I’ve made the wrong choice numerous times by refusing to take significant action.  I’ve made the wrong choice numerous times by refusing to take more risks to do something important.  Unless I spend the rest of my life taking significant actions, I’ll never do what I believe is best.

 

I fear that I’ll make a terrible decision and my life will be less than it should be.  The best logical way to cope with fear of making the wrong choices: Realize that choices have to be made in life.   I’m going to make less than great choices at times.  I hope to trust my instincts while knowing they can be off at times.

 

PAIN

 

I fear that I’ll experience unnecessary pain.  I’m going to experience pain at times.  I need to develop physical and mental strengths to help me overcome pains.  I need to realize that my life will never be free from pain, but I can utilize strategies that help me deal with pain effectively.

I don’t know what negative consequences I’ll have to face in life.  I’ll try to avoid highly painful consequences.  I fear facing pain and losing what I have.  The best logical way to cope with pain: Pain is part of living.  I can do my best to avoid pain, but must deal with it at times.  I’ll do my best to prepare for pains that I am likely to face.  I’ll try to learn from errors.

HURTING OTHERS

 

I’ve hurt other people on numerous occasions.  At times, I hurt other people intentionally when I was a teenager.  I’ve hurt people unintentionally more times than I can count.   Part of this is because I was insensitive, part of it was because I was unaware that I was doing it at the time, part of it was that I failed to understand the best way to act in the moment.

 

The best logical way to cope with hurting others: Admit that I may hurt other people at times, even if I try my best not to.  I’m not directly responsible for the emotional state of another person.  I can use my time to try to help others, but each person has to make decisions about how they deal with their emotions individually.  I can try to be an ethical person while realizing that there will be times when I fall short of being helpful to others.

 

FAILING TO SUCCEED

 

I’ve failed to succeed at my goals numerous times.  I’m failing to succeed at certain goals I have in the present.  I’ll probably continue to fail for life.

 

I fear being weak and unable to take care of my needs.  I fear that even if I try, I won’t help other people.  I fear that I won’t succeed since I made awful decisions in my past.  If I want to make amends for my poor decisions in the past I need to do all I can to make positive decisions now.

COPING WITH FEARS

I still fear death, failure, and the unknown.

 

How I cope with death: I try to live the best life possible.  I accept that death is going to happen eventually.  I accept that I don’t know what happens after death.

 

Perhaps it’s healthy and logical to have some fear of death.  Reality seems to have gone on before my individual existence.  It will almost assuredly do the same without me too.

 

According to all evidence I can see, I’ll eventually experience physical death.  I don’t see any way around it.  I’d love to live forever in peace and health as a young man.  I don’t see any evidence in the present that this is scientifically possible.

 

There may be an afterlife.  I see no evidence of one.  If there is an afterlife, I have no way of being able to tell in this life.  I need to concern myself with the affairs of this life.  This is the only life that I know I have for certain.  I’ll try not to let death bring down my quality of life.

My essence has already died several times. Who I am as an adult is almost nothing like I was when I was a kid. I now have the physical traits of a man and have no childlike appearance. My perceptions of significance have altered greatly. The essence of who I was at age five no longer exists for me and doesn’t exist in anything other than memories.

Knowing my essence has changed consistently leads me to try to fear death less.  Death is just the final phase of my essence undergoing change.  I don’t like the finality of the change.  Knowing that my essence has already died many times should lead me to be more comfortable with change.

I’ve been a fool to worry so much about death. Life will end. I know this and have accepted it. I’ll probably retain some level of fear of the end my whole life. Dwelling too much on death in life is pointless and unproductive.

How I cope with failure: I fear that I won’t meet my goals and will feel emotional pain.  The best logical way to cope with failure: We all fail at times.  Failure is part of gaining greater knowledge and abilities.  Try not to fail, but expect to experience failure many times.  Accept that failure is part of getting better at what’s most desired.  Accept that even great people fail quite a bit and all great people experience failure to achieve noble goals.

To reduce failure I need to make better goals, work to improve, and realize how well I’m doing compared to those who suffer and fail in worse ways than I do.

I’ve chosen poorly before.  I believe that I’ll make less than perfect decisions in the future at times.  I believe I can make some positive decisions too.

 

COPING WITH UNCERTAINTY

 

I fear the unknown because it could be dangerous.  I fear the unknown because it could bring me physical or mental pain. 

 

The best way to logically deal with fears of uncertainty: Everyone is always uncertain about most things in life.  None of us know for certain how our universe came into existence.  None of us know about most of what’s happening in the present.  None of us know for certain what will happen in the future.  The nature of reality is largely unknown.  I’ve been uncertain my entire life.

 

When was I happy when living in an uncertain reality?  When I took chances to do what I wanted to do more than anything else.  When I spent my time pursuing goals that I felt had value.  When I didn’t worry about how I might fail and committed to doing what I thought could be great.  When I made good decisions.  When I had enough faith to believe amazing things could happen.  When I let go of my fear.  When I had the wisdom to simply enjoy the present moment. 

 

Ignorance can easily bring pain, pointlessness, and even death. I don’t like pain, pointlessness, or the prospect of death. Yet I’ll experience pain at times, will probably feel pointlessness at times, and will die someday.  Fearing does no good to take care of these problems. 

To live well I’ll try to discover as much factual information as possible, but accept that uncertainty is part of leading a happy and productive life.

LESSER FEARS

I fear being made a fool.  I fear looking ridiculous and undignified in front of others.  I find this the most petty of my fears, but it still exists.  The best logical way for coping with fear of being made a fool: Quit taking myself so seriously.  Accept that I’m a capable person.  Accept that at times, I’m a fool.  Own up to mistakes and aim to dwell on positive parts of life.

 

I fear sucking.  I fear that my efforts won’t be good enough compared to others.  The best logical way to cope with sucking: Perfection is never fully achieved by anyone.  Have the courage to suck with others, and try to suck a little less next time.

DEALING WITH FEARS LOGICALLY

I don’t expect what I make to last forever.  It’d be nice, but I don’t consider it realistic.

 

I accept that I’m going to die.  I can’t accept that I’m going to die without trying to live well.

 

I accept that I’ve made many ridiculous decisions.  I can’t accept that I’ve continued to make them due to my own fears.

The logical way to deal with loss: No matter what I do I’m eventually going to lose everything I have.

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