Sometimes I'm serious.

POLITICAL JOKES

POLITICS: Pricks call other pricks lying pricks.  Many pricks argue about which pricks lie more.

It’s unrealistic to expect a politician to give you a better way of life unless you’re the one bribing them.

Deciding who to vote for is like picking the lesser evil of two counter boys at McDonald’s.  They’re both controlled by something much larger than themselves.

I don’t bother voting because I don’t trust people who participate in elections, people who count the votes, or people with guns who enforce the alleged votes.

Many people only follow laws for personal benefits, like the benefits of not being imprisoned, tortured, or killed by the state.

Anyone who believes law is always right has never read a history book, newspaper, or law book.

Slavery is still legal in some places.  Watching MTV is a capital offense in others.  Laws aren’t always good.

Can I say anything nice about our political leaders? Yes.  They haven’t personally ordered anyone to kill me yet.  Well, that covers all that I like about them.

Fun conspiracy theory: The world is run by Obama’s daughters.

I think I’ve solved the mystery of one of the most famous political killings of all time.  To get more business, the bookstore people shot Kennedy. 

Possible location of next U.S.A. war: A land of non-white people with oil.

Liberals want progressive change.  They often fail.  Conservatives want things to stay the same.  They always fail. 

Hard work isn't always good.  I wish ISIS was lazier.

I won't save strangers.  What if I save a total bastard?  I'd hate to be the one responsible for saving Hitler in World War 1.

My plan to help stop racial injustice in America: I won't personally kill any young black men and won't personally help any law officer shooting at young black men.  Unless I personally know the young black man and think he should be shot.

How can you have a conservative party?  No celebration of life is conservative.  If it is, that's why it automatically sucks.

Political irony: A president becomes HIV positive from raping his aides

9/11 was an inside job if you live inside Saudi Arabia.

People who admire politicians are like cockroaches who enjoy fecal matter: They get something they value out of shit which no other living beings could.

9/11 was the first time I saw people in Ohio losing their minds about anything of less importance than losing to Michigan.

One of the worst parts about 9/11 is that roughly 1/365th of humanity now has a bittersweet birthday.

Proof that Americans tend to be lazy: Many spend more money than they have frequently and still settle for making the number one business in everything Wal-Mart.

I thought I wanted to be a rock star, but the truth is I wanted to act like a jackass, mistreat others, and be worshiped by idiots.  That's why I'm going into politics.

A guy was talking about the boss of his bosses’ boss.  I asked if that was Trump.

Gods are as useful as the homeless at the Republican National Convention.

My ancestors were too poor to afford slaves, but too white to be them.

My ancestors were too lazy to have slaves and too lazy to be slaves.

Who in their right mind has ROYALTY in 2017?  Why would I pretend to respect that?

I have no sense of right and wrong.  I grew up in America.

It's funny that a country founded on sleighing the people who already lived here and stealing their sacred lands now claims we instill our children with "American values."

I have American values: I kill everyone in sight until I own everything.

I have American values: I consume everything and don't give a damn about anyone else.

PROS AND CONS: Pros get away with systematic crimes, cons go to jail

If I ever buy a boat for a dictator, I’ll christen it the Censorship.           

If you want to move intelligent people, write a play.  If you want to move the masses, write a movie.  If you want to move fools, write a political speech.

I don’t mean to insult politicians, but I have a brain and working eyes.

I bet most Japanese people aren't fans of historical recreations of World War II.

North Korea should have some of the best impressionists in the world.

Have you ever realized that all of the money you've earned in your entire lifetime isn't even close to as much as the amount of money used to fail to pay off interest on the national debt every day?