Sometimes I'm serious.
A FINE SIMPSONS HALLOWEEN ACT
This is my favorite Simpsons Halloween act in a spec script I wrote.
FINAL 1 11/18/09 Page 13
ACT TWO
“Sweet Death”
INT. SIMPSONS LIVING ROOM SCENE 4
HOMER
Ah, no better way to spend Halloween
than eating the candy of others.
CUT TO: BAGS LABELED ROD FLANDERS AND TODD FLANDERS
HOMER
Hee hee!
GHOST HOMER
Woo! Woo!
HOMER
That sounds weird. Must be the furnace
or something.
GHOST HOMER
(Louder) WOO!
HOMER
Can’t talk. Eating.
GHOST HOMER
Woo. Homer it is me.
Ghost Homer, aged 18, APPEARS out of a shadow. Homer IGNORES his ghost and EATS candy.
FINAL 1 11/18/09 Page 14
GHOST HOMER
I’m your ghost of Halloween past!
Homer continues EATING.
GHOST HOMER
Fine.
Ghost Homer WAVES his hand and all candy DISAPPEARS.
HOMER
Hey, I earned that candy!
GHOST HOMER
Homer, I’m here for a reason!
HOMER
There’d better be candy involved!
GHOST HOMER
Oh there’s candy involved all right.
Plenty of candy.
HOMER
Well good. Let’s talk.
GHOST HOMER
Homer, I’m here to save you.
HOMER
Finally.
GHOST HOMER
Quit eating candy, or you’ll die.
FINAL 1 11/18/09 Page 15
HOMER
Wait a minute. I’m going to do that
anyway.
GHOST HOMER
Valid point. Homer, if you don’t stop
eating candy you’ll die soon!
HOMER
How soon?
GHOST HOMER
Tonight.
Homer GASPS.
HOMER
But I’m in perfect shape. That jerk
Flanders must be poisoning his kids.
GHOST HOMER
No Homer, it comes from your lifetime
of excessive sugar consumption.
HOMER
That doesn’t sound like me.
GHOST HOMER
Think back to how it began.
CUT TO: FLASHBACK OF HOMER AT HOME, AT AGE 10
FINAL 1 11/18/09 Page 16
INT. HOMER’S CHILDHOOD HOME SCENE 5
YOUNG MOE
Come on Homer. Have a little chocolate.
YOUNG HOMER
No thanks. I prefer fresh cut parsnips.
YOUNG MOE
Gross. Live a little Homer.
YOUNG HOMER
Fine. If it’ll get you off my back.
Homer TASTES the chocolate.
YOUNG HOMER
Wow!
YOUNG HOMER
Told you it’s goo…
Young Homer SHOVES Young Moe out of a window.
YOUNG MOE
Ah!
Young Homer DEVOURS candy.
HOMER
Yep, that was one of the greatest days
of my life.
GHOST HOMER
No, it led to your self-destruction.
FINAL 1 11/18/09 Page 17
HOMER
But I’ve helped people with candy.
GHOST HOMER
When?
HOMER
One time, I gave Marge chocolates.
GHOST HOMER
You ate them, gave her an empty box,
and made her cry on her birthday.
HOMER
Oh yeah.
GHOST HOMER
Look Homer. We can solve this by going
back and warning young Homer.
HOMER
But I was going to watch Washed Up
Celebrity Island!
GHOST HOMER
Homer!
HOMER
All right. Take me to the stupid past.
GHOST HOMER
Just close your eyes.
FINAL 1 11/18/09 Page 18
Homer CLOSES his eyes.
HOMER
I don’t see what this will do but…
GHOST HOMER
Homer, you can open your eyes now.
FINAL 1 11/18/09 Page 19
INT. HOMER’S CHILDHOOD HOME SCENE 6
YOUNG MOE
Come on Homer!
YOUNG HOMER
No thank you.
GHOST HOMER
You have to take the candy away from
young Homer!
HOMER
Ugh, I guess I have to do EVERYTHING to
save my own life.
Young Homer
Fine, if it’ll get you off my back.
Homer APPEARS.
HOMER
No! Don’t eat it.
YOUNG HOMER
Who are you?
HOMER
I’m you. I’m Homer Simpson of the
future.
YOUNG MOE
Oh Homer, you’re going to look terrible.
FINAL 1 11/18/09 Page 20
HOMER
Shut up Moe. You dont turn out so great either. YOUNG MOE
No! Guess I better get used to being a
loser.
Young Moe PULLS OUT a flask and DRINKS.
HOMER
Homer, I won’t lie. Candy is wonderful.
YOUNG HOMER
Wow. Guess I’ll try it then.
Young Homer DEVOURS candy.
HOMER
Hmm. Can’t beat him, better join him.
Homer DEVOURS candy.
GHOST HOMER
Oh for God’s sakes.
Ghost Homer STRIKES Homer with a club. Homer PASSES OUT.
FINAL 1 11/18/09 Page 21
INT. SIMPSON’S LIVING ROOM SCENE 7
Homer WAKES UP on the floor
GHOST HOMER
That was a total disaster!
HOMER
Yeah, you just can’t control kids.
Ghost Homer GROANS.
GHOST HOMER
Homer, despite your ineptness, I’m still
going to save you.
HOMER
Well, it’s about time.
GHOST HOMER
I was hoping you’d be willing to change.
HOMER
We’re not doing that. Less talk, more
saving.
GHOST HOMER
Homer, I have medicine from the future.
HOMER
I thought you were from the past.
GHOST HOMER
I’m a time traveling ghost.
FINAL 1 11/18/09 Page 22
HOMER
Oh, sorry.
GHOST HOMER
All you need to do is take one of these
pills to save your life.
Ghost Homer HANDS Homer a tube labeled “Homer Pill.”
HOMER
Thanks.
Ghost Homer
One pill.
HOMER
Take a pill, got it.
GHOST HOMER
Take it now.
HOMER
First, give me my candy back.
GHOST HOMER
Homer, this is your life we’re talking
about.
Homer CLENCHES his fist.
HOMER
And this is you’re life we’re talking
about if you don’t give me my candy!
FINAL 1 11/18/09 Page 23
GHOST HOMER
Homer, you can’t hit a ghost.
HOMER
Watch me!
Homer SWINGS at Ghost Homer to no effect.
GHOST HOMER
Told you.
Homer SWINGS until he COLLAPSES. Homer DIES.
GHOST HOMER
At the peak of his maturity, I thought he
might listen. Oh well.
Ghost Homer WALKS through a wall.
Second Ghost Homer, aged 37, APPEARS from Homer’s body and LOOKS down at his corpse.
SECOND GHOST HOMER
Oh! If only I could have warned me about
ghost me!
END OF ACT TWO
